The Pirates
by PirateBlacksmith
Summary: Jack, Will, Elizabeth, Anamaria, Gibbs, Norrington, and Bootstrap Bill end up as roomates in the year 2003. Can they survive each other?
1. Fast Forward in Time

_1720. . ._  
  
"I found it. When all of ye were lookin' through the treasure, I found it." Captain Jack Sparrow commented with a great deal of pride in his voice. The others gave him a dubious look and looked down at the chalice sitting on the table.  
  
"It's. . .pretty?" Gibbs tried. Overdone was more like it. The golden cup was encrusted with jewels, giving it a very gaudy look. It twinkled harshly under the lights, slightly blinding Anamaria in her position. She got up, moving beside Elizabeth.  
  
"And it's goin' to make us a fortune." Jack said, walking over to the cupboard and pulling out a bottle of rum. Will picked it up, looking it over. As Jack came back, he snatched it from his hands, putting it back on the table and uncapping the rum, pouring it into the chalice.  
  
"Here's to riches." The pirate captain took a drink and passed it to Will. Will took it reluctantly.  
  
"We're toasting with it." He said incredulously. Jack nodded happily. With one glance at it, Will shrugged, taking a drink and passing it on. The cup made it's rounds, with Elizabeth, Anamaria, Gibbs, and Cotton all taking drinks, before it found it's way back to Jack, who finished it off with a flourish and set the chalice back on the table. There was a few moments of silence.  
  
"I feel. . .odd." Anamaria said finally. The others looked at each other, nodding slightly. They all had a feeling that something was different about themselves.  
  
Will picked up the chalice. "What the hell is. . ."  
  
_2003. . ._  
  
". . .this?" He held up the plastic baggy from the refrigerator, a disgusted scowl on his face. Jack looked up from the paper on the table, shrugging. "It's all. . .green." He said finally.  
  
"It's moldy. That's what garbage cans are for." Jack said, turning the page to the business section.  
  
"I know it's moldy. Just curious as to what it might once have been." Will lined up the shot, flicking his wrist as the baggy flew across the kitchen and landed inside the trash can. He lifted both arms in a triumphant gesture and opened the refrigerator again.  
  
"You just had breakfast." Jack said, looking up.  
  
"I'm still hungry." The ex-pirate rolled his eyes.  
  
"When are you not?" Will shrugged, taking out a leftover container of rice, opening it up and sniffing it. Satisfied that it was still good, he shoved it in the microwave and pushed the reheat button.  
  
"Good morning all." Elizabeth said cheerily, strolling into the kitchen, wearing a stylish business suit and carrying a sketch book with her. She gave Will a quick kiss before going over to the coffee machine and pouring herself a cup. The bell on the microwave went off, and Will pulled the box out, mixing it around with the chopsticks. "Leftovers again, Will?" She asked, smirking at him.  
  
"Well, we all know he can't cook." Jack said, getting up from the table. Will shot him a dark look. "It's true, mate. Can't follow a recipe and every time ye use the stove, the fire extinguisher comes into play somewhere."  
  
"This is great, coming from a con man." Will shot back, sitting down at the table. Anamaria shuffled into the kitchen, wrapped in an oversized robe.  
  
"Mornin'." Jack said, receiving only a grunt from her in response as she headed for the coffee machine. "Aren't we a chipper one this mornin'?" He replied sarcastically. His answer was the sound of flesh cracking against flesh as his head turned to the side. "I don't think I deserved that. . ."  
  
"On the contrary, I think you do." Elizabeth replied. He looked over at her. "Well, if it wasn't for you stealing the chalice of the Greek Gods, we wouldn't be stuck with immortality."  
  
"I didn' know!" Jack shouted, waving his arms. "It was bloody treasure. I'm a bloody pirate! I took it! So sue me."  
  
"That actually sounds like a good id. . ."  
  
"Shut up, William. That's it. I'm goin' to work." He snarled, picking up his coat off the chair and going into the hallway.  
  
"Have fun swindling the innocent!"  
  
"SHUT UP, WILL!" He heard laughter from the ex-pirate/blacksmith in the kitchen and rolled his eyes.  
  
In the kitchen, Will turned his wrist, looking at his watch. "I better get going to. Don't want to be late for class." He got up, dumping the take out container in the trash. "Have fun at work, Liz, Ana." He said. Ana grumbled. "Of course Liz would have fun. She gets to design clothes. I get to deal with vomiting people and crying kids." The nurse disappeared from the kitchen, still grumbling.  
  
Will grabbed his bag off the floor near the doorway, pulling on his coat. "I'll see you later. And if Gibbs gets home from the night shift and wonders where his Chinese food went, blame it on the next door garden gnomes. He seems to believe that. I think we should be worried, but it's too good of an excuse."  
  
Elizabeth gave him an amused smile. "Of course. Have a good day."  
  
"I always do."


	2. Say Cheese

"William!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Stop that!"  
  
"Stop what?"  
  
"Will!" There was a hollow smack, and Will rubbed his cheek moodily. Elizabeth shook her hand, returning to her sketchbook, pencil in hand. "I have a lot of work to do, and I don't need your hormones in the mix." She grumbled. "I have to figure out the layout for the spread in Blush Magazine, and I don't need you . . .you know, messing around." One hand crept around her middle again, and she reached behind, shoving Will off the bed and onto the floor. "You know, with eight PhDs, seven Masters, and nine Bachelors Degrees, you could help me out here."  
  
Will lay back on the ground, hands under his head. "Yes, but none of those degrees go anywhere near fashion." Will explained, taking the sucker out of his mouth.  
  
"I can't believe you." She shook her head. "I mean, I've had the same career since we parted ways. I've been in the fashion headlights forever, but you . . ." She waved a hand at him. "You're directionless. You finish a degree, and decide that you don't want to do that career anymore, so you start on something else. I mean, how long is this doctor thing going to last?" She asked, taking in his scrubs. Apparently he hadn't been home as long as she'd thought, or he was taking an awful long time to change.  
  
"I'm starting to like this doctor thing a lot. I think I finally found my calling." He protested, still working on the sucker. "I mean you help people, save lives. What could be more rewarding?"  
  
She let out a giggle. "That's what you said about being a lawyer. Except saving Jack's ass was in that sentence a lot more." She sighed. "And I'm still stuck on ideas."  
  
Will got to his feet. "Sorry, can't help you there. Like I said, fashion is not one of my degrees."  
  
"Or in your genes."  
  
"What's wrong with the way I dress?"  
  
"Nothing. That's the thing. You go against everything that's fashion and pull it off. I don't understand it. You're like Neo of the fashion world. You can bend it to your will!" She said, waving her hands, trying to explain it to him.  
  
"You know what? I'm going to leave you alone now because you're really starting to scare me." He said, backing out the door. "Good luck." Outside, he raised an eyebrow, and then just shook his head. "I'll never get fashion designers." He mumbled. Making his way downstairs, he found Jack and Ana in the kitchen, locked in a battle of wills in a game of Risk. Or they might have been at one point, except that Jack's little green army was entirely surrounded by Ana's little blue army. Jack glared at her, and she smirked back. "Your move, Cap'n." She snickered. He gave her the finger, and moved, and Ana happily pounced.  
  
Will sat down in the chair, munching on a cookie. He snickered as he caught sight of the board. "Middle Earth Risk? You two must be bored." Ana gave him a slight shove.  
  
"I won it in a raffle at work. Apparently they thought a kid would win it. It's not that bad though. Quite fun, right Jack?" There was incoherent mumbling from the pirate as he tried to guess his next move. Will looked over at him.  
  
"Duh, Jack, there's your problem right there. You picked Mirkwood as your starting country. Bad place to pick. Should've picked Gondor, or Mordor."  
  
Jack looked up at him, his head held between his hands. "Look, William, I don't know all the Lord of the Rings books, or movies, or whatever like ye do. But I'm just a bloody con man, so . . .I'll pick wherever the hell I want." He said defiantly, and then knocked his players over. "Let's start this over. I want Gondor this time."  
  
Just then, Cotton made his monthly attempt at exercising, which meant he got out of the foul recliner he called his chair and padded into the kitchen, usually in search of alcohol, staying long enough to rap Jack or Will on the head with his cane before disappearing again into the confines of the family room. This time, both Jack and Will got rapped, meaning Cotton was in a good mood. Jack cursed the old pirate as he watched him amble out of the room.  
  
"I do all the work, bring home the money that feeds 'im, houses 'im, lets him continue watching his soft core porn on TV, and he cracks me on the head." He groused, rubbing the back of his head.  
  
Ana rolled her eyes. "Jack, you haven't done an honest day of work in your life! You're a freakin' con man! You cheat people out of their money, and have fun doing it!" She snorted, placing her pieces on Mordor.  
  
"An evil place for an evil wench like you."  
  
"Shut up, Jack." She warned, poking him. He grabbed his pieces.  
  
"'Ey, Will, what about the Shire?"  
  
"Jack, just take somewhere that's big, alright?" They finally managed to get their pieces on the board.  
  
"You know, two hundred plus years ago, we'd be celebratin' another successful ship lootin', but here we are, playin' a game from some damn movie I don't even like." Jack groused, as Ana happily surrounded his army in Lothlorien.  
  
Ana looked up at him. "A lot has changed, Jack. Us, for starters." That made everyone look around.  
  
Jack shrugged. "We haven't changed that much." Ana looked at him in disbelief.  
  
"Jack, just look at yourself in the mirror!" She said, prodding him in the shoulder again. "You look nothing like the Captain Jack Sparrow I knew. Your hairs all clean and shiny, not a dreadlock or bead in sight, still a bit long, but you shaved off your beard and mustache. You look like one of those romantic Hollywood lead guys." Jack stared at the board.  
  
"That was a really disturbin' thought." He groaned, prompting laughter from Will. Jack looked up, an evil smile on his face. "What about William here?"  
  
Ana looked Will up and down. "Shorter hair, completely unruly and curly, which was a surprise, still will not give up the goatee, and has no sense of fashion whatsoever." She looked over at Jack. "You've changed the most, Jack."  
  
"What about Elizabeth? She's defiantly changed more than me."  
  
"Jack, she dyes her hair now. That's about it. She's still the stubborn fashion mogul we knew from Port Royal."  
  
"Then Cotton."  
  
"He always has, always will be a dirty old man. Case closed."  
  
"Gibbs?"  
  
"Jack, just move already." With a frustrated grunt, Jack moved, and once again, Ana killed his entire army.  
  
"I give up." He muttered. "I'm going to go watch Buffy with Cotton."  
  
Right about then, Elizabeth flounced into the kitchen. "I've got the best idea for the layout! Pirates!" She giggled. "I've got the best ideas for clothes and since you guys were my inspiration, I want you all to pose! Isn't that great?" She said, before rushing out of the kitchen again.  
  
There was utter silence in the kitchen, no one moving, Jack half out of his chair, Will paused taking a drink from a can of soda, and Ana scooping the little army men back into the box. Finally Jack turned around.  
  
"She was kidding, right?"

-----------------

He crept forward, mischief on his mind, as he entered the living room. His eyes fell on the younger pirate sprawled out on the couch, medical texts spread out on the floor beside him. Cotton snored away, taking his daily nap before starting in on his daily rounds of smutty talk shows, meaning Will had snagged the TV for a few minutes to himself. He was thoroughly engrossed on an anime show on TV, and as Jack got closer, he realized it was Will's secret addiction, a show called Vampire Princess Miyu. Smiling, Jack carefully leaned on the couch as not to disturb Will.  
  
"What ye watchin'?" Jack watched in amusement as Will shot off the couch, diving for the TV and shutting it off quickly.  
  
"Nothing." He said, trying to look nonchalant. Jack took a moment to admire how well he had taught the former blacksmith to lie as he stood upright again, before calling him on that lie.  
  
"So, what's the vampire princess up to this week?" He asked with a chuckle. Will shot him a dirty look, just as Cotton sat upright. Having no tongue, he'd developed some fearsome body language (and odor) to scare any living man. With a look of apology, Will turned the TV back on, before grabbing up his books.  
  
"It's a good show, alright?" He grumbled as he headed towards the doors out of the living room.  
  
"Will, Jack! Come on, time for the magazine shoot!" Elizabeth's voice rang through the apartment, bringing both pirates to a halt. Jack looked at Will, who looked back at him in fear.  
  
"I forgot about that." Will murmured.  
  
"I never agreed..." Jack muttered. "We have to hide." He opened the doors slightly, looking around. "Nothin' . . .let's go." He whispered. Will slid his books onto the floor out in the hallway, to come back for them later.  
  
"Jack! She's coming!" Will hissed, hearing the sound of high heels clicking along the kitchen linoleum. That made Jack move faster, shooting up the stairs, Will hot on his heels.  
  
At the top of the stairs, the bathroom door opened, and Jack ran into it with a hollow thud, falling onto the floor. Gibbs looked around the door, clad in a bathrobe and toweling off his hair. "Jack, what ye be doin', runnin' into the door like that?"  
  
Jack sputtered off curses, his nose pinched at the bridge by Will, trying to cut off the flow of blood that currently ran from the pirate captain's nostrils.  
  
"We're trying to escape Elizabeth. She wants us to pose in her clothes layout for Blush Magazine." Will responded tiredly. To his surprise, Gibbs started laughing.  
  
"Aye, I heard about that. Got out of it meself by sayin' that it would be too long of a day, considerin' I work at nights. I'll be thinkin' of ye boys when I'll relaxing today." Gibbs chuckled; going into his room, and to their dismay, there was a click as he locked the door.  
  
Jack struggled to his feet, slapping Will's hand away and pinching his nose. "We've got to find somewhere to hide."  
  
"We split up."  
  
"Aye." The two pirates went in opposite directions. Will managed to find a small crook for himself in the upstairs closet, among the cleaning supplies, and Jack retreated to the attic, looking around from somewhere to hide.  
  
Elizabeth went up the stairs, followed by a smirking Ana. "I swore I just heard them somewhere." The fashion diva muttered, scrutinizing the hallway. Ana grinned.  
  
"They're probably tryin' to hide. You know those two. Just have to bring them out in the open is all. You find dear William, and I'll go find our beloved Captain, aye?" Elizabeth nodded, trekking on down the hallway.  
  
Will carefully twisted the knob, making sure that it was locked securely. Even if she did get the door open, she'd never find him this far back in. He crouched under one of the shelves, barely breathing, listening as the footsteps got closer and closer, then stopped. The door handle jiggled. Will felt a slight tingle of fear rush up one leg. Then he frowned. That was kind of odd. He glanced down, straining to see in the sliver of light from the hallway outside. A groan escaped his lips, as he spotted the Godzilla of all spiders crawling up his bare leg. He put a hand over his mouth, choosing to suffer with the spider instead of the photo shoot. He hated spiders, and this one kept trekking up farther and farther. He sat in the dark, rocking on the pads of his bare feet as the spider reached the hem of his shorts. And began crawling up farther. Letting out a yelp, he flew at the door, fingers clawing to get it unlocked, and busting out, dancing in the hallway, trying to dislodge the spider. Elizabeth watched, eyes wide, reaching out to touch his arm when the spider came dislodged, falling from the leg of his shorts and landing on her foot. With a shriek, she jumped back, knocking into Will. The pirate's arms flailed as he tottered on the edge of the step, before gravity won the battle, pulling him down the steps. He hit bottom, rolling into the wall.  
  
"Ow."  
  
"Will!"  
  
Out of the living room, they could distinctly hear the evil cackling of Cotton's new parrot, already following in its predecessor's footsteps of making their lives miserable.  
  
Ana folded her arms, standing in the middle of the hallway, after just searching the room belonging to Elizabeth and her, and the room belonging to Jack and Will. She refused to search Cotton and Gibbs, because the thought of what she might find was terrifying. After Will had busted loose from the closet, she'd peered in, but found it only big enough to fit the lanky blacksmith. Which left one last option. Her eyes traveled upwards, settling on the pull down ladder that led to the attic. She jumped up, yanking the cord and bringing the ladder down. She climbed up quietly, looking around. All the junk they had collected made the place a labyrinth. With a sigh, she started poking around among the junk. Ten minutes later, all she'd found was Gibb's old porn stash, a nest of rats, and Will's old Continental Army uniform. Hands on her hips, she surveyed the room, her eyes again passing over the old cabinet sitting in the corner, virtually undistinguishable from the wall. Until it shook and started singing. Her gaze quickly shot back to the corner and finally picked out the cabinet. She marched over, throwing open the doors. Jack paused, bottle of rum halfway resting on his lips, wearing the hat Will had worn when he'd rescued Jack from the noose. Ana crossed his arms, staring down at him. Jack, knowing the jig was up, offered her the bottle, a hopeful grin on his face. She grabbed his arm, yanking him from the cabinet, towards the stairs.  
  
"'Ey!" He muttered, slurring slightly, and again, his hand motions started to become slightly more prominent, as did the walk. She rolled her eyes. Give the man some drink, and Jack started acting like his old pirate-y self again. Forcing him down the stairs first, she dragged him down to the kitchen, where Elizabeth was holding a frozen package of peas to Will's face.  
  
"Hold that on there. Maybe it'll put off the swelling till after the shoot." She said hopefully, as Will shot her a dark, one-eyed look. Ana pushed Jack into the kitchen. Elizabeth looked up, a frown on her face.  
  
"Is it really that bad that you two have to do a photo shoot?" She asked, crossing her arms. The two male pirates exchanged glances.  
  
"Aye." Jack responded, swaying slightly.  
  
"They'll make me match." Will complained. Elizabeth gave him an incredulous look before pointing at the door.  
  
"Move. Now." She snapped. Will got up obediently, moving for the door. Jack made something that sounded like a drunken whip crack. Ana poked him fiercely in the back.  
  
"You heard the lady. Move!" She barked. Jack immediately moved into action, following Will.  
  
"Hey Jack, mind making that whip crack sound again?" Will smirked at him.  
  
"Look, whelp, there's a difference between bein' whipped and bein' suicidal." He responded, just as Ana called out of the kitchen.  
  
"And drop the pirate accent!"  
  
"Bloody hell!"  
  
"Starting now!" Jack made a mock salute at the kitchen.  
  
Will sighed. "This is going to be a long day."

----------------

Jack looked down at the papers on the clipboard in front of him. Already he'd started to sober up, and the hangover was imminent. The fact that he had to read over all the tiny legal mumble jumble print on the paper and sign it was getting to the point where even that was too much. He let out an audible groan, attracting Will's attention. The younger pirate looked up at him, his own pen hovering over the page.

"What in the bloody hell does this say?" Jack said, stabbing the pen at the page. Will raised an eyebrow, and then looked down at his own set of papers.

"It says if we sign we give them permission to use our images in the magazine, and they'll become the property of Blush magazine to use as they see fit." He explained.

"Well, at least that law degree of yours came in handy to read me a slip of paper." He grumbled, signing the page with a flourish and pushed it towards the very neat, prim woman standing at the end of the table.

"It's come in handy in more ways than one, especially when it comes to you. Free legal representation and all." Ana smirked at him. Jack gave her a dark look.

"That only happened...." Jack started counting on his fingers. "....seven times." He said finally. "And that one incident was not my fault anyway."

"Jack...you tried to steal a police car when you were drunk off your ass." Will started to laugh as Jack protested.

"The whelp dared me to!" Jack said. Ana just shook her head, taking Will's signed paper and hers, handing them to the woman, who placed them into a neat stack in her briefcase and walked away, just as Elizabeth came in.

"Thank you so much." She told them, clapping her hands together. "This is going to be brilliant. Fresh blood in the modeling world!"

Jack pointed a pen at her. "I'm not bein' a model. I'm just doin' a favor because William here is like a son to me, so yer like his girlfriend..." He frowned at his line of reasoning. "Ye know what I'm talking about...." Everyone was silent for a moment, before Elizabeth started talking again.

"The men's dressing room is on the left, and Ana, you're two doors down on the right. Just listen to the people in there, and everything will go just smooth." Ana got to her feet.

"Sounds like fun." She said, linking arms with Elizabeth as they left the room. Jack looked at Will.

"What did we get ourselves into?"

"It's the fashion world. Everyone rips everyone else's style, so most likely it'll be something one of us has worn before."

"I hope yer right..."

Elizabeth stood near the photographer, talking excitedly about what she wanted done. Ana was listening intently. Elizabeth was very pleased with how her outfit had turned out. Long leather pants with high heeled boots, and a white spaghetti strap tank top, with open sides held together by white strings in a shoelace pattern. "I want sort of a dangerous 'Arrrr' look to it..." She said, trying to hide a smile as she motioned to the set, the photographer nodding.

The set was set up to look like a treasure cave, very similar to the one Will and Jack had rescued her from all those years ago. She was excited, not wanting to wait to see how the pictures would turn out. Whistling caught her attention and she turned.

Jack was clearly enjoying the attention, ever the ladies man, strutting out of the dressing room. He wore a loose, white silk shirt, the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, open front, tan cargo pants, and boots. Elizabeth nudged Ana, who was staring open mouthed.

"I wasn't doin' anything!" She protested, jumping. Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. "I was lookin' at the light boy, honestly."

"Mmmm hmmm...." Elizabeth said, making it clear that she didn't believe her. Ana crossed her arms, looking away.

"Not bad, luv. Ye've got talent." Jack said, smirking as he approached them. Elizabeth patted his chest. "It looks good on you." She looked behind him.

"He's camera shy." Jack said. "Attached to the clothes rack." Elizabeth put a hand over her mouth.

"I didn't know he was camera shy." She brushed past him, walking into the dressing room. A moment later, Will burst from the dressing room, and to Jack's surprise, looked very happy. The ex-blacksmith was wearing a black, sheer button up shirt, and dark blue jeans with boots.

"What'd she promise ye, tlc?" Jack asked as Will came over to him.

"Her chocolate chip cookies." Jack stared at him for a moment.

"Ye bloody pushover." He muttered, as Elizabeth came back out. She gave Will a quick kiss on the lips, before addressing them all.

"We're going to do a couple of group shots, then some individuals, alright?" They all nodded, walking onto the set. Elizabeth followed after. "Alright, Ana, I want you in the middle, and Jack and Will, you guys wrap your hands arms around her waist, get in close." Jack raised an eyebrow, before doing just that, pulling Ana to him. Ana gave him a disgruntled look, and then looked even more disgruntled as Will did the same.

"It's an Ana sandwich." Will quipped, then winced as she pinched his side. Elizabeth giggled, before snapping her fingers.

"Everyone look at the camera and smile." She called. They all grinned at the camera, and as the shutter clicked, Jack's smile grew wider.

"Dear Anamaria, is that yer hand?" Ana's eye twitched.

"No..." She whimpered. As soon as group shots had ended, she tore away from them. Jack nudged Will.

"I think she likes me." He grinned. "She never made me move me hand from her ass."

"Uh, Jack...that was your hand?" The pirate's head whipped around.

"What?"

"I thought that was Ana's hand, but I was too embarrassed to say anything."

"I thought that was Ana's ass!" Both of them gave a shudder and walked away from each other.

The rest of the shoot went pretty much on schedule, a few hitches here and there.

"Get Jack and the make up artist out of the closet..."

"Will, quit making faces at the camera...that goes for cracking up too!"

"Ana, I'm sure the guy didn't mean to grab you there. The kick to the nuts was not necessary."

Jack looked over at Ana, who was gripping the steering wheel of the car tightly. In the backseat, Elizabeth and Will were oblivious to everything that did not involve each other's lips being pressed on the others.

"Ye looked really hot today."

"Thanks."

"I mean, really, really hot."

"Jack, there's no way in hell I'm kissin' ye."

"Damn it." He sunk lower in his seat, trying to ignore the sounds in the backseat.

----------------

_A week and a half later..._

Will switched on his laptop, cursing that he'd forgotten to check his e-mail for so long. He clicked on the Internet connection, bending down to tie the laces on his boot. The sound had been left on by whoever had used it last, and turned up loud.

Out of nowhere came a sudden assault of noise, as mail alerts and IM's popped up by the screenfull, the noise almost deafening. Will hit the ground, covering his head with his hands, not knowing what the hell was going on. Downstairs, Jack shouted, "Fire at will!", standing up, hand moving for his sword...if he was still in 1720. Ana sat up in bed, clutching the lamp in one hand. Cotton's snoring pattern wasn't disturbed.

Will peeked up over the side of the desk, staring at the computer screen. His eyes widened in horror, as he reached down to his belt, grabbing the cell phone and dialing Elizabeth's number.

"Elizabeth Swann."

"How...what...HOW?"

"Will?"

"My inbox! It's flooded!"

"Did you forget to check it for a year again?"

"No! I checked it last week! The letters are...the letters are...fan letters!"

Elizabeth started laughing. "Are you serious?"

"No, I'm not. I just suddenly got the idea to prank call you saying there were letters that say 'I luv you Will Turner, will you marry me?' in my inbox!" He said, staring terrified at the screen. Elizabeth's laughter became hysterical. "There are marriage proposals in my inbox!"

"Welcome to the entertainment industry, Will." Was all she could say.


	3. The Toaster From the Deepest Circle of H...

The house was silent, everyone asleep, except for Gibbs, who was at work. The shadow laughed to itself, gliding along through the rooms. He'd escaped that unbearable hell finally, and could exact his revenge on them. Eyes fell on a particular object, not a few feet away. It was shiny, and a dangerous looking contraption at that. It would work very well for his purposes, even if he didn't know what it was, but it seemed dangerous enough to work well indeed. The shadow dissipated, entering the object.

-----------

Morning was never a good time around the house. Usually Will was coming off some double shift at the hospital or getting ready to go to one, Gibbs was coming in from a long night shift at his tavern, and Jack was getting ready to go swindle the rich out of their hard earned money. Ana was getting ready to go play nurse (she swore that it was the amount of power she got to wield that made her take the job), and Elizabeth would still be in bed sometimes, depending on what hours she felt like that week.

On this particular morning, Ana was upstairs, sick with the flu. Elizabeth had just taken her up some tea. Will had just come home from the morning shift, unruly hair all the more unrulier, meaning it had been a rough night. Gibbs was half asleep, but determined to make it through the newspaper before he hit the table snoring. Jack was staring half heartedly at his cup of coffee.

_Ping!_

All three pirates looked up at the strange noise, then over their own shoulders, trying to find the source of the noise.

_Ping, ping! Ping! Ping! CRASH!_

Jack jumped out of his seat, looking around wide eyed. Gibbs stayed seated, frozen completely still. Will raised an eyebrow, looking from Jack to Gibbs, and back again.

"What in the bloody hell is that?" Jack said finally, when they couldn't find the source of the noise. Gibbs got up from his seat.

"It sounded metallic, whatever it was..." He replied. "Just to be safe, I'm goin' to..." There was a grunt as he tripped over something, catching himself on the counter. "Who left the toaster on the floor?"

"I think the real question is who put it there." Will muttered, going over to pick it up.

_Ping!_

"Damn, that's an angry toaster." Jack blurted, as the appliance jumped when Will's hand got near enough to touch it.

"Mwhahahahahahahahahahaha!" At this point, Jack was standing on the table, Will was behind him with a butcher knife, and Gibbs was perched on the counter, pot in hand.

"Was it just me, or does our toaster have a really evil laugh?" Gibbs said finally. Jack stared at it.

"Who would...wait! I recognize that laugh anywhere!" He got down off the table, stalking over to the toaster. "Looks like ye ain' doin' too well in the afterlife, Barbossa." Jack said with a smirk. His response was the flying cord smacking him a good one across the bridge of his nose. He swore, grabbing his nose. "Second time this bloody week I got a bloody bloody nose!" Gibbs looked at him. "I should've just said bloody nose."

"I told you I'd exact my revenge, Jack!" It was very odd, hearing the gruff pirate voice coming from the small metal appliance on the floor.

"Aye, what are ye goin' to do? Toast me to death?" Jack asked indignantly, crossing his arms. In response, the toaster coughed up two well done pieces of bread.

"That's my breakfast!" Will protested, going over to pick them up. The cord whipped across his hand and he yanked it back. "That's it." He snarled. Jack winced.

"Nobody gets between the whelp and meal time..." He muttered to Gibbs, just as Will swung his foot, soccer style, at the toaster. The appliance went flying through the doorway into the living room, landing on the couch, just a foot or so away from Cotton, upside down.

"'Ey, mate, do ye think ye can flip me over?" The Barbossa toaster asked, rocking back and forth on the cushion, but being unable to flip itself over. "I really nee..." It was common knowledge that Cotton hated it when people talked through his smutty daytime shows. He was at his worse when it happened during Buffy. Before the toaster could finish its sentence, the cane whipped out faster than expected, and beat a good dent into the side with one rap. The toaster grunted, lying still. "Now that hurt."

Elizabeth walked through the living room, carrying the empty tray. She was rolling her eyes at Cotton's choice of daytime entertainment when she caught sight of the battered toaster lying on the couch. "What the...?" She picked it up, carrying it back into the kitchen. "What are you three doing with our appliances?" She asked as she burst into the kitchen. As she did so, all three of the men backed away from her.

"Liz, that's Barbossa." Jack told her. "Put it down."

"Have you lost what's left of your mind? It's a toaster, not an evil pirate captain." She didn't notice the cord snaking up her wrist until it was too late. Shrieking, she began waving her arm in the air, the toaster flying around her head like a lasso.

"Uh, what do we do now?" Will asked. Jack shrugged.

"Refrain from shouting 'yee-haw?'" He muttered.

"Gah!" The toaster came loose, Barbossa too motion sick to carry on. Jack ducked, and the appliance sailed through the air, crashing into the refrigerator and lying dead on the floor.

"Is that it? Did I kill the bad toaster?" Elizabeth asked hopefully, clutching Will's arm as they all stared down at the toaster. Gibbs poked it with his shoe.

"It ain't attackin' anymore." He said hopefully, looking to the others. Jack smirked.

"And he thought he could mess with us again...." He stopped as the fridge groaned.

"I don't feel so good..." The remark was reinforced when the door swung open and two shelves dropped food on the floor with a frightening synchrony. Jack picked up the apple that rolled to his feet, shining it on his sleeve before taking a bite.

"That's what ye get for posessin' our toaster." He grunted. A moment later, he was pelted by a hail stream of ice cubes from the dispenser inside. "'EY!" He protested, flinging his arms up to protect his face. The assault stopped, and the fridge let out a deep, rumbling laugh. "We've got to do somethin'. Him posessin' everythin' is ruinin' our kitchen."

"Our sanity."

"Our food."

"Is that all you think about, Will?"

"Not all, just a good portion." They all stared at the fridge, which had lowered itself to mocking them.

"You will not eat, you will not sleep, you will never find peace for I will be there, right over your shoulder." Barbossa Fridge cackled. Jack crossed his arms, not very happy about that. "I will mock you with silly taunts, and throw rotten food at your head. I will insult your mother by calling her a common tavern wench!"

"Me mum was a tavern wench."

A moment of silence passed. "Oh. That doesn't work then, does it?" Jack shook his head.

"I got an idea." Gibbs said finally, dragging Jack to the corner of the kitchen, Elizabeth and Will following. "Now here's the...." He stopped, looking over his shoulder as the fridge discreetly tried to slip across the floor, which really wasn't working, as it wasn't hard to spot the giant appliance moving. "Right, as I was sayin', here's the plan...."

---------

Barbossa had gotten quite sick of the contraption he'd been stuck in. The small metallic thing had been more fun. This thing was big, bulky, and smelled funny, like rotten eggs, which most likely was not far from the truth. He kept himself amused by trying to see how far he could launch certain food objects.

Will came into the kitchen a little while later, picking the toaster up off the floor. The first step of Gibb's plan was to get Barbossa back in it. According to his theory, Elizabeth accidentally chucking it across the kitchen and into the fridge had caused Barbossa to be forcefully ejected from one object into the other. So all Will had to do was chuck the toaster at the fridge, and the switch should be made. Will hefted the toaster, throwing it with everything he could muster. The appliance bounce off the fridge and shattered into a million pieces. The ex-blacksmith winced. That wasn't going to work if the spirit of the pirate was possessing millions of little pieces.

"That hurt." The fridge growled, and started inching towards him.

"So you're not in the toaster? Good to know, won't have to worry about that now." Will muttered, backing up. He turned quickly, pulling random objects off the counter and chucking them at the homicidal appliance coming towards him at the pace of a snail. He finally grasped a frying pan, bouncing it off the fridge with a swing that would have made Sam Gamgee proud. The fridge stopped moving, but the pan began to rebel. Shivers ran up and down the pirate's arms as the thing vibrated furiously. He dropped it, watching it skitter across the floor like a giant, flat cockroach.

"What are ye doin'? Quit foolin' around and bring that in here!" Gibbs told him. Will jumped on top of the pan, which scooted a few feet with him on it, before succumbing. He picked it up, carrying it into the living room, where Gibbs, Jack, and Elizabeth stood behind Cotton's chair.

"See, Cotton's been wantin' a mobilized chair for a very long time, but I'm pleased to say, we've found a solution." Jack grinned, eyes locked viciously on the frying pan, which squeaked in horror. Jack nodded. "Oh yes, a solution in deed. William, if ye don't mind?"

"With pleasure." Will smirked, winding it up and throwing the pan at the chair. The pan hit the old chair, and came to a stop after it had bounced off. It remained completely still.

"What is this terrible smell?" The voice came from the chair, but seeing as how Cotton lacked the tongue to do anything but make vague slurring noises, they all knew who it was.

"Welcome to yer new home, Barbossa." Jack said, cracking up.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

----------------

Later that night, Will, Elizabeth, and Jack sat around the table, sharing a gallon of cookie dough ice cream in triumph.

"Do ye think we might have been a little too cruel?" Jack said, licking the ice cream off his spoon. Will snorted.

"No. I still have the scar from the whole blood thing." He grumbled.

"But still, eternity as Cotton's chair..." Jack shivered. "Enough said about that without creating nightmares."

Elizabeth frowned. "Do you hear that?" They looked towards the doorway, where the voice seemed to be coming from. A moment later, Cotton appeared, resting in his chair as it slowly scooted by the doorframe that led into the kitchen.

"Bloody...hell..." The chair panted, slowly moving out of sight again. Jack looked thoughtful for a second before digging his spoon into the container again.

"No, don't feel bad at all."


	4. Why Drinking Is Bad

What could be said of Bella Street? In the 1980's, picturesque houses had lined the street, children playing ball in the street, women out front, tending gardens as men mowed the lawns. It was the perfect place to raise a family. Then as the 1990's came around, the neighborhood had taken a shift for the worse as college students had invaded, looking for places to stay to escape the dorms of the nearby UCLA. In 2004, the only people who remained were the senior citizens and the partying students, making for plenty of clashes between the two opposite ends of the spectrum.  
  
On the right side of the pirates lived old Mrs. Brinkle, the crazy old woman who had a fetish for Jack and Gibbs. She used the excuse of bird watching to stand out in the backyard with her binoculars and watch Jack and Gibbs work around the backyard. Jack wasn't very pleased with the situation, but Gibbs seemed like he was growing smitten. To the left side was what Ana had dubbed 'the unofficial frat house from hell.' It wasn't a frat house, but it was home to nine of the hardest partying males that ever existed. The times they were actually sober, they were catcalling Ana and Elizabeth. On the weekends, it was near impossible to get any sleep, especially when the flashing cop lights came in through the windows. Last, but not the least scary, was the house directly behind them, the bane of both Will and Jack. Four twenty something women shared the house, and like Mrs. Brinkle, found 'bird watching' very amusing.  
  
At the moment, Will was bent over the engine of the old yellow junk heap he called a vehicle. Unfortunately, the driveway was also on the left side of the house, and he could feel four pairs of eyes staring down into the driveway.  
  
"What do ye think about a get-to-know-yer-neighbors barbeque?" The sudden appearance of another person made Will jump, banging his head on the hood of the vehicle and the wrench dropping with multiple clanks, coming to a rest somewhere in the engine.  
  
"You know, you could warn a person when you're just going to appear like that." Will groused, rubbing his head as he stood upright. Jack shrugged.  
  
"What would ye expect me to do?"  
  
"I don't know. Call my name, talk on approach, yodel, or something!" Jack missed the ex-blacksmith's rant, looking down into the engine.  
  
"Is that hose held together by duck tape? No wonder the thing breaks down on ye so often." Will shot Jack a dark look before slamming the hood down, wiping his hands on the rag.  
  
"So what were you talking about? Some kind of barbeque?"  
  
"I was thinkin' we could invite the neighbors over, because we really haven't gotten to know them very well. It could be opportune to have friends around when ye need help."  
  
"And this in no way involves some kind of plan to relieve our hard working neighbors of their hard earned money, or social security for that matter?"  
  
"William, honestly, mate. I'm surprised ye'd say such a thing. What kind of a man do ye take me for?"  
  
"Pirate."  
  
"Aye, good point." He frowned. "'Ey! Look who's talkin'."  
  
"But this is just an honest barbeque then?"  
  
Jack nodded. "Actually, this wasn't even my idea. The girls cooked up this brilliant little scheme this time."  
  
Will stared at the hood for a moment before shrugging. "It couldn't hurt anything." He said finally, absently wiping his fingers on his T-shirt before he caught himself. "Damn, ruined this T-shirt." He started to pull the shirt over his head when an overexcited birdcall sounded from over the fence, and then a response came from Mrs. Brinkle's yard.  
  
Jack grabbed the hem of Will's shirt, tugging it down. "They've got a code now." He looked at the younger pirate in horror. Will's eyes widened.  
  
"Damn!"

Elizabeth tapped her pen on the table, staring at the sheet of paper in front of her. Ana sat across the table from her, a thoughtful expression on her face.  
  
"Anything we've forgotten? We've got hot dogs, hamburgers, rolls, salad of to be determined origin, and cheesecake."  
  
"Alcohol."  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's going to be a long night. We'll need alcohol to get through it." Ana grunted. Elizabeth shook her head.  
  
"I think that's it. By this time tomorrow, we should have quite the party." She said, chewing on the eraser of the pencil.  
  
"Are ye sure this is a good idea and all? I mean, look at our neighbors. We have the insane partiers, the watchers, and crazy old Mrs. Brinkle."  
  
Elizabeth shrugged. "Maybe they're not as bad as we think. It'll be nice to have friends around us." Ana stared at her for a moment before shrugging.  
  
"I guess so. Who's doing the shopping?"  
  
"I thought I'd send Gibbs and Cotton."  
  
There was a moment of silence. "Now that's just asking for trouble."

Gibbs stared at the list in his hand, then up at the multiple aisles of the grocery store. Cotton sat lazily in the wheelchair beside him, grumpy that he had been forced from his chair to come food shopping in the first place. He was mobile enough on his own, but he refused to walk anywhere, insisting that Gibbs push him in the chair. Finally, just to get him to go in, Gibbs had reluctantly agreed.  
  
"First we need to get the meat." Gibbs muttered to himself, tucking the paper in his pocket and pushing the wheel chair down the aisle towards the back wall, where the coolers kept the meat cold. Cotton, however, had his eyes on a different kind of meat. Gibbs parked him before looking over the selections of hamburgers and hot dogs. A woman of about thirty, and to Cotton's liking, came up between Gibbs and Cotton, looking over the hot dogs. Cotton leaned forward slightly in the chair, and firmly slapped the woman in the . The woman looked offended, and turned around to see Cotton, a completely innocent look on his face, and her assumptions fell on one person. Turning quickly, she slapped Gibbs across the face.  
  
"You pig!" Gibbs was taken back by the sudden assault, rubbing his cheek.  
  
"Beg pardon, Miss, but what did I do?"  
  
"You know exactly what you did, you pervert." Gibbs didn't know what had been done, but he had a sneaking suspicion that whatever it was, it was most likely Cotton who had done it.  
  
"It was him, not me!" He protested, and the woman looked shocked.  
  
"How can you even blame this on your poor, sweet father?" She said, as Cotton gave her the kicked puppy look. As her back turned, he leered at Gibbs. "I'd rethink your approach to women, sir, before you go back out in public." She snapped, before walking haughtily back down the aisle. Gibbs glared at Cotton.  
  
"I told Jack he should've just thrown ye off the ship." He muttered, stomping off and leaving Cotton sitting with the hamburger.

"Will! Have you seen the potato chips?" Will looked up from the picnic table outside, one cheek puffed out, stuffed with chips. Trying to keep the bag from crinkling as he rolled it up, he swallowed.  
  
"No, Liz. I haven't seen them anywhere!" He shouted back, wiping off his mouth. The neighbors were due to arrive in half an hour, and Ana and Elizabeth were freaking out, running around the house last minute. Speaking of, Ana burst out of the back door, walking across the porch to deposit a pan of brownies. Will's eyes lit up, and he reached across the table. Ana slapped his hand.  
  
"Touch and die." She snarled, leaving Will standing there, frozen. Jack looked cautiously around the corner of the house, sneaking over to Will.  
  
"Where's the women?" He whispered. Will nodded towards the house, still staring at the brownies. Jack snuck to the door, looking in, before coming back to Will. "Rum, back seat of me car. Necessary if we're goin' to survive tonight." Will snapped to.  
  
"You brought alcohol to the party when Elizabeth said not to? Are you nuts?" Will hissed, as Jack dragged him away from the house.  
  
"Think about it. We have insane frat boys and so-called bird watchers invading our house tonight. That entitles us to be just a little tipsy." Will opened his mouth to protest, but found the logic in what Jack had said.  
  
"Fine. But not too drunk." He amended. "I get weird when I'm drunk." Jack slapped him on the back.  
  
"That's a lad."  
  
Ana poked her head out the sliding door again. "Jack, would you start up the grill and do the cooking?" Jack nodded.  
  
"Just give me the stuff."  
  
"And Will, the guests are starting to arrive. Could you be useful and help greet them, show them back here." Will nodded reluctantly. Ana chucked the packages of meat at Jack, then turned back into the house. Jack turned to Will.  
  
"Remember, rum, back seat, car." He said quickly, before going over to the grill. Will nodded, hopping up the steps of the porch to go into the house. He wound his way through the hallway, intent on getting to the car when the doorbell rang. Groaning, he turned the doorknob, to find a very excited Mrs. Brinkle standing there.  
  
Her face fell as she saw it was Will opening the door, expecting Jack or Gibbs. She'd always thought the boy had been a little too cute for her tastes. "Oh. Hello William." She said, giving him a reluctant smile.  
  
"Mrs. Brinkle. Actually, people just call me Will. Less syllables." He joked, but she didn't seem to find him very funny. He stepped aside, opening the door wider. Mrs. Brinkle stepped in, eyes roaming over the house with obvious distaste. "Um, the picnic is out back. I'll show you where." Will nudged a pair of his dirty cleats out of her sight, as well as a pair of work boots and high heels. Shoving open the door, he led her out onto the porch. Her eyes lit up as she saw Jack cursing at the grill, which was bent on charbroiling the meat. Will winced as flame suddenly burst up, nearly singeing Jack's eyebrows off.

"Mrs. Brinkle. How lovely to see you again." He said hesitantly, as she walked towards him.  
  
"Oh, please. Call me Benita." She said, giggling. Jack looked past her, terror on his face as he mouthed 'rum' to Will. Will nodded, disappearing back into the house. The look of terror only increased as Mrs. Brinkle moved in closer. "So, Jack, what have you been up to?"

----------  
  
Elizabeth picked up a brownie, munching happily. "This has turned out to be a lot of fun. Everyone came, people are mingling..." She glanced around. "Where's Jack and Will?" She asked suddenly, frowning. Ana looked up from her conversation with Devon, one of their party hearty neighbors.  
  
Earlier, Jack had been pinned to the grill by Mrs. Brinkle's ceaseless chatter, while Will was trying very hard to avoid the girls from next door, who were intent on getting him alone. But both of them had disappeared.  
  
"They were right..." She trailed off as the two pirates burst out the door, Jack tripping and falling on his face, nearly taking Will down with him. Will managed to stay standing, looking around like nothing had happened. Jack got to his feet, and started walking towards the grill. Elizabeth's eyes narrowed as she saw his swaggering gate, something he didn't do that often anymore...unless he was drunk.  
  
"'scuse me." Ana said, brushing past Devon and joining up with Elizabeth. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"  
  
"They're drunk, And after I said no alcohol too." Elizabeth muttered. "I can't believe they're doing this at the picnic. I'm going to go..." She stopped as Ana grabbed her arm, shaking her head. An amused smile crossed the pirate's lips as she pulled Elizabeth back to the fence.  
  
"You do remember what happened the last time they got smashed, don't you?" She whispered. Elizabeth nodded, then the same mischievous smile crossed her face.  
  
"So we should just let them get drunk? Again? Remember last time..."  
  
"Payback's a bitch. Besides, seeing Will attempting to do the strip Macarena and Jack singing in gibberish was well worth it." She laughed, looking over their way. Elizabeth giggled.  
  
"This I can't wait to see..."  
  
Will blinked, trying to focus on the ground, but his vision would have none of it. He kept weaving, as the world spun around him. It'd been a little while since he'd been drunk, but he could handle it. Taking a step forward, he held his hands out at his sides, walking like a kindergartner on a straight line. Jack was only slightly better, trying to carry on a conversation with Mrs. Brinkle, but he couldn't exactly figure out which of the three Mrs. Brinkles was the one he should be looking at, so he looked between the three of them.  
  
Elizabeth looked over at Ana, nodding. Ana smirked back, pulling a CD out of the case on the table. Casually, although Devon was trailing along, asking if she wanted to make out, she walked over to the stereo. Popping the lid open, she took out the CD already in there, and put in the one she held, snapping the lid shut. With a look of satisfaction, she pressed play. After a few seconds of quiet, 'I'm too Sexy' began blaring through the speakers.  
  
"I love this song!" Jack shouted, startling Mrs. Brinkle. He pushed past her, towards Will who was still wobbling towards the house. Grabbing his arm, he pulled him up onto the picnic table, and started dancing. Will stared at him, or more appropriately, squinted at his old friend, as Jack started dancing wildly.  
  
Ana nudged Elizabeth. "Do it, then maybe Jack will start doing it too." She snickered, Elizabeth looked over at her, then at the five girls from next door, who were already clapping and whistling as Jack slowly got Will to start dancing.  
  
Will, in a sober state of mind, was intelligent, and saw money as it should be, a form of currency for buying things. Will, in a drunken state of mind, was a little less intelligent, and more likely to start stripping if he saw money, thanks to an incident involving brainwashing a good while back.  
  
"I guess..." Ana followed her gaze, then looked back at her. "You have nothing to worry about, Liz. He loves you only. But how often does he get this drunk?" She prodded. "Come on...you know you want to..." A small smile crossed Elizabeth's face as she reached into the pockets of her khakis. She pulled out a twenty, holding it up over her head.  
  
"William..." She called, waving it around. Will's eyes followed her call, then went to the money in her hand. A stupid grin spread across his face. Ana burst out laughing and pushed the back button on the CD player, starting the song again. As the first strains of the song came through the speaker, Will started unbuttoning his shirt buttons. The girls from next door started shrieking wildly, holding onto each other for support. Jack glared at Will, jealous of all the attention the younger pirate was getting, so he started in as well.  
  
"Oh my..." Ana clapped a hand over her mouth. "Elizabeth, more people are coming..." She whispered, looking over the rapidly growing crowd in their yard. "Where are they all coming from?"  
  
On the table, Devon and another of the boys, not drunk, just stupid, joined in the stripping as well. Will was having trouble with the buttons at his collar, and Jack was happily spinning his shirt over his head. Ana's eye twitched as Mrs. Brinkle ran up and stuffed a twenty in Jack's belt. "Doesn't she have a husband?"  
  
Elizabeth shrugged, staring at the five girls. One of them, Kimmy, got the bravery to climb up on the seat of the table, a ten clutched in her hand. "Wait...Jack gets a twenty, but Will only gets a ten? He's a much better..." Her eyes widened, and she turned to Ana. "I just got the most brilliant idea."  
  
Ana stared at her. "I'm terrified to know what..."  
  
Elizabeth grinned, then turned towards the crowd. "Excuse me! We now have a competition. Place your money in the belt of the best stripper, and whoever wins will do an encore round!" She shouted. The reaction was instantaneous, the female population pressing forwards to give up their money.  
  
Ana shook her head. "You've been hanging around Jack too long." She muttered. As Elizabeth turned away, she reached into her pocket, pulling out a twenty and pushing into the crowd.

----------  
  
Jack groaned, rubbing his temples as the bright sunlight hit his face dead on. "What the...?" He rubbed his face, before opening his eyes. His head pounded, and his stomach felt as if it would relinquish all its contents right there and then. In all his years, he'd never gotten a hangover like this. Then again, he'd never drank half a case of rum either. He sat up, and realized he was wearing only his boxers. "What's this all about?" He grunted. Off to his left, the heap lying on the deck moaned, and curled up tighter. Jack stumbled over, and realized it was Will, in almost the same state of undress. "'Ey. Wake up." He nudged the younger pirate with his toe, and was rewarded with a blow to the shin. "That's not very nice."  
  
"Shut up..." Will groaned, rolling onto his back and looking up at Jack. "I have the hangover from hell and it's all your fault."  
  
"Me fault? Yer the one who helped me drink the rum."  
  
"You were the one who bought the rum when Elizabeth told you not to!" The argument escalated into a full blown argument, waking up Ana and Elizabeth.  
  
"It's both of your faults!" Ana muttered, stepping out onto the deck in her robe. "Jack for bringing the rum, and Will for being stupid enough to drink it." They both stopped, looking at her.  
  
"We didn't do anything...stupid, did we?" Will asked hesitantly. Ana covered her mouth, as Elizabeth stepped out behind her.  
  
"William, you're in your boxers. I'd say that would be a yes, you did so something stupid." She said, raising an eyebrow. Jack shifted, hearing a crinkling sound.  
  
"What in the...?" He pulled a twenty out of the hem of his boxers. "Oh no..."  
  
Will groaned, covering his face, which was flushing a bright red. But the older pirate was far from embarrassed.  
  
"I'm bloody rich!" Jack crowed. "If ye'll excuse me, I have to go take a shower and see how much I earned!" He said, pushing his way into the house. Will crossed his arms, staring at the two women, who were trying to appear innocent.  
  
"Where's the camera?" He asked bluntly. Elizabeth held up her hand. "We had no camera, I promise." She said innocently. "Why don't you go get changed? I'll make you some soup."  
  
"Fine. Throw some aspirin in, and I'll be a happy boy." He rubbed his head, going into the house. "I'll never, ever drink like that again..." He muttered as he disappeared upstairs.  
  
Elizabeth watched him go, before pulling the newspaper out from behind her back. "We didn't have a camera..." She said, giggling. "But Jenny, the journalism intern next door, did." She held up the paper, so Ana could see it. On the front was a picture of Jack, Will and two unknown guys standing in the background just behind Jack and Will. Will was in the process of throwing his shirt to the crowd, as Jack struggled with his belt.  
  
Ana's eyes grew wide, and she burst out laughing, dropping to the deck.  
  
"They're goin' to kill us, but it was all worth it!" She said, as Elizabeth fell laughing beside her.  
  
On the stairway inside, Jack and Will watched them quietly, before Jack spoke up.  
  
"This means payback..."


	5. Lawn Gnomes

Something had to be done about them. They stood in the lawn next door, cruel little smirks on ruddy faces. Hands folded over giant pot bellies. Always mocking them, giving them the shivers. Day after day, they stood on the lawn and stared at the house next door. Gibbs had become more paranoid, refusing to go get the paper from the front lawn. Jack got the faintest impression that there was something more to these gnomes than what met the eye. Even Will and Elizabeth had to stop a drunken make out session against his car when Elizabeth caught sight of the creepy little men.  
  
The gnomes had to go. So early in the morning, when it was still dark and the fog hovered over the ground, three dark shadows snuck into the Brinkle's yard. The intention was to steal all the gnomes and drop them off somewhere far away. Mrs. Brinkle would be quite disappointed that her 'snookums' had disappeared, but she would get over it the moment Jack decided it was too hot to do work in a shirt and discarded it.  
  
Jack led the charge, keeping low to the ground. Will was right at his back, creeping forward, while Gibbs brought up the rear. They crawled into the next yard on hands and knees, keeping below the fog line. It was a harmless prank, really, and more for their sanity than anything. You never knew how damaging garden gnomes could be until you practically had to blindfold someone to walk past them, as had been done on occasion with Gibbs. Drunken moments had revealed that he thought the little statues were actually alive and plotting world domination. Jack had laughed so hard that he'd fallen off the chair and passed out there, only for Ana to find him in the morning with a stupid grin on his face.  
  
"There." Jack could see one of the little gnomes ahead, only a dark blob in the fog. He pointed to it. "William, take care of those two. Gibbs..." He glanced behind him to see the other pirate was still crouched at the fence line. "Just...stay there and watch for anyone coming." He muttered and continued on towards the other two lawn gnomes.  
  
Will kept low to the ground, crawling forward. Little clouds escaped his mouth as he breathed in and out deeply. It'd been a long time since he'd actually stolen something, not that garden gnomes were usually something to be stolen. The garbage bag dragged on the ground beside him, occasionally getting trapped beneath his knee. Almost to one of the gnomes, the bag came loose from his belt. He cursed, turning to pick it up.  
  
The one factor they hadn't counted on was the Brinkles' territorial cat, Mr. Spanky. The cat hunted at night and hated anything in its territory that threatened its prey. Tonight was no exception, as it started down at the two men crawling through the fog towards the front lawn. It hunkered down on the fence, ready to pounce and hissed.  
  
Will heard the sound and blinked, wondering what the hell it was. "Jack..." He whispered tentatively. There was no answer. "Jack did you..." His sentence was cut off as a gray blur came flying through the fog and latched itself firmly into the cloth of his jacket. All hell broke loose.  
  
Jack heard the scream and then saw Will jump up in the fog. "Something's got me! It's got me!" The younger pirate bellowed, vainly trying to pull the cat off his back. "Gibbs was right about the gnomes!" Jack opened his mouth to say that it wasn't a gnome, but a cat that was attached to him, but thought it better just to remove the nusience. Lights flickered on in the neighborhood as Will continued to panic. Gibbs had bolted back for the house, terrified by what Will was screaming. Jack got to his feet and ran over, grabbing hold of the cat.  
  
The animal hissed, not liking the rough treatment of the pirate captain and released it's claws from Will's coat, only to spin and sink them into Jack's ski cap. The hat slid over Jack's hat, completely blinding him and sending the pirate into a cursing streak that would've made a sailor blush. He stumbled back, trying to yank the cat off. One foot came down squarely on the head of one of the gnomes, which shattered under foot.  
  
Will had recovered slightly, realizing that it was only a cat and not a garden gnome as had been suspected. Blushing slightly, he ran over to help Jack. By now, the lights in the Brinkles' house had come in and Mr. Brinkle could be heard quite loudly through the open window asking where his gun was. Will's eyes widened and he started tugging on Mr. Spanky again. The cat yowled and hissed at him, but refused to let go of Jack.  
  
Jack finally pulled the hat off and stared at the vicious animal, hair sticking up in different directions. "Bloody cat..." He growled. The front door of the house swung open, casting light on the front lawn. Will tossed the cat aside and ran, Jack following. The cat landed on the sidewalk, amid all the destruction. All four garden gnomes had been destroyed in Jack's quest to remove cat, the garden trashed, and in the middle of it all, Mr. Spanky with the ski cap hanging out of his mouth.  
  
Both men dived behind the fence on their own lawn, breathing heavily. They heard Mr. Brinkle cursing and then Mrs. Brinkle's wailing as she saw her precious gnomes massacred on the lawn. Jack glanced over at Will and raised an eyebrow, nodding towards the back of the house. Will nodded and they started crawling over, convinced that they'd gotten away with it.

-------  
  
"They hurt my babies!" Mrs. Brinkle said as she picked up one of the pieces of gnome and showed it to Ana and Elizabeth. Both women managed to put a concerned look on their faces, but it was hard not to break out laughing.  
  
"That's...horrible. Just a tragedy." Ana said, shaking her head. She had a pretty good idea who had done it.  
  
"I can't take it anymore." Mrs. Brinkle sobbed. "We've been thinking about moving for a long time now, and this only confirms it." She said. "I hate to do it, because the scenery is just..." She thought of Gibbs and Jack working in the backyard. "...wonderful."  
  
Elizabeth frowned, wondering how she could find a neighborhood scenery so wonderful. It was a very rundown neighborhood at that. "I'm sure it'll be for the best." She said soothingly. "If this is what you feel you need to do."  
  
"Of course it's what we need to do!" Mr. Brinkle huffed, holding up the hat. "If I find the owner of this, I'll teach him the meaning of pain." He growled. Ana raised an eyebrow, having a good idea who it belonged to.  
  
"Good luck with that." She said simply. She put a hand on Elizabeth's arm and nodded towards the house. "We better get going."  
  
Elizabeth nodded and smiled sympathetically at the couple. "Yes. I hope you figure out what to do." She said following Ana back over to their yard.  
  
Will watched the two women coming back and cursed, turning to where Jack was reading the paper and Gibbs was cradling his coffee, looking guiltier than discrete. "I think we've been found out." He said, sliding into his seat and digging into his plate.  
  
The kitchen door swung open and the two women walked in. Ana looked immediately to Jack, who was holding the paper up in front of his face, trying to hide the scratches on his face. Will refused to meet Elizabeth's eyes, and Gibbs curled up into a ball tighter, hunching over his coffee.  
  
"Right..." Ana drawled, shaking her head. "Where were you three early this morning?"  
  
"Work."  
  
"Sleeping."  
  
"Yeah, I was doing that too."  
  
"Funny, because there were three empty bedrooms last night.  
  
"I was in the shower."  
  
"Working."  
  
"McDonald's." Jack glanced over at Will. "What? They're open late."

-----  
  
Two months later, the Brinkles had found a buyer for their house and had moved out. Two days later, a U-Haul truck appeared at the house.  
  
"Looks like we've got a new neighbor." Ana said, glancing away from the dishes. Elizabeth moved over to the window beside her and looked out.  
  
"I guess we do. I hope they have more patience than the Brinkles." She said, gaze shifting to where Jack and Will were messing around with the rakes in the front yard. Jack took a swipe at Will, who jumped back. His foot caught on the hose and he tripped. The hose was yanked from Gibbs' grip and started waving around crazily. Everything within a mile was getting hit. Jack threw his arms up, but it didn't protect him from getting soaked. Will curled up in a ball while Gibbs vainly tried to grab the hose again.  
  
Cotton sat in his lawn chair, grinning madly as he watched the scene. The hose continued writhing like a snake, making its way across the lawn. Jack's eyes widened as he saw it head towards the next lawn, twisting just right to spray the woman opening the back of the truck. Will lunged forward, but was too late to prevent the accident. He knotted the cord until Gibbs could get a hold of it and turn it off.  
  
For a moment, all was silent. Then the parrot started cackling and the apologies broke loose.  
  
"Sorry!" Will blurted out.  
  
"It was his fault!" Jack yelled.  
  
"I wasn't doing anything." Gibbs said. "I'm a bartender, not a gardener."  
  
"I'm really sorry about this." Elizabeth said, hurrying over to help. She glanced at the three soaking wet men. "They need to be sent to obedience school."  
  
"We tried that already. Jack got fleas." Will said and was smacked upside the head by Jack, who looked vaguely offended.  
  
To their surprise, she just laughed and shrugged. "I don't mind a little color to the neighborhood." She told them. "Makes things more interesting."  
  
Elizabeth smiled. "Well, you've come to the right place. My name is Elizabeth. The man with violent tendencies is Jack, the skinny one is Will, the man standing far away is Gibbs, the one in the chair is Cotton, and Ana is in doing dishes." She said.  
  
"I'm Heather. It's nice to meet you all."  
  
"Well, the least we can do is help ye move in." Jack said, needing to get out of yard work. He headed over, grabbing a box.

The move in went quiet quickly with all the hands helping. For once Will didn't drop anything breakable and Jack managed not to slip a few items here and there in his pocket. Of course, it helped that Elizabeth and Ana were watching them as well, determined not to scare another neighbor off. Doing so would arouse suspicion and suspicion lead to being more closely investigated, which would reveal Jack's illegal activities and the fact that not a single one of them were actually the age on their ID's.  
  
Jack and Will were trying to move the writing desk in, which was taking a bit of work.  
  
"Shift it that way!"  
  
"I was! Look, I'll just..." Thunk!  
  
"Ok, that's not going to work. What about we do this..." Jack shifted slightly to turn the desk and accidentally wrenched it from Will's grasp. The younger pirate watched helplessly as the desk crashed into Jack and sent him flying backwards down the stairs into a pile at the feet of the three women.  
  
Elizabeth and Heather were at his side in a moment, but Ana remained where she was. "Give him some rum and he'll be fine in no time." She said dismissively.  
  
"Aye, rum." Jack said, slightly dizzy. He waved a hand. "What she said. He managed to point at Ana. His sleeve slid down his wrist, revealing the Sparrow tattoo. Heather's eyes grew wide, but she didn't say anything.  
  
"I don't have any rum just quite yet." She said apologetically. Will came over and helped Jack to his feet.  
  
"We'll just get this desk upstairs and then we'll be out of your way." Will promised her and pushed Jack towards the desk.  
  
"So, what do you do?" Elizabeth asked politely as the men went at the desk again.  
  
"I'm a writer. Currently I'm doing a book on the Golden Age of Piracy in the Caribbean." Heather responded, glancing over at Jack. The pirate stiffened slightly, glancing over his shoulder. When he saw her looking, he immediately turned back around, helping to get the desk up the stairs. Elizabeth and Ana both managed to hide their shock well.  
  
"How interesting." Elizabeth said. "It seems like such a fascinating subject." Of course, her boyfriend happened to be one of those pirates, so the interest point was pretty much a 'no duh.' Ana smiled politely.  
  
"One of the best times to write a book about." She said agreeably. "I mean, who isn't interested in pirates?"  
  
"I'm very interested in pirates. Especially one named Captain Jack Sparrow." Heather's voice rose slightly and there was a loud curse from upstairs as Jack, in shock, accidentally dropped the desk on Will's foot. "Quite a legend in the Caribbean." She said, smiling. Ana's right eye twitched slightly and Elizabeth paled.  
  
"Yes that he is."  
  
"But it's such a fascinating tale. How he took aboard William Turner, the son of his best friend..." There was another thump upstairs and a yelp. "...and the love of his life, Elizabeth Swann. Not to mention Anamaria, one of the few female pirates. Not many captains would take a woman on board."  
  
"He owed me." Ana grumbled. There was a sudden stampede on the stairs and Will and Jack came crashing past Heather.  
  
"Everything's set up. You're good to go." Jack said with a nervous smile. "Come visit sometime. We'll put a pot of coffee on." With that he was out the door. Elizabeth shook her head.  
  
"Like they need it." Elizabeth said and extended her hand. "It was very nice to meet you." She said. Heather smiled and shook her hand.  
  
"It's nice to know I'm going to have such great neighbors." She responded. They said their good-byes and left, crossing over to their yard.  
  
"We're in trouble." Ana said quietly, glancing over her shoulder. "That writer could find out our little secret."  
  
Elizabeth shook her head. "We've been doing this for years now. We can hide it well enough." She stepped inside the door, just in time to see Barbossa chair carting Cotton into the kitchen. For a moment both women stared at the sight before Ana spoke up.  
  
"Yes, because that doesn't look odd at all."

It was probably the stupidest thing anyone, mortal or immortal had ever done. It wasn't to say that a fashion designer couldn't cook or bake, but poor Elizabeth had the skill of neither. Of course, Will loved her for her many other talents and supported her in all that she did. This was why he had agreed to eat the dinner she had been so proud of. He'd even managed to coerce Jack into trying some of it as well. From there, Ana, Gibbs, and Cotton had even joined in.  
  
Two hours later, the food had taken its horrible effect on them all. Elizabeth sat at the kitchen table, holding her head in her hands. "I don't understand it! Honestly, how hard can it be to make a three course meal? I followed all the directions. I used the meat it told me to, prepared it like the directions said, I used hot cocoa with the sweet potatoes..."  
  
Anamaria had been sitting in the chair across from her, a look of aggravation on her face. "You did what?" She said as she stifled a torturous burp.  
  
"See? Right here." She pointed to the page for the sweet potatoes and flipped it as the recipe continued on to the next page. "Hot cocoa. We didn't have any baking cocoa, but it's the same thing..."  
  
Ana held up a finger. "First of all, the pages are stuck together!" She growled as she snagged the book and pried the pages apart. "You started with sweet potatoes and then finished making cookies!" A horrified look crossed Elizabeth's face as Anamaria continued on. "Second of all, baking cocoa and hot cocoa are not the same thing!" She burped again and held her stomach, groaning. Elizabeth snatched back the book, staring intently at the recipe.  
  
"Oh damn..." She groaned. There was a rumbling sound akin to thunder from the living room and the sound of Barbossa damn near having a heart attack.  
  
"Get this bloody dog out of this chair. Yer killin' me all over again!" The chair screamed as Cotton relaunched his gas attack caused by the discomfort the food had caused him. Even the old man was feeling the pain, not as engrossed as he usually was in watching Buffy. Another long winded fart escaped him, sending the chair into more cursing and gagging. Anamaria made the mistake of laughing and then groaned as the motion hurt her stomach.  
  
Elizabeth bit her lip. "This is not going to be a good night." She said as Gibbs entered the kitchen and threw open the cupboard, searching for some form of antacid. His movements became almost panicked as he found none and he lunged for the bottom cupboard, pulling out a bottle of rum and ripping the top off. He started sucking on it as if the liquid would miraculously cure his stomachache. Instead it was like a brick in his already upset stomach and he groaned, dropping the bottle on the cupboard and curling up.  
  
"I think you found a cure for alcoholism. You could market that sweet potato." Anamaria said her face dead serious. Elizabeth shot her a dirty look and put down the book, crossing her arms.  
  
"It's not like I did it on purpose." She protested. Anamaria burped again and put her hand over her mouth, stifling another groan.  
  
Upstairs, con man and medical student were facing hell head on and resisting the urge to run screaming. Jack was lying sprawled out on his bed on his stomach, hanging over the side with a bucket just beneath him. His normally tan face was pale with a greenish tint to it. He hiccupped, grabbing for the bucket, only to realize it was a false alarm. He set the bucket back down and curled up on the bed, wishing the painful aching in his stomach would go away.  
  
Trying to focus on something other than his pain, he listened to the clock. The steady ticking was soothing and he found himself drifting off to sleep. At first, he didn't dream, content to just sleep. Then images began to form in his mind.  
  
Jack padded down the hallway in his bare feet, heading for the bathroom. He adjusted the hem of his sleep pants, which had rolled up uncomfortably while he slept and rubbed at his eyes. With a yawn he scratched his bare chest and reached for the doorknob with his other hand. It was locked.  
  
Cursing, he banged on it. "Bloody hell, William. You take as long as a girl in there." He shouted, and then paused. Will never took long at all and he was the only other person Jack shared the bathroom with. He jiggled the knob again and heard footsteps inside. "'ello?" He tried again, jiggling the knob.  
  
Suddenly the doorknob ripped from his grasp and the door shot open to reveal a seven foot tall clown, leering dangerously at Jack with razor sharp fangs. Jack blinked a few moments, taken back by the sudden appearance. Then slowly it sunk into his brain.  
  
He backed up, putting his hands up in a placating manner. "Look, mate, we can work something out." He said. The clown started laughing maniacally, stepping out of the bathroom and raising a screwdriver. Jack's eyes widened and he found himself stumbling backwards even more. He spun around on his foot and shot for the stairway. As one foot landed on the first step, the staircase disappeared and he found himself hovering in space for a moment before falling through the darkness. He windmilled his arms, falling for what seemed like forever before falling into arms. He wrapped his arms around the person's neck, grateful to be alive. "Thank ye..." He said, and opened his eyes.  
  
Another scream ripped from his throat as he looked into the giant wooden eyes of the lawn gnome cradling Jack like a small child. The pirate beat furiously on the lawn gnome, howling in a mixture of anger and horror. "Get off me ye firewood! No one, but no one, messes with Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy?" He howled. The lawn gnome continued to snuggle Jack to his chest, rocking him back and forth.  
  
"Now this is just embarrassing." The pirate groaned as his face was pressed into the gnome's wooden chest. He heard the collective laughter behind him and turned his head slightly to see all the pirates he had ever met pointing and laughing at him. "You wouldn't happen to be female, would you?" He glanced up at the gnome, who smiled down at him.  
  
"Baby." It rumbled and hugged Jack tighter. The pirate let out a squeak as the breath whooshed from his lungs.  
  
"Don't crush the baby! Don't crush the...I'm not a baby!" He bellowed with what little air was left in his lungs. The lawn gnome continued to coo and stroke Jack's hair. The laughter behind him continued, but after a while, Jack noticed that it had become one voice, and rather evil at that. He turned to see the clown come bursting from the shadows towards him, screwdriver upraised.  
  
"Ahhhh! Protect the baby!" Jack shouted, playing up the gnome's strange affection for him. But the gnome had caught sight of the clown as well and dropped Jack. He found himself falling through space again, arms waving wildly. Suddenly he found himself making contact with the ground, once again knocking the air from his lungs. He opened his eyes to see himself on the floor of his room and curled up in a tight ball.  
  
"Can't sleep, clowns will eat me..."  
  
Will was going another round with the toilet, hugging the porcelain object as if it were a lover instead of a fixture in the bathroom. Being the one in the household with a metabolism of a young child, he'd eaten the most of them all and even licked the sweet potato icing out of the bowl. How he wished he could go back in time and take it all back. With a shaky hand, he reached up and flushed the toilet. He sat back on the cool floor, wiping the sweat from his forehead. "Never again." He said in a solemn promise. Of course, he was accurately aware that he would break that promise just to see Elizabeth happy. Of course, his love for that woman would be his downfall.  
  
Shakily getting to his feet, he dragged himself over to the door and opened it, stepping out into the hallway. It took him a few steps to realize that he wasn't in the hallway of the house, but of the hospital where he interned. He paused, running his hands over his scrubs and looking down to his sneakers. Hadn't he just been in the bathroom getting sick? He glanced over his shoulder and saw nothing but the hallway stretching out. With a frown, he started towards the nurses' station.  
  
Out of nowhere, a melody suddenly struck up. He stopped dead in his tracks, eye twitching. As one, the three nurses got up from their spots at the desk and started shaking their hips to the music.  
  
It was a well known fact that William Turner feared musicals as much as he feared death. To have his life suddenly turn into one was putting an overload on his system. Every inch of his body was telling him to run and he decided that he would. He turned to sprint down the hallway when he bumped into the first nurse, who took hold of his top.  
  
"My baby, he don't talk sweet. He ain't got much to say. But he loves me, loves me, loves me. Oh know that he loves me anyway!" Will's eyes widened in horror as she shimmied up to him, pushing him against the desk. Why were they singing the song from Footloose? He gently pried her hand off to make a break for it again when another hand curled into the back of his scrub shirt and pulled him onto the counter.  
  
"Look, I've got a girlfriend, love her dearly, really!" Will protested, shrinking under the nurse. He tried to scoot himself down the counter, knocking charts off, but she stayed with him. The music kept going on strong, and he noticed that even the patients and the surgeons were joining in now, in a coordinated dance of all things.  
  
"And maybe he don't dress fine, But I don't really mind,'cuz every time he pulls me near, I just wanna cheer..." Launching into the refrain of the song did it. Will pushed her away and found himself diving into the crowd of people making a break for the doorway. He slammed through it, stretching his legs to get as far away as possible.  
  
Falling through the entrance, he ducked behind a dumpster, panting.

For the moment, no one was around so he took a deep breath, closing his eyes and sinking to the ground.  
  
"Like, oh my god! It's Will!" The piercing shriek that rent through the air made the younger pirate's eyes shoot open to see the two girls standing in front of him. To be more precise, Elizabeth and Ana with their hair in pigtails and wearing "I Heart Will" shirts.  
  
The scream that escaped his mouth was no less than that of a men being tortured in the ninth level of hell. He scooted as far back into the dumpster as he could as Elizabeth lunged forward and grabbed him by the shoulders.  
  
"Will..." She cooed, leaning towards him. "William...WILLIAM, WAKE UP!" He slunk down into a ball on the floor, opening one eye to peer up at Elizabeth. Her arms were gripping his biceps tightly, trying to keep him from squirming away from him. He noticed that she looked slightly peeved at him.  
  
"I was having a nightmare." He whimpered, looking for some sort of consolation. Preferably of the kissing kind. She glared at him.  
  
"I will never, ever be your fan girl." She told him firmly. His eyes widened and a sheepish expression crossed his face.  
  
"You heard that?" He asked quietly.  
  
"I think the whole house did." She gave him a steady look. "And I think for that, it'll be one week." She got up from the floor, leaving him curled up against the tub. It took a moment for it to sink in and he was scrabbling across the floor, sticking his head out the door.  
  
"That's cruel and inhumane!" He bellowed at her. Of course she would put the no-make out punishment into effect for that. "I ate your food! There should be some leniency!"

-----  
  
Jack was wearing a groove into the shingles as he paced, muttering to himself. Anamaria was torn between concern and going to find a bush to heave her dinner into. She watched him from her spot on the ground and decided that emptying her stomach was more important. The sound of vomiting didn't seem to deter the pirate captain anyway.  
  
Heather had heard an odd sound on her roof and went to check on it, only to find the pacing Jack. She pried open the window, staring out at him. "Jack? Are you alright?"  
  
He turned to look at her. "Can't sleep. Clowns will eat me." He responded deadpan before resuming his pacing. There was a beat of silence.  
  
"Right..."


	6. Whelp

The basketball arced through the air and came down on the rim. After a few brief seconds of deliberation, it rolled off the side and hit the pavement below the hoop without first entering the rim as it was supposed to.  
  
"I...someone's got a P and an I." Rachel Evans sang out, doing something resembling a victory dance on the makeshift court in the ambulance bay. Will turned to give her a dark look before retrieving the ball.  
  
"You've still got a P, don't forget. The game could change in a moment." That being said, he tossed the ball in her direction. She caught it with a grin and turned towards the basket, lining up the shot from behind the three point line.  
  
"She shoots..." With a flick of her wrist, the ball entered the air, going upwards in a graceful arc before coming back down. There was the sound of a swish as the basketball went through the hoop. "She scores! And the crowd goes wild." She chuckled while adjusting the straps on the tank top she was wearing. The day was humid, but both Will and Rachel had decided to go outside and shoot some hoops during their break instead of being stuck in the stuffy staff room.  
  
As Will went to grab the ball, she tilted her head to the side slightly, watching him. "How are things with you and Elizabeth? Still not talking?" She asked carefully. Will shrugged as he dribbled the ball back to the foul line and looked up to the basket.  
  
"We talk. It's just not comfortable talking." He said and took a shot. The ball swished through the hoop and went bouncing merrily down the ambulance bay drive again. Rachel chased after it and brought it back.  
  
"Maybe you should apologize. I mean, technically you didn't do anything wrong, but..." She shrugged. "It's basically going to end up a situation where you forget the reason why you're not talking to each other so that you're mad for no reason." She caught Will's expression, one eyebrow raised. "I'm doing that babbling thing again." She looked down, shaking her head. "Sorry."  
  
"No, it's just...a lot of information to process at once." He sat down on the bench. She joined him, trying to push all the fallen brunette strands back into her ponytail. "I guess I could apologize."  
  
"See? This is why we need more guys like you. You're adorable." Rachel said, punching him on the shoulder. "Sweet, friendly, kind, thoughtful. You're the rare breed that we girls, or most of us, look for. Only problem is, there's not enough to go around."  
  
Will's face slowly turned red. "I'm adorable?"  
  
Rachel's face suddenly lit up and she clapped her hands. "Get her a puppy!"  
  
"A puppy?" Will echoed.  
  
"A puppy. Who doesn't like a puppy? And you said you wanted a dog, so there you go. Perfect make up plan." She grinned. "And there's a dog shelter on your way home..."  
  
"I'm going to get Elizabeth a puppy." Will said, standing up. "And then I can apologize and she'll apologize. We'll make up and everything will be good again. See, this is why girls make good friends." He gave her a kiss on the forehead. "I need information, I've got you." Whistling, he went back through the doors.  
  
Rachel sighed and hit herself in the forehead. "Stupid...stupid, stupid, stupid." She groaned. "Would it be so hard to say 'Will, I really, really like you.'? But no, have to screw it up every time by being all helpful." She got to her feet, heading towards the entrance.   
  
--------  
  
Will pushed the door open, sliding into the house and quietly sneaking towards the kitchen. He glanced around the corner to see the rest of the group sitting at the table, eating dinner. Gibbs was getting ready to go to work, Jack had just come home from work, Ana was complaining about work, and Elizabeth was trying to be reassuring. They all glanced up as they heard him enter. Jack's eyebrow rose.  
  
"William, what are you holding?" Jack asked, leaning back in his chair. Will glanced down to the small brown and black fuzz ball in his hand.  
  
"A puppy. German Shepard puppy, go be exact." He said. Elizabeth got up from the table, coming over to him.  
  
"Will, he's adorable." She said, stroking the puppy's head. It shifted in his arms, trying to lick Elizabeth's hand. She held her hand out, palm up. Then she paused, glancing up to him with a suspicious expression. "Why do we have a puppy?"  
  
"Because..." Will said. "I thought it'd be nice to have a puppy. I've wanted a dog for some time now." He set the dog down on the floor and it went scampering over towards Jack, overly large ears bouncing. It skidded into the pirate's feet and glanced up at him, barking and wagging its tail.  
  
"Will, you didn't do this because of our little fight, did you?" Elizabeth questioned him. His face turned red and he seemed at a loss for words. She let him struggle a few moments before smiling and wrapping her arms around his waist. "You know, I can't be won over with gifts, but just being sweet will do the trick." She looked up at him. "I forgot why we were fighting. Let's not do it."  
  
"I'll agree to that." Will said, putting his arms around her.  
  
Jack bent down and picked up the wiggling ball of fur, holding it out at arms length. The puppy made a small growl at the sudden lack of floor and stared at Jack. "I like him." He said with approval. The puppy barked in agreement. "See? We get along already!"  
  
Ana nearly choked on her water. "Uh...Jack?"  
  
Jack paused, feeling something warm and wet running down his chest. He glanced down to see that the puppy was indeed a male and taking a leak on him. In one fluid motion he set the dog back on the floor. "That wasn't nice..."  
  
"Well, he does belong to pirates." Gibbs put in with a chuckle. "What's his name?"  
  
Will shrugged. "I don't know. Spike?"  
  
"No, we can't name him Spike." Elizabeth said. "Let's name him something that's actually going to mean something." Everyone looked to the puppy, who decided that he liked the attention and started bouncing around, chasing his tail and barking.  
  
"Let's name him the Black Pearl." Jack suggested.  
  
"That poor dog..." Ana muttered into her glass. Jack shot her a dark look.  
  
"I don't hear you coming up with anything." He said, crossing his arms. Ana looked thoughtful, setting down her glass.  
  
"What about Sparrow?" She said, smirking at him.  
  
"Why Sparrow?"  
  
"Well, he likes you. He even tried to mark you as his territory." She said, trying not to laugh.  
  
Jack glared at her. "Not Sparrow." He said shortly. "Hey, what about Turner?" The puppy barked and circled again, bumping into the table leg this time. "Look, he's even klutzy like him."  
  
"No. We're not naming him Turner." Will protested. Elizabeth sat on the floor, clapping her hands. The dog bounded over to her and leaped into her lap.  
  
"But Will, he's even got your eyes." She said in amusement. "And you both can do the puppy dog eyes incredibly well."  
  
"We're not naming the dog after me..."   
  
"You're right. It'd have to something el...Whelp! It's perfect!" Jack got to his feet. "In honor of William here, I christen this dog Whelp!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Aww, little Whelp."  
  
"You can't be serious..."  
  
"Here, Whelp. Come here boy."  
  
"I hate you all." Will groaned, looking down at the dog. Whelp glanced up at him and barked, tail wagging hard enough to almost make him topple over. But Elizabeth was happy, which was what he had set out to do.  
  
Sighing, he sat down on the floor beside her, scratching him behind the ear. "Whelp it is..."  
  
--------  
  
Of the new and interesting things to check out in the household, Whelp became fascinated with Cotton's chair. It actually made funny sounds when he pawed at it or sniffed it. Sometimes it would move.  
  
"Get out of here, ye mangy mutt." Barbossa growled. The chair moved towards the dog. Whelp thought the chair wanted to play and darted forward, sinking sharp puppy teeth into the chair. "You stupid mutt! I was just fixed. Let go!" The chair moved forward a few more inches and Whelp let go, barking and hopping around the chair.  
  
Cotton was not amused. Suddenly the cane lashed out and gave him a rap on the head, just as the old pirate would do to Will or Jack from time to time. Whelp yipped and put his head down, tail curling between his legs just as Jack entered the room.  
  
"What's all the noise..." He stopped, looking at Whelp, who stared up at him with pitiful eyes. "I recognize that expression. Same one Will gave me when I ate the last of the Chinese leftovers."  
  
"I did not!" Will bellowed from the kitchen. Jack rolled his eyes and bent down, picking up the dog again.  
  
"Better not relieve yourself on me again." He muttered. Whelp snuggled up in his arms, looking happy. He had attached himself to the pirate, much to Jack's annoyance. The dog followed him everywhere in the house, even into the bathroom. It was a bit disconcerting trying to take a leak when there was a dog sitting in the doorway staring.  
  
Heading outside, he put Whelp back down, watching as the puppy bounded away after a butterfly and grabbed up the rake again.  
  
Suddenly Whelp appeared beside him, tennis ball in his mouth. Jack gazed at him for a moment before taking the ball and tossing it across the yard. The puppy went sprinting after it and brought it back again, gazing up at Jack with adoring eyes.  
  
"I can't play right now." Jack told him, but the dog continued to wag his tail, gazing up at him with soulful brown eyes. "Fine." He grabbed the ball and tossed it harder. Whelp went bouncing after it again. Jack went back to raking. After a few moments, he realized the dog hadn't come back.  
  
Apparently Heather had had some friends over for lunch. Whelp had gone through a hole in the fence and made some new friends. He was enjoying the ear scratches and stroking he was receiving, once in a while heaving a puppy sigh.

"Whelp!" Jack growled at the dog. The puppy barked back, tail wagging again as he saw his master. Heather caught sight of Jack and waved to him.  
  
"This belong to you?" She asked, scratching behind Whelp's ear again. The two other women looked amused as Heather got up and jogged over. "I assumed he was yours, but we couldn't send him right back." She shrugged in amusement. "He's quite the lady catcher."  
  
"He's a pain in the..." Jack stopped, remembering to be nice. "It's Will's dog, actually. He just likes to follow me around and invade other people's privacy."  
  
"Well, he's allowed over here anytime he wants." She responded. Jack put his fingers in his mouth and whistled. Whelp hopped off the table and zoomed towards the fence. Heather caught him and handed the puppy over to Jack.  
  
"So, how's the book going?" He asked.  
  
"Oh, it's going very well." She said, a grin slipping onto her face. Jack raised an eyebrow.  
  
"That's good." He responded. "Lots of information coming your way then?"  
  
"Tons of it. From a reliable, first hand source." She responded, staring at him. Jack blinked a few times before setting Whelp down.  
  
"Well good luck with that. I need to do...ah...chores." He gave her a quick smile and headed back over to the rake, staring at the dog. "You're going to get me in trouble..."  
  
------  
  
Will finally slunk into bed, curling up under the sheets and shutting off the light. "Finally, rest..." He said, closing his eyes and preparing to sleep. Suddenly something cold pressed against his face and he opened one eye to see Whelp scrambling to get up on the bed. He grabbed the puppy's legs and helped pull him up, rolling onto his back with Whelp hanging above him. "Jack kicked you out, didn't he?" Whelp squirmed in his grasp, almost as if he was shaking his head no. "Could it be you came to be with me?" There was a loud bark in agreement. "Hey, maybe you're not so bad after...."  
  
The spreading warm wet spot on his shirt quickly changed his mind.


	7. A Day in the Life of Jack Sparrow

**7:00 a.m.**  
  
The buzzing alarm clock was just begging to be swatted. So Jack did as he felt was necessary and knocked the annoyance off the bedside table into the trash can. The clock hit the bottom with a loud clang, the noise muted by the trash. With a stifled curse, Jack rolled over in bed, tugging the blankets up to his chin. He felt the tug on the sheets at his knees too late and suddenly there was a yelp as Whelp tumbled over the side of the bed and onto the ground.  
  
Jack sat up, hair sticking up at odd angles and glared down at the dog. Whelp stuck his tail between his legs and ducked his head, staring up at Jack with a hurt expression on his face. He opened his mouth to tell the puppy to leave, but the pathetic whimper Whelp uttered made him think differently. As a rule, Captain Jack Sparrow never let anyone sway his commands, but somehow this four legged menace could do just that.  
  
He swung his legs out of bed and stood up, stretching his arms over his head. Picking up Whelp, he headed towards the bathroom that connected his and Will's room. Whelp snuggled up against Jack's bare chest, closing his eyes and listening to the pirate's heartbeat. Absentmindedly, Jack scratched him behind the ear as he padded through the bathroom and into Will's room. Heading over to the blacksmith doctor's bed, he dumped Whelp on the bed beside Will. The puppy gave him the injured look again and then curled up close to his master. Jack retreated back to the bathroom and shut the door.  
  
He was just pulling his toothbrush out of the mirror cabinet when he heard. "Bloody hell, Whelp..." A moment later the door opened and Will stood in the doorway, eye twitching and a yellow stain on the bottom of his sleep pants leg. "He peed on me..."  
  
**7:45 a.m.**  
  
Jack headed downstairs, buttoning up his shirt. Gibbs was just pulling himself in from the late night shift at the tavern he worked at downtown. A pot of coffee, courtesy of Elizabeth, had just been freshly brewed and there were two steaming cups sitting on the counter. Jack gratefully scooped one up and took a long sip. Elizabeth may not have been able to cook but she did a great job with coffee.  
  
He took the other over to Gibbs and sat down, snatching up a section of the newspaper. As much as it bored him, he always had to have a quick read through the newspaper, looking for potential scams to pull, although this particular morning it was just a boring business section with no benefit to him. He tossed it aside and picked up the other section he read constantly, flipping through until he found the comics section.  
  
"Where's the aspirin?" Gibbs said finally, putting down the sports page and rubbing his temples. Jack paused for a moment behind the paper, trying to remember the last time he'd seen it. _Hangover, hangover, falling down stairs, hangover...I used the last of the aspirin._  
  
"Haven't seen it." Jack said lightly, resuming his reading of the comics. "Maybe the doctor in training upstairs has some samples." Gibbs muttered something about living on his own and got up from the table, padding through the door just as Anamaria entered the kitchen. Whelp was curled up contentedly in her arms. Jack took no notice of either of them, laying the paper on the table and picking up his coffee, sipping at it.  
  
"I bet you want to see Jack, don't you?" Anamaria looked down to the puppy. "I think you should go visit your buddy while I get your food." Whelp wiggled in her arms, eager to go play with his 'buddy.' Anamaria set him in the middle of the newspaper Jack was reading. The puppy sat down, wagging his tail and staring at Jack, floppy ears perked. Jack stared back at him, cup poised to take a drink from. Whelp tilted his head slightly, now staring at this strange new substance in Jack's hand. Standing up, he went over and stuck his muzzle in the cup, lapping up the remainder of the coffee. Jack frowned, setting down the cup. Whelp continued to drink the coffee, tail waving wildly.  
  
"I'm going to McDonalds." He announced and got up from the table. Anamaria turned to find the kitchen empty again, except for the puppy that looked as if he had found a whole new level of hyperness.  
  
**10:30 a.m.**  
  
Jack leaned back against the seat of his car, boredom taking over. His partner in crime had gone to find supplies for their next scam, leaving Jack behind. The pirate glanced around his vehicle, looking for something to amuse him. He realized that he needed to clean up his car, but the next thought dismissed the idea. He was a pirate after all, and most of the things within the vehicle had some story.  
  
His eyes caught something that didn't seem to belong, however. A few weeks ago he had lent Will his car after the younger pirate's jeep had broken down and the duct tape on some of the tubes had melted into a sticky, clogging mess. He reached into the backseat and picked up the book sitting there. He raised an eyebrow as he opened it, seeing nothing but pictures and words.  
  
"Manga." He muttered. He'd heard the term a few times and wondered just what the appeal was. Flipping open the front cover, he started reading. How anyone could ever read a manga was beyond him. The story made no sense as he read on, pivotal facts missing and some of the characters were just downright strange. He slapped it shut and stared at the front cover. He paused for a moment. The front cover was the back cover, so if he flipped it over...the back cover was the front cover. A thought slowly formed and he flipped open the book again, this time starting from the back. Suddenly the story did make sense, but the characters weren't any more normal. "So it goes from right to left instead of left to right. Well, that's...interesting." He tossed the book over his shoulder and back into the clutter of the back seat.  
  
"I'll stick with the paper and novels, thank you very much..." He muttered as he grabbed the seat adjustment. The back of the seat tilted backwards and he folded his arms under his head, closing his eyes.  
****

**5:30 p.m.**  
  
Jack dragged himself up the sidewalk, sitting down on the front step with his head in his hands. Contrary to belief, conning was a harder job than it looked. For a few moments, he sat watching the neighbors go about their business.  
  
"Come back here, you stupid mutt!" Jack winced as he heard the voice cut across the lawn. As he suspected, Whelp came bouncing around the corner of the house, ears flopping and something black hanging out of his mouth. Not but a few seconds later, Elizabeth came tearing around the corner in shorts and sneakers, tearing after the puppy. Anamaria was at her heels.  
  
Whelp saw Jack and ran towards him, hopping up the steps and jumping up to place his paws on Jack's legs. He dropped his prize on Jack's lap and wagged his tail, yipping happily. Jack gave him a dry look before picking up the piece of cloth. His eyes widened in horror as he found that it was a bra. Quickly he hooked it around Whelp's neck and picked up a tennis ball lying nearby, chucking it away from him. "Go get it!" Whelp barked happily and took off after the ball, shooting between Elizabeth and Anamaria. Elizabeth changed directions as Ana stopped to watch. With a shrug, she wandered over to sit beside Jack.

"So how was your day?" She asked, reaching down to untie her sneakers. Jack glance over at her, eyebrow raised. She raised an eyebrow in return. "What?"  
  
"You never ask me how my day is."  
  
"Blame it on the endorphins. I'm in a very good mood at the moment. All that running..." She chuckled.  
  
"Same as usual." Jack said with a shrug, watching as the puppy and bra came running around the house again, Elizabeth in pursuit. "How long has this been going on?" He asked, looking amused.  
  
"Only about ten minutes. Elizabeth and I did laundry after our run and Whelp got into the laundry basket." She said.  
  
A wheezing engine announced Will's arrival home. The yellow hunk of junk barely made it into the drive, inching forward in increments. Once it was out of the street, the engine was switched off and Will got out.  
  
Suddenly Whelp came around the corner, darting between his legs. Elizabeth didn't have the time to stop and plowed right into Will, sending them both crashing to the ground. "Fancy meeting you here..." Will drawled.  
  
"Your dog won't give me my undergarments back." Elizabeth said, not getting up. She laid her chin on his chest. "Any chance of help?"  
  
"Could've just asked Jack. Whelp loves him." Will said before whistling sharply. The puppy came trotting over and Elizabeth unhooked her bra from around his neck.  
  
"I have a feeling that's how it got there..."  
  
**8:45 p.m.**  
  
Jack turned on the shower, letting the hot water hit his face and chest. He made sure his hair was suitably wet before choosing one of the shampoo bottles at random and upturning it in his hair. He was so absorbed in the soothing spray of the hot water that he didn't hear the bathroom door creak open.  
  
Turning off the shower, he reached out and grabbed the towel. Wrapping it around his waist, he stepped out of the shower and paused.  
  
Whelp sat in the doorway, Jack's clean boxers hanging out of his mouth. Jack's eyes narrowed and he took a step towards Whelp. The puppy stood up and took a step back, staring at Jack as his tail wagged. He wanted to play; Jack wanted to relax.  
  
"Here Whelp, Whelp, Whelp. If you give me my boxers, I won't box you up and send you to Antarctica..." He muttered through grit teeth. Whelp yipped and turned, running down the hallway.  
  
"You evil mutt!" Jack bellowed and gave chase, wearing nothing but the towel. Considering he was known as a man without shame, it didn't bother him in the least as he went charging out the door, hot on the dog's trail. Whelp bounded across the yard, obviously enjoying the game while the livid pirate tried vainly to stop him.  
  
Suddenly the dog disappeared, leaving Jack standing in the middle of the yard. "Whelp! Where are you? Bring back my boxers right now, you mangy mutt!" He bellowed.  
  
Whelp appeared from the bushes, wagging his tail and missing Jack's boxers. Jack stared at the dog, fighting the urge to strangle him. "Take me to the boxers." He growled, taking a cautious step forward. Whelp's ears pricked and he tilted his head to the side. Jack waited a moment before springing for the dog. Whelp barked and ducked underneath his arm, sprinting for the front of the house. The chase continued out onto the sidewalk and down the street. People stopped, turning to stare at the mad man.  
  
Suddenly Whelp turned and came charging back towards Jack. The pirate's eyes widened as he realized what was happening just a moment too late. "Whelp, no!" The puppy sunk his sharp teeth into the fabric of the towel and tugged.  
  
**9:10 p.m.**  
  
The only thing Ana could do was blink as the door slammed open and Jack walked in, trash can lids clutched tightly to his stomach and backside. Her mouth opened to comment, but she quickly shut it again as he turned his head towards her, fixing her with a dark look.  
  
"Not. A word." Jack snapped and stomped upstairs. Ana continued to blink, not able to do anything resembling thinking at the moment.  
  
**12:46 a.m.**  
  
Jack slid beneath the covers of his bed, flicking off the light before he laid his head down on the pillow. After the day he'd had, it felt nice to finally relax in a nice soft bed. He closed his eyes, the blankets pulled up to his chin again.  
  
Something touched his face lightly and he reached out from under the sheets, swiping at it. The menace persisted and he opened his eyes, focusing on a small shape in the dark. His vision was obscured as the thing dropped the fabric on his face. Snatching at it in the dark, he flicked on the light and pulled the offending object off his face.  
  
"My boxers..." Whelp yipped and lay down beside Jack, wagging his tail happily. Jack flopped back on his bed and tossed the underwear aside. "Thank you ever so much." He muttered sarcastically and made a movement to flip Whelp off the bed when the puppy opened his mouth wide and yawned. Standing up, he made turned around twice before curling up in a ball. Jack slumped his shoulders. "You make me do this."  
  
Picking up the puppy again, he padded through the bathroom and into Will's room. Without so much as a second thought, he set Whelp on Will's chest and retreated back into his own room, locking the door.  
  
"Now for some puppy free sleep..."


	8. Momentary Chaos

Heather hopped up the steps of the porch, notebook tucked under her arm and twirling the pen between her fingers. She knocked on the door and then leaned back against the rail to wait for old Mrs. McKenzie to answer. The old lady took her extremely slow time getting to the door and opening it. She peered suspiciously at Heather before opening the door. "If you've come to sell me something, young lady, I'm not interested." She said shortly, giving her the impression of a dragon guarding its treasure horde.  
  
"Oh no. Nothing like that." Heather said with a smile. "I just wanted to ask you a few questions about some of the neighbors." She pulled out her notebook and flipped it open. "Are you familiar with the family that lives in house number 13?" She asked, pointing in case Mrs. McKenzie wasn't sure where it was. The old woman humphed and crossed her arms over her chest.  
  
"Of course I know them. Hard not to around here." She said. "The things I could tell you..."  
  
Heather interrupted her. "Oh please do." She said, tapping her pen against the paper. "Anything you can..."  
  
"Then come right in, Miss..."  
  
"Heather. Call me Heather and thank you." She followed the woman into her kitchen, graciously accepting the lemonade offered. Mrs. McKenzie just seemed happy to have someone to gossip with. Sitting down, she leaned against the table, ready to divulge all the stories she had heard to Heather.  
  
"Well, you can ask anyone and they'll tell you there's something not right about the occupants of that house. Like that Jack for instance. Last night he was running down the street all naked. No modesty at all." She said, looking appalled at the action.  
  
Heather had to hide her smile. "So I saw. It was quite...interesting." She said as she scribbled in the notebook. _Jack- Absolutely no shame._ "You were saying?"  
  
"Well, this one time..."  
  
----------  
  
"...I walked in on him in the staff break room. It was really funny. He was using an umbrella to spar with the coat rack." Rachel laughed, gripping the pen and using it like it was a sword.  
  
Heather raised an eyebrow. "You mean like a sword? He was sword fighting with a coat rack?" She queried. Rachel nodded, putting the pen down.  
  
"Exactly. And the funny thing was, all of a sudden he's trying to act like one of those dashing heroes you see in movies. When I coughed, he jumped and knocked the coat rack over and turned really, really red." She frowned. "Wasn't like it was anything embarrassing."  
  
Heather raised an eyebrow and leaned over her notebook again. _Will- Hyper._ "Anything else you can tell me?"  
  
Rachel looked thoughtful for a moment. "Well, there was this time when the medical students played a Halloween prank on the nurses last year. After Anamaria got pranked, she grabbed Will by the ear and told him to be thankful they weren't on the ship anymore. I thought she was just kidding around..."  
  
_Anamaria- Spoke about a ship?_  
  
----------  
  
"Elizabeth Swann? What kind of information are you looking for?" The secretary asked suspiciously as she put the last call on hold.  
  
"Oh, nothing personal or anything like that. I'm doing an article with...Blush...on how people see Miss Swann. Sort of like a retrospective article, you know?" She said, waving the notebook in the air.  
  
"In that case..." The secretary smiled. "She's a great woman to work with. Very nice and always really helpful even though most of the time that's my job." She laughed and Heather smiled politely. "She's always joking around about fashion and the like. But she seems to have this infinite hatred for anything remotely resembling a corset for some odd reason. I didn't think people wore those anymore..." She trailed off, looking thoughtful.  
  
_Elizabeth- Has knowledge of corsets. Possibly a recreator or something else? Look up information on corsets.  
  
Also needs to be noted. Her name is the same as William Turner's love. Check on name of the medical student._  
  
-------  
  
"Gibbs?" The young guy at the bar chuckled and kept drying glasses. "Hell, everyone knows him around here. The guy is like one of those honest to goodness old sailors that lives on his glory days." He shook his head. "The guy is a fixture here. Everyone loves his tales when he's on the night shift."  
  
Heather plucked a few peanuts out of the bowl and munched on them. "What stories?"  
  
"His favorite is about some evil dude named Barbossa." The bartender replied thoughtfully. "Curses and all that. Of course, he'll only tell it after he's drunk. The rest of the time he just tries to deny it."  
  
_Gibbs- Knows tales of Barbossa. Possibly the same Barbossa who stole the Black Pearl?_  
  
-----------  
  
It was another lazy Saturday in the pirate household. Cotton was snoring away in the Barbossa chair, which was also unnervingly snoring. Will was sprawled out on the couch, workbook laying on his chest while he watched Inuyasha on TV. Whelp was curled up beside him, sleeping contently with his head lying on Will's leg.  
  
Elizabeth looked around the corner into the room, a small smile slipping onto her face. Quietly she crept across the floor and then climbed over the back of the couch, landing on top of him. He let out a grunt and laughed. "You love to make an entrance, don't you?" He teased her, slipping his arms around her waist. She kissed him lightly and pulled back.  
  
"Of course." She knocked the workbook onto the floor and laid her head against his chest. "This is the perfect way to spend a Saturday afternoon. Just lying here, all comfortable..."  
  
"It's a miracle! Jack finally sunk a ship!" Anamaria crowed from the kitchen. She lifted her arms over her head, waving the small toy ship around. "He sunk my battleship before I could sink his! It's a miracle!"  
  
"Aye, why don't you tell everyone about it?" Jack replied tiredly and glanced discreetly up towards the glass window of the cabinet about the sink. It gave him a perfect view of Anamaria's Battleship layout. "A-7." Anamaria froze.  
  
"Wait..." She stuck a white peg in the small ship. "This isn't fair."  
  
"And suddenly you're not gloating..." Jack smirked and then turned as the doorbell rang. "Who could that be?" He muttered, getting up and heading to the door. He pulled it open and raised an eyebrow. "Heather. To what occasion do I owe this surprise visit?" He asked casually, smiling.  
  
"Can I see your tattoo? The one on your wrist?" She asked innocently, arms behind her back.  
  
"What? My tat...I don't have a tattoo there."  
  
"I saw it when you helped move me in. I thought it was really nice and I was wondering if I could see it again so that I could sketch it." She held up her notebook. "Just real quick."  
  
His pause was all she needed. She saw the flash of the Sparrow tattoo in his hesitation to show her and pointed at him. "I don't believe it. You are Captain Jack Sparrow!"  
  
"No I'm not!" He said quickly.  
  
"You are too! All these stories I've heard about you and the others, they fit with the personality profiles of those who were part of the crew of the Pearl! I don't know how you did it, but you're immortal!" She said happily. "This is just...wow!"  
  
Jack slapped his forehead. "I think you might be slightly delirious, lu...Heather." He leaned against the doorknob. "It's a family thing. I was named after my great-great-great-great..." He paused to think about it. "-great grandfather." He raised an eyebrow. "I just happened to get his handsome looks."  
  
"How would you know what he looks like?"  
  
"Wha...bloody hell!"  
  
"So you admit it!"  
  
"You have no proof." Jack protested. "No ones going to believe you on that alone!" He looked smug.  
  
The Barbossa chair perked up at the challenge. He had been steadily following the conversation and thought that it would be a pertinent time for him to enter. He turned around, squeaking as the chair moved towards the entrance way and ultimately the hallway where Jack and Heather were arguing.  
  
Will and Elizabeth had also heard the conversation out in the hallway, listening intently. "Aw crap..." Will moaned. He shifted under Elizabeth and stuck his hand under the couch. "He's going to get us all caught if we don't....ha!" He grabbed Whelp's favorite tennis ball and whipped it at the chair. The ball slammed into the chair and bounced off, rolling away. Whelp bounced off the couch and chased after it while the armchair came to a complete stop.  
  
"Jack wanted to keep him in the chair as punishment, but I think he'll understand this time." Elizabeth said quietly as the ball took up the cursing.  
  
"Stop this evil mutt from drooling all over me...umph..." Barbossa's protests were muffled as Whelp picked up the ball and scampered back to Will. Will shook his head and reached for the ball.  
  
"No throwing this..." He said, trying to tug it from the dog's mouth but Whelp pulled back, creating a game of tug of war. "Whelp, bad puppy! Give...me...the...ball!" Whelp let go of the ball just as Will's fingers slipped, slick with slobber. The ball went flying across the room and slammed into the vacuum cleaner. There was a moment as Will and Elizabeth held their breaths and Whelp tilted his head to the side, staring at the machinery.  
  
Suddenly it started up, laughing loudly to be heard over the roaring vacuum engine. Elizabeth scrambled up from the couch, Will pushing her ahead of him as they sprinted for the doorway, the vacuum trailing behind, and cord whipping viciously through the air.  
  
"Come back here and fight, ye whelp!" The vacuum shouted. Both blacksmith and puppy stopped to stare at the possessed cleaning object. "I meant the pirate."  
  
"Jack, why is your vacuum talking?" Heather said suddenly, interrupting their argument. Jack frowned and turned around.  
  
"What?" His eyes widened as he realized what was going on. "Barboss...I mean, bad William for making the vacuum do weird things!" He admonished nervously.  
  
"Me? I didn't do it!" Will protested.

The vacuum's attention had been diverted. "You! This is all your fault, Jack Sparrow!" Jack nervously glanced over at Heather, smiling innocently.  
  
"It's delusional and angry. I don't think it'll be a consumer favorite." He rambled. The vacuum charged down the hallway towards them. "Watch it!" He grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the way, falling backwards into the kitchen. He landed on the floor and she fell on top of him. "Fancy meetin' you he..." He suddenly rolled them out of the way as the cord cracked down on the floor. "Evil vacuum."  
  
"I got it!" Gibbs announced, entering the kitchen. There was a wicked gleam in his eyes as he lined up the shot and tossed the object he was holding in his hands at the vacuum. It bounced off and came to a halt at Jack's shoulder. The pirate inched away from the bowling trophy as it began to jitter.  
  
"No! This is worse than the chair! Now I can't even go anywhere!" Barbossa growled, the little statuette dancing around angrily. Heather reached out and tentatively poked it. It fell over, cursing again. She grinned.  
  
"Hey, that's kind of funny..."  
  
"Aye, we always have fun making him angry." Jack chuckled then raised an eyebrow. "Now, as for our little situation here..."  
  
"I won't say a word." Heather said, making the zipping motion across her lips. "Why would I want anyone to know that my neighbors were immortal pirates? Besides, saying that just sounds insane."  
  
Jack stuck out his hand. "So we have an accord?"  
  
Heather shook his hand." We have an accord."  
  
-------  
  
"Dance, little trophy man, dance." Jack said gleefully as he poked the bowling trophy.  
  
"I'll get ye for this, Jack Sparrow." The trophy stalked across the table, or as close to a stalk as it could get. Jack slid around the table and poked at it again.  
  
"You'll have to get out of there first, mate, and I don't see that happening anytime soon." He picked up the fork and entertained himself by prodding the trophy again with it.  
  
"I'm going to shove that up your..."  
  
"AYE AVAST!" There was a banging noise and then a loud crash upstairs. Jack glanced upwards, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"I don't even want to know..."


	9. Time For a Vacation

The general attitude of the house had gone downhill in the past weeks. Jack had nearly been caught and arrested twice, but had managed to escape both times using Sparrow wit and wisdom, which Anamaria had once labeled 'Absolute Luck.'  
  
Elizabeth was worn out from trying to put together the one hundredth issue of Fashion Update and had experienced more problems than anything. Her secretary had run off with her fiancée to get married, her assistant editor was clueless, and the layout room kept losing the project. The absence of her nightly massages from her doctor boyfriend didn't help either. Then again, she was pretty sure she didn't want the mutated flu Will had caught from the hospital either. Everyone was making sure to give him more than enough room, no one eager to catch it.  
  
Anamaria had been bitten by a seven year old bad enough to require stitches and she had sworn off working with children again. The next day she went to work to find that next week had her assigned in the children's ward upstairs.  
  
Gibbs had broken up more bar fights in the past week than he had his entire tavern career. One of the combatants even managed to give him a black eye.  
  
On top of all of that, they had to deal with Cotton's relentless pouting about his chair's sudden lack of mobility. Barbossa had come to realize that living in the trophy wasn't so bad; except for the time Whelp had gotten a hold of him and started chewing on the head of the little trophy man.  
  
Even the puppy seemed to be miserable, except when Jack or Will was around. He was the only occupant of the house that didn't fear the strange virus Will had and often kept the blacksmith company during the day while everyone was at work. Jack had sworn that by now the dog was well versed in every anime Will owned, to which Will protested that he had nothing else to do. Elizabeth immediately debunked that statement.  
  
"I came home from work yesterday and you were sitting up at the desk studying, not even watching the TV. You study who knows how many hours a day!" Elizabeth protested.  
  
"I study that many hours a day so that when I take a test, I can ace it..." Will grumbled back.  
  
"Ah...wait, deja vu." Jack said suddenly. "Haven't we had this conversation before?"  
  
"Something like it. Except I believe it was about how much I practiced with a sword."  
  
"Right, right." Jack said and picked up the paper again as Elizabeth pointed to the seat at the table.  
  
"If you sit down and actually relax, I'll make you some soup." Elizabeth said. "And a nice cup of hot chocol..." She didn't need to finish as Will quickly slid into his seat, smiling up at her. "You're too easy." She told him, leaning down to kiss his cheek but catching herself as she remembered that he was indeed sick.  
  
"You want him to do anything, all you have to do is mention making cookies." Anamaria interjected ironically. She snatched the Life section of the newspaper from the pile in front of Jack and flipped it open.  
  
"I'm not that bad and only for Elizabeth's cookies." He commented. Whelp came padding into the kitchen and Will reached down to pick him up. Instead the puppy dropped a small object by his foot. Will picked it up, one eyebrow rising.  
  
"Jack, was that trophy cheap plastic?" He asked. Jack glanced at him over the edge of the paper.  
  
"Aye, it was. Why?" Will held up the object, which happened to be the trophy man's head.  
  
"I think Whelp might be teething." He replied. Jack set the paper down, leaning back in his chair. A moment passed before he burst out laughing.  
  
"I've got to see this." He said, getting up from his seat and disappearing into the living room. A moment later he came back with the trophy, which as indeed headless. Ragged puppy teeth marks could be seen around the neck of the trophy.  
  
"Let me die..." The trophy moaned as Jack set it on the table.  
  
"Mate, you're already dead." Jack interjected helpfully. "Elizabeth, love, would you mind handing me the duct tape please?" Elizabeth complied, standing behind him as Jack glanced over at Will. "Dr. Turner, would you like the pleasure of stitching up the patient?" He asked.  
  
"With pleasure. Just have strips of duct tape ready for me." He said and pulled the trophy towards him.  
  
"I never should've committed mutiny. I realize now I was wrong to want revenge. This is torture." The trophy moaned. The disembodied voice seemed slightly creepier without the trophy having a head. "Why are you even putting it back on? It's not as if it helps anything!"  
  
"For aesthetic purposes." Anamaria said. "It's quite scary to hear a headless trophy talk."  
  
"You mock me."  
  
"Yes, you're right. I mock you." She glanced back down to the paper in front of her. Her smirk disappeared into a frown and she folded the newspaper in half, and then in half again. Finally she held it up so that she could see both the picture on the page and Will within her view. "Well, that's interesting..." She said, raising an eyebrow.  
  
Elizabeth pulled herself away from the fridge and came behind Anamaria's shoulder. "What is it?" She glanced to the article. "Oh! Danny McCree is going to be going on tour! I love his voice, and he isn't too bad on the eyes either..." She glanced over to Will. "Sorry, I meant..."  
  
He shrugged. "I'm not the jealous type, Elizabeth. Besides, I look too anyways, remember?" She chose not to answer that and went back to the paper.  
  
"I wonder why you find him easy on the eyes. Take a look at the picture and then shift your eyes slightly to the right..."  
  
Elizabeth stood up, slapping a hand over her mouth. "They're dead ringers of each other!" She exclaimed. "That's hilarious."  
  
Jack glanced at Will as he handed him a strip of duct tape. Will took it and slowly wound it around the neck of the trophy. "Do I want to know?"  
  
"I don't even want to know." Will said and smoothed down the tape. "There, good as new."  
  
"Oh thank you so ever much." Barbossa muttered sarcastically and began his odd march across the table. This got a few snickers from both men. Jack picked up the paper again. He figured Barbossa had suffered enough abuse for the day that he didn't need to find new ways of torturing him with a salt shaker, though he filed away the idea for future reference.  
  
Barbossa finally made his way over to the woman, figuring that they would be less abusive to him. Instead Anamaria got annoyed by his repetitive thumps as the trophy base hit the table while she and Elizabeth discussed the humor behind Will's look-a-like. She picked up the trophy and set it down on the floor. He only had a moment to panic before Whelp came charging at him and tackled him. The head popped off again and rolled under the fridge. "Now look what you've...EUGH!" The puppy's rough tongue lapped up against the trophy. "Mangy dog slobber! Heeeelp!"  
  
His saving grace came from Gibbs, who bent over and picked him up, only to toss him in the sink again. "Watch where you leave your toys, Jack. Someone'll step on it and break..." He noticed the missing head. "...it worse."  
  
But Jack didn't hear him, too engrossed in an ad on the page. His eyes scanned quickly over it, searching for the fine print before he spoke up. "I think I've got an idea." He said suddenly, glancing up from the paper.  
  
"Be afraid." Anamaria said. Will was still staring at the two women in bewilderment, wondering what they were laughing over.  
  
"What is it, Jack?" Gibbs asked, pulling a bagel out of the freezer and popping it in the microwave. Even Whelp poked his head from out underneath the table top, looking up at Jack with an expectant expression on his face.  
  
"A vacation." He turned the paper so that they could all see. The ad was from a travel agency, promoting discounts on groups that were interested in going down to the Caribbean for a week long vacation. "To our old stomping grounds."  
  
"But..." Gibbs raised his hand. "I know we can all afford it with the money we've made and saved over the years, but we can't just leave our jobs for a week..."  
  
"You can now. You all caught what William had. Elizabeth can take off anytime she wants seeing as how she's basically self employed. No one is going to want Anamaria working if she's sick and the same goes for you. Will is already sick and once again, I'm self employed. And Cotton...is Cotton. Enough said there." He held out his hands. "Works for me."  
  
Will smiled slightly. "I like it." He said with a shrug. "I haven't been to the Caribbean since we left it." Around the table, everyone began to slowly consent. Jack got up, slapping his palms on the table.  
  
"It's settled then. Pack your bags because in two days, we're leaving for the Caribbean for a week of paradise." He disappeared into the living room.  
  
From the kitchen sink, the trophy began squalling. "Take me with you!"

-------

To say Jack was eager to return to the Caribbean was an understatement. The morning they were heading to the apartment, he hearded the whole group out the door within an hour of giving them a wake up call. Grumbling, they gathered together their bags, made one last check around the house to make sure everything was locked up and turned off, and then headed outside with luggage in tow. Most of the luggage was loaded into Jack's car, but after doing so they found that it would only hold two people. Jack and Anamaria took the car while the rest piled into Will's jeep.  
  
The trip went as planned, for once, until they pulled into the long term parking lot. Jack pulled into the parking spot and shut off the vehicle, getting out. Ana raised an eyebrow at the quickness of his movements, but got out as well.  
  
"Now, if the rest would get here..." Jack muttered, tapping on the car trunk. Ana frowned.  
  
"I thought they were right behind us when we pulled in." She said, glancing down the row of cars. There was no sight of the battered yellow jeep anywhere. Ana slid up on the trunk of the car, swinging her legs idly. "Watch. That hunk of junk probably broke down again." Jack gave her a dark look from behind his sunglasses.   
  
"Don't say that. Then it'll happen." He groaned, pulling out his cell phone and searching through the memory until he found Elizabeth's number. He pressed the button to dial the number and held it to his ear, waiting. After a moment, the phone began to ring.  
  
Ana glanced towards Jack. "Wait, I hear it too." She glanced out into the row of cars again to see Will's jeep at the end, with only Cotton inside. It was still moving somehow too. Jack let the phone keep ringing, watching the jeep move towards them.  
  
"...you know, if you just got a decent vehicle, we wouldn't be havin' these problems!" Gibbs protested between breaths. Elizabeth grunted something that sounded much like an agreement.  
  
"You know what? Let's just get this in its spot before we keel over and die..." Will groaned. Jack and Anamaria sat back, quietly watching as the vehicle slowly moved past them. "Cotton, turn the wheel!" The old pirate jerked the wheel to the left and the jeep crept into the spot. "See? We still got here." Five pairs of eyes settled on him as he said it. "Alright. So my vehicle is a piece of junk." He groaned. Cotton got out and shuffled lazily away, leaving Will to put the parking tag up in the window and lock the vehicle.  
  
"Can we go now? We're goin' to miss the flight." Jack protested.  
  
"The flight's not till five and it's only noon." Ana told him, sliding off the trunk as he unlocked it.   
  
"This is the airport we're talkin' about." Jack told her, pulling out his luggage.  
  
"Will? Could you help me carry this?" Elizabeth asked. Ever the boyfriend wanting to please, Will wandered over and glanced down at her luggage.  
  
"Elizabeth, you do know we're going for a week, right? Not three years." She smiled and handed him a bag.  
  
"I know. This is what I need for a week. You should know this by now." By the time they were done, Will resembled a pack mule. Jack waited impatiently for them to finish before sending them towards the terminal.  
  
---------  
  
"Mr. Sparrow, would you please empty your pockets into the trey and then step through again?" The security guard asked him. Jack gave him a look as he dumped everything in the pockets of his jeans into the box. Anamaria sprawled out in the chair, idly eating M&M's as she watched Jack trying to work his way through customs and failing miserably to make things go smoothly. Elizabeth was searching through her bag for something to read, Gibbs was exploring the shops, and Cotton was busy trying to get a feel by accidentally 'tripping' and falling into women.  
  
"Look, I don't have anything dangerous." Jack protested, standing barefooted and without belt in front of the security guard. She ignored him and grabbed the handheld metal detector, scanning over his body. He rolled his eyes skyward and held out his arms in compliance. The scan found nothing, leaving the security guard confused.  
  
"Must have been a glitch." She explained as he pulled his boots back on, but gave him no apology. Jack snatched up his belt and marched towards the chairs as Will put his carry on bag on the belt and stepped through the detector. No sound was made and he paused to watch his bag on the monitor. The guard paused at the sight of the headless bowling trophy and then glanced over his shoulder at the blacksmith.  
  
"I have anger issues and I rolled a bad frame." Will said, completely deadpan. The guard raised an eyebrow and handed him his bag back.  
  
Jack was still grumbling about being searched when Will arrived and set his bag down, unzipping it and pulling out the trophy. "Just why do I have to carry this?" He asked.   
  
"Because you lost rock, paper, scissors." Jack replied. "Deal with it."  
  
"It has no head! Do you know how weird that looks?"  
  
"Oh quit your...wait, I've got another idea."  
  
"Two in one week! It's a miracle!"  
  
"Shut up, Ana."  
  
"Aye, captain." She snickered and crumpled the bag in her hand. Jack disappeared towards the shop.  
  
A few moments later he arrived with a box that looked suspiciously like a toy. It was in fact a toy, a knock off Ken doll. Jack sat down on one of the seats and started pulling open the box.  
  
A little girl a few seats down perked up as she saw Jack trying to open the box. Clutching her doll, she scooted down towards him with a smile on her face. Jack noticed her and gave her a small smile.  
  
"Hello." She didn't respond, just smiled happily back at him and raised the doll. Jack nodded and finally extracted the doll from the box. "William, bring that trophy over here."  
  
Will caught sight of the doll and burst out laughing. Barbossa caught sight of the doll and started panicking.  
  
"Yer not puttin' me in that! I'd rather be headless!" He bellowed. The little girl's eyes grew wide at the talking trophy, only being able to watch as Jack took the two and slammed them together. There was a moment of silence before the doll started moving its arms around, cursing.  
  
"Oh, this is goin' to be amusing." Jack said as he stared at the blond doll in tennis whites. "We're goin' to have to give you a beard and some pirate clothes and then you'll be as good as new." He taunted.  
  
"I'm a doll!" Barbossa shouted.  
  
"But you can walk."  
  
"It doesn't matter if...wait, I can walk?" Jack set him down on the floor. Barbossa took a few stiff legged steps before attempting a run.  
  
"Someone go get dolly man before he gets stepped on." Will eagerly complied, shoving Barbossa back into his backpack. Jack tossed the old trophy into the garbage can. "There's that problem solved."  
  
-------  
  
"Elizabeth?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I think I'm going to be sick." Elizabeth glanced over at Will, watching as his face slowly became pale with a slight greenish tint.  
  
"Don't face this way." She said quickly, pulling out the air sickness bag and shoving it towards him. He quickly grabbed it and opened it, his head ducking down and the sound of vomiting breaking the quiet of the cabin.  
  
Jack adjusted his headphones to block out the sounds of Will getting sick and resumed his sleeping position. Gibbs was attempting to play Old Maid with Anamaria, but it was occasionally interrupted as an attendant would protest as Cotton's hand strayed.  
  
A few rows back, Ana noticed some girls staring at Will and whispering between themselves. She took a card from Gibbs' hands and glanced over at them. "I wonder what they're up to."  
  
Gibbs glanced back as well, and then plucked a card from Ana's grip. "Probably never saw someone gettin' air sick before." He rolled his eyes.  
  
"You're probably right."  
  
--------  
  
Elizabeth kept Will's arm over her shoulders as she headed out of the gate. He groaned, still clutching at his stomach. She was pretty sure that there was nothing left for him to throw up, but she kept the extra air sickness box at hand.  
  
"Just sit here and wait a moment." Elizabeth told him, sitting him down on the edge of the baggage claim. He nodded and lay back in the seat, closing his eyes.  
  
"The bags go round and round..." Ana sang quietly as she watched the bags appear. Gibbs reached past her to snatch up his suitcase. As he dragged it away, she kept watching. Suddenly she spotted her bag and reached for it, just as Jack did. Her hand brushed against his and he glanced over at her. A blush crept up her cheeks and she glanced away, quickly pulling her bag after her. Jack smirked and glanced over his shoulder at her, hefting his bag. He planned to follow after her, but Elizabeth stood in his way.  
  
"Could you help me with my bags? Will's slightly out of commission at the moment." Jack glanced behind her to see all her bags.  
  
"I guess I could..."  
  
A shriek rang through the air. "It's Danny McCree!"  
  
Elizabeth's eyes grew wide. "On no..."  
  
"ELIZABETH!" Will's shout rang through the airport as he saw the sudden mass of girls running towards him. He pulled himself out of the seat but stopped as his stomach threatened to make him heave again. Suddenly hands were reaching for him, pads of paper and pens thrust at him.  
  
"Danny, could you sign an autograph for me?"  
  
"I love your new CD!"  
  
"Can I hear you sing? I want to tell my friends that I heard you sing live!"  
  
Will fought the temptation to scream in terror as they continued to crowd him. "I'm not who you think I am! Really! My name is William Turner!" He told them, holding his hands up. Some of the girls looked dissuaded by this, but the others persisted, thinking that he was trying to throw them off his trail.  
  
Jack crossed his arms, standing beside Elizabeth. "Should we let him suffer?"  
  
"For a little while. This is just too funny."


	10. Adventures of the Hotel Kind

"They're staring at me." Elizabeth glanced over her shoulder at the two college-aged girls sitting in the back whispering. Rolling her eyes, she glanced back at her boyfriend. He had slunk down in the seat, arms crossed across his chest. The tan canvas fisherman's hat was pulled low on his forehead and he had found his sunglasses in his bag. He looked more obvious than ever despite the fact that he was trying to hide.  
  
"You're fine. Besides, I'm here." She wrapped her arm around his and laid her head on his shoulder. He relaxed slightly under her touch for a moment before his body went rigid again.  
  
"Bag." He whispered. Elizabeth quickly fished the air sickness bag out of her purse and shoved it at him. He grabbed it and opened it up, leaning forward as he went though another round of the lingering air sickness. She sighed and rubbed his back while he got sick.  
  
Ana wrinkled up her nose and sat forward in her seat again, staring at the front of the bus. "If we have to put up with this the whole week..." She muttered quietly and dug into her pocket, pulling out the brochures she'd found at the airport while Jack and Elizabeth had been mounting a rescue expedition for Will.  
  
"Anything good?" Gibbs asked, leaning over to glance at the brochures.  
  
"Horseback riding on the beach, surfing lessons, windsurfing lessons, cruises. Anything and everything." She told him, handing over the brochures. "I'm sure we'll find more than enough to keep ourselves occupied." She closed her eyes, leaning back against the seat but found it hard to sleep with the sound of vomiting right behind her.  
  
Jack sifted through the bag at his feet, feeling around for the candy bar he'd left in there earlier. Suddenly something attached to his arm and began scurrying up.  
  
"I'll make it to freedom! You'll never take me alive!" The Barbossa doll bellowed as it skittered up Jack's arm. Jack waved his arm wildly, trying to flick him off but he was clinging quite obstinately to Jack.  
  
"Get off you rotten..." Barbossa went flying over heads to land somewhere in the middle of the bus. "Stop that doll!" He bellowed. Immediately there were shrieks and screams as Barbossa managed to sit upright and attempted a stiff legged run again.  
  
"I'm almost there, you..." In his crazy sprint for the back of the bus, Barbossa had failed to notice Cotton slowly sliding out of his seat. He planted his feet, lining up his cane like a golf club. Waiting for the opportune moment, he raised the cane and swung. Barbossa went flying through the air. Jack's eyes widened and he snatched up his bag, leaping to catch the doll inside. There was a soft thump as Barbossa landed in the bag and a squeal as Jack landed in a young woman's lap. He took a few moments to notice that she was wearing a bikini and gave her one of his patented Sparrow smirks. Once again, he was successful in melting another heart. That was, until Gibbs grabbed him by the back of the shirt and pulled him upright.  
  
"We're going to have to put a collar on him. You think they make that in doll sizes?" Jack asked, glancing down in his bag. Barbossa cursed heavily at him, struggling to extricate himself from the mess that made up Jack's bag. Anamaria glanced over Gibbs and Jack's shoulders and reached in, grabbing Barbossa.  
  
"I'll baby-sit him before he escapes again." She offered and headed back to her seat.  
  
"Let me go!" Barbossa groaned. "This isn't fair."  
  
"I think it's plenty fair enough. You think I liked being locked in those brigs? You think I liked being manhandled by your crew?" She asked him, raising an eyebrow. The doll was quiet and she wondered for a moment if he was sulking. It was hard to tell when the doll had just one facial expression and that was smiling. She bent down, searching through her bag until she found a pen.  
  
"What are you doing with that?"  
  
"I don't know. Feeding my artistic urges?" She muttered as she began tracing the little grooves in his hair and then carefully coloring one of the bright white teeth black. She looked him over for a moment before coloring his eyebrows black as well. "Well, you don't look as creepy anymore, but you don't look any...better." She said hesitantly, then perked up. "We could go to a toy store and buy you a whole new wardrobe. You know, a nice dinner suit, some ski clothes, some everyday clothes, things like that. All bright and..."  
  
"AHHHHH!!! Stop talking! It burns!" Barbossa's arms began waving up and down maniacally.  
  
"Oh, I could say so much worse." Ana said, smirking evilly. Barbossa froze.  
  
"Aye? And what would that be?"  
  
She let the word slip past her lips slowly, savoring the sound of it.  
  
"Eunuch."  
  
----------  
  
Thankfully they reached the hotel before Jack and the others had to end up explaining the doll screaming bloody murder, although he had quieted slightly when Ana had stuffed him in her sweatshirt and back into her bag. The looks they got from the other passengers were anywhere from amused to intrigued by the crew. Once again Jack and Gibbs were playing pack mule as Ana and Elizabeth made vain attempts to keep Will from falling forward onto his face.  
  
"I think I need to..." Both women let go and he fell onto his knees, head hidden in the potted plant. Elizabeth wrinkled her nose as she heard the sounds of throwing up.  
  
"There is no breath mint that will ever...ooh, I could try pressure points." She said suddenly. She knelt down beside Will. "Ok, I think this point is the one to cure air sickness...or is it this one...I'm almost positive that it's this one." She pressed her fingers down.  
  
"Whoa!" All of a sudden Will's head shot out of the plant. "That isn't the one..." He said, his cheeks turning red.  
  
Elizabeth blinked. "I could've sworn, I mean I..." Her cheeks turned red as well. "...always massage that spot..." Her hand covered her mouth. "No closet sessions after you've been throwing up." She hissed at him.  
  
"This is all your fault..." Ana decided that she didn't want to be part of this conversation any longer and headed over to Gibbs and Jack.  
  
"So you and Elizabeth have one room..." He handed her a key. "Which leaves the four of us."  
  
"I'm not roomin' with Cotton again. Sharing a hotel room with him is like..." Gibbs waved his hands. "Something very evil! I'm sick of stayin' with him. Not to mention he's taken a particular likin' to watchin' Jerry Springer."  
  
Jack slung an arm around his shoulder. "I think we should room together." He said. "First come, first serve. Besides, I'm sure Will won't mind..."  
  
---------  
  
"Why do I have to room with him? I had no choice in this!" Will said, trying to keep Jack from closing the door on him.  
  
"Too bad this isn't a democracy. The captain has spoken and you're voted off the island. Goodbye!" With Gibbs' help, they got the door shut and locked. There was a few moments of pounding on the door before Will gave up and retreated back to his room. "Get a few drinks in him and he won't remember it later." Jack said dismissively and headed through the room out to the balcony.  
  
He closed his eyes, stretching out his arms. The wind from the sea blew over him, bringing the scent of the ocean to him. The familiar scent brought back memories of the days on the Pearl. He felt slightly nostalgic before hearing the knock on the door inside the room. "Jack! Gibbs! We're going shopping! Don't wait up for us!" Elizabeth called.  
  
"Fine!" Jack shouted back and shut the door, closing his eyes again. "Now leave me alone. I'm havin' me time here."  
  
----------  
  
The cabana was packed, the night owls out in full force. Jack, Will, and Gibbs had found a table by the bar and were waiting idly as for the waitress. She finally arrived a few moments later, tiredly blowing a strand of hair out of her face. "What can I get for you?" She asked, attempting a smile and failing.  
  
"Rum all around." Jack said happily. She didn't even write it down as she wandered away. Will glanced to Jack.  
  
"Still your favorite after all these years." He commented. Jack nodded as the waitress returned and set the bottles down in front of them.  
  
"Drink..." She paused as Jack knocked back the bottle, chugging it like a pro. "...up." Shaking her head, she tucked the tray under her arm. "I've been working here a year since I started coming to college and haven't seen anyone drink like that." There was a tone of awe to her voice.  
  
"Well thank you..." He peered at her nametag. "...Liza. Could I have another?" She nodded and disappeared into the crowd. Jack held up his almost gone bottle. In response, Will and Gibbs did the same.  
  
"To immortality." Jack said, raising his bottle. Will and Gibbs clinked theirs against his.  
  
"To immortality." Came the chorus.  
  
--------  
  
"I dun think I can feel mah lips anymore..." Will slurred, knocking over the empty bottle. Jack started laughing at the blacksmith's weird speech pattern and slapped a hand over his mouth.  
  
"You sound like an idiot..." Jack drawled, the famous Captain Sparrow accent returning to his voice.  
  
"Baka." Will said helpfully.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Idiot."  
  
"Moron."  
  
"Stupid head."  
  
"Whelp."  
  
"Baka. Baka baka baka!"  
  
"Stop it with the Spanish!"  
  
"It's Japanese. Baka!" Jack resisted the urge to lean across the table and throttle him. Instead he raised his hand. "Waitress! Another round!"  
  
"I'd better be getting a good tip after this!" Came the irritated growl. A moment later she appeared with two more bottles. "You should think about going home soon. It's 2 a.m. and you're really, really drunk..." She paused as Jack held up a fifty dollar bill for her. "You know what? Take as long as you want..."  
  
-------  
  
"Drink up me hearties, yo ho!"

The door of the hotel room opened and Gibbs fell on the floor. Will came tumbling down on top of him, laughing so hard his whole body was shaking. Jack sat on top of the pile, wiping the tears out of his eyes.  
  
"That was the most fun I've had in a while." He commented, rolling off Will and getting to his feet. The younger pirate stood up, weaving all over the room. Jack went over and grabbed Gibbs' collar, heaving him towards the bed. After a few tries, he got him up on the bed. "Mate still holds the records of the most drank and the fastest time it was drank in." He muttered, falling over on the other bed.  
  
His eyes settled on Barbossa, sleeping as stiff as a board on top of the minifridge. A smirk crossed his face and he reached up, snatching the doll up.   
  
"What's it...Jack?" The doll asked groggily.  
  
"Aye." Jack responded.  
  
"What are ye doin'?" He suddenly became aware that Jack was quite drunk. Jack's smirk only grew as he stood up and headed towards the bathroom.  
  
"Ever been in a whirlpool?"  
  
"What do ye...NOOOO!!"  
  
--------  
  
Ana scowled at Jack as the maintenance man entered the bathroom. The hung over pirate was massaging his forehead, refusing to meet his gaze. "Whatever possessed you to try and flush Barbossa down the toilet?" She said finally.  
  
"It seemed like a good idea at the time." He reluctantly admitted.  
  
"At the time? You mean at the time you were very drunk and incapable of making smart decisions?" She was fighting not to burst out laughing. Finally she gave in, bending forward with her hands on her knees. Jack stared at her a moment before chuckling himself. Not too long after, Elizabeth's laughter could be heard and then Will's, although he fluxuated between the humor and the hangover. Gibbs was the last to break out laughing, but was laughing so hard he rolled off the bed onto the floor. Soon they were all howling.  
  
The maintenance man gave them strange looks as he exited the bathroom and extended the doll towards Jack. "Here's your...doll." He said, sounding unsure of himself. Jack took the doll by the legs, hanging it upside down. Water trickled down onto the floor. "The hotel would appreciate it if next time you refrained from flushing it down the toilet."  
  
"I will do." Jack said solemnly. With a disgruntled look, the repair man picked up his tool kit and left, slamming the door behind him. There was a moment of silence before they all burst into laughter again.  
  
"I hate you all." Barbossa growled.  
  
"I'd be nice mate, or next time you'll end up in the female version." Jack threatened, struggling to keep a straight face. "And we'll dress you up all frilly as well."  
  
"What does it matter?" The doll wailed. Will pointed at the doll, struggling to control his snickers.  
  
"Eunuch." He laughed and the room lapsed into laughter again.  
  
"Oh! I almost forgot!" Ana disappeared through the door adjoining the rooms and came back with a small box. "Elizabeth and I found this yesterday." She proudly presented the box to Jack. It was a pirate outfit for a doll of Barbossa's size. Jack handed it back to her.  
  
"No! What are you doing? Give it back to him!"  
  
"It's alright, Ana. I think his tennis whites will do for now." Jack said.   
  
"Of course, captain."  
  
"Now I remember why I left you on an island to DIE!" The doll shouted. Jack glanced down at him.  
  
"Shut up before I throw you into the freezer." He threatened. There was a moment of silence.  
  
"Alright. I'll be good."  
  
----------  
  
_A/N: I learned today that 'baka' is Japanese for idiot, apparently. So I had to use it. It's a fun word to say._


	11. Only One Captain Sparrow

Jack peered at the ship over the top of his sunglasses, one eyebrow raised. The look on his face was incredulous as he stared up at what was supposed to be a pirate ship. In reality it was a boat converted into a cheap, garish knock off. The sign over the dock proclaimed it as the 'Pirates!' tour. He let out a small grunt, shoving his hands in the pockets of his shorts.  
  
"You're not serious, are you?" He asked out of the side of his mouth, glancing over at Gibbs. Gibbs glanced up at him, raising an eyebrow. The brochure about the tour was clutched in his hands. On the front was a grinning pirate, one leg up on an open treasure chest, hands resting on his hips as bright letters proclaimed it to be the best tour in the Caribbean. Jack felt slightly insulted by the image and decided he could deface it later. With a resigned sigh, he glanced back to the ship.  
  
"It's all in good fun, Jack." Elizabeth promised him. "Besides, it's just a tour along the coast of all the supposed 'pirate hangouts.'" She said, making air quotations with her fingers, accidentally letting go of the dark hair she had been pinning back into a bun and letting it fall back around her face. A low whistle came from Will's direction and she glanced over to see him waiting in the ticket line, pulling down his sunglasses slightly and giving her a wolfish smile. She put her hands on her hips and smirked at him. His eyebrow rose before he slid the sunglasses back up and turned back to face the ticket counter.  
  
"Merciless flirting." Jack said, rolling his eyes. Elizabeth grinned happily at him and went back to twisting her hair into a bun again.  
  
"I can flirt. I know him, he knows me, and we're all one big happy family." She shot back.  
  
"You seem so sure of yourself." Jack said, enjoying the verbal war.  
  
"Says the man with a doll sticking out of his back pocket." Elizabeth giggled.  
  
"Actually, he's in your purse now." Jack happily pointed out. Elizabeth blinked and opened her purse to find the doll stuffed in there, face buried. She grabbed him by one leg and pulled him out, dangling him in front of her like a dead rat.  
  
"Why would you put it in my purse?" She asked. Jack shrugged.  
  
"I got sick of carrying him and some little girl wanted to play. I told her it belonged to you." He gave her an innocent grin.  
  
"I had no say in the matter." Barbossa piped up. "He just stuck me in that miserable..."  
  
"Excuse me? I designed that bag!" Elizabeth protested, raising the doll so that they were eye level. "Don't forget, I'm perfectly aware of how to melt plastic with the sun." She threatened, smiling sweetly at the same time.  
  
The doll was quiet for a few moments. "This isn't the end..." Elizabeth sighed and shoved him back in the bag.  
  
"That's what they all say." She muttered.  
  
"What's that?" Will asked, slipping his arms around her neck. She turned her head to the side and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.  
  
"Nothing." She responded. "Did you get the tickets?"  
  
"Tickets for six." Will responded, pulling them out of the pocket of his cargo shorts. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out the cargo hat he had been using as a disguise earlier, putting it on. "See? It came in handy again." He told her, searching for his sunglasses.  
  
Jack took one of the tickets, staring down at it in revulsion. "I can't believe I'm doing this."  
  
"Jack, just shut up and get on the ship...I meant boat."  
  
-----------  
  
"Is there something wrong Will? You've been scratching for the past couple of hours." Elizabeth said, squinting at her boyfriend in the waning light of the setting sun. He shook his head but continued scratching his stomach under his T-shirt, glancing off towards the horizon.  
  
"This was the worst ride I've ever been on." Jack told Gibbs. "They took us to all these places and made up stories about pirates who never even existed. It was boring, inane, and certainly a waste of my time."  
  
"You're mad because you weren't mentioned, aren't you?" Gibbs asked calmly, raising an eyebrow. Jack glared at him.  
  
"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, scourge of the Caribbean seas! How could they not mention me? I want off this boat so I can register a complaint." He protested, grabbing at the brochure sticking out of Gibbs' pocket. Gibbs snatched it at first and opened it.  
  
"It says the guests are treated to a surprise before returning to the dock." He glanced over the top of the brochure at Jack. Jack raised an eyebrow.  
  
"They want a surprise, I'll give them a bloody..."  
  
"Avast ye!" The sudden yell caught Jack by surprise and the pirate glared at Will.  
  
"I told you if you ever said that..."  
  
"I didn't say it! That didn't even sound like me." Will said, but his words were drowned out as people turned towards the front of the ship, talking amongst themselves and cheering.  
  
There was a man standing on the bow of the ship, dressed in cheap looking pirate clothing and brandishing a cutlass. Jack assumed he was supposed to be the captain by his clothing.  
  
"My name is Captain Jack Sparrow and I've come to commandeer this ship!" The man bellowed, waving the cutlass above his head. The reaction in Jack was immediate. First came the eye twitch, then the string of obscenities and he took off through the crowd. Gibbs' eyes widened.  
  
"I'll give you Captain Jack Sp..." Jack was just inches from the poor imitation when Will slammed into him, knocking them both onto the deck. In one quick movement, Jack flipped Will off of him and got to his feet again. He pushed his sleeves up, ready to knock the snot out of the pirate wannabe when Will snagged the belt loop on the back of Jack's shorts. He got about two steps before he realized he was dragging extra baggage.  
  
"Let go." He hissed at Will.  
  
"Jack, I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation for this..." Will said as the crew started cheering again at the appearance of another, oblivious to Jack's attempts off to the side.  
  
"...and this one here be me good friend William." Suddenly both Jack and Will froze, staring up at the bow. The pirate portraying Jack was nowhere close enough to resembling him. He had something of a beer belly barely restrained by the white shirt. His hair was a dark blonde and when he smiled his teeth were stained yellow. The young man standing beside him hadn't even made it out of his teens yet. His hair was blond and spiked out, making him look like a demented anime character instead of a pirate. As they watched, he winked at one of the girls nearby.  
  
Will got to his feet. "Alright, I'm in. Let's kill them all." He said as he resumed scratching. Jack nodded and pushed his way through the crowd. A few made comments towards him about being rude and told him as much with their middle fingers. Jack didn't notice them, his sight set on the man who dared claim to be him.  
  
"Excuse me! Excuse me!" Jack said, pushing his way through the crowd. Those who hadn't been shoved aside by the pirate turned to look at him as he pushed his way out of the crowd and came to a halt in front of the imposter. "I believe you're having a case of mistaken identity, mate." He said, emphasizing the last word.  
  
The imposter chuckled, jumping down onto the deck. "No lad. I am Captain Jack Sparrow, aye?" He said. "But it was a nice try."  
  
"No, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!" He shouted, resisting the urge to wring the man's neck.  
  
"Well I don't see your ship, Captain." Jack paused for a moment. "I just had a Norrington moment..."  
  
"And I'm Will Turner." Will appeared behind him, staring down the faux blacksmith. "You probably don't know the first thing about balancing a sword." He shook his head. "You disgrace the name..."  
  
The boy crossed his arms. "I am too. You two are sadly delusional men."  
  
"We are not..." Jack clenched his fists. "We're descendents. I have my own fishing company and Will here runs a blacksmith shop. We're talking about our ancestors, of course."  
  
"Well then, Mr. Sparrow, you can talk about any grievances you might have with..."  
  
"I'd rather fight it out..."  
  
"Anamaria! Elizabeth!" Faux Jack clapped his hands. "Come escort Mr. 'Sparrow' to the drunk tank?" He called. Jack's eyes nearly popped out of his head as two women emerged from the group, sauntering towards him. Their outfits brought to mind the words 'tavern wench' and 'barely there.' There was a shout of outrage from the back of the crowd, which he assumed it to be Ana. The two took his arms, escorting him through the crowd.  
  
"There is only one Captain Jack Sparrow!" He bellowed as he was pulled through the crowd. "Accept no substitutes! You haven't heard the last of me!" Once he had said his final argument, he glanced to his right. "You know, Ana, you're a very lovely woman..."  
  
"Wait, Jack, are you being nice?"  
  
"I wasn't talking to you! I was talking to Wench Ana." He said, not taking his eyes off the woman, pouring on the full Sparrow charmed.  
  
"You stupid son of a..." Elizabeth slapped a hand over her mouth. Will shot one last look at the kid and found his way over to Elizabeth, scratching his chest.  
  
"Are we almost back yet?" He asked weakly. Elizabeth glanced over at him, her expression tired.  
  
"Hopefully. I don't know how much more of our doubles I can take." She grumbled, shooting an evil look towards the two fake pirates now regaling the crowd.  
  
"You know, you'd look pretty cute in an outfit like..."  
  
"Don't. Even. Go there."

-------

"You haven't heard the last of me!" Jack shouted as Ana and Gibbs continued to drag him away from the unloading ship. Elizabeth ducked her head, trying to look as if she wasn't with the group. Ana kept swearing at Jack, who took no notice of her and kept trying to break free. Gibbs held onto him with practiced patience. Cotton, who had disappeared during the trip, suddenly appeared beside Ana. Ana yelped and slapped a hand over her mouth, then glared at him.  
  
"I hate it when you do the creeping thing!" She growled, readjusting her grip on Jack's shirt. His ranting had yet to cease. Will, however, looked oddly calm and happy as he scratched his stomach.  
  
"What are you so happy about?" Jack growled at him. Will paused, turning to face them.  
  
"Nothing, nothing. I was just thinking of something that we could..." He looked back at the ship, raising an eyebrow. "I think they should meet the real pirates." He said. Jack stopped struggling and Ana let him fall to the decks.  
  
"I like the way you think..." He said with a smirk. "But how would we...and why do you keep scratching?"  
  
Will paused and shrugged. "I don't know. I just felt really itchy." He said. Elizabeth slowly reached over and grabbed the hem of his shirt, yanking it up. In the light of the street lamp, they could all see the brown dots randomly spread across his stomach. She yanked her hand back, everyone taking steps away.  
  
"Chicken pox!"


	12. Sleepwalking and Saddles

Gibbs was finally having a good nights sleep. After watching some horribly funny 'B' class horror movie with the crew, he'd curled up and for once had easily drifted into a dreamless sleep. That is, until the phone near his head started ringing. With a groan, he took his time rolling over and searched around the bedside table in the dark for the evil object. Finally he felt something that was shaped like a phone and picked it up.  
  
"Hello?" He asked groggily, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. If this wasn't important, he planned on giving hell to whoever had woken him up. But then again, at least it wasn't Jack and his methods. Gibbs preferred to be dry, thanks very much. Cold water was one hell of a rude awakening.  
  
"Is this room 305?" The voice at the other end asked.  
  
"Aye, it is."  
  
"This is the front desk calling. We, uh, have a little bit of a situation. One of your party, I believe his name is Mr. Sparrow, is sleepwalking around the lobby creating somewhat of a disturbance." In the background, Gibbs could hear something crash to the ground and the desk clerk sighed. "Could you please send someone to come get him?"  
  
Gibbs stifled another groan and glanced over at the other bed. Jack was indeed gone. "I'll be right down." He promised and hung up the phone. He slid on his sneakers and grabbed the key. Shuffling across the hallway, he knocked on Will and Cotton's door. There was a muffled cursing and a few light crashes before Will finally answered the door, squinting at the sudden bright light. The chicken pox had spread across his stomach, chest, and arms, even a slight smattering on his face. He was still itching at his bare chest half asleep.  
  
"Jack's sleepwalkin' around the lobby. Thought I'd grab a doctor before I tried to wake him up." Gibbs muttered, running his hands through his hair, which only made it stick up worse than usual. Will quietly held up a finger and shuffled back into the room. A moment later he came back with flip flops on, not bothering to grab a shirt. The two headed down to the lobby.  
  
They arrived just in time to see Jack trying to work the coffee machine at the continental breakfast table. Fortunately for the hotel staff, the appliance was unplugged. With a growl of frustration, Jack banged on it and shoved the mug back under the nozzle.  
  
"So what are we going to..." Gibbs paused as he realized Will had disappeared from his side. Instead he had gone over to the wall and was itching his back against it. "Get over here! I want to get back to sleep at some point!" He growled. Will winced and pulled himself away from the wall, coming over to stand beside Gibbs again.  
  
"We'll just take him by the arms and lead him back to the room." He said as he yawned, so the last half of the sentence came out jumbled. Gibbs got the general idea anyway.  
  
"Jack." He said as he approached the frustrated pirate.  
  
"Need coffee." Jack muttered.  
  
"And I thought I was a caffeine addict." Will quipped. "Come on Jack. It's too early for coffee. Let's get you back to your room so I can go back to mine and listen to Cotton snore all night." After a bit more cajoling, Jack finally relinquished the cup and allowed himself to be escorted back to the room. The moment he crawled into bed, he was fast asleep again. Will shook his head and shuffled back towards the doorway.  
  
"He starts walking again, call someone else."  
  
--------  
  
Heather hopped up the stairs of the house and unlocked the door, slipping inside. Hearing the click, Whelp came bounding down the stairs and skidded across the wooden floor to land in a heap at her feet. She reached down and scratched him behind the ear before continuing into the kitchen.  
  
Just as she passed through the doors, the phone rang. She allowed it to do so, letting the answering machine pick up. "Hello? It's Jack. I need a favor to be done. There's a trunk in the back right corner of the attic that I need sent down here to the Caribbean the fastest way possible. Could you send it down to me? I'd be appreciative of that, thanks." The message ended. She raised an eyebrow and glanced towards the stairs leading up to the second floor. Whelp barked, alerting her to the fact that he needed to be fed.  
  
"Wonder what they're up to..."  
  
----------  
  
Jack pressed the end call button on his cell phone and flipped it shut, shoving it back in his pocket. The lights came on around the outdoor dance floor and the wicks on the tiki torches were lit as the sun slipped behind the horizon. Speakers piped out fast music onto the dance floor. The current selection was 'Hot, hot, hot' and there was a conga line winding its way around the dance floor. Elizabeth had managed to drag Will out onto the floor and Gibbs had needed no coercion when the woman flirting with him had dragged him out to join.  
  
Another round was set on the table, the waiter collecting the empty bottles and walking off again. Ana picked hers up and took a long sip. Setting it down, she traced the mouth of the bottle with her finger. Jack took a few gulps of his and glanced over at her.  
  
"Why aren't you dancing?" Ana raised her gaze to meet his and shrugged her shoulders.  
  
"I will later." She said offhandedly. Her attention returned to the brochures lying at her elbow. "I think I found something interesting to do tomorrow. It's..."  
  
"Hold that thought." Jack said, getting up from the table. "I have a sudden craving for mozzarella sticks." He maneuvered his way through the crowd and ended up at the bar. The tenders were occupied at the moment, so he slid onto the stool and rested his chin on his hand.  
  
"So Eric says to the girl...hey! Wait! Why are you walking away from Eric?" Jack glanced up just in time to see the blond slide off her stool and walk away from the dark haired man. He looked slightly rejected for a brief moment before trying to hit on the woman next to him. Jack narrowed his eyes slightly, an idea forming.  
  
His mind wandered back to his drunken strip tease on the picnic table and the picture that had ended up in the paper. Will could get Elizabeth back on his own terms. Jack had an idea for payback.  
  
"Hey Eric! I know of someone..."  
  
--------  
  
Ana threw aside another brochure and glanced up just in time to see a very nice looking surfer boy heading her way. She pressed her foot against the leg of Gibbs' empty chair and pushed it out, offering him an invitation to sit. He seemed about ready to accept when another body slid into the seat. Ana was slightly taken back when the dark haired man leaned on the table, flashing her a smile he probably thought was charming but only came off as slimy.  
  
"Eric's been watching you and he thinks your sexy." He drawled. The surfer boy paused, thinking Ana had been waiting for this other man instead of him and changed directions. She wanted to call out and ask him to come back, but Eric didn't seem to want her attention anywhere but him.  
  
"So tell Eric what your name is." He said, trying to pull back her attention.  
  
"If Eric doesn't stop talking like that, I'll tell you what Anamaria is bound to do..."  
  
--------  
  
"He spoke in third person about himself! You, Jack Sparrow, are cruel and unkind!" Ana growled as she stomped back through the hotel lobby. Jack followed close behind her, laughing so hard tears were sliding down his face. Eric had spent nearly two hours babbling on to Anamaria in his self conceited way and refused to take the hint to leave.  
  
"The look on your face was well worth it." Jack told her, reduced to quiet laughter. Ana turned and shot a look at him over her shoulder.  
  
"Oh trust me. You'll get yours, Jack Sparrow." She promised. "You're not the only one who can pull these little tricks."  
  
Jack paused and glanced over at Gibbs.  
  
"Should I be worried?"  
  
--------------  
  
"Horse back riding?" Jack nearly bellowed. There was an indignant whinny from somewhere nearby and Jack's shoulders hunched. "I hate horses." He groaned.  
  
Ana didn't look over at him as she continued filling out the form for the group trail ride. "Everyone wanted to. I told you about it this morning and you happily agreed."  
  
Jack paused. "Wait, how drunk was I?"  
  
"I thought you were sober. Why would you be drunk in the shower?"  
  
"Oh. That was the question?" Ana shook her head, an amused grin on her face. "Well, I'll refrain from arguing then." He sat down next to Will, who looked like he was bored out of his mind. Will glanced over at Elizabeth.  
  
"If I buy you a new eyeliner pencil, can I use the one you have?" He asked. Elizabeth shot him a strange look.  
  
"And just why do you want my eyeliner pencil? That statement is beginning to worry me." She said, digging through her small bag and pulling it out. "You can use it, I'm just worried." Will slipped it from her hand and smiled, pulling off the cap. As she watched on, he started playing connect the dots with the chicken pox spots on his arm.  
  
After making a lopsided star, Jack grabbed the pencil from his hand and started scribbling. A moment later there was a half way decent skull and crossbones eyeliner tattoo on Will's upper forearm. With a smirk, Jack handed the eyeliner pencil back.  
  
Ana scribbled down the five names and paused as the next column over asked for the riding experience of all the riders. The choices were beginner, intermediate, advanced, and expert. For herself she marked intermediate, for Elizabeth and Will she marked advanced, and for Gibbs she marked beginner. She paused at Jack's name, thinking back to the night before. With a small smile on her face, she circled expert. Getting to her feet, she headed back over to hand it in.  
  
She returned with the lead wrangler. The woman smiled brightly at them all. "I'm going to be the group leader for this ride. I noticed you all have different levels of riding experience so we'll match you up with a fitting horse. Just follow me."

"I hate horseback riding." Jack muttered. "I don't know why I didn't just go back to the hotel."  
  
Will glanced over at him. "Why do you hate it so much?"  
  
Jack paused, mouth open to respond. A frown crossed his face. "Actually, I'm not sure." He said. "I just don't like them?" They all turned at the sound of hooves against the wooden ramp leading out of the stable. A few moments later four of them were mounted up, but Jack was still missing a horse. "Where's mine?" He asked, forgetting for the moment that he didn't even want to be there.  
  
The loud snort and the shouting of stable hands soon answered his question. The black horse came shooting out of the stable doors, two men running behind him. He came to a stop in the dirt, throwing up his head and whinnying loudly.  
  
"Oh you have got to be kidding me!" Jack groaned. The horse came back to four feet, staring at Jack. He could've sworn there were red flecks in the horse's brown eyes. One of the stable hands grabbed the reins and shook his head.  
  
"Sorry about that. Lucifer likes to put on a show." He said, getting the horse to move so that he was standing beside the mounting block. Jack was still staring at the horse.  
  
"Lucifer?" He asked. The man nodded.  
  
"Yup, good old Lucifer."  
  
"Lucifer? You named the horse Lucifer?" He asked.  
  
"If there's a problem with this, I could change horses." Jack glanced over his shoulder at the others waiting for him. His sense of pride took over and he shook his head.  
  
"Of course not." He responded, stepping up on the block and swinging his leg over. Reaching down, he patted Lucifer's shoulder. "See? Everything is fine." With a nudge to the ribs, he managed to steer the demonic horse over to the group. "So, are we going?"  
  
-------  
  
General chaos had broken out on the beach. It came in the form of a black horse racing across the sand, Jack sitting on his back and clinging to the horses neck. The group leader and Will weren't too far behind, spurring their horses on to catch up with Lucifer.  
  
Anamaria, Gibbs, and Elizabeth sat on top of their horses watching the event taking place. "You know, he was actually doing really well on that horse until he decided to tell it that it was hardly mean enough to be called Lucifer." She muttered.  
  
Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. "You know, he complains about horses but he was always quit the rider. Until the horse panicked."  
  
"Exactly. I marked down expert because he's a good rider...and I wanted to get him back for the bar incident." Anamaria protested.  
  
"Oh, you got him back." Elizabeth said with a laugh as Lucifer planted his feet and put his head down. Jack flipped over the horses head and landed on his rear end in the sand. "But you do realize that he's going to try and get you back again."  
  
--------  
  
The door into the lobby of the hotel opened and Jack stiffly meandered in. Anamaria walked beside him, glancing over at him.  
  
"I'm sorry." She said finally. "I should've have marked expert on that sheet." Jack glanced over at her and raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Why not? I would've." He replied. "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow." He smirked but it faded as he winced again. "At least I showed that horse who's boss."  
  
Ana raised an eyebrow. "I don't think I've actually seen a demonic horse back down before. Of course, when you get mad..." She trailed off.  
  
Jack nodded. "No one messes with me." He said proudly.  
  
"Mr. Sparrow!" The desk clerk waved to him. "Sir, there's a package here for you."  
  
Jack grinned. "I'll be right there." He glanced over to Anamaria. "Speaking of captain..."


	13. Revenge of the Sparrow

The carefully crafted plan was set into motion. The next day, Jack and crew headed down to the marina for another go on the tour ship. He'd borrowed Will's canvas hat and grabbed his own sunglasses for a disguise. Gibbs had gotten the tickets earlier that morning, making sure to put enough time between buying and actually going on the tour so that the woman selling tickets would be less likely to remember them. The items needed to pull off the plan had been carefully stowed in a wide variety of bags. Both Jack and Will had bought cheap satchels, Anamaria had fit a good number of things in her backpack, and Elizabeth had managed to even help carry some things with her purse. Of course, Jack was feeling a little bouncy, the thought of getting revenge for defecating his legend a very happy thought. Of course, Elizabeth had told him a few times that he might not want to be doing anything that would call attention to them. Then again, it wasn't very hard when Will was playing connect the dots on his forearm and itching his back against one of the signs at the same time.  
  
"This is going to be a long day." Ana said quietly to Gibbs. "We have to go through that bloody boring tour again and that takes hours, then we have to pull off this little stunt." She shook her head, smirking. "Although I can't wait to see their expressions. It will be a thing of beauty, it truly will." She dug into the backpack and pulled out a disposable camera. "And we'll have it all on film."  
  
Gibbs raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. "The plan will work just fine. We put enough time into filling all the loopholes that it should work well enough. We helped rescue Jack from the noose in Port Royal, remember?"  
  
"Actually, he did most of..." Anamaria trailed off as she glanced towards Will. The blacksmith's left arm was covered in black lines and he was back to scratching his back up against the sign post again. "I can't believe he even managed that." Will stopped and blinked, noticing them looking his way.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Never mind." Ana glanced back to Gibbs and raised an eyebrow.  
  
"It was that hat." Gibbs assured her. "They couldn't do anything because they were distracted by the mighty pompousness of the hat."  
  
"That hat was a crime against fashion..." Elizabeth said offhandedly as she continued rubbing on sunscreen.  
  
"I liked that hat!"  
  
"Yes, Will, we all know you did. That's what scares me." Elizabeth quipped back. Will gave her a dark look and started scratching his chest at the same time.  
  
"See if I rub sunscreen on your back." He muttered loud enough for her to hear. Elizabeth just smiled and pulled the bottle of Calamine lotion out of her purse, waving it in front of her.  
  
"That's just cheating..."  
  
----  
  
As the sun started its descent below the horizon, Jack and Will quietly slipped towards the bathrooms inside the cabin of the boat, leaving Elizabeth, Anamaria, and Gibbs behind to watch their backs. Jack locked the door behind him and slipped into the only stall in the room. Will dropped the bags on the floor and began unzipping them all, pulling various items out.  
  
"Throw me my pants." Jack demanded and his jeans came flying over the top of the stall, landing on Will's head. He made a disgruntled noise and heaved the pants over the top of the stall.  
  
"Next time aim away." He muttered and crouched back down, pulling the jeans off his head. He stuffed them in the bag.  
  
"Shirt." Will balled it up and tossed it over. It continued for a while, Jack shouting commands and Will throwing them over, or sometimes at him by standing on his tiptoes and heaving whatever he was holding downwards. Jack responded by getting a faint idea where Will was and tossing a shoe in his general direction. He was proud to point out he'd managed to hit on target twice.  
  
"Kohl." There was silence outside. "Did you hear me? Toss it in here?" There was still more silence. "Will?"  
  
"We, uh, didn't pack any kohl." Will said hesitantly, emptying all the bags out onto the floor. "But Elizabeth has some eye shadow if you..."  
  
"I don't want eye shadow! What the hell do you think I am? A cross dresser?"  
  
"Well, you did wear ko..."  
  
"It helped to keep the sunlight out of my eyes!" He protested. "Like the black stripes the football players put under their eyes. Remember that there was a time when sunglasses didn't exist. Besides, Barbossa had a..."  
  
"Don't you dare!" The voice that came suddenly from Elizabeth's purse made Will fall over onto his rump in surprise.  
  
"We brought Barbossa?" He asked, but his question was answered when the doll sat up in a way that reminded him very much of a cheesy zombie movie.  
  
"What? You thought I wanted to miss this. I love seeing people scared." The doll cackled. Will scooted away from it.  
  
"Even in doll form that's quite scary." He muttered. Suddenly a thoughtful look appeared on his face and he reached into his back pocket.  
  
Jack was sitting on the toilet, musing about what to do when something came flying over the stall door and smacked him in the forehead. The object in question hit the floor and rolled into his foot. Picking it up, he realized that it was the eyeliner pencil.  
  
"I'm not using your pox pencil..." He said, pulling back his arm to throw it back over.  
  
"Jack, that's modern kohl right there. Take it or leave it." Jack glanced back down at the pencil in his hand.  
  
"If you tell anyone about this..."  
  
"Of course I'm going to tell everyone about this. Jack Sparrow wears..." The rest of it was muffled as Will stuffed Jack's shirt into the purse and buttoned it shut.  
  
"Noisy little doll." He muttered, crawling across the floor to collect the sneakers. The squeak as the stall door opened caught his attention and he glanced over his shoulder. A boyish grin crossed his face. "Damn. It's like nothing's changed." Will told him.  
  
Jack crossed his arms over his chest, looking quite pleased with himself. He looked like his old self again, except of the fact that his hair was slightly shorter than it had been in the pirate days. "It feels like I never went away." He said, glancing at himself in the mirror. A smirk appeared on his face as he looked back at Will. "This is goin' to be fun."  
  
--------  
  
Will appeared back on deck and quietly made his way through the crowd, dropping the bags off, giving Elizabeth back her purse and Anamaria back her backpack, and making his way towards the front of the crowd. The satchel went back over his shoulder and across his chest. Barbossa made a muffled protest as he banged against Will's hip. He heard a few people wondering over what the surprise was and almost burst out laughing. Tonight they would definitely be getting a surprise.  
  
Right on time, as the sun disappeared behind the horizon, the fake Captain Sparrow appeared, shouting his usual greeting. Will couldn't help a disgusted growl as the 'blacksmith' appeared beside him. As the two started into their act, Will pushed his way through the crowd. It helped that some noticed that he had chicken pox and weren't so eager to brush up against him.  
  
"You know, you boys really should've done your research." He said loudly. The two frauds stopped, glaring at him.  
  
"You're the lad who caused problems a few nights ago." The man grumbled, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Was one of them, anyway. I just really didn't appreciate how you were portraying one of the most famous pirates in the Caribbean." He crossed his arms over his chest. "I'd advise you step down." There was a beat of silence before the two burst out laughing.  
  
"I'm thinking someone had just a little bit too much rum." The faux Will Turner chuckled. "We know more about it than you ever could."  
  
"Probably. I mean, after all, I'm just a tourist, eh?" He said, his face turning red as he caught all the people staring at him.  
  
"Exactly. Don't dare to think you know Captain Jack Sparrow, boy." The fake pirate captain said with a smug expression on his face.  
  
From somewhere in the crowd, Anamaria let out a very convincing frightened scream. That single scream started a chain reaction. Suddenly the crowd parted like the Red Sea, revealing Jack in all his piraty glory. The hat was pulled down low on his brow, giving him a mysterious air.  
  
"You've messed with the legends of the Caribbean." Will told them. "Now you have to face the ghosts."  
  
The boy scoffed. "There's no such thing as ghosts." He said, but his voice shook slightly as he uttered the statement.  
  
"No such things, eh? Then were do the stories come from, I wonder?" Jack glanced up at them, an evil smirk on his face. "Brace yourself for this, lad. We're very real." With the attention on Jack, Will slipped away from the crowd, disappearing. Jack strode forward, hands resting lightly on the hilt of his cutlass. The crowd backed away even farther, afraid to come anywhere near him. The fake Jack didn't seem to want to back down, but there was a look of fear in his eyes as Jack drew closer.   
  
"Now, what to do about this situation?" Jack tapped his fingers against his chin. "Since you obviously haven't shown the proper respect for my reputation." He watched the man cross his arms across his chest and grinned.  
  
---------  
  
"Go." Elizabeth whispered quietly to Will, leaning against his stomach. Will shook his head desperatly, clinging tightly to the doorway of the bathroom stall, dressed in the old blacksmith's outfit.  
  
"I can't." He groaned. "All those people out there staring at me and I can't take all those looks because I hate being in front of people..." Elizabeth grabbed his chin and planted her lips on his, silencing his protest.  
  
"You've come a long way from being the naive blacksmith I remember." She whispered to him. "Besides, you've been responsible enough for a long time. I think it's time you get to have a little bit of fun." She smiled at him. "So go have fun."  
  
----------

Jack was having fun making the two nervous. He noticed that when he took a step towards them, they'd take an involuntary step back. "See, there's only one Jack Sparrow." He told them. "And that would be me." He placed a hand on his chest. "Not that I don't mind imitation, but..." He pointed at them. "It has to be better than yours. You've disgraced the name."  
  
"Haven't done anything." The man protested, holding up his hands. "But I did my research." He tried to look bravely down at Jack. "I'm your descendent."  
  
Jack burst out laughing, leaning forward to put his hands on his knees. "That's the best one I've heard yet." He managed to say as he laughed. "It's also a lie. I never had any children."  
  
"But that man a few days ago..." His eyes widened as he thought it over. "He was you, but...he...you...ghosts!" He finally got out.  
  
"I believe he's figured it out." Jack drawled.  
  
"But that would mean...the boy that was with you..."  
  
"Was a ghost." Will finished. The boy who was supposedly portraying him let out a yelp before he could stop himself and slapped a hand over his mouth. A new wave of whispers worked through the crowd.   
  
"Now, I think I'll make my one last request now." Jack said, coming to stand behind the man supposedly portraying him. "Treat the legend with respect and I won't come back to haunt you." He laughed ominously. "Just think it over, mate. Jack Sparrow is not a cheap attraction."  
  
Then suddenly they were gone, leaving behind people whispering about what they had just seen and two very frightened fake pirates.  
  
-------  
  
"To the spirit of the Black Pearl!" Jack shouted, raising his bottle. There was a loud agreement and the sound of bottles clinking together as everyone joined in the toast. They were all gathered in Gibbs and Jack's hotel room, in high spirits after successfully pulling off the plan. Jack and Will were still in their old clothes. Gibbs was playing bar tender again, dealing out drinks like a pro.   
  
"I have to ask. How did you do that disappearing trick at the end?" Elizabeth asked Jack. "I have to say it was quite the ending effect."  
  
"You'll have to ask Gibbs." Jack pointed to him. Everyone glanced towards Gibbs, waiting for an answer as he pulled five new bottles out of the minifridge and brought them back.  
  
"A good magician never reveals his secrets." Gibbs responded as he sat down beside Jack and handed around the bottles.  
  
"Gibbs was a magician for a few years." Jack said as he popped the top off of his bottle and took a long sip. "And quite a good one at that."  
  
Ana leaned back against the bed. "I have to say I applaud you, Jack. That man looked as if he was going to leave a puddle on the decks." There were various snickers from the group. "And you know, you looked quite at home being a pirate again."  
  
Jack pushed up his hat slightly, leaning back in the chair. "Was a happy moment tonight."  
  
"Here's to the captain." Will said, raising his bottle. They all leaned forwards to toast again and then broke back into conversation, talking well into the morning.


	14. Secrets and Scams

Elizabeth closed the lid of her laptop and set it on the beach blanket beside her. Laying back, she shifted to her side and draped one arm across Will's stomach, supporting her head with her other hand. A smile crossed her face as she stared down at him, his eyes closed behind the tinted sunglasses. She pulled her arm from it's position across his stomach and started tracing her finger on his skin. A small smile appeared on his face and he opened one eye.  
  
"Did you need something or just bored?" He asked her before she leaned down and kissed him on the lips. His lips lingered on hers for a moment before she drew back and laid her head down against his chest.  
  
"Just thinking." She told him. "Tomorrow we have to leave to go home again, but I feel like I already went home because of having to do the planning for the magazine's Halloween party. Speaking of..." She tapped him on the stomach. "Would you like to come this year? If you're not on call, that is."  
  
"Sounds like a plan. I'll see what my schedule is." He told her, running his fingers through her hair. On his other side, Jack rolled over in his sleep and slung an arm across Will's chest. Will glanced over at him, then down at Elizabeth and frowned. "This is starting to feel a little odd..." A dark shadow fell over him and he glanced up to see Anamaria blocking the light somewhat, sipping soda from a paper cup and holding nachos.  
  
"What is this? A group hug and no one invited me?" She said, grinning. She set down the nachos and the cup and found an open spot to lie down and throw her arm around Will. Elizabeth chuckled as he shifted again, obviously beginning to feel a little uncomfortable.  
  
"And me neither?" Gibbs chimed in, setting down his nachos and preparing to lie down himself.  
  
"That's it!" Will got up, knocking everyone around. Jack was the least affected, mumbling something about burning the rum and rolling back over. Elizabeth propped herself up on her elbow and raised an eyebrow, staring at him. "All the group closeness is just scary." He said with a wave of his hands. "No more." As soon as he said that, Cotton wandered over with a bag of cotton candy and lay his head on Will's shoulder. The blacksmith paused for a moment before turning on his heel and walking off. "I'm going for a swim!" He shouted over his shoulder. Cotton stared after him for a moment before following after.  
  
Elizabeth sat back up, brushing the sand off her shoulders. She glanced over at Ana, who had resumed eating her nachos. "You'll never believe who Vicky got to headline the Halloween bash this year." She said, grinning.  
  
"Who?" Ana dipped the nacho into the cheese and made sure there was a rather large heap of it on the chip before sticking it in her mouth. Elizabeth didn't say a word, but grinned even wider. Ana looked like she was wracking her brain before finally arriving at the answer. "Danny McCree?" She said in excitement. "You've got to be kidding me!" Off to the side, Jack let out a loud snort and rolled over, back to both of the women. They both gave him a look and returned to the conversation.  
  
"Well, we don't exactly have him yet but she's going to call his manager today. Actually, soon..." Elizabeth said as she picked up her watch and glanced at the time. Suddenly Jack's cell phone went off. He quickly sat up, snatching it up and pressing the off button. "Sam. Man doesn't know the meaning of emergency only." He said with a shrug and threw the phone back down. Ana raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Didn't know there were such things as an emergency in conning, but I guess you can still learn something new everyday." She mused, holding out the nacho chip tray to offer some to Elizabeth. Elizabeth accepted and lay back on the towel, gnawing on the chip.  
  
"I hope he'll do it. He's one of my absolute favorite singers." Elizabeth said after chewing on the chip for a few moments. "And he can't be that busy. He's still quite new to the business."   
  
"Not to mention is very odd close resemblance to someone we all know and laugh at." Ana said before she took a sip of her soda. Elizabeth's grin grew.  
  
"That too. But that's only a very small part of it. I swear it." She told her. "Girl Scouts Honor."  
  
"Were you even a Girl Scout?"  
  
"Not exactly. But I had a few troops here and there."  
  
---------  
  
Will dove beneath the water and surfaced again, pushing the hair back from his face. He felt slightly better after getting away from the smothering confines that was the group hug and losing Cotton somewhere on the beach. The old man had just followed him around, his parrot throwing out random insults. Not to mention it felt good to be back in the Caribbean again period. He stretched his arms over his head to loosen the muscles.  
  
"Watch out!" One of the sunbathers on the beach suddenly sat up and shouted, pointing behind him. He turned around just in time to get slammed into by a rather large wave. The wave knocked him under for a moment, getting him so turned around that he had no idea which way was up. After a few moments of struggle, he surfaced, coughing and spitting up water.  
  
"Bloody hell..." He grumbled and started sloshing towards shore when he realized something was missing. He paused for a moment, trying to figure out just what it was. Suddenly his face turned bright red and he slunk down in the water. "This can't be happening." He wanted to attract Elizabeth or Anamaria or Jack's attention, but they were all busy doing something else. "Why me..." He groaned. It couldn't get any worse.  
  
Then again, anytime someone said or thought that, it did get worse. He spied his swimming trunks washed up on the shore right at the edge of an ongoing volleyball game. One of the girls stopped the game by catching the ball and going over to shorts, picking them up.  
  
"Excuse me!" Will called to her. "Could you just throw those my way? I'd appreciate it!" He gave her an embarrassed smile and shrugged. "Please?" The girl's jaw dropped open and she stared at him. He froze in horror, realizing that look all too well. "No..."  
  
"It's him! You're him!" She screamed, jumping up and down. The other girls looked the way she was pointing and started to get excited as well.  
  
"No! I'm not anyone! I just want my shorts back!" Will protested but his protests were drowned out. Up the shore, Elizabeth pulled her attention away from the conversation and glanced towards the commotion. She groaned and got to her feet.  
  
"Not again." She moaned and walked down the beach. Ana dug into her bag and found the camera, following after her. Jack lifted his head to see what was going on. His eyes widened behind the sunglasses and he got up, taking off after the girls.  
  
Elizabeth pushed her way through the crowd of girls standing at the edge of the shore, freaking out. Quickly she snatched the shorts from the girl's hand and started towards Will. "Hey!" The girl shouted after her. "I was going to get those autographed and sold on E-Bay." Elizabeth shook her head and marched out into the water, dutifully taking the boxers back to Will. He took them gratefully and slid them on beneath the water. As soon as he was done, Elizabeth slipped her arm through his and walked with him towards shore. Some of the girls looked quite disappointed and some of the others gave Elizabeth dark looks.  
  
"I knew I did the right thing staying with you." Elizabeth told Will as they headed back up the beach. "At least with you around my life is never boring."  
  
"Ha ha ha."  
  
-----------  
  
Later that night, Jack knocked on Will and Cotton's hotel door. He glanced around furtively and knocked more urgently. The door finally opened, Will glaring at him with a toothbrush sticking out of his mouth. He raised an eyebrow to question why Jack was knocking. Instead of answering right away, Jack pushed him inside and shut the door. "We need to talk."  
  
Will disappeared into the bathroom and spit out the toothpaste in his mouth. "What is it?" He called out as he filled up a glass of water to rinse. Jack appeared in the doorway.  
  
"Elizabeth wants Danny McCree to sing at the Halloween bash." He said. Will had just taken a sip of the water, only to spit it out again all over the mirror.  
  
"What? He can't!" Will protested.  
  
"I know..." Jack groaned. "I know, I know, I know."  
  
"This is all your fault." He said suddenly. "You and your easy scams."  
  
"I wouldn't have come up with this if you hadn't been singing in the shower!" Jack waved a finger at him.   
  
"I don't know why I listened to you. It never goes well when I listen to you." He sat on the edge of the bath tub, running his hands through his hair.  
  
"I...once or twice..." Jack muttered almost inaudibly. "Well, it goes right most of the time except when you're involved. You're just bad luck." He said with a shrug.  
  
"I am not..." Will glared at him. "Ok, what are we going to do?"  
  
"Well, the thing is, before I didn't really make the connection before so..." Jack backed towards the doorway.  
  
"No..."  
  
"Houston, we have a problem."


	15. Confessions of a Con Man

When the phone rang as the wake up call, no one wanted to hear it. It was the signal that their vacation was over and now it was time to fight airport traffic and go home. The thing was, since they had gotten a taste of absolute freedom and the Caribbean again, it was like leaving home to venture out into the world again. Soon enough though, Gibbs pulled himself out of bed, answered the phone, thanked the front desk for calling, and began rousing people. His first surprise was that Jack was still awake and looking slightly twitchy. His second was to find that Will was also already awake and seemed even twitchier. Cotton gave him a good thwack with the cane for interrupting his sleep and the girls were nearly impossible. Gibbs had remedied that by getting Will and Jack to come jump on their beds.  
  
Everyone grumbled their way through their normal morning activities and finished packing. Gibbs meandered down to the lobby while they were doing whatever it was they needed to do and checked them all out. The man at the front desk seemed to be happy that they were leaving. Gibbs assumed it had to do with Jack's sleepwalking, Will's confused fan girls, and the constant summoning of the repair man for such events like pulling a doll out of the toilet. After the keys had been returned, Gibbs wandered back up to his room and pushed open the door.  
  
Will and Jack jumped as if they had been little boys caught doing something that they were told not to. Will gave Gibbs a nervous smile and Jack lunged for the fridge, throwing it open and pulling out the Barbossa doll. He quickly threw it to Will, who bobbled it a moment in his hands before catching it in his T-shirt.  
  
"Fre-ee-ee-eezing..." Barbossa wheezed, the doll trembling. Will raised an eyebrow at it and nodded to Jack, venturing across the hallway to his own room. Gibbs glanced back to Jack, letting the door close.  
  
"You two plannin' somethin' else?" He asked as he knelt down next to his bed and finished packing his clothes. Jack hesitated a moment before sitting down on his own bed. As the crew had grown closer in the many years they had been alive, Gibbs had become the person to confess to and know that the secret was kept secret. He happened to be the one Jack came to when he had a problem he needed to fix, although with Jack's cunning it was basically he needed to talk out loud to someone and eventually came to his own way out of it.  
  
"Technically already planned." Jack said, placing a foot on Gibbs' suitcase and pushing down so he could zip it closed. "Already executed. Thing is, it's gettin' a little...interesting, as it were." He waved a hand and lay back on the bed, propping himself up with his elbows. Gibbs glanced over at him.  
  
"What is it now?" Whatever Jack was going to say, it was cut off when someone knocked on the door.  
  
"The shuttle to the airport is here, Mr. Sparrow." Jack looked back at Gibbs.  
  
"I'll tell you later."  
  
-----------  
  
The airport wasn't as busy as the one in Los Angeles had been the day they left. Once again, Jack was stopped at the metal detector and had to remove his shoes and belt, as well as being scanned again. They finally came to the realization that it was one of Jack's back teeth that was causing the problems, being a silver tooth. He gathered up his things again and stomped away towards the waiting area. As soon as he had pulled on his sneakers and tied them, Gibbs nodded towards the gift shop. Jack nodded, standing up and attaching on to Will's shirt, pulling the blacksmith along behind him. The three hurried away before the girls realized they had gone, in deep conversation about the Halloween party.  
  
As soon as they entered the gift shop, they headed over to the magazine rack. Jack plucked up one of the entertainment magazines and flipped through the pages. Finally coming to the music section, he held it open for Gibbs. Gibbs took the magazine reluctantly and looked over the page. "It's about that singer that Elizabeth wants to sing at the Halloween party." He glanced up at Jack, a suspicious expression on his face. Jack could see the wheels turning in the man's head for a moment, putting together all the information. Jack was a con man, a very good con man at that. Usually when he pulled off a big con though, he usually had his right hand man along for the ride. Glancing down at the article again, he scanned until he found the name of the singer's agent. An agent that happened to be named Alex Crow. Jack Sparrow, Alex Crow. Flipping the page, he found a picture and held it up next to Will. There were enough similarities to be condemning, but just enough differences to cause doubt.  
  
"So how do you two think you're going to get out of this one?" He asked, closing the magazine and setting it back. There was a moment of silence between the two before Jack shrugged.  
  
"We'd figure something out before hand." He responded and suddenly became very interested in the wire rack that held all the books. "We just thought you should know in case we need some advice." He began searching through the books, pulling out one of the Harry Potter books and a Stephen King book called Four Past Midnight and headed towards the counter. Gibbs looked back at Will.  
  
"He convinced me to do it by saying it would help me pay for college." He blurted, turning red.  
  
-----------  
  
The trip home could have been considered boring, but Elizabeth figured that had to be a good thing. Through the entire ride home, Jack had been absorbed in a Harry Potter book, Anamaria had been reading the other one he had bought, Gibbs had been sleeping, Cotton had wandered off, and she had been working diligently, babbling away to Will about how fun the party was going to be. She had been so absorbed by the task that it had been easy to ignore the sounds of him getting air sick right next to her. Barbossa had tried to make his presence known, but getting entangled in Will's sweatshirt had quickly destroyed any terror inducing plans he had thought up.  
  
Once they had arrived at the airport, they found their way to baggage claim. Anamaria had to force Jack to put down the book so that he could grab his luggage as it came around. Will helped Elizabeth grab hers and make a pile on the floor, wondering if he shouldn't point out that it was Gibbs' turn to play the pack mule.  
  
Out of the corner of his eyes, Jack spotted a photographer getting his camera set up to take a few pictures. He followed the man's gaze right towards Will. With a curse, he dropped his bags, which unfortunately landed on Gibbs' toes (he made a note to apologize later by buying him the best lager available) and disappeared into the crowds. Anamaria blinked at his sudden disappearance. "I hate it when he does that."  
  
Jack pushed his way through the crowd, making a wide circle around to come up behind the man. He was still fumbling to put the camera together and took no notice of Jack. The pirate watched him for a few moments before lunging forward and slapping him on the back. "Jules! Buddy! How you been? I haven't seen you in ages!" He hugged the startled paparazzi and gave him another pat on the back. "I mean come on man, where's the love? You said you'd write, send e-mails, hell, maybe call me once in a while. I was quite disappointed when you left." He grinned widely. "So tell me. How have things been going with you?" He asked.  
  
The man stuttered, obviously not named Jules and obviously not knowing who Jack was. "I don't know you."  
  
Jack's expression became offended. "Now that hurts." He patted his chest above his heart. "Right here. You and I were best friends, Jules. Hollywood changed you that much?" Over the man's shoulder, he saw his crew move away from baggage claim and towards the door. "Now that I look at you closer, you're not Jules! Hey, sorry about that. Hope I didn't cause you any problems." Jack brushed past him, returning to the surging crowd. "Good luck with whatever you were doing!" He called and disappeared, leaving the man dumbstruck and when he realized his target had disappeared, a little angry. Jack grinned as he exited the building, heading for the parking lot.  
  
"I should've been an actor."  
  
------------  
  
As much as they hadn't wanted to leave the Caribbean, it was nice to be home again. Whelp was overly excited to see his masters again, slipping and sliding on the floor, tail wagging so hard it almost knocked him over a few times. Cotton immediately planted himself on the couch and flipped on the TV, ignoring the fact that he still had to unpack. Jack was about to head upstairs when he heard a knock at the door. He put down his bags and opened the door.  
  
Heather gave him a small wave. "Saw you guys were home and decided to come over and see how things went." She told him. Jack opened the door wider so that she could come in and motioned to the kitchen. She followed him in and he started searching through the cupboards.  
  
"It went well enough. Had a few problems with phonies and the like, but we took care of them." He glanced back at her. "Can I get you something to drink?" She shook her head, indicating that she was fine. Jack pulled a granola bar out of the cupboard and sat down on the counter, ripping it open.  
  
"Sounds like fun. So I'm guessing you went back to your old haunts?  
  
"No, although we did go on a pirate tour. That was a rip off. There was also horseback riding, which I'll never do again, partying, and sleeping off said partying on the beach." He winked at her.

"Oh." She pulled a clipping out of her pocket. "I found this and thought you guys would get a big kick out of some photographer's incompetence." The headline of the article read 'McCree and Swann: Hot and Heavy?' Jack's eyes widened and he nearly spit granola chunks across the kitchen as he saw the picture of Elizabeth and Will dancing at one of the nightclubs. Heather raised an eyebrow at his odd reaction.  
  
"It was supposed to be funny, not make you die." She told him and set it on the counter. Jack snatched it up and stuffed it in his pocket, quickly racking his brain for a change of subject.  
  
"Hey, there's a Halloween party that Elizabeth throws every year for her clients and models. Want an invite?" He asked her. She seemed startled by what he had suddenly blurted out.  
  
"I'll have to check my schedule." She told him.  
  
"She'll send one anyway and if you want to come, you can come." He told her.  
  
"Sounds good to me."  
  
"Alright. I'll talk to Elizabeth."   
  
"Outta my way." The voice came from ground level and Heather jumped up on the counter in surprise as Barbossa marched into the kitchen.  
  
"The...dolls...walking...and...talking." She said, pointing at it. Jack shrugged.  
  
"Just Barbossa."  
  
"Oh."


	16. Playing Games

"It's not the end of the world Elizabeth." Anamaria offered helpfully as she slid down into the seat across from Elizabeth's desk. Elizabeth didn't respond, her forehead still resting on the polished mahogany wood of the desk and a magazine crumpled up in her right hand. Ana leaned forward and slowly pried her fingers from around the tabloid. She leaned back and unfolded it to see the headline 'McCree and Swann: Hot and Heavy?' She covered her mouth to keep from laughing. "You can clearly see it's Will you're walking with. The two may look a lot alike, but they look very different as well." She started reading the article. "Although they're trying to say that he's in disguise."  
  
Elizabeth looked up at her. "I hate being in the tabloids. Not to mention when the tabloids are spreading false rumors about..." She pulled the page from Ana's hands and waved at it. "...this. I love Will and even though this is him, it still feels like I'm cheating on him almost. You know what I mean?" She glanced up at Ana. Ana hadn't been paying attention, a thoughtful look on her face. "Ana?"  
  
"Something about this doesn't seem right." She said, leaning forward and pointing to the laptop on Elizabeth's desk. "What was the name of his manager again?"  
  
"Alex Crow." Elizabeth rattled off, running his hands through her hair. Halfway through she froze, looking out at Anamaria from beneath her hands. "Wait a moment..." She frowned. "Alex Crow. Crow is a bird. Sparrow is a bird. Therefore if I'm thinking right..."  
  
"Jack Sparrow is Alex Crow, which would make..."  
  
"What are those two up to?" Elizabeth muttered, looking down at the tabloid.  
  
"Most likely it's one of Jack's big time cons, and a great one at that." She shook her head, chuckling. "It took us how long to figure this out after we've lived with them off and on for two centuries?" Elizabeth stared at her for a moment and then broke out in a smile.  
  
"People will surprise you even after you thought you knew everything about them." She picked up the picture again. "How could I have not known though?"  
  
"It's amazing what changing a hairstyle and color contacts can do." Ana said dryly. "Fantastic plan. Get rich quick if you make it big and all the perks that come with being famous. Not to mention Jack's been hanging around the house a lot more, but I never figured that he's been working from home."  
  
"And Will's been gone a lot lately." Elizabeth said, leaning back in her chair. A sly smile touched her lips. "It all makes perfect sense now."  
  
"Now what to do?" Ana's smile mirrored hers. Without saying a word, Elizabeth leaned forward and picked up the phone.  
  
"Hello? Myra? Yes, could you schedule a lunch date for Mr. McCree and myself? Thank you so much." She hung up. "I can't wait to see this."  
  
--------  
  
"She wants to what?" Jack tried to keep his voice under control as he spoke to the secretary. "Well, actually I have an open spot this afternoon. Does she?" He waited as the secretary checked the schedule and then responded that Miss Swann did have an opening that afternoon. "Great. We'll see her then." He said the customary good-byes and hung up. Out in the hallway, the door opened and slammed shut. He caught sight of a flash of blue medical scrubs past the doorway. "Oh Danny!" He called in a sing song voice.  
  
The footsteps stopped on the stairs, then turned back around and headed back down the hallway. Will appeared in the doorway, glaring at Jack, his expression exhausted. "You know, you really shouldn't call me..."  
  
"You have a lunch date, or I should say he does, with Miss Elizabeth Swann." He enjoyed the look of panic that crossed the blacksmith's face. Will suddenly disappeared and he could hear the thumps of someone running up the stairs. "Come back here!"  
  
"No!" Will shouted back. "I just had the anatomy test from hell and really don't feel like having an alter ego right now!" Jack climbed the stairs, cracking his knuckles. Both stood staring at each other for a moment before Will made a beeline for the stairs. Jack easily intercepted him, grabbing the back of his scrub top and dragging him towards the bathroom.  
  
"You have a duty." He told him. "If you ever want to get that new vehicle you've been eyeing and pay off all your debts." Will stopped struggling, glaring up at him balefully.  
  
"That's not playing fair."  
  
"Who said I was going to play fair?" Jack asked. "Con man."  
  
----------  
  
Elizabeth tapped her fingers on the tablecloth and glanced over at Anamaria, who was calmly swirling her water around in her glass. "What time is it?" She asked. Ana glanced down at her watch, almost pouring the water into her lap.  
  
"One minute since the last time you asked me, which is ten minutes to two." Ana glanced over at her. "Relax. They don't know that we are suspicious. They'll come." She stretched her arms over her head. "If I suddenly get up from the table, it's because I couldn't stop laughing." Elizabeth glanced at her, gnawing on one of her fingernails. Suddenly Ana's hand was on her shoulder. "Time to act." She whispered.  
  
Elizabeth glanced over to the glass doors of the restauraunt to see Danny come striding in. She raised her hand and he nodded, finding his way towards her. He had to stop twice to sign autographs, but finally reached the table, sliding into the seat. Elizabeth smiled at him, thinking of how fun it was going to be to play the game of who could out act who. "Mr. McCree, it's a pleasure to finally meet you face to face." She said, getting up from her seat and presenting her hand. He grasped and shook it in return.  
  
"Nice to meet you as well, Miss Swann. But please, call me Danny." He told her. Elizabeth was knocked off balance for a moment as she heard the Scottish accent. So he was going to play the game on the difficult level. She was going to raise the stakes as well.  
  
"This is Anamaria Smith, a good friend of mine. She's helping to plan the party." She said, waving a hand to Ana. Ana held out her hand, smiling charmingly.  
  
"Enchanted to meet you." She said sweetly. He took her hand and shook it before taking his seat again. As the waiter came over to take their orders, Ana studied him while Elizabeth kept him distracted. A small, evil smile graced her lips as she watched his movements and recognized a few of them as ones she had often seen Will make. She ordered quickly when it was her turn and handed over the menu. "So, Danny, where's your manager?"  
  
"He couldn't make it. Last minute obligations with another singer that he manages." He flashed her a smile and pulled his sunglasses off. "But he was going to..."  
  
"Why was I not invited to lunch?" Suddenly Jack slid into the last chair at the table and grinned at Elizabeth. "I swung around to talk to you about the party and they said you were here." He glanced over. "And apparently rubbing elbows with the stars." He held out his hand. "Nice to finally meet you, Mr. McCree. The name's Jack Sparrow."  
  
Ana just barely caught the slight flinch of his eye as he took Jack's hand. "That name sounds awfully familiar. Where have I heard it before? Maybe I'll remember later."  
  
"Maybe. I'm known by a few people around these parts. Maybe you heard about them from me." Jack narrowed his eyes slightly. "Elizabeth, you are right! He does look just like Will except his eyes are green and his hair is black and straight instead of golden brown and curly." He rubbed his chin. "That's oddly amusing."  
  
Will shot him a look to tell him to quiet down before he slipped and said something that would blow his cover. Then again, he hadn't expected Jack to join in on the party. Neither Elizabeth nor Anamaria seemed to be catching on at least. He really just wanted to get the meeting over with and head home. "You wanted to speak about the party?" He asked, taking a sip of water from the glass in his hand.  
  
Elizabeth could barely contain her smile, putting her plan into action. Underneath the table, she started rubbing her foot up and down his leg. "Yes, I just wanted to make sure our plans were finalized so there wasn't any confusion. Arrival time is still at six, I presume?" She took a sip of water and licked her lips seductively. "No problems?"  
  
He stared at her, mouth slightly open for a moment before shaking his head quickly. "No Miss Swann. No problems at all. That will be perfectly fine." He gave her a nervous smile and grabbed his glass again, taking a long drink while pulling on the collar of the black dress shirt as if it had suddenly grown hot in the room.  
  
Elizabeth could barely contain her laughter as the blush spread across his cheeks. There were some things that he just couldn't hide from her. "Well, I believe we're set then. We've got the equipment already for the night and we've got you. So we're all set." She smiled sweetly at him. "Anything else you would like to add?"  
  
She didn't catch Jack looking at her strangely over the rim of his glass, one eyebrow raised. While he was looking at Elizabeth, he didn't notice Ana studying him. She was quite impressed with his acting skills. If she hadn't known any better, she would've thought that he wasn't in on the scam. His expression was completely calm, although he seemed surprised how Elizabeth was acting.  
  
"Oh, could I get an extra invitation?" Jack asked suddenly. "I wanted to invite a friend to the party." Elizabeth nodded.  
  
"Of course, Jack." She said and glanced back to Danny, who was desperately trying to look anywhere else but her. Suddenly he jumped up, pulling a cell phone out of his pocket.  
  
"I'm sorry to do this, but it looks like I'm going to have to run." He said in a rush. "It was quite nice to finally meet you, Miss Swann, as well as Mr. Sparrow and Miss. Smith." He gave them all a polite nod and threw a few bills on the table, then made for the door.

Elizabeth glanced over at Jack, who was looking quite relaxed at the moment. She envied him solely on the fact that he made acting look like it was a piece of cake. Not once during the conversation did he flinch or give any indication that he was running some kind of scam. Then again, he had to survive all those years somehow. She concluded that Jack was the con man of all con men. There was no one that could outwit him or even match him.  
  
He got up from the table. "I've got to be goin' as well. Just wanted to talk to you quickly about the extra invite is all. Left the address on your desk and everything." He flashed her a smile and turned towards the door, whistling.  
  
Anamaria shook her head. "He's good. He's very good. If we hadn't of known that Will was Danny, I never would've figured it out during this meeting." She grinned. "But I have to applaud you for your improv." She said, shaking her head. "The look on his face was priceless."  
  
"Oh, just wait till the party, Ana. Just wait."  
  
--------  
  
"Did you see what she was doing?" Will grumbled as he undid the buttons on his shirt and tossed it aside. Jack quickly snatched the shirt and laid it on the bathroom counter beside him.  
  
"I saw what she was doing. Looked a bit like flirting to me." He raised an eyebrow. "A little worrying."  
  
"A little?" Will got down on his knees and stuck his head under the faucet, turning the water on full blast. He poured a small amount of shampoo into his hand and began scrubbing his hair. Black dye began pouring onto the bottom of the bathtub and trailed down into the drain. Jack caught wind of a little bit of fury as Will washed his hair clean of the dye and the hair straightener.  
  
"Ok, more than a little. But it seemed pretty harmless. She was probably just sucking up to y...Dan...one of you." He said with a shrug. "That was probably it."  
  
"Maybe you're right." Will turned off the faucet and grabbed the towel, drying off his hair. He got to his feet and crossed to the cabinet beside Jack's head, taking out the contact lens case and began removing the contacts. "Some corporate schmoozing thing."  
  
"Aye. Now the question is are you going to say you have to work that night or try to be in two places at once?" Jack asked him. Will was quiet for a moment, weighing the options before finally responding.  
  
"Challenge me. Let's go for two places at once."  
  
Jack smirked. "I like the way you think."


	17. The Tie

October 29th.  
  
The day of the big party. The house was buzzing with activity as people ran back and forth trying to get ready, except for Gibbs and Will. Gibbs hadn't been able to get the time off of work and Will was supposedly at work, which meant he was hiding in the backyard until Elizabeth and Anamaria had left. Jack had already gotten dressed, opting to go as the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow since his old clothes were out already anyway. Elizabeth had found a sexy witch costume, which Will had pointed out in the store many times as a favorite. She had pointed out that he should go as a warlock, but the concept of how one dressed as a warlock had completely escaped him. He promised her he would find something. Ana had borrowed one of Elizabeth's old Victorian dresses, which Jack had pointed out was very becoming on her. She hadn't quite been sure how to take his compliment, stunned that he had given her one in the first place.  
  
"Ana! The limo's here!" Elizabeth called up the stairs as she hurried to fix her earrings in place. As soon as she had gotten both in, she snatched up her purse and glanced up the stairs. "Jack? Are you coming with us or driving separately?"  
  
"I'm waiting for Heather." Jack called down to her as Ana hurried down the steps as fast as she could, her hand resting on her stomach.  
  
"Bloody corsets. Tell me again why I thought this was a good idea." She groaned as she joined Elizabeth at the front door. Elizabeth pet her shoulder sympathetically.  
  
"I couldn't possibly tell you any reason at all." Elizabeth said. "The trick is to breathe shallow." The two women left the house, closing the door behind them. Once they had slid into the limo and closed the door, Elizabeth glanced over to Ana and smiled. "This is going to be quite the night." She said.  
  
Ana smiled in return. "I just can't wait to see the look on his face..."  
  
-------------  
  
As soon as the limo had pulled out of sight, Will slid through the front door and made his way upstairs. Stopping in his room for a moment, he pulled the duffel bag containing everything he would need from beneath the bed and started down the hallway towards the bathroom.  
  
"Jack?" He called. "Where are you? I need to...GAH!" He jumped back as he glanced over his shoulder. Jack raised an eyebrow, an expression of amusement on his face.  
  
"A bit jumpy are we?" Jack asked and presented the box he was carrying to Will. "Called in a favor from an old acquaintance. She's the best in show business. It'll help make the transitions a little easier tonight."  
  
Will reluctantly took the box from him. "What is it?"  
  
"A wig so you won't have to mess around with the hair dye and straightening gel tonight." Jack told him. "Now move it." He gave him a slight shove. Will turned to give him a dark look and entered the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him. Jack rolled his eyes and turned on his hell, walking back down the hallway.  
  
Whelp was just reaching the top of the steps when Jack arrived at the top. He barked happily, hopping around Jack's feet. Jack knelt down and went for the sweet spot behind the ear. Immediately Whelp sat down, leaning his head against Jack's hand as the pirate scratched him. As Jack crouched down, the beads in his hair moved and caught Whelp's eye. The puppy watched them move for a moment, tensing up. At the opportune moment, he sprung and latched on.  
  
The weight of the puppy knocked Jack over and he gripped the beads, pulling tightly. Whelp let out a playful growl and tugged harder, nearly smacking Jack's head against the ground. The pirate swore at the puppy, which Whelp mistook as his friend having fun.   
  
The door opened downstairs and Heather made her way in, glancing around. "Jack?" She called, wondering if he'd forgotten. "Jack, are you...?" She trailed off as Jack came down the stairs, Whelp in his arms and tugging happily on the beaded dread. She covered her mouth to hide the giggle and gave herself a few seconds to get control of herself. "There you are."  
  
"Here I am." He replied, putting pressure on Whelp's jaw so the puppy had no choice but to let go. The puppy reluctantly gave up and laid his chin down on Jack's shoulder. The pirate immediately held him out at arms length to Heather. "Here. Take him before he gets the punt outside."  
  
"There's nothing wrong with him, Jack. He just loves you." Heather took the puppy and set him on his back on the floor, scratching his stomach. Whelp's leg started to move quicker as she scratched him, obviously enjoying the tummy rub.  
  
"Nice costume." Jack told her, taking in the pirate costume. "Can never go wrong with pirates."  
  
"That's why I chose it and hey, we match." She said, continuing to scratch Whelp. It was at that moment Will came downstairs, disguised as his other famous personality. He paused on the bottom step just as Heather caught sight of him. Whelp whined in protest as his belly rub suddenly stopped. For a moment they both stared at each other.  
  
"Jack, I didn't know you rubbed elbows with the rich and famous."  
  
"Jack? Of course he does! We're like old friends, me and Ja...ACK!" Whelp scrambled to his feet and attached himself to the hem of Will's black pants, growling furiously and tugging. "Hey! Whelp, stop it!" Whelp gave one last tremendous pull and Will's foot went out from underneath him. He crashed onto the floor, barely able to stop his head from smacking the banister. "Bloody hell!"  
  
"Wait a second! You're not him!"  
  
"Actually, he is him." Jack told Heather helpfully. "It's a con."  
  
"Will is Danny McCree? The graceless medical student is the famous singer?" She blinked. "That's ironic."  
  
"Just don't tell anyone." Will said quickly.  
  
"Oh, I haven't even told anyone that you're immortal pirates yet. This just adds to the blackmail." She teased." Will got to his feet, brushing off the white dress shirt.  
  
"That's not funny..."  
  
-----------  
  
The party had gotten off to a great start. The guests were in high spirits, the food was great, and the room was alive with the chatter of people and the fantastic colors of all the costumes.  
  
"This is fantastic." Elizabeth told Jack and Heather as she left one of her clients and came over to them. "It's like nothing's going to go wrong, which scares me because that usually means something will go wrong." She shrugged. "I'll keep my fingers crossed though."  
  
"The party is really great." Heather assured her. "Thanks for the invite."  
  
"Glad you could come." Elizabeth said. "Now..." She glanced up at the clock. "Our feature act should be appearing on stage at any moment." She watched the makeshift stage for a few moments. "Any moment now..."  
  
Jack got up from his seat. "I'll be right back." He quickly told the two women and pushed his way through the crowd to the entrance to the back room. When no one was looking, he pushed the door open and disappeared inside. "Will, I think your audience is waiting." He hissed.  
  
"I can't do this..."  
  
"You can do this. You have done this. Now go do it!" Jack motioned at the door. "Come on, Will. Get up and get out there." He motioned at the door a few more times. Will shook his head. "Look, no one knows it's you. You go out there, do your thing, change personalities a few times during the night, and no one will know it's you."  
  
"You make it sound so easy." Will replied sarcastically. Jack marched over, grabbing him by the arm and forcing him to his feet. He pulled him over to the door.  
  
"Have fun." He said, smirking, and gave Will a shove out the door. Will stood still for a moment as all eyes turned towards him. Swallowing, he climbed up onto the stage and took the microphone from the stand.  
  
"How's everyone tonight?" He said, his voice slightly shaky. The crowd cheered in response to the question, drinks being raised in the air. "Hey, that's good. Everyone's...good." He stumbled over the words. "Enough with the chit chat. Let's get to the singing." He turned to the men behind him. "'I Put a Spell on You?'" He whispered. The lead guitarist nodded and took up the melody. Steeling himself, Will turned to face the crowd, raising the microphone.  
  
"Here goes nothing..."  
  
----------  
  
After the first set had ended, he ducked down into the back room and started getting changed. He quickly pulled his scrubs out of the bag and changed into them, throwing the dress clothes back into the bag along with the wig and rushed to take his contacts off. He encountered the first problem of the night when he realized he'd forgotten his sneakers and had to pull on his boots again instead, hoping that Elizabeth didn't notice. With Jack's help, he slipped back into the crowd and took the long way around to come up behind her.  
  
He slid his arms around her waist, kissing her neck. She turned in his grip and put her arms around his neck. "You came." She said, giving him a kiss on the lips.  
  
"I came. Sans costume, but I came." He told her with a grin. She pulled away from his arms, grabbing a cup of punch and shoving it into his hands. "You missed the first part of the show. Danny was just...wow." She said quickly. "And he had a nice thing going on..." She raised an eyebrow.  
  
"I'm sorry I missed that." Will took a drink of punch. "Although, he really doesn't sing my kind of music." He shrugged nonchalantly. "And may I say, you look amazing." He leaned forward to kiss her again, but she moved away from him, heading towards the table again. Jack glanced at Will, who finished off his punch and attempted to make contact with Elizabeth again.  
  
"You might've enjoyed it though." Elizabeth told him. "He was fantastic." Will groaned silently.  
  
"You know, I'm going to go look for the bathroom." He said, noticing the band members slowly piling back onto the stage.  
  
"Alright." Elizabeth told him and went back to talking with Heather and Anamaria. As Will glanced in Jack's direction, he noticed the pirate looked just as confused as him.

With one last look to Elizabeth, Will hurried back through the crowd.   
  
---------  
  
The night seemed to go without a hitch on both ends. Elizabeth played the perfect hostess and Will managed to pull off his Danny McCree personality perfectly. Although towards the end of the night, Will began to tire out from having to switch. After the last set, he slowly retreated back to the room.  
  
"Danny." The door had barely closed and he jumped in surprise, finding Elizabeth sitting on the worn couch. He backed up against the door, feeling for the knob. She got up from the seat, slowly walking over to him. "I loved your performance tonight." A small smile crossed her face. "I think it was one of your best."  
  
"Th-th-thank you." He stuttered, feeling more frantically for the knob. Before his hand could grasp it, Elizabeth grabbed his hand and pulled him back into the middle of the room. In one fluid motion, she pushed him into the chair. He fell backwards, knocking over the chair as he went. Elizabeth moved quickly, sitting down on his chest and looking down at him. His eyes grew wide as she pressed her finger against his lips.  
  
"I've been a fan of yours for a long time." She whispered. "And I think tonight's the perfect night to admit that I feel something for you. I think you do to." She put her arms around his neck. "Now what to do about i..." Her own eyes grew wide as he suddenly lunged forward and planted his lips against hers. She pulled away, smacking him in the arm. "You weren't supposed to do that!" She shouted at him.  
  
"You weren't supposed to be hitting on me!" Will protested.  
  
"You weren't supposed to be pretending to be someone else!"  
  
"You weren't supposed to be hitting on me...hi...me. Great, now I'm having an identity crisis." He groaned.  
  
"You wouldn't be having an identity crisis if you...why did you do this anyway?" Elizabeth frowned, momentarily stopping the argument to clear up the confusion.  
  
"Well, my bills from all those years of college were starting to build up and my car was pretty much dead, so I had to do something. What better way to get cash fast than to run a con?" He shrugged. "But that's where it kind of got out of hand. See, Jack heard me singing and built the con around it."  
  
"You built a con around it?" Elizabeth said. "So everything about this..."  
  
"Is fake. There is no Danny McCree, just me." He told her. "We created the persona to enter the contest and then there were talent scouts and a recording contract...but we couldn't quit. So I thought it would be funny to follow it though."  
  
Elizabeth shook her head. "You're always going to try and keep me guessing, aren't you?" She teased, leaning down and brushing her lips against his. His lips lingered on hers for a moment before he pulled back.  
  
"So you're not mad?"  
  
"I wasn't mad to begin with. I just thought it would be funny to play around with you." She straightened the collar of his shirt and leaned down to kiss him again.  
  
"I'm not going to argue with that..."


	18. A Deal Struck

Jack was sick and tired of it. He'd been mocked, beaten, or just plain annoyed for the last time. There would be no more Mr. Nice Sparrow, only the coniving pirate Captain Sparrow. That is, until he could figure out a way to get rid of Cotton permanently. The old pirate had no respect for his former captain anymore. He smacked him with his cane when Jack would walk by or sometimes even rap him across the head when they crossed paths. After putting up with it for nearly a century, Jack was reaching his sanity limit. He knew he wasn't the only one Cotton abused, but Will and Cotton told him that it was only Cotton being a cranky old man and that it was nothing to worry about. Jack tended to disagree.  
  
So it was late at night that he sat up in the kitchen with only the light above the sink on. In his hands, he held the very guady, jeweled cup of the gods that had granted him and his crew immortal life. He knew that if he could somehow could in touch with the beings behind the power, maybe he could talk them into a deal. Of course, he'd have to do it in secret because the other housemates were against him getting rid of Cotton. It was better he did the deed without them anyway. With the sleeve of his sweater, he began rubbing furiously at the surface of the cup. His line of thinking was that if Aladdin could do it, then he could too.  
  
Surprisingly, Jack's line of thinking happened to be very correct the first time around. As he rubbed the glass, a white mist appeared above the counter. It slowly took the shape of a young blonde beauty boredly filing her fingernails, the action not quite seeming to match with the Ancient Greece white chiffon and laced sandels she wore.  
  
"Customer service, how may I direct your call?" She said boredly, not bothering to look up at Jack as she spoke in the bored monotone.  
  
"Customer service? When did you resort to customer service?" Jack asked her.  
  
"Since there are about twenty of these cups spread throughout the..." She raised her eyes to glare at him, but when she caught sight of him she squealed loudly. Jack winced, listening intently for a moment before deciding that everyone must've still been asleep. Well, except for Will and Gibbs, both working their respective night shifts. "Captain Sparrow! It's been too long!" She hopped off the counter and threw her arms around him, planting a kiss on his cheek. "You look just fabulous, but of course immortality will do that for you." She pulled back, planting her hands on her hips. "What can I do for you?"  
  
"Well, I was wondering if I could make a return." Jack said, leaning back in his seat. "Of the Cotton variety."  
  
"Ah." She said in understanding as she flopped back down in the chair and crossed her legs, filing her nails once again. "That's very tricky business, Captain Sparrow. Are you sure that's what you want? Not to mention all the paperwork, the sacrifices, the decisions, yada yada yada..."  
  
Jack rubbed the rising bump on his forehead, remembering being in mid conversation with Cotton when the pirate had thought it funny to give him a good swat upside the head. "Trust me. I'm very sure." He said. "Sign me up." She sighed and made the nail file disappear.  
  
"Of course I'd be stuck doing paperwork." She clapped her hands, bringing up the original contract. "See, when you and your crew drank from the cup, you automatically signed this with your own lifeforces. Since you were the finder of the cup, that means you have editing rights." She clapped her hands again and a thick pile of papers appeared in front of Jack. "Now, if you'll just read through all of those and sign where noted..." Jack stared at the papers and then glanced back to her.  
  
"Do I have to?"  
  
"Only if you really want to get rid of him." She said, but that was all Jack needed to hear. He grabbed the first paper off the pile and began reading.  
  
-----------  
  
About an hour later, Jack had read and signed all required documents and was having a hell of a muscle cramp in his hand. He slid the papers back towards her and started shaking his hand, trying to get a little bit of relief. "Now what?"  
  
"A sacrifice." She said, leaning against the table. "Something to appease those who change the contracts."  
  
"A bribe." Jack suggested.  
  
"Bluntly put, yes." She rolled her eyes. "What do you have to offer?" Jack thought for a moment before pulling off the expensive Rolex watch around his wrist and presenting it to her. She squealed again and snatched it from him. "I love time!" She exclaimed. "There's so much you can do with it and all the theories that go with it are quite fascinating..." She trailed off as she saw Jack staring at her. "I mean, it's a very good sacrif...bribe, but you might need a little bit more considering it's for two people."  
  
"Two people? I only signed off on Cotton!" Jack protested.  
  
"Actually, Cotton allowed his new parrot to drink from the cup so it's immortal now too. The parrot will be returning with Mr. Cotton, so you'll have a choice of two people to replace them with."  
  
"Can't I just get rid of him?"  
  
"Sorry, Captain Sparrow, but we only give store credit." He shook his head and glanced down.   
  
"Money?"  
  
"Doesn't really do anything for us."  
  
"Is there something you would like?" The woman's face lit up at this suggestion and she leaned forward, whispering in Jack's ear. Jack raised an eyebrow as he listened in and then rolled his eyes towards the ceiling. She pulled back, looking at him hopefully. "So what do you think?"  
  
"I think we have a deal." Jack said. "But we finish business first?"  
  
She nodded. "We finish business first." With a clap of her hands, the thick pile of papers disappeared and the original contract appeared back on the table. She held a pen out to him, indicating the two blank lines on the contract. "Just fill in the lines with the desired names or you can just put N/A and we'll send the best canidates."  
  
Jack stared at the lines, brow furrowing as he thought. He could choose only two people or have them chosen at random. A few minutes passed before he scribbled on both lines and slid the contract back to her. She grinned and made it disappear with a flourish.  
  
"Thank you for doing business with us, Captain Sparrow. The appropriate changes will be made immediatly and you'll have the results in the morning." She chimed in.  
  
"Speaking of business, I believe I still have to complete my part of the deal..."  
  
------------  
  
Gibbs wandered in at 2 a.m., reaking of whiskey and cigarette smoke. He rubbed his sore eyes and stumbled for the kitchen in hopes of finding some aspirin. A few feet from the door he heard a female voice groaning in pleasure and paused. A disgusted look crossed his face as he glared at the door, debating whether or not to go in. The throbbing in his head made the decision in the end and he pushed open the door.  
  
"What do you think you're do..." Gibbs paused, words dying on his lips. There was a blond haired woman lying on her stomach on the table, head resting on her arms, eyes closed and a blissful smile on her face. Jack was sitting cross legged on the table, apparently in the process of administering a massage. He glanced up as Gibbs made his enterance.  
  
"Can I help you?" He asked. Gibbs shook his head, still not quite believing what he was seeing. He quickly filled a glass of water, grabbed the aspirin bottle, and hurried from the kitchen.  
  
Jack glanced back down. "You'd think he never saw a man giving a massage before."


	19. New Roomates

Elizabeth came downstairs the next morning, rubbing her eyes blearily as her foot searched for each step before she put her weight down. She absolutely loved Saturday mornings as she didn't have to go to work and could go watch the cartoons on TV while Cotton snoozed away unaware that someone had changed channels on him. Occasionally she had to fight Will for the remote control as he went channel surfing for anime that might be on. Since he had been on shift the night before, however, she doubted that he would be fighting her this morning as he had been on the night shift at the hospital. Then again, the struggles usually ended in kisses, so she really didn't mind.  
  
She waited for the coffee to finish dripping into the pot and poured herself a mug. Wrapping her hands around it, she wandered back into the living room. She swiped the remote off the coffee table and flopped down on the couch, without looking. Usually there would've been no one there. This particular morning, however, it was a different case.  
  
The coffee mug went crashing to the floor, spilling the hot brown drink all over the carpet as she jumped to her feet in surprise. The lump that she had just sat on sat up quickly as well, the blanket falling onto the floor. Elizabeth was prepared to warn the others vocally when she caught sight of just who it was. Her mouth dropped open and she stared at him in shock.   
  
"James?" She finally managed to say. Commodore James Norrington quickly got to his feet, straightening his Naval uniform and glancing around nervously. "Miss Swann?" He asked. "Where are we?"  
  
"Los Angeles, in the year 2004." She told him. "How did you get here?"  
  
"I'm asking myself that same question." He turned to look at her again, frowning. "Los Angeles? I've never seen that on a map."  
  
"It's a long story." Elizabeth told him. "A very, very long story, and quite odd as well..."  
  
The moan on the chair behind her made her jump again, nearly knocking James back onto the couch. He automatically caught her and pushed her behind him, ever protective. There was indeed someone in Cotton's chair, but it wasn't Cotton. He was much younger than Cotton, about the same age as Jack. He sat up, dark hair visible under the bandana. He rubbed his eyes and then stopped, catching sight of Elizabeth and James.  
  
"Who the hell are you?" He said, quickly getting out of the chair.  
  
"Who are you?" James responded, still sheidling Elizabeth from him. He glanced up and down the newcomer once before his eyes narrowed. "Pirate."  
  
There were footsteps on the stairs and Jack entered the living room, looking as if he'd just gotten out of bed. A grin spread across his face and he threw his arms open wide. "William!" He shouted. The pirate turned towards him, a grin also appearing on his face.  
  
"Jack Sparrow, you dog!" The two pirates embraced each other in a manly hug, with plenty of back thumping. "How are you?"  
  
"Not bad, not bad. You?"  
  
"A little confused. I remember being on the bottom of the ocean, cursed, then being crushed to death, and then being here. Wherever here is." He glanced around. "Someplace very, very strange." He eyed Norrington. "And you associate with Naval Officers now?" Jack followed his line of sight and shook his head.  
  
"He's here to attempt to balance out the household. There's four pirates and poor Elizabeth. So I thought since I was bringing a fellow pirate back, then I should bring someone she might be comfortable around as well." Jack reasoned.  
  
"You did this?" Elizabeth asked. "Why would you want to...wait. Where's Cotton?" She asked, brow furrowing. "Jack, you didn't..."  
  
"I did." He said, raising his chin. Elizabeth looked like she was about to admonish him, but then shrugged.  
  
"It's probably for the better." She glanced back to Norrington. "Although it's going to be quite a chore introducing these two to the twenty first century."  
  
Norrington raised an eyebrow. "How different could it possibly be?"  
  
--------  
  
"You brought Bill and Commodore Norringont back in Cotton's place?" Anamaria exclaimed. "Jack, I know Cotton was..." She trailed off. "You know, I think this will be for the better. At least I won't have to worry about Norrington and hopefully Bill not squeezing my rear." She rubbed it unintentionally, thinking of Cotton's multiple pinching. "Alright, what was it you wanted me to do?" Jack handed her the list.  
  
"Get these books for the store." He told her. Ana scanned over the list, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Life for Morons? Computers for Morons? Driving for Morons?" She nearly burst out laughing at the last book. "Parenting for a Modern Age?" She smirked in amusement. "Bill's trying to make up for lost years, eh?"  
  
"He still thinks Will is a wee lad." Jack told her quietly. "He's going to be getting a big surprise soon..." As he trailed off, the door opened and Will dragged himself in, exhausted from the long shift. He dumped his bag on the floor of the hallway and started towards the stairway.  
  
"I'm home and I'm going to bed." He announced. In the living room, Bill perked up and glanced towards the entryway into the living room. The moment he caught sight of the tousle haired med student, he was off the couch and nearly tackling him. Will saw the blur coming and his eyes grew wide. He didn't have enough time to respond before Bill had wrapped his arms around him and taken him into a bear hug.  
  
"William! Look at how you've grown!" He said, squeezing Will. Will's face started to turn dark red and he started gasping for air.  
  
"Da..." He groaned.  
  
"Oh. Sorry." Bill dropped Will and he landed in a pile at his feet. "Just glad to see you and all. We've got a lot to catch up." He knelt beside his son. "And I have to say that your Miss Swann is quite the catch there." He informed him in a conspiratorial whisper. Will gave him a look, still trying to catch his breath.  
  
"That was the most disturbing thing you possibly could've said, Dad." He groaned and then paused. Slowly the thoughts began to work themselves into coherent strings of logic and he bolted to hsi feet. "You...dead...I..." He stuttered before turning and running. "Jaaaaack! The house is haunted!"  
  
------------  
  
"...so when we woke up this morning, Cotton had been replaced." Jack explained to the confused crew. Gibbs looked like he was in serious need of a drink, Will looked less confused and more nervous, Elizabeth was calmly stroking his hair (which prompted both Norrington and Bill to raise their eyebrows), and Anamaria seemed to have accepted it the best of them all. There was a beat of silence in the room before Will raised his hand.  
  
"So Commodore Norrington and my father are immortal now?" He asked. Jack nodded.  
  
"Aye."  
  
Bill grinned. "We're going to have a lot of catching up to do, William."  
  
"I honestly don't know whether to be scared or happy about it." Will replied, shrinking down further.  
  
"I'm surrounded by pirates." Norrington muttered. "Is this some punishment for some wrong I did in my life?"  
  
"I wonder that every day." Jack said sympathetically. "Try being stuck with this lot for a century."  
  
"We're not that bad!" Gibbs protested. "We're not the one that ends up in jail every two years."  
  
"And I suppose Turner saves him then too?" James replied in a slightly sarcastic tone.  
  
"Actually..." Elizabeth spoke up. "Will used to be a lawyer. Now he's a doctor." Norrington's eye twitched visibly.  
  
"Turner is a doctor?" Bill looked perplexed as well.  
  
"William, are you sure that's a good idea? Given your graceless tendancies..."  
  
"I'm fine." Will stated. "And yes, a doctor and a lawyer...and a singer, but that's a really long story." He quickly waved it away.  
  
Jack clapped his hands, sensing a change of topic was needed. Once everyone's attention was on him, he started speaking again.  
  
"Well, since you two will be staying, I think it's about time to introduce you to the new world." He said, a Chesire cat grin on his face.  
  
"Be afraid." Anamaria drawled. "Be very, very afraid."


	20. Adjusting

"What is this?" Norrington looked down into the cup that Elizabeth had placed in his hands when he had requested tea. He watched the dark brown liquid ripple as he sat down at the table. It reminded him of mud and began to wonder if they had found something out about the substance in the future that actually made it worth drinking. He sniffed it cautiously and found the smell quite relaxing. Maybe it wasn't so bad after all.  
  
"It's coffee." Elizabeth offered, sitting down beside him. "Tea is still pretty common, but around here it's nothing but highly caffeinated coffee. Go ahead and take a sip." She said encouragingly. "I drink it everyday." Norrington glanced at her, cautiously taking a sip from the mug. At first the liquid made him cringe, but as he took another sip he realized it wasn't quite that bad. It still wasn't as good as tea, but he didn't mind it either. He finished off the cup and held it out to her. She looked slightly taken back that he had liked it so much and got to her feet, grabbing the pot and an empty mug for herself. Sitting back down at the table, she refilled his mug and filled her own.  
  
"So this is the twenty first century? I have to say, it's not as I imagined it. Well, I don't think I ever imagined it." He conceded as he took another sip of the coffee. Elizabeth took a sip of her own and laid the mug down on the table, fingers laced around the mug.  
  
"It's been a long and tumultuous history." Elizabeth replied. "I think you would've found it very interesting."  
  
"Perhaps..." He amended and glanced down. "I'm not quite sure how quickly I'm going to get used to all this." He said as he adjusted the shirt he was wearing again. Jack had begrudgingly given up a pair of pants and a shirt for Norrington to wear and it turned out that both men were about the same body type at least. Even Elizabeth found the sight of him wearing the clothes strange.  
  
The deep thoughts were broken up by a frantic scrambling at floor level. Norrington glanced towards the doorway just in time to see a doll in scraggly tennis whites come barreling through the door. A tennis ball went flying through the kitchen and Whelp came bounding in after it, flattening the doll on the floor. The doll made a wheezing sound as the puppy's paw came down on its midsection.  
  
"Did I...did that doll just...talk?" Norrington muttered in complete disbelief. His eyes grew wider as the doll rolled over and sat up, grumbling again. "The doll is talking!" He turned to Elizabeth. "You have witchcraft in this house?"  
  
"No witchcraft." Elizabeth said quickly. "Besides, it's accepted nowadays." Norrington paused, wondering how this came to be but didn't ponder on it long as the doll started cursing. "We're not actually sure how Barbossa came to be here, but don't throw him at anything. He'll possess it."  
  
"Barbossa...doll...possessing..." Norrington rambled and Elizabeth wondered if she had broken his brain.  
  
"That's pretty much the gist of it." Elizabeth said. She watched as Norrington got up from his seat, going to stand over the doll. Barbossa had to lay back to look up as the shadow covered him. Norrington bent over and picked him up, staring in his face.  
  
"This is the feared pirate captain who ransacked Port Royal?" He echoed. The doll let out a small squeak, beginning to recognize that it had fallen a few ranks in the chain of power.  
  
"Pretty much." Elizabeth said, taking another sip of her coffee. Norrington glanced down at the doll again and in a movement that even took Elizabeth by surprise, threw the doll across the hallway into the living room. The doll landed in Bill's lap as he was reading one of the books Ana had picked up. He picked it up and angrily threw it back.  
  
"Keep your toys to yourself! I'm trying to read here!" He snapped and went back to his book, grumbling. The doll went flying over Norrington's head and hit the counter, bouncing to the floor. Whelp came scrambling over and picked up Barbossa, returning him to Norrington thinking that the naval officer wanted to play fetch. Norrington took the doll from his mouth, one eyebrow raised and threw it again. Barbossa let out a horrified yell as he went flying across the kitchen, Whelp in hot pursuit. A moment later he brought Barbossa back, sitting down at Norrington's feet with his tail wagging proudly. Grinning, he took the doll from Whelp's mouth and tossed it again.  
  
"I do believe this is better than any form of punishment I've dealt before." He informed Elizabeth enthusiastically.  
  
--------  
  
Bill glanced up as Will entered the living room, making a beeline for the TV. A grin spread across his face and he folded down the corner of the page he had been reading. Sitting up, he beckoned to his son to come over and sit beside him. Will glanced towards the TV, knowing his favorite anime show was on, but also knowing that he couldn't just tell his father that they could talk later. He finally made his way over to the couch and sat down beside him.  
  
Bill put an arm around his shoulder. "I think it's time you and I have a heart to heart talk." He said. Will froze, something telling him that he didn't want to hear the rest of this. It was too late to escape however. Bill flipped open the book on his lap, reading it with a look of concentration on his face. "Now, I've noticed that you and Miss Swann seemed to be quite close." He said and glanced up at his son. "Is this true?"  
  
Will felt his face flush red and ducked his head. "Yes." He mumbled. "We've been dating for a few centuries now." He tried to concentrate on anything but the book of doom that his father was reading. As Bill shifted it in his lap, Will caught sight of the title. Parenting for a Modern Age. Suddenly he felt very scared of just what his father had found in that book.  
  
"Good, good. I approve of the girl, but the book says we should have this talk."  
  
"What talk?"  
  
"The book calls it the 'Birds and the Bees' talk and it seems like a very important one to have."  
  
"Oh no...no no no!"  
  
"The book said I would meet with some resistance." Bill stroked his chin. "These things really do work. Anyway, when a man and a woman love each other..." Will put his hands over his ears.  
  
"I'm not hearing this! I'm not hearing this!" Bill reached over and grabbed his hands.  
  
"Just listen to me! It'll take ten minutes and then we can do the worksheet activity together!" Will tried to pull away from him but Bill held on tightly.  
  
"You can't make me!" Will shouted, almost falling off the couch in the struggle. He started swinging at his father, but Bill expertly blocked the shots and continued reading.  
  
"...they begin to feel certain attractions towards each other..."  
  
"ARGH!" Will shouted, trying to cover his ears again, but Bill refused to let him. Instead he tried to kick the book out of his father's lap and only succeeded in hitting him in the stomach instead. Bill grunted and gave his son a dirty look before continuing on.  
  
Jack had been walking down the hallway when he spotted the scene in the living room. An amused smirk appeared on his face as he watched father and son shouting and struggling on the couch.  
  
"Daaaaaad! I know this already!" Bill stopped suddenly, staring at his son.  
  
"How do you know this?"  
  
"Number one, doctor. Number two, I've been alive a long time." He ticked off the reasons on his fingers. Bill glowered at him for a moment before snatching him by the ear.  
  
"Doesn't matter. We're still having the talk because it says that all parents should have a talk with their child."  
  
"I'm not a child."  
  
"Shut up, William, and listen."  
  
"Yes sir." Will winced and curled up at the end of the couch. Bill got comfortable again and started rambling on again about the birds and the bees. The whole time, the shade of red on Will's face increased until he was almost purple.  
  
Jack had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing, until finally he had to run outside and collapsed on the front lawn laughing. He spent a good five minutes there, laughing so hard he was howling. Even Heather had thought he had finally lost it.   
  
After he had gotten done reading the page, Bill glanced over at his son. "Now, we have to do this worksheet and you should be all set."  
  
Will buried his face in his hands. "Kill me." He groaned. "Just kill me now."


	21. College and the Commodore

James had seen his life flash before his eyes. Considering he'd only been alive for two days now, it was a very short flashback. So he had to find something else to concentrate on to take his mind off what might be his doom, which would really be a terrible thing as he was quite intrigued by the times he had landed in. Although vehicles had immediatly dropped off the curiosity list after this little event. He curled his fingers tighter into the seat as if the seatbelt that lay tightly across his chest and lap would be of no use.

He'd never figured Will to be this bad of a driver. The blacksmith had been such a cautious type back in the old days, but now he was driving like a raving lunatic down the highway. James squeezed his eyes shut as the narrowly missed slamming into the back of a semi as Will pulled into the passing lane and sped past. If it was possible, he gripped the seat even tighter and opened one eye to look over at Will. Upon seeing the calm look on his face, James revised his opinion. He was a raving lunatic.

"Are we almost there yet?" He queried, hoping that the answer was yes. Getting out of the broken down, obscenely yellow, rude excuse for a vehicle would make him very happy and getting away from Turner would make him nearly estatic.

Will glanced over at him. "Relax. We'll be there soon enough and then you can go register for classes." He shook his head. "You're way too tense. You'll have fun in college." He reached down and turned the radio up. James wasn't quite sure what to think of the music either. Elizabeth had described the style as rock he believed. He wondered for a moment if the styles he had enjoyed listening to even existed anymore.

"Relax? I'll relax when we're there." He said shortly and leaned back in the seat. Suddenly there was a pop and he found himself lying back and staring up at the roof of the car. Will turned to look at him.

"It does that sometimes. Just mean the thingy popped out of the other thingy. Don't worry about it." He said, taking a hand off the steering wheel to point out where one of the parts was sticking out of the back of the seat.

"Both hands on the wheel!" James nearly bellowed. Will jumped and immediatly gripped the steering wheel. He took a deep calming breath and stared at the back of the blacksmith's head.

"You'll be the death of me, Turner."

* * *

"Here's your schedule Mr. Norrington and here's your receipt. I hope you have a nice semester." The receptionist gave him a generic smile that he was sure she used on everyone who came through those doors. Ever the gentlemen, however, he smiled in return and picked up the papers. Heading out of the registrar's office, he gave a small wave to Will. Will got up from his seat and headed over.

"All registered? Let's get your books then." He said with a grin and snatched the schedule from him. "You've got a lot of history courses and..." He glanced over at him, eyebrow raised. "You know, I never thought about it but you would make a good teacher."

James snatched back the schedule and folded it up neatly. "I decided that it might be a worthwhile career." He said and made a motion for Will to lead the way. He followed behind, glancing around as they made their way between the buildings. A few people called out to Will and he waved back but never deviated from his course. Eventually they reached what was labeled as the Student Union and headed to a small building off to the left. As he entered, he glanced around at the stacks of books. Will seemed to know just where he was going however.

He went down each row, pulling a book out of random stacks and throwing it onto the pile in James' arms. "History 205, got it. English 170, got it. Let's see, where is child psychology..." He wandered off while Norrington was struggling with the books. He cursed as one of the history books slipped from the pile and headed towards the ground. But before it could impact, a hand shot out and snatched it.

"History 205." Her eyebrow rose as she glanced up at Norrington. "Do you have Carlson?"

He quickly thought back to what had been printed on the paper and nodded. "Yes, I believe it was Carlson."

She stuck out her hand. "I have him too." She said with a smile. "I have that class soon. Need someone to show you where it is?"

"That would be wonderful." James breathed a sigh of relief, glad that he knew someone else here beside the lunatic blacksmith. He shifted the books so he could offer a handshake, but found it impossible. "My name is James."

"Well James, let's get these books checked out and I'll show you where class is." She told him and led him towards the checkout line. Watching the display on the register turned out to be just as horrifying as the ride over. He watched as the total rose and rose, too many numbers on the screen for him. Then again, Elizabeth had given him the emergency debit card to pay for his books. He grudgingly handed it over.

"That was..." James shook his head as they left the building. "Horrendous. Those prices."

"Welcome to college life. Just wait till you see the actual classes."

"Do I even want to know?"

He didn't want to know. His first class and he felt like his brains would leak from his ears. The teacher rambled off statistics and facts so fast he barely had time to write it down. His pen hovered just a few inches off the notebook but he hadn't written a single thing down yet. He wouldn't even when they got to the end of class. After the teacher had ended the class, he glanced down at his paper and shook his head.

"Need to catch up?" He glanced over ather and nodded.

"I think yes." She gave him another smile and sat down, scribbling on the back of a receipt.

"Just give me a call and we'll set up a time to study." She told him as she handed him the paper and slung the bag over her shoulder. "It was nice to meet you."

"It was nice to meet you as well and thank you." He told her. He slipped the paper in his pocket and gathered his things. Heading out, he wasn't surprised to see Will waiting for him.

"So how was your first day?" He asked as he caught up with him.

"Not as bad as I thought." James said with a shrug.

"Good, good. Ready to head home?" There was a long moment of silence before James responded.

"I thought I might check out the bus..."


	22. Sweet Revenge

Bill was pretty sure he could get used to the modern times. Hot food, a roof over his head, and a warm bed. Hell, he didn't even have to get up anytime soon. The last time he'd been alive he'd had to get up for chores the moment the sun had peeked above the horizon. Here it was late in the morning and he was still in bed, arm flung over his head and snoring, sleeping as long as he wanted to.  
  
Of course, Whelp had decided in his conniving little puppy mind that Bill would not get to sleep in as long as he wanted. With practiced movements, the puppy scrambled up onto the bed and crawled over on his belly, staring at Bill. The pirate was oblivious to the very slight movements and kept on sleeping. Whelp turned his head to the side slightly and then crawled up on Bill's stomach.  
  
A moment later, Whelp's rough tongue flicked across Bill's face. The pirate grunted and flailed one handedly at the puppy. Whelp expertly dodged the hand and barked happily, licking Bill again. However his aim was off as Bill was turning his head and his tongue accidentally went across the pirate's lips. Bill made an odd sound and sat up, knocking Whelp back onto the bed.  
  
"Oh...blech!" Bill groaned, wiping his arm across his face. He stared down at the puppy, still half asleep. "I know why Jack calls you the pain in the now." He muttered, throwing his legs over the side of the bed and padding out of the room down the hallway. Whelp hopped down off the bed and followed him until they reached the bathroom. Bill stopped and turned to face him. "I don't think so."  
  
The puppy's ears drooped in defeat and he turned away, tail tucked between his legs. Bill snorted. "Try again." He called after Whelp. "I raised a son who could give me that same look." He said. Whelp barked indignantly and trotted off down the hallway. Bill shook his head and returned to the bathroom. "Now for a shower."  
  
He stripped down and got into the shower, turning on the hot water full blast. The feeling was fantastic, better than bathing in the salty sea any day. He stayed in there for a good amount of time, until the bathroom had become so foggy it was nearly impossible to see. Getting out, he wrapped the towel around his waist, gathered up his clothes, and headed out the door.  
  
He paused mid step and a cruel smile slid across his face. Jack had told him of Barbossa's fate, every humiliating detail of it right down to the doll. The same doll that was wandering down the hallway in its tattered tennis whites and looking somewhat abused. His back was to him. The grin became predator-like as the pirate closed in on his prey. Being stuck down at the bottom of an ocean until his son had finally lifted the curse had given him a lot of time to think. Oh yes. He'd come up with a few hundred ways he could get back at the pirate captain that had sunk him to the depths, alive or from beyond the grave.  
  
The doll paused, not actually hearing Bill sneak towards him but obviously having some sixth sense about it. The plastic head turned to spy the soaking wet pirate sneaking towards him, hand out to snatch him. Immediately the stiff legs started working again and the doll ran for it.  
  
"Spry little..." Bill muttered and took off after it. He dropped his clothes on the floor and reached out to snatch the doll, but missed as he tripped over a catch in the rug and had to grip one of the light fixtures to keep from falling over. It didn't exactly help as there was a loud snap and Bill went tumbling forward onto the ground in a pile of arms and legs. Snarling curses, he tossed the towel on top of Barbossa. There was a muffled protest and the doll flailed underneath the bulky cloth. He crossed his arms over his chest, a victorious look on his face.  
  
"Will said he'd lend me his anatomy book until I got mine back. Maybe it's in his roo..." The voice trailed off and Bill grabbed his clothes, holding them strategically as he whirled around to face the people he had thought weren't in the house. Elizabeth and Rachel both stared at him, faces bright red. Although in Elizabeth's case it was a slightly more horrified look than Rachel's expression, which bordered on needing a cold shower.  
  
"Mr. Turner! Clothes!" Elizabeth shouted, covering her eyes. She wasn't exactly new to this sort of thing, but seeing her boyfriend's father nearly naked was just scary. Rachel couldn't help but stare.  
  
"Wow...Will's dad is hot!" She exclaimed, unable to stop herself. Bill grinned slyly, becoming a little more relaxed.  
  
"Well where do you think he got it from?" He said. Elizabeth shuddered.  
  
"I didn't hear that, I didn't hear that, I didn't hear that." She chanted and grabbed Rachel's shirt sleeve, her other hand still over her eyes. "Let's just go get that book..." Rachel reluctantly followed, waving at Bill until she was yanked into the room. He raised an eyebrow and went back to the struggling doll on the floor, lifting the towl up.  
  
"You and I are going to have a little talk, Barbossa." He said, pressing his foot down on the doll's stomach. "A nice talk about how mean it is to banish people to the depths of the sea." He growled.  
  
The door next to Will's room opened and Jack came out, rubbing his eyes. He paused, taking in the scene. His eyes darted from the nearly naked pirate, to the doll, and back to the pirate. With a mumble of words (Bill suspected something along the lines of 'I got up too early') he disappeared back into his room, the door slamming shut.  
  
"Right, now where were we..."  
  
------------  
  
"Pour me another." Bill held out his glass to Jack, who happily obliged in pouring him another shot of rum. He refilled his own glass and the two men counted to three before knocking back the shots and slamming the glasses down on top of the washing machine. The bang of the two glasses was barely heard over the bulky load bouncing around within the machine.  
  
"You know, these modern times aren't too bad." He said, glancing over to Jack. "I can see why you like it here."  
  
"Trust me, you've not seen anything yet." Jack told him with a grin. "The number of stupid people has seemed to multiply. It's a shame because it's almost taken all the fun out of being a con man." He chuckled. "Almost being the key word."  
  
"Not to mention what women wear nowadays." He said. "How can you live with those two women in this house, the one next door, and countless others I could name and still be single?" He whispered. "If it were me..."  
  
"Bill, don't finish that sentence. I told your son you were a good man. You are except for being a flirt." He muttered. Bill shrugged.  
  
"I learned from the best." He raised an eyebrow, looking pointedly at Jack.  
  
"I'm the same age as you!" Jack shot back, motioning with the rum bottle. "Don't blame this one on me. You started it."  
  
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say. Just pour me another..." There was a large thump and the washing machine shook, shaking the two pirates sitting on top. "That was a big one." Bill snickered and knocked on the top of the machine.  
  
The door opened and Anamaria came in, dressed in her nightclothes. Both men paused and glanced over at her, Bill raising an eyebrow and grinning at her. She gave him a dirty look and set her laundry basket on the floor.   
  
"Since when does Jack Sparrow do his own laundry?" She asked, looking pointedly at Jack.  
  
"When it's not Jack Sparrow's laundry." Jack replied and pat the machine. "Just a couple of pairs of sneakers and Barbossa."  
  
"You...what?" Anamaria said.  
  
Bill pointed at the machine. "I was stuck underneath the water for a good couple of years with fishes nibbling on me and then finally got crushed by water pressure. Trust me. This is mild in comparison to what else I have planned for him." He said defensively.  
  
"You put Barbossa in the washing machine." Anamaria repeated, a look of disbelief on her face.  
  
"I'm wondering why I didn't think of it earlier." Jack said.  
  
"You put Barbossa in the washing machine and didn't tell me? I would've liked to have seen this!" She protested.  
  
"Don't worry; we'll call when he's ready to come out." Bill told her. "Then you could see how poofy we made his 'real' hair." He paused. "Jack, did you put the dryer sheet in?"  
  
"Of course." Jack said, waving the box around.  
  
"Ooh and we're going to need to get a female doll." Bill rubbed his hands together. Jack started laughing like a mad scientist, throwing back his head. Anamaria stared at the two before turning around and heading back for the house.  
  
"With those two back together, this house is doomed."


	23. Graveyard Antics

The moment the vehicle pulled to a stop, Bill toppled from the driver's seat and fell on his knees on the ground, ready to plant his lips against the grass. The door on the other side of the vehicle slammed shut and Will appeared beside him, arms crossed over his chest. "For the last time, my driving is not that bad." He protested through grit teeth. James politely coughed and glanced in the other direction, pretending he wasn't hearing the conversation. Jack climbed out of the back and landed beside Bill, patting him on the back.

"Compared to that, spending the night in a graveyard will be a piece of cake." He told his friend, helping him to his feet. Unlike Norrington, who had been sheet white after his first ride with Will, Bill had turned an odd shade of green and looked as if he might heave dinner up onto the gravel pathway. Jack found this very wrong, as Bill had been through countless storms on a ship and had never had a problem. One ride with his son and he was about ready to keel over. "If you're going to throw up, warn me so I can push you into the bushes." Jack said idly. Bill gave him a dark look, but couldn't help leaning against him as he tried to will the world to stop spinning around him.

Anamaria and Elizabeth slid off the front of Ana's car, picking up their flashlights and flicking them on. The sun had disappeared behind the horizon sometime ago, and the cemetery was far enough from civilization that the only lighting was the flashlights and the full moon up above. The gravel pathway led up into a clearing that held one of the oldest graveyards in California history, but not one of the most well known. Jack had found a small blurb on it in the travel guide and decided to delve deeper.

He found a story about a town which had been built around the graveyard. The land was mostly owned by rich men who had no love for their slaves, seeing them only as a way to get work done. The people who worked for them were very poor and worked nearly to death, barely bringing home enough to feed their families. They needed a hero, crying out for someone to help them. Their prayers were answered when suddenly the carriages of the rich went under attack. The people were relieved of their valuables and sent away unharmed, each coming back with the story of handsome masked man, a roguish type. (Jack immediately liked the guy, being that he stole and he reminded the pirate of himself.)

During one of his robberies, he met a young woman and something ignited between them. He found out where she lived and appeared in her bedroom one night, but she didn't make him leave. Their passion and desire for each other kindled until her father found out. He spared no expense to find the man who had stolen his daughter's heart. His search was soon rewarded and the man was hung and buried in the graveyard, his stone proudly pointing out where he lay and who had finally caught him. The woman mourned for her lover. As the legend went, she died of a broken heart, laying on his grave. Even to this day, their ghosts could still be seen, looking for the other. Of course, Jack couldn't resist sending the crew on a good old fashioned ghost hunt, equipped with disposable cameras and flashlights.

Jack clapped his hands, gaining the attention of the crew gathered around him. "Alright, you all know the plan. We go out in groups around the cemetery. Take pictures of anything remotely ghost like. The group with the best pictures win." There was a general mumbled agreement through out the group as Elizabeth handed around the bag and everyone grabbed a camera. "And to make sure everyone participates, I'll make up the groups." Jack said. "By drawing names."

-----------------

Will sat on the old gravestone, idly flipping the flashlight from hand to hand, the beam of light bouncing over the ground. Norrington stared at him from a good distance away, an eyebrow raised. "Very bold, Turner, sitting on someone's grave. The last time I heard of it, it was bad luck to do so."

"Superstition." Will replied, not even glancing over at him. He flipped the flashlight up in the air again and almost dropped it before finally catching it. "I'm sure..." He bent over, reading the gravestone upside down. "...Mr. Fields won't mind. He's probably not even home." He stomped on the ground a few times for emphasis.

"So I see its been a few centuries and you and Miss Swann are not yet married." James idly told him. "I thought with the way you two were going, you'd be married with fifty kids by now." He glanced up just in time to see the blacksmith shudder and grip the flashlight tighter.

"We decided that we have a lot of time to think that through well." A tiny smirk appeared on Will's lips, although it was nearly impossible to see it in the dark. "Besides, we're not dating anymore." He informed him. "She's dating a celebrity."

"A celebrity." James echoed. "Who? Maybe I've heard his name on that dreaded MTV your father is so keen on watching lately."

"Just a celebrity." Will said with a shrug. He missed catching the flashlight and it tumbled to the ground, opening up. The light stopped shining and the batteries tumbled out onto the ground. Will cursed and scrambled for it. James chuckled in the darkness.

"Clumsy blacksmith."

----------------

"This love has taken it's toll on me. She said good-bye, too many times before..." Bill sang the Maroon 5 song softly as he and Jack sat on the steps of the mausoleum, waiting for some sign of the supernatural to appear. Jack slowly glanced over at his old friend, an eyebrow rising.

"Honestly, mate, you need to stop watching the MTV. It will kill your brain cells." He muttered, cutting off the song. Bill grinned.

"Actually, it's not so much the music as the reality shows."

"I have no comment." Jack got up from the steps. Bill got up and followed after him.

"See something?" Bill asked and then went quiet as he saw the faint pathway that led into a copse of bushes. The two men exchanged glances and headed forward into the bushes, trying to plow their way through. There was a curse as Jack toppled forward as his foot caught on the root. He threw up his arms, expecting to fall forward into more weeds, but instead found himself falling into long grass. He slowly got to his feet and realized he'd found another small clearing. Bill appeared behind him, pointing towards the monument in the center. "I think we found something."

Jack headed through the grass and paused at the base of the statue. It was of a woman down on her knees, hands folded in prayer as she stared up at the sky. He couldn't help but think that this was the grave site of one of the doomed lovers and pulled out the camera, snapping away around the gravestone.

He was brought to a halt when Bill's hand suddenly landed on his shoulder and forcefully turned him around. He raised an eyebrow, seeing the strange expression in his friend's eyes. "Bill, have you been at the rum already?"

"Why didn't you tell me where you were going?" Tears appeared in his eyes. "I don't care what my father says. I love you and only you!"

"Bill, you're creeping me out here. I..." Jack stopped speaking for a moment. The same strange look that was in Bill's eyes appeared in his. "I didn't want you getting hurt, Maria. You mean so much to me." He took a step towards Bill, reaching out.

"I love you, Victor. Nothing could ever stop me from loving you." Bill replied softly. "Not even my father and his friends. When he said they were looking for you..." Jack's hand brushed against his cheek. "I thought...the worst..."

"What the hell are you doing?" The shout echoed across the small clearing. Bill blinked and realized Jack's hand was on his face. There was the sound of skin against skin as Bill smacked Jack.

"What the hell are you doing?" He growled. Jack gave him a dark look.

"Me? Your the one with your hand on my ass!" Jack retaliated. Bill glanced down to see that yes, he did indeed have his hand on Jack's rear end. He jerked it back as if it were on fire, kneeling down and rubbing it in the grass.

"I need mental bleach." He said, rocking back and forth in the tall grass. Norrington's laughter rang out as the commodore fell backwards into the grass, laughing so hard he could barely stand. Will continued to stand there frozen, left eye twitched.

"Ew..." He managed to get out as Norrington continued to laugh at his feet, tears rolling down his face. Meanwhile, Jack and Bill were having a moment of seeing who could be manlier, spitting into the grass and avoiding eye contact.

Will finally snapped out of it and looked down to the camera in his hand. "Well, at least I have blackmail material now..."

-------------

Elizabeth placed her palm against Will's cheek and shook her head. "I don't feel anything." She told the assembled group. After the incident, Norrington and Bill had gone off to find Elizabeth, Anamaria, and Gibbs and brought them back to the clearing. After a quick explanation that left out Jack and Bill's possession, they had decided to attempt it again. Jack and Ana had planted themselves in the grass while James, Bill, and Gibbs stood nearby, conversing.

"It's not working because they're not dating anymore." Norrington insisted. "He told me she's dating some celebrity."

"Which one? Maybe I saw him on MTV." Bill asked helpfully. Gibbs coughed into his hand and glanced away, knowing the full story and finding it more amusing to keep the two high and dry. Then again, not telling them presented some interesting situations for a later date.

"He didn't say." Norrington replied. "I thought he would've told you, since you are his father."

"He won't tell me anything since we had the talk." Bill grumbled. "The book didn't say anything about that happening."

Jack threw up his hands. "Let's just go. There's hot chocolate and tea back in my car." He helped Ana to her feet and they walked across the clearing to join the others. Elizabeth took her hand off Will's cheek and shook her head.

"Must be they don't like us." She teased him as they turned to catch up to the others. "Doesn't matter. We're romantic enough without them possessing us..." She trailed off as Will came to a stop, pulling her to a stop as well. She turned to look at him. "Are you alright?"

"I'm just worried about you, Maria." He said quietly, stepping up to her. "I lost you once and I refuse to lose you again for the crimes I've committed."

"Damn them to hell for holding your crimes against you. You did it to help those who needed it, Victor." She closed her eyes, tears falling. He rested his cheek against the top of her head, eyes closed as well.

"Never again will I leave you, Maria. Never." He whispered. He raised his head again, tilting her face towards him. She kept her eyes closed, feeling his lips brush softly against hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him tight to her.

"I knew they would do it again." Jack hissed at the others from the bushes.

"It's romantic..." Anamaria said, swatting his arms. "Shush or you'll ruin the mood, you idiot pirate."

"You did not just call me an idiot."

"I just called up a..."

"Shut up!" Gibbs hissed at them. "Look!"

The silvery moonlight had bathed Will and Elizabeth in the moonlight, but they weren't alone. Standing behind them were the silvery apparitions of the two doomed lovers, locked in a passionate embrace. As the crew watched from their hiding place, the ghosts faded from sight, leaving only the two living lovers.

"True love." Ana said quietly, raising an eyebrow. James frowned in confusion at the scene.

"I thought they weren't dating." He muttered.

"That's my boy!" Bill shouted. Will started and broke apart from Elizabeth.

"Dad!" He shouted. "Don't you know anything about tact?" He paused for a moment and sighed.

"You're Jack's best friend. Of course you don't."


	24. Graveyard Antics: Alternate JackAna Endi...

As the others started to leave the clearing, Jack and Ana got up from their places as well, walking behind the others. There was an air of disappointment around them. The hope of actually seeing ghosts had disappeared.

"Well, so much for that." Ana sighed, glancing over at Jack. "Guess you were wrong." She poked him. "It's not often I get to say that. You were wrong, you were wrong." She teased. Jack, however, did not respond as he normally would've. Instead he took her arm, pulling her towards him.

"I'm just worried about you, Maria." Jack said softly, staring into her eyes. "I lost you once and I refuse to lose you again for the crimes I've committed."

Ana frowned, about ready to protest when she felt something come over her as well.. "Damn them to hell for holding your crimes against you. You did it to help those who needed it, Victor." She closed her eyes, tears falling. He rested his cheek against the top of her head, eyes closed as well.

"Never again will I leave you, Maria. Never." He whispered. He raised his head again, tilting her face towards him. She kept her eyes closed, feeling his lips brush softly against hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him tight to her, kissing him passionately. In the moonlight shining down over them, two ghosts appeared a few feet from them, locked in a similar embrace. They were there for the brief blink of an eye before they disappeared into the night, free.

Jack and Ana stayed locked together, the kiss slow and passionate still. After a few moments, Ana backed away from Jack, staring up at him. It had been real. After the spirits had been freed, Jack and Ana had still been locked together. There had always been something there between them, but they'd never suspected this.

After a few moments of silence, Jack glanced towards the nearly hidden path out of the clearing. "Guess we better catch up, eh?" He said quietly to her. There seemed to be a quiet agreement between the two of them that they wouldn't say another word about this incident, yet they wouldn't forget it either. Jack slung his arm around Ana's shoulders and they began walking.

"What an interesting night..."


	25. Saturday Morning

When Will came home to find Jack waiting up for him at three in the morning on Saturday, he knew it couldn't be anything good. His suspicions were confirmed when the pirate captain told him that a teen magazine had called to confirm that Danny McCree had a photo shoot and interview for Saturday morning at noon. The thought of throttleing Jack briefly crossed his mind, but he then made himself remember that he had been a part of this get quick scheme as well too, wanting to earn money to pay off his college debts and get a new car. After Jack had finished relaying the news, he silently passed him and headed up the stairs. Dragging himself into his room, he fell forward on the bed and was asleep almost instantly.

-------------

"You got home pretty late last night." Elizabeth teased Norrington as she sat the pitcher of orange juice on the table. He raised an eyebrow at her, helping himself to the pan of scrambled eggs.

"I had a study group." He told her with a shrug.

"On a Friday night?" She smiled at him. "I think you mean it was a study date, although less emphasis on the studying and more on date." His cheeks had were slightly tinged with pink and she knew she had hit the target dead on. Anamaria sat down beside him, pulling a plate to her.

"Well, it's nice to know you're making friends so easily." She told him. She glanced around at all the food. "Do we usually have this much for breakfast?" She muttered and glanced up at Gibbs, who was at the stove.

"Same as I always make." He explained to her as he sat the plate of bacon down. "William isn't up yet. He usually beats you all to it." He set the pan into the sink and filled it with water and suds before sitting down at the table.

"You know, Gibbs, you have to be one of the best cooks ever." Ana said as she dug into her eggs. "I actually look forward to Saturday morning breakfasts because the food is actually edible."

"Hey!" Jack protested. "I can cook too." He said as he headed past the doorway in nothing but his boxers and a pair of sandals, heading out to get the paper. Norrington paused with the eggs halfway to his lips and looked at those gathered around the table in shock.

"Can he go outside dressed like that?" He asked. Ana waved a hand and took a sip of her orange juice.

"He has no shame, it's alright. Besides, he's been worse outside."

----------

Jack walked out across the lawn and came to a stop, finding the paper wasn't there yet. He wanted the paper, however, because it kept him from getting bored while he was eating. The other alternative involved eggs stuck to the cupboards and ceiling. He idly scratched the underside of his chin and was about to go sit on the porch when he noticed Heather next door washing her car. Ever the friendly pirate, he thought it would be nice of him to greet her.

"Good morning!" He called out to her. Heather glanced up from where she was scrubbing the bumper and smiled.

"Morning Jack." She called, getting to her feet. "How are you today?"

"I'd be better if the paper was here." He told her, coming over and leaning against her car. "Is it just me or is the paper boy getting later and later?"

"He's getting later." She assured him. "Oh, and I have something that belongs to you." She went over to the bucket and came back, holding the male doll by one leg. "I think he's part of your crew."

Jack took Barbossa by the same leg, holding him up. "Let me guess, buried in the backyard?" He asked. Heather nodded.

"Backyard." She confirmed. "Along with a stethoscope and Mr. Gibbs' driver's license." She held the two objects out to him as well. "And if I tried, probably a few other things would probably be found out there." She shook her head. "I'm hoping this is a phase that all puppies grow out of."

Jack was about to respond when he heard the whir of tires as the paper boy came pedaling down the street. The boy reached into his satchel and pulled out a paper, tossing it at the two. Jack easily caught it and presented it to Heather.

"There you go. I'll let you get back to washing the car." He said as he headed back over to his own lawn and snatching up their paper. He headed back inside, slumping down into the seat between Bill, who seemed to be having a hangover or was very sick, and Norrington, who suddenly looked very uncomfortable.

"Mr Sparrow, would it be too much to ask for you to eat in something other than just your underwear?" He asked, scooting a few inches away from Jack. Jack glanced over at him as he opened the paper.

"I could eat in the buff." He responded and glanced back to the paper, missing Norrington's shudder. Ana's eyebrow raised again, a smile on her face. Elizabeth was covering her mouth, trying not to laugh. It took Bill a few minutes to get it through his malfunctioning mind.

"I ask you not to, for the sake of every male at this table." He muttered and bit into his bagel. Jack's only response was to turn the page.

"You don't look so well." Gibbs told him. Bill glanced over at him through bloodshot eyes and curled up around his plate again, picking at the bagel.

"I'm fine." He muttered. "I just forgot what it was like to outdrink someone three times my size." Elizabeth was already on her feet, grabbing the aspirin bottle and a glass of water and setting them in front of him. He picked up the bottle and frowned at it.

"Trust me, they're a gift." Gibbs told him. "Cures almost whatever ails you." Bill grunted and tried to pull the top off, unfamiliar with child proof locks. Norrington watched him with the intent of finding out how the tricky little bottle opened so he could do it right the first time and not make himself out to be an idiot, as Bill was doing now.

Suddenly Ana choked on her orange juice, making Jack glance over the edge of the paper. Will, dressed as his alter ego, was motioning for someone to distract his father and Norrington, as the window provided a great view of the lawn he needed to sneak across to get to the driveway. Jack put the paper down, getting to his feet.

"I...uh...had a strange dream last night." He announced, catching the attention of everyone at the table. "I dreamed that we were back on the Pearl and there were clown monkeys. It was really terrifying."

"Thank you for sharing." Bill muttered dryly, fed up with the bottle. He suddenly heaved it across the room. The bottle flew out the doorway and hit the wall opposite from Will. It burst open and pills tumbled over the hallway rug. "That did it!" He said triumphantly, getting to his feet and heading towards the doorway.

"No!" Ana and Elizabeth both shouted, getting to their feet.

"I mean, we'll get it for you Bill." Ana told him quickly and got to her feet.

"I can do it." He told her, but Ana grasped his arm.

"It's fine, really." She told him, her tone making it clear she wanted no argument, but Bill wouldn't back down either.

"I can get my own damn pills." He told her, dragging her towards the doorway. Ana did the only thing she could think of and jumped on his back, arms around his neck.

"Hey!" He protested, arms flailing as he lost his balance. Losing his balance, he fell face first onto the carpet, Ana landing on his back. Taking advantage of the chaos, Will hopped over him. Norrington paused, catching sight of him, pointing but not being able to say anything for a moment. Ana quickly got off Bill and tried to escape. Bill tried to grab her ankle, thinking she was going to beat him to the aspirin, but only succeded in grabbing Will's ankle. Will toppled forward onto the ground with a grunt.

"Now look here, I can..." Bill paused. "You are not Anamaria." He pushed himself up to his knees. "You're that singer guy." His eyes narrowed. "Wait a second..." He growled, grasping Will's ankle in both hands and pulling him forwards. "What the hell is going on here?"

Ana opened her mouth to reply, but Elizabeth beat her to it. "Danny's a friend of ours." She said witha nervous smiled. "Loves Gibbs' cooking, but we like to keep it hush hush so fans don't flood the place."

Bill glanced between them before pointing. "Will." He said. "I raised him for a few years. My fathering skills aren't that bad."

"Danny." Elizabeth protested. Jack sprawled on the stairs, chewing an apple and enjoying the scene.

"Both?" Will squeaked. Bill glanced over at him, eyes narrowed slightly.

"You've got some explaining to do."

Norrington was still trying to comprehend. He finally looked over at Elizabeth. "So you never..."

"I've been with Will all this time." She told him. "Both personalities."

"Oh." He still looked slightly confused. Elizabeth pat him on the shoulder.

"Sorry, we didn't mean to break your brain." She told him.

Jack chuckled, still observing the scene. "Just another Saturday morning in the pirate household."


	26. Professor Sparrow

Jack Sparrow was destined to be a pirate. From day one he had the mischevious nature down cold, not to mention the trouble making attitude and clever mindset in order to pull off any scheme he set his mind on. He could be a chameleon of sorts, acting to get what he wanted with the people around him none the wiser. Then there were times when the results wouldn't exactly be profitable to him, but enjoyable none the least. Like the expression on Norrington's face when he walked into his class.

The day before, Jack had gotten a hold of Norrington's schedule while he was out on yet another study session. He only paused for a moment to realize that Norrington's notes were still in the bag as well. He raised an eyebrow and tossed the notes back in the bag, opening the schedule and wondering how someone studied history without their notes. He knew the answer, he just didn't want to dwell on it. A cruel smirk crossed his lips as he looked over the schedule, his eyes settling on one course in particular that he should be good at teaching. Picking up the phone, he quickly dialed in a number.

"Hello, Professor Andrews..."

Norrington slid into his seat besidehis best friendand flipped open his notes, stopping at the first blank page and putting the date at the top. He picked up the travel mug of tea and took a sip.

"Piracy in the Caribbean."She mused. "Should be a very interesting lecture."

"Piracy?" Norrington said and raised an eyebrow. "Interesting indeed." At least he would know all this information like the back of his hand. Maybe he could even out do the old professor who taught the class and impress her. Settling back in his chair, he tapped the pen against the notebook and waited for the class to start.

The door opened and all the students glanced over, expecting to see old Professor Andrews hobbling in to give them another cut and dry lecture. Instead, they found that they had apparently gained a new professor for the day. The new guy strode over to the lecture, setting down a few papers. He noticed that already he had their attention and a smirk crossed his face as he leaned forward on the podium.

Norrington had to look twice and an expression of horror appeared on his face. The glasses had thrown him for a moment, but sure enough, the man standing in front of the class was none other than Captain Jack Sparrow. Norrington tried to say something, but figured most of it would fall on deaf ears or he would just get odd looks. A few of the girls around the class were already whispering to their friends or text messaging.

"Hello." Jack spoked up. "Professor Andrews has the day off so I'm going to be teaching in his stead. You can call me Professor Rainey, or Mort, however you chose to do it." He picked up the papers and shuffled through. "I know usually your class would've been cancelled but I volunteered as the topic being discussed this week is a specialty of mine."

"A specialty." Norrington muttered. "So close to the truth..."

"What truth?"She whispered to him.

"Nothing. I'm just pondering out loud." He told her and reverted his eyes back to Jack. The pirate's smirk grew as he caught the dark look that Norrington was giving him.

"Piracy in the Caribbean. If I'm not mistaken, it's a pretty well known topic." He held up a finger. "But it's not just history. It's legend as well. Can anyone tell me who one of the most well known pirates was?"

Norrington decided to play along with the game and leaned forward, speaking up. "Calico Jack Rackham." He said loudly. "I believe he was one of the best there ever was." Now it was Jack's turn to give him a dark look.

"Anyone else?" Jack asked, glancing around the room. A girl in the back tenativley raised her hand.

"Captain Morgan?" She asked. Once again, Jack looked a little deflated but quickly recovered.

"That's another one I suppose. Anyone else?" There was silence in the room beforeNorrington's study matespoke up.

"Captain Jack Sparrow." She said. The charming grin reappeared on Jack's face.

"There you go. One of my favorites."

"But actually, I believe he was one of the worst pirates in the Caribbean." Norrington said. "He was mutineed, his ship stolen from him, his crew intent on murdering him. It took him nearly ten years to get it back with the help of a blacksmith's apprentice, an ex-navy sailor, and a woman." He responded. "I don't see the greatness in that."

"Ah, but he did sack Nassau port without firing a single shot." Jack responded evenly.

"Did he? I heard that was all talk." Norrington leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest.

"If you look at the records, you will indeed find that the Nassau port was indeed sacked by the Black Pearl."

"Ah, but was the Black Pearl under Captain Sparrow's command at the time?" At this point the students were looking back and forth between Norrington and Jack, noticing that the lecture had become something more like a tennis match than actual note taking.

"It was. Hector Barbossa was only a first mate at the time, but it seems as if plans of muntiny were already in place."

"I also heard that he would've been hung by the British Navy if luck hadn't interviened wearing an overly pompus hat." Norrington said, still getting his shots in.

"Stroke of luck it was for them that they even caught him. Records indicate that the idiotic commodore and the officers he commanded never would've caught Captain Sparrow if it hadn't been for the fact that he had no where else to go. Not only that, but he already knew he was going to escape."

Norrington was quiet for a moment, unsure of what to say. He had run out of ammo briefly. "He was caught three times by them, not once."

"And escaped all three times." Jack leaned against the podium, glancing around the room. "I'm willing to take other questions."

A boy in the front row raised his hand. "Why did this Captain Sparrow get mutinied by his own crew?" He asked. Jack stuck a finger in the collar of his dress shirt and tugged, face turning red slightly. Norrington leaned forward, suddenly interested in this as well.

"Captain Sparrow didn't have a lot of tact." He said finally. "Telling someone that their obsession with apples had to be compensating for something is not nice." He glanced around at all the blank stares and made a snip snip motion. A few people cringed and others turned bright red.

Norrington nearly burst out laughing. The infamous Captain Jack Sparrow almost lost his ship because he couldn't keep his mouth shut. Barbossa had kept him for the location to the island and then dumped him on an island because Jack had hurt his feelings. He smothered the laugh in his hand, not noticingher, looking over at him with an eyebrow raised.

"Are you alright?" She whispered.

"Just fine." He told her and picked up the mug to take another drink. "I just found it funny is all." Funny as in blackmail material. Maybe living in the modern age wouldn't be so bad after all.

* * *

After the lecture was over, a few of the students stayed behind to beg Jack to be their teacher full time. He turned them all down, saying he was quite honored, but Professor Andrews had the class and teaching wasn't his usual job anyway. After they had all filed out, Heather approached him, stuffing the notebook in her backpack.

"Did you get everything you needed?" He asked. She nodded.

"Although I have to say, hearing it from Professor Rainey was an interesting way to get it." She told him. "It's a source of research, I guess."

"Research." Norrington shook his head. "Not so much research as that Jack likes to talk about himself."

Jack leveled a finger at him. "Hey! That's Professor Sparrow to you, Mr. Norrington. For that disrespect, leave my class!" He pointed to the door. Norrington glanced that way and then back to Jack, an amused smile on his face, but he didn't move. Jack dropped his arm and glared at him. "Or you could just stand there and look at me with typical smugness." He said, tucking the papers he'd brought with him back under his arms.

"Well I should be smug. After all, whatever else would a idiotic commodore like me have to do except look smug?" He smirked. "I'm not clever enough to make the analogy of apples to anatomy." Jack glowered at him and glanced to Heather.

"Ignore him. He's full of it."

"But that's what I learned in Professor Rainey's class." Norrington insisted. "Don't you think it's true enough?" He asked Heather, who was trying her hardest not to laugh.

"Sure." She said finally, just barely able not to break out laughing.

Jack walked past the two, obviously ignoring the jabs. At the doorway, he turned around to face the two of them, who were still talking about him.

"Fuggedaboutit." He snapped before disappearing out the doorway. Norrington paused, brow furrowing slightly.

"Was that supposed to be english?"


	27. Operation Journal

Jack was laughing so hard the tears were pouring down the sides of his face. Bill was looking quite sheepish, slunk down in the dining room chair with the mouth of the beer bottle pressed against his lips. Will was giving his father a very disapproving look, arms crossed over his chest. Apparently no one had told Bill that allowing Whelp to drink beer was a bad thing. The older pirate had insisted that the brew was weak enough that he hadn't thought a thing about it when he'd fallen to Whelp's kicked puppy look and allowed him a few sips.

The dog in question was walking unsteadily around the kitchen. There was a crash as he unsteadily ran into the garbage can, knocking it over and fell over himself. Jack's laughter had reached a howling pitch and he fell out of the chair, hands wrapped around his stomach. Whelp got to his feet again and wandered over to Jack, nearly toppling on the pirate, but Jack was too busy laughing to notice.

"You got my dog drunk." Will said deadpan. Bill didn't look up at his son, taking a sip of the beer.

"I didn't think he'd actually get drunk." He finally replied. "Besides, he doesn't seem to mind it too much." He protested just as Whelp stumbled back across the kitchen. Out in the hallway, the door opened and slammed shut again. Heather came charging into the kitchen.

"Jack, you'll never guess..." She started, failing to notice the drunken dog stumbling across her path. Will lunged and grabbed her just before she hit the floor, the paper that had been in her hand fluttering to the ground. Jack, who had slowly been calming down, burst out laughing again as well as tried to apologize for laughing.

Will helped Heather gather up the paper and then grabbed Whelp's collar, dragging the drunken dog out of the room, while she proceeded to put the paper down on the table. Bill leaned over to investigate and nearly spit up beer, coughing and pounding on his chest.

"Jack, you might want to see this..." He said in a sing song voice. Jack managed to pull himself up from the floor and lean against the table, picking up the paper. Slowly his laughter died out and his eyes grew wide as he scanned the headline.

"Where did they get my journal and why are they putting it up for auction?" Jack nearly shouted. "That...not good!" His knuckles turned white as he gripped the paper. "We have to get it back. I refuse for my journal to be..." He squinted at the paper. "Some object sold for the delight of the rich and famous." He looked back and forth between Heather and Bill. "Rally the troops. This isn't a one man con."

---------------

"Saucy wench to daft pirate, saucy wench to daft...who the hell made up these nicknames?" Anamaria muttered, shifting on her stomach. The rough surface of the rooftop was making her feel uncomfortable, no matter which way she shifted. Settling on her elbows once more, she brought the binoculars up again.

"Blame Bill." Jack replied, his voice sounding tinny through the ear peice in her ear. She watched as he got out of the vehicle and helped Elizabeth out after him and led her up to the doors, where the doorman opened the door and pointed them inside. She caught Jack reaching up and touching his own earpiece, trying to shift it to make it more comfortable.

"Blame me for what?" Bill's voice rebuked. "You just asked me on the way over. What else was I supposed to say?"

"Something a little more classy." Elizabeth responded, a hint of dry sarcasm in her voice.

"Or something better than Mr. Pompous Wig." Norrington commented. There were multiple snickers heard from the crew in their positions. "It's not funny!"

"Would you all shut up? I'm getting odd looks." Jack growled. Elizabeth and Jack made their way into the ball room and started milling among the other people who were browsing the objects for sail. He nearly dragged her over to the table, peering through the glass case to his journal. He reached out to touch it affectionately, but the guard standing behind the table grunted at him. Jack quickly pulled his hand back. "Sorry, got caught up in the moment." He muttered before ambling away with Elizabeth.

"Let's get some drinks first."

---------------

Norrington raised a hand to knock on the door of the security office, glancing over at Bill. The pirate glanced back at him, an eyebrow raised behind the darkly tinted sunglasses. Both men looked as if they were the famed men in black of Area 51 fame, so it was no surprise that the guard jumped when he opened the door.

"Can I help you two?" He asked nervously, adjusting his tie as he glanced between Bill and James.

Bill stared at him deadpan. "My name is Agent Greenleaf and this is Agent Taylor. We're Miss Swann's bodyguards. She's been having a problem with a stalker lately and we'd like to keep an eye on her from your vantage point."

The security guard glanced over his shoulder to the other working with him. When he got the nod that these two were definitely given the authorization. He stood aside and let Bill and Norrington enter. The two kept their cool facade as they sat down by the security monitors. Both security guards glanced at each other and went back to their duties, keeping a sharp eye on the newcomers.

-------------

Anamaria had joined Will down at the fire exit in the back alley. Both were dressed completely in black. Anamaria's hair was bundled back in a bun with the lock pick and Will had tried to hide all his hair under the black ski cap. They were waiting for the signal to move. The time they had was very brief, but long enough to get in, grab the journal, and run. At least try to run.

Meanwhile, Gibbs was working at the high tech system that ran the auction house. He stared at the wires with a thoughtful look on his face before grabbing two out and snipping them. "That should disable the security system." He said and reached in again. "I'm going to pull the breaker and leave. You'll have at the most five minutes to get in and out with the journal." Anamaria and Will nodded quietly, Will's hand resting on the door handle. The moment the breaker was pulled, Will yanked open the door and disappeared inside, followed by Anamaria.

Inside the ball room and in the security office, darkness descended and panic struck. People were demanding to know what was going on as the security guards were calling to see what had happened. The backup generator had been disconnected, causing more of a problem.

Jack had been separated from Elizabeth, making his way over to the table. He reached out to feel for the box and felt something soft instead. The hand whipped out and smacked him across the face.

"Watch it..."

"Ana?"

"Jack? I should've known it was you."

"Ha ha. Just help me get this bloody thing open and my journal out of here, aye?"

"Aye." She pulled the lock pick out of her hair. "I got separated from Will." She whispered. "We didn't think out the light situation too well."

"Too late to worry about it now." Jack whispered back, taking the pick from her and working in the darkness. There was truth to what he said about being able to pick a lock with his eyes closed. It only took a few seconds for the lock to pop open. He slid it out and opened the box, stuffing the journal in Anamaria's arms. "Go." He hissed.

Anamaria made a beeline back for the door when the lights came back on. She pressed herself against the door and quickly opened it just enough to slide out. Once she had gotten out, she ran around the corner of the building, the two men who had restored the electricity completely oblivious to her presence.

Will, on the other hand, had still been fumbling around when the lights went back on. The woman he thought was Elizabeth was instead a popular actress known to have a foul temper. He just barely managed to avoid getting a detrimental injury involving her knee and his groin.

He nearly shouted out when a hand grabbed his arm, but turned to find that it was only Jack. The pirate motioned for him to stay quiet and started dragging him along to find Elizabeth. They soon found her in the corner of the room, cursing Jack out for leaving her alone. As soon as the two appeared, she threw her arms around Will and planted a kiss on his cheek. Jack rolled his eyes and then nodded towards the door.

"We need to go, before they find anything missing." He hissed. Elizabeth unwrapped her arms around Will's neck and grasped his hand while grabbing Jack's hand with her other. The three of them made their way towards the ball room doors.

In the security room, Bill and Norrington got up as the saw the three sneaking out. "I have to say, this hasn't been encouraging." Norrington said, shaking his head. "You should make sure everything is working properly next time." He rebuked as they left the room.

"Whoa, we come in peace." Will quipped as he saw the two. Norrington and Bill frowned, looking at each other. "Coming to collect the strays from Area 51? Do you guys even get what I'm talking about?" More blank stares. "You're watching Men in Black when we get back."

-------------

"So what does he do? He gets lost!" Anamaria said as she threw the journal down in front of Jack. "Next time remember to keep that hidden away from prying eyes." She told him, sitting down heavily in the chair and opening a can of pop. Jack picked up the journal and hugged it tightly.

"I'll never ever lose you again." He said, mockingly stroking the journal's cover. Norrington rolled his eyes as he continued to make his tea while Bill snickered.

"I did not just get lost." Will protested and tossed another object on the table. Bill picked up the knife and slid it out of its sheath, inspecting it. An eyebrow raised as he looked at the intricately etched letters.

"You were looking for your arts and crafts?" Jack muttered, spying Will's trademark symbol etched in the metal near the grip.

"You went back for your journal." He muttered.

"That's different?"

"How?"

"It just is. Look, I'm captain and I don't have to explain anything to you!"

"Sure, use that as an excuse."

"You want an excuse? I'll give you an excuse, Turner..."

"Hey, what did I do?"

"Not you, Bill. Your runt."

"Oh."

"I am not a runt!"

"You said the same thing about being a pirate and look how that turned out."

"Shut up, Jack. Just...shut up."

"I win."

"You did not win."

"I did too win. You couldn't come up with a response."

"Would you two shut up?"

"Jack started it. I spent a lot of time making that knife. He just scrawled words while he was drunk!"

"I did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"That's it. I give up. You two are hopeless."

"Indeed."


	28. Thanksgiving

"We can do this."

Norrington stared at Jack from across the kitchen. The corner of his mouth twitched as he tried not to laugh. The infamous Captain Jack Sparrow was looking rather less than infamous at the moment, wearing an apron and staring at the cookbook in his hands. A look of deep concentration was on his face. "The instructions are right here and all we have to do is carry it out." He glanced up at Norrington. "I can make toast." He said after a moment of silence.

Norrington crossed his arms over his own apron, his brow furrowed. "I don't think toast is considered part of this Thanksgiving feast, but as you have told me, times have changed." He said thoughtfully, scratching his chin, wondering not for the last time if they shouldn't have thought this out better.

Jack had been noble for once and offered to give the household chefs a night off and that Norrington, Bill, Will, and he would create the Thanksgiving dinner. Gibbs and Anamaria were all too eager to agree, disappearing into the living room to watch the parade on TV. Elizabeth had insisted that she help, but Jack had patiently reminded her of the last time she had cooked for them. Will had stepped in before anything too bad had been said and assured her that he wanted to make dinner for her. Elizabeth, being the smart girl that she was, figured out the hint right away and headed into the living room after sending a dark look in Jack's direction.

"No, toast is not on the menu." Jack said. "Just turkey, mashed potatos, stuffing, corn, cranberry sauce, and anything else I'm forgetting." He said with a shrug. Norrington was about to suggest dinner rolls when the hissing interrupted them, water spilling out of the pot of boiling potatoes and onto the stove. Jack cursed and quickly lifted the pot, waiting for the water to die down before setting it back and turning down the heat.

Barbossa chuckled from the counter. "How the mighty have fallen." He commented. Jack picked up the spatula from the counter and advanced on him, his frustration apparent. Norrington caught his wrist. "The feared captain of the Black Pearl in an apron! We all know that the Pearl was in better hands when I was her captain. This just proves it."

"Just keep talking Mr. Plastic Doll." Jack growled. He stared at Barbossa for a moment before a cruel smirk crossed his face. "Ever seen the inside of a turkey's rear end?" He asked politely. Norrington raised an eyebrow, but declined to comment.

Barbossa seemed completely unfazed, although they could never really tell as the doll had rather nonflexible facial features that seemed to always be frozen in what Gibbs had described to be a rather sinister smile. Then again, he had been drinking at the time.

"You have to get a turkey first." Barbossa commented.

"Oh, we'll get one." Jack assured him. "Then we'll see who's the smug one." He turned back to the oven. "We'll see."

-------------

Trying to do the traditional Thanksgiving right, Gibbs had suggested a fresh turkey instead of one found in the grocery store. So while Norrington had discovered the joys of grocery shopping in a crowded store with Jack by his side, father and son had been looking for an ideal place to get a turkey. They finally settled on a farm on the outskirts of town.

"What do you mean I have to go get the turkey I want?" Bill said furiously. "I have to go in there and catch it?" He glanced to his right to see the feathery masses running around the gated yard and shuddered. "You do it."

"The ad said you're responsible for getting your own chicken." The farmer told him, staring Bill down. He leaned against the fence post and nodded towards the turkeys. "Then we can't be held responsible for any damage done to 'em. Prices stay the same."

"Prices stay the same?" Bill grumbled. "You cheap bas..."

"Dad!" Will interrupted. "'Rock, Paper, Scissors' for the person who goes in?" He asked, trying to defuse the situation. Bill shot the farmer another dirty look and turned to face his son, holding out his hand. "On the count of three."

Three games later, Bill marched into the pen, looking furious. "Here turkey, turkey, turkey." He snarled, crouching down and slowly approaching the turkeys. The creatures glanced over at him, ruffling their feathers. Bill paused a few inches away and then sprung. There was a loud commotion as the turkeys ran for it, leaving feathers behind. Bill cursed and got to his feet.

The farmer glanced over at Will. "Didn't he want anything to kill a turkey with?" He asked. "Most of our customers go in there with something." 

"That's my dad." Will said, staring down at the LCD screen of the hand held camcorder. "Always doing things the hard way." He could barely hide the amused smile on his face.

About half an hour later, things had gone from funny to sad. Will finally turned off the camera and handed it to the farmer. He pointed to the axe that was embedded in a tree stump beside a pile of chopped wood. The farmer frowned and shook his head. Will thanked him and headed over, grabbing the axe. He hefted it a moment to get the feel of it and returned to the pen.

"Dad, which one did you want again?" Will asked. Bill stopped, flicking the hair out of his face and pointed out a plump turkey that was still in hyper mode. Will narrowed his eyes in concentration and shifted the axe to one hand. "Stand back."

---------------

"There was this thump and the body twitched a moment before it fell over." Bill said, pantomiming wildly with his hands as Will hefted the dead animal, freshly plucked and cleaned, into the pan. "Heads lying on the ground and the axe was stuck in wall. This ranks up there in my top ten moments." He shook his head. "Remind me not to piss him off."

Jack glanced over at him, raising an eyebrow. "I still hold number one, right?" He asked. Bill nodded.

"Jack, no one will ever top that." Bill said with an evil grin.

"Top what?" Will glanced between his father and Jack. "Come on, tell me!"

"Well..." Jack began and stopped. At that point, even Norrington was interested.

"He set loose a figurative barnyard in a governor's mansion." Bill said. "One night on a drunken whim, he plays Noah and gathers all the animals in the town. All he had to do was open the door and shove them in, right in the middle of the ball." He started laughing. "And all hell breaks loose!"

"Ladies screaming, men climbing up on furniture, the servants panicking." Jack sighed. "I remember it like it was yesterday." He did look genuinely nostalgic, Norrington observed. Even he had to admit that the moment would have been funny, although if it had been Governor Swann's mansion, he might've been among the few that had simply stared and muttered 'indeed.'

"Priceless..." Bill said, leaning against the counter. Jack unraveled the cord of the blender and plugged it in, holding it above the bowl of potatoes and a little bit of milk.

"Here goes nothing." He muttered and flicked on the switch. Norrington, having some odd sixth sense about the actions of pirates, ducked out of the kitchen just in time to miss the splatter action potatoes. When he looked back in, Will was trying to wipe the potatoes out of his hair as Bill wiped at the streak of white across his chest. "I'm guessing that's the wrong setting."

"Probably." Bill paused and frowned. "Is it just me, or is it almost too quiet in here?" He asked. All four men frowned and looked around as if something was missing.

Jack held up a finger. "Will, you remembered to take the doll out of the turkey before you put the stuffing in, right?"

Will frowned. "There was a doll in the turkey?" His question was answered as Bill and Jack lunged for the oven, pulling the turkey out. "You put Barbossa in the turkey?" He nearly shouted, but Norrington slapped a hand over his mouth.

"I'm not in the turkey." Barbossa grumbled, still trying to extract his body from the pile of mashed potatoes he had been encumbered in. Jack cursed and pulled his hand out of the turkey.

"We need to put a bell on him." He muttered and shoved the turkey back into the oven.

------------

"This looks actually edible." Anamaria said as she sat down at the table. Gibbs glanced over the table with a practiced eye, smiling in approval. Elizabeth took her seat beside Will, taking a moment to brush some of the flour out of his curly hair.

"Well dig in!" Jack said, waving at the food. "We didn't nearly singe our eyebrows off, get killed by rampaging turkeys, slipped on corn bricks, dodged mashed potatoes, and stick our hands up a turkey's butt for nothing!"

Gibbs paused, looking around the table. "I can just see one thing is missing though." He said and glanced towards Jack. "The rolls."

Norrington snapped his fingers. "I forgot to mention that."

Jack stared at him. "You noticed and didn't tell me?"

"What difference would it have made if I had?"

"I could've made Bill whip something up!" Jack protested.

"Whip something up? Or watch as he created the blob that ate the kitchen? No, that was Will's pie crust."

"I'm a pirate. I don't do cooking." Bill commented.

"But Gibbs was a pirate and he does cook quite well." Anamaria pointed out.

"Gibbs is special then." Bill muttered.

"Enough!" Elizabeth glanced around at all of them. "We're supposed to be getting along, giving thanks for being with family and enjoying our dinner. I don't want to hear another word out of anyone." She glanced around the table. "Or I'll make them eat Will's pie."

"Hey!"

"We'll be good."

"I second that."

"Anything but the pie..."


	29. The Sparrow Fan Club

Elizabeth wearily pushed the door shut behind her and dropped the briefcase on the floor. She pulled off her coat and attempted to hang it on the rack, but with everything on there it slid into a pile on the floor along with a few other articles of clothing. What she needed now was a nice long nap on the couch before dinner. A tired smile appeared on her lips at the thought of the nap. She kicked off her shoes and headed down the hallway, turning the corner into the living room. The sight made her pause.

Norrington, Jack, Bill, Will, and Gibbs had taken up all the seats in the living room. Norrington, Jack, Bill, and Will were all sitting together on the couch, cramped but not looking too uncomfortable as they stared entranced at the TV. Gibbs was reclined in Cotton's old chair, staring at the TV as well. Elizabeth leaned farther into the living room, wondering what was so interesting.

As she leaned forward, she saw Whelp lying beneath the coffee table, staring at the screen of the TV as well. Her gaze moved over to the TV and she rolled her eyes. Of course it would be Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the one TV show that seemed to completely distract the men of the household from doing anything productive. What was worse was it seemed as if they had gotten Norrington hooked as well. Elizabeth didn't think she would ever see the day when the former commodore would be sitting on a couch with Will and two pirates, drinking beer and watching Buffy. Then again, it was quite possible the men of the house were having a bad effect on him.

Norrington sat on the end, beer bottle in one hand and a bowl of popcorn sitting on his lap, not even looking down to the bowl as he transferred the popcorn to his mouth. Will sat beside him, slouched down in the chair with his hands resting on his stomach, a sucker in his mouth. Jack was the next in line, oddly enough wearing a Santa hat and taking a drink of beer. Bill was on the end, hand stuck in a bag of pretzels. Gibbs was staring intently at the TV, not moving. As for Whelp, he just seemed to be doing the canine version of pouting because no one would play with him.

Elizabeth took pity on the dog and whistled. The sound never even disturbed the guys, not even when Whelp nearly overturned the coffee table scrambling to Elizabeth. She knelt down and scratched him behind the ears, the dogs tail waving wildly as she found the sweet spot and scratched it. Standing up, she led him into the kitchen and was surprised to see Ana and Heather sitting at the table. There was a notebook in front of Heather and Ana was taking, waving her hand as she spoke. They both glanced up as Elizabeth entered with the dog at her heels. Whelp trotted over to Heather and laid his head on her lap, looking for a scratch.

"Elizabeth, Ana was just collecting information for her book. She was asking about Jack." A wry smile appeared on her lips. "You didn't miss much if there's anything you'd like to add in."

"Always love to hear another side of the story." Heather said as she rubbed Whelp's head. He let out a doggy sigh of contentment and sat down, closing his eyes.

"Oh, I'm sure I can think of something." Elizabeth said with a smile as she sat down. "For one, he's quite the gentlemen for being a pirate."

Ana nearly spit out her mouthful of soda. "Gentlemen? He stole my boat and then got the one he promised me blown up!" She shook her head. "He stole from a lady!"

"With every intention of giving it back." Elizabeth said and raised an eyebrow as Ana glared at her. "Alright, not so much a gentlemen as a gentlemen rogue. When we spent the night on the island, he was nice enough to flirt with me before trying to put the move on me." Her cheeks turned slightly red.

Ana raised an eyebrow. "He is quite a good flirter." There was a murmur of consent around the table before Ana snapped to. "But he still stole my boat..."

"So Jack had to be a good captain if you all stayed on his ship, right?" Heather said, tapping her pen on the paper. "He still seems like a captain."

"Oh, he was. With him as our captain, the Pearl and her crew was the most feared ship in the Caribbean. Do you know he almost always found a way to win over another ship without killing anyone on the other crew or getting his crew killed?" Ana explained. "He sacked Nassau port without firing a shot just by playing the Navy against each other and giving himself the time to get his men in the city and out again with the stolen goods."

"Definitely not the typical pirate you hear of." Heather said as she scribbled down some notes. "He must've been quite loved by his crew."

"Bah!" The comment came from the Barbossa doll. "Hardly! The man is incompetent, hardly pirate enough to be called one. He relies on luck and luck onl..."

"Shut up." Elizabeth and Anamaria calmly chimed in.

"You bloody lasses and your infatuation with the captain. What is it you see in him?" He snarled, stiffly sitting up and staring, or would've been if he had movable eyes.

"Charm." 

"Intelligence."

"Hot."

"Woof."

"For the record, that was the dog, not me."

Looks were exchanged and the women exchanged a secret smile. Barbossa moved his arms up and down in a form of protest.

"You're all blind, I tell you! Blind! He's only a..."

"Barbossa, go watch Buffy..."

"Buffy's on?" The doll dropped off the counter and picked himself up, hurrying off as fast as he could on his plastic legs. Elizabeth looked back at Ana and Heather.

"What is it with that show in this household?" She asked, frowning. "You say the name and they all flock to the TV."

Ana shrugged. "Speaking of liking things, that was one thing that always bothered me about Jack. He was...close...to his ship." Anamaria mused. "There was this one time he fell asleep on the dock and I could've sworn he was stroking the deck and telling her how beautiful she was."

"That's not disturbing, that's Jack." Elizabeth answered in amusement. "He treated that ship as if it were his wife."

"Had to give him that. He was a fair captain, always gave us our fair share of the plunder taken. He even agreed to take these two for an adventure once. That was when we became immortal." Ana smirked. "That's one event I won't complain about."

"Neither would I." Elizabeth chimed in. "You know, it's hard to describe Jack really."

"Jack is an enigma. A really cocky enigma." Ana muttered.

"But a handsome enigma." Heather supplied.

"And a humorous enigma." Elizabeth added in. They all paused as Anamaria perked up and glanced towards the doorway of the kitchen. Elizabeth and Heather glanced over to see Bill standing in the doorway, his eyes narrowed slightly.

"You're forming a Jack fan club..." He said slowly, his mind seeming not to comprehend. "Women fall over him." He frowned and was quiet for a moment. "I want a fan club!"

"Oh dear..." Norrington's voice came from the other room as Jack burst out laughing.

"What's this about a fan club?"

"Nothing!" Ana shouted. "Bill's just had too much to drink. We're cutting him off!"

"All hail Captain Jack Sparrow!" Jack shouted from the living room. Ana got up from the table, picking up her empty soda can and stomping into the living room. A moment later there was the sound of the can colliding with something. "Ow!"

"Happy? I hailed you alright!" Ana growled and stomped back into the kitchen.

"See, the best friends never get any recognition!"

"Best friends? Try law enforcement!" Norrington chimed in, for once interested in the roommate brawl.

"Exactly. You and I should write in a protest or something." Bill said. Norrington nodded slowly.

"Perhaps we should." He said thoughtfully.

"Ha!" Jack snickered as Will looked completely lost on the conversation.

"Would you all just go back to watching Buffy?" Ana and Elizabeth protested.

Gibbs sighed as he opened the fridge door, searching through.

"Sorry to tell you lasses this, but not even Buffy can save us now."


	30. A Pirate Holiday

_**December 23rd**_

_Tis the season to be jolly all right_, Jack thought in frustration as he gripped the wheel of the SUV tighter, his knuckles turning white. Behind him, a horn blared and the pirate deftly rolled down the window, stuck his arm out, and gave the honker another reason to be cranky. Ana reached over from the passenger's seat and yanked his arm back in, giving him a dark look. He knew she was probably worried about road rage, but nothing compared to a pirate stuck in holiday traffic. Back on the seas, he hadn't had to deal with traffic jams, which probably was a positive where his sanity was concerned. That and if he heard 'Jingle Bells' one more time, he was going to strangle someone, and at the moment, he wasn't likely to discern friend from foe.

"Maybe you should let someone else drive." Elizabeth suggested helpfully from the behind. Jack looked up into the rearview mirror, eyes narrowed darkly. She seemed unaffected and pulled her heavy coat closer around her, staring out the back window at the snow covered mountains again.

It had been a group decision to have a white Christmas and to do that, they'd decided to head north for a few days to celebrate. Norrington and Gibbs had found a nice cabin to rent and Elizabeth had gotten a good deal on a rather large SUV so that they could all ride together. Jack had volunteered to drive and Ana sat in the passengers side seat navigating for him. Elizabeth, Gibbs, and Whelp were squeezed together in the middle seat and Bill, Will, and Norrington were crushed together in the back seat.

Norrington squirmed uncomfortably, inadvertently shooting an elbow into Bill's side. The pirate gave him a dark look and went back to playing the Game Boy in his hands. Will leaned against the window, staring at the same scenery that he'd been staring at for what he figured to be at least twenty minutes. Whelp had curled up half on and half off of Elizabeth's lap and was sighing contentedly as Elizabeth scratched him behind the ear. Gibbs was snoring lightly, head thrown back.

"I'm just fine driving." Jack responded, still staring straight ahead. There was a low chuckle from the console at his elbow, Barbossa doll stuffed in the cup holder. Jack picked up the mug of coffee and dangled it perilously over Barbossa's head. "Pray tell, why are you laughing?" He asked in mock sincerity, tilting the mug just a little more so that the steaming coffee came right to the rim. The laughter paused and he grumbled instead.

"You never let me have any fun." Barbossa muttered. "You always ruin it be proving you're…" Jack decided the last thing he needed was to hear whining so he reached over and turned the radio up. That was a big mistake.

"Over the fields we go, laughing all the way…" The woman crooned on the radio. To his horror, the whole backseat picked up the song as well. Jack gripped the wheel tighter, his right eye twitching maniacally. Ana glanced away from the map and saw the expression on his face, looking slightly worried.

"Jack, are you alright?" She asked slowly. He didn't respond, instead throwing open the door and climbing out. The door slammed shut and he screamed in frustration, dropping to his knees. For a moment, there was only silence in the vehicle except for the song on the radio and the bleeps and bloops of the game boy in Bill's hands. Everyone stared at the window, even Whelp.

"I'll drive!" Bill volunteered happily.

The answer was a unanimous no.

-------------------

Norrington was the first one out of the vehicle, almost ready to kiss the snow covered ground. Bill toppled out after him, pulling himself up by the door and shaking his head. Ana got out, looking shaky, as did Elizabeth. Jack looked close to the last thread of his sanity snapping. Whelp wouldn't come out of the vehicle, nails dug into the upholstery of the vehicle.

"My driving isn't that bad." Will protested as he got out of the driver's seat, slamming the door shut behind him. Elizabeth pat him on the chest but didn't comment further, reaching in and trying to pull Whelp from the vehicle. The dog whimpered and cowered down on the seat. The blacksmith shot the dog a dirty look and reached back in the vehicle, grabbing the Barbossa doll and waving it in front of the dog's face.

"No! No! Don't you dare!" Barbossa shouted, waving his arms in fear as the dog lifted his head from the seat and got up, tail wagging again.

"You almost cut my throat. I'm not done with payback." Will told him before throwing him over the yard. Whelp bounded out of the vehicle onto the sidewalk and sprung up over the high snow that covered the lawn. He caught the doll in his mouth before landing on the snow, or rather in. There was an explosion of snow and the dog disappeared from sight.

"Whoops." Will said sheepishly and whistled. Whelp's head poked out of the pile, snow covering his ears and snout. Barbossa was gripped tightly in his jaws, but the dog still managed to bark happily anyway, slogging back through the snow towards his owner. He finally tumbled out of the snow and shook himself, spraying snow all over Ana and Jack. Jack swore and wiped the snow off his clothes as Whelp proudly presented him with the doll. He took it and stuffed it in his coat pocket.

"Let's get inside before we freeze." He muttered, pulling the keys out of his pocket and heading up the stairs. Unlocking the door, he headed inside. Ana followed him inside, squinting in the darkness.

"Where's the light switch?" She muttered, feeling along the wall. Jack reached over and flipped the switch, lighting up the living room. Ana paused, her mouth forming a little 'o' as she looked around the beautifully decorated room. The brick fireplace was surrounded by a couch and three chairs. There was an undecorated Christmas tree tucked in the corner, between the windows that looked out onto the forest behind the cabin. The kitchen was on the other side, sparse but with everything needed to cook a decent meal. A staircase off to the right led upstairs to the bedrooms.

"Wow." Bill said as he came in behind Anamaria. "I like it." He glanced towards the stairs. "And I get first dibs on bedrooms." He suddenly raced for the stairs. Jack opened his mouth to protest, but realized it was a lost cause and took off after Bill, footsteps pounding on the stairs. Gibbs rolled his eyes and dropped the luggage he'd brought in on the floor. Norrington and Will did the same, creating a pile by the doorway. Elizabeth dragged Whelp in, who was apparently having too much fun out in the snow.

"Where did everyone else go?" She asked before her question was answered with a loud thud and fighting from upstairs. "Never mind." She let go of Whelp, who scrabbled upstairs and suddenly the fighting stopped.

"Why don't you take that bed, Bill?"

"No Jack, I insist. You take the bed."

"No, Bill, go for it."

"I told you to take the bed!"

"You take it!"

"I don't want it!"

"Take it!"

Ana couldn't help but laugh. "I guess Whelp changed their minds."

Gibbs smirked. "Who can argue with wet dog on the bed?"

------------------

The rooming arrangements had finally been made. Bill and Jack were stuck in the same room, although the argument was still ongoing as to who got the bed Whelp had jumped on. Elizabeth and Ana had become roommates again as usual, and Gibbs and Norrington had decided to share the last remaining room, which meant Will on the couch. Then again, it was his own fault for raiding the food supplies before laying down a room claim. Barbossa had been stuck in Jack's underwear drawer for the time being.

"Are you sure you boys can handle it?" Elizabeth asked in concern as she handed over the string of lights for Jack, Bill, and Will to put up outside. Her question was met with quick assurances and manly bravado that yes, they would be just fine. She raised an eyebrow but made no other commentary as they tromped back outside into the snow. Turning back towards the living room, she rejoined Ana and Norrington decorating the tree. "Why do I feel like I should be grabbing the video camera and heading outside?"

Ana tossed the ornament in her hand on the tree and got to her feet quickly, running up the stairs. Elizabeth couldn't hide her smile. "I shouldn't have put ideas in her head."

"By all means, put those ideas in her head." Norrington drawled. "Then we have something to blackmail them with should they act up in the future." Elizabeth tossed him the other package of simple ornaments and pointed to the tree.

"In that case, I'm going to watch as well." Norrington looked down at the box in his hand and set it down in one of the chairs.

"I think I'll join you." He responded as he picked up his coat and pulled it on. "I'm not one to miss something like this." Ana came back downstairs with the video camera and the three trekked outside and stood on the sidewalk, looking up towards the roof.

Will glanced between his father and Jack. "Do you think they know something we don't?" He asked quietly, nodding towards the tree on the sidewalk below. Jack snorted and dumped out the box of lights. He looked slightly frustrated as Bill picked up the tangle of lights.

"Yeah, this is going to work real well." He said. "Everyone take an end and start pulling."

Ana grinned as she zoomed in the camera on the three. "Oh, this is disaster waiting to happen." She commented as the men tried to untangle the lights by searching for the end and yanking. As she panned over the roof, the smile fell on her face as she saw Jack's foot closing in on a patch of ice. "Oh cr…Jack!" She shouted.

Jack's attention was caught by her shout and he glanced towards her. His foot hit the patch of ice just right and his feet went flying out from under him. His hands whipped out and grabbed the first thing in reach. Bill. The pirate let out a surprised shout and fell forwards, sliding down the roof with Jack, but not before catching hold of his son as well. Unfortunately, Will's foot caught in the strand of lights. The three tumbled down the roof and over the side. Jack and Bill landed in the snow drifts, white powder exploding upwards. Will tumbled over the side and came to a stop, hanging upside down by one leg, the lights wrapped around his ankle. Ana slapped a hand over her mouth as Norrington fell over, laughing so hard tears were appearing. Elizabeth's eyes widened and she climbed atop the snow drift, scurrying over to the dents in the snow.

Jack sat up and spit out snow, the expression on his face unreadable. He reached into the snow indentation next to him and pulled Bill to a sitting position. The pirate immediately flopped back over. "Let me die."

"If I have to live, so do you." Jack muttered.

"Someone get me down from here!" Will shouted, waving his arms. Suddenly he slipped a few inches. "Actually, never mind that and get out of my way!" Everyone looked up at him in confusion, but no one moved. "Move!" The lights let go and he let out a yelp, falling on top of Jack and Bill, taking Elizabeth down as well.

Ana pumped a fist in the air. "Thousand dollar prize for funniest video, here I come!"

----------------

_**December 24th**_

Elizabeth came downstairs the next morning, yawning and stretching her arms over her head. Outside, snow fell softly, adding to the already mountainous piles of snow. She stared out the window for a moment, smiling to herself at the thought of truly having a White Christmas this year, and then padded over to the couch. Will was still fast asleep. She leaned over the back of the couch, lightly tapping the end of his nose with a finger. He swatted at her finger, muttering something under his breath and rolling over, burying his face in the corner of the couch.

"There's only one way to properly wake him up in the morning." Jack stifled a yawn as he came down the stairs and crossed the living room to the TV. He turned it on the flipped it to the early morning shows. The moment the Teletubbies were heard, Will sat up, blinking away sleep.

"I'm up, I'm up! For the love of anything good, just turn it off!" Will groaned and placed the pillows over his ears. Jack flipped the TV off.

"Thankfully that was immediate. Much more of those evil things and there would've been hell to pay." He followed Elizabeth into the kitchen, where Gibbs had already laid out enough food to feed their group and then some. His mouth practically watered at the eggs, bacon, sausage, biscuits, gravy, bagels, and doughnuts. "I love you, man. Let's face the facts." Jack said as he grabbed a plate from the stack and started piling food on this plate. "This is just…fantastic." Elizabeth headed immediately for the coffee, pouring nearly half the pot into the overly large mug.

A moment later, Bill and Norrington joined them. Like Jack, Bill piled his plate high with food. Norrington refrained from filling his plate until he'd had a cup of tea. Ana dropped Barbossa on the counter as she came in and claimed the other half of the coffee in the pot. Whelp curled up under the table, ready to spring on any loose food that should hit the floor.

"This is why I never regretted sailing on the Pearl." Anamaria spoke up. "Gibbs' cooking." Gibbs smiled at the praise and set a plate of pancakes on the table. Jack was about to add one to the pile that was his plate when a fork lodged itself in the pile, just missing his fingers.

"You know, William, there are easier ways to claim your breakfast. Like, I don't know, saying 'I want those?'" He muttered. Bill paused, spoon stuck in his mouth.

"I didn't do anything." He said, giving Jack a look.

"I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to your son." He growled as Will picked up the plate and sat on the counter, pouring syrup over the stack.

"Well, I can't let those skills go to waste." Will replied around a mouthful of pancake. Elizabeth sat beside him, resting her head on his shoulder.

"I'm goin' to need some supplies from the store to make dinner on Christmas." Gibbs said, looking around at the gathered crew. Everyone stopped eating and pointed at everybody else, except for Norrington and Bill, who didn't exactly get what the problem was. "I'll give you the list after breakfast." He paused. "But someone's got to drive them." No one stepped up to the task. There were a few good moments of silence before Elizabeth sighed and raised her hand.

"I will." She reached over to tear off a piece of one of the pancakes. It slipped from her grasp and hit the floor. Whelp was up in a moment, scrabbling for the food. Unfortunately, he'd forgotten he wasn't a tiny puppy anymore and tried to go under Anamaria's chair. The chair toppled over, spilling Ana onto the floor and getting the dog stuck between the legs. Jack nearly snorted orange juice across the table.

"Payback…" He said in a singsong voice. Ana climbed to her feet, muttering.

"Are you trying to alienate everyone in this family?" She growled at the dog. Whelp looked up at her from between the legs of the chair, dark eyes innocent. "Oh don't give me that look." She sighed. "You've been around your owner way to long."

"Ha ha ha…"

-------------------

"I'm beginning to hate people." Bill muttered as they pushed their way down the aisle of the supermarket. He'd already been run into many a time and never been apologized to once. Instead he'd gotten haughty looks and demands for an apology. The only thing keeping him from getting into a fight was Elizabeth restraining him.

"Why don't you boys go get the ham?" She asked in exasperation after Bill had nearly sent one man packing. The expression on Bill's face went from angry to apprehensive.

"I don't have to kill the pig to get it, do I?" He asked, flashing back to Thanksgiving. Elizabeth stifled a laugh and shook her head.

"No, it's already dead and packaged." She told him, patting him on the shoulder. "All you need to do is go fetch it." She nodded to Norrington. "Why don't you go with him and make sure he doesn't get into any trouble?" The bored commodore seemed willing, so both men maneuvered their way out of the aisle, fighting against the people that pushed towards them.

"I'm beginnin' to hate these holidays." Bill muttered as another rude comment was shot his way. Norrington glanced over his shoulder to see the little old lady give Bill the finger, one eyebrow rising in surprise. "Did she just…? That old witch!" Bill glared at her. "Same to you, wench!" Norrington grabbed his arm as the old woman bristled and grabbed the overly large purse out of her shopping cart as if preparing to brain Bill with it.

"Look! A ham!" Norrington tried to avert Bill's attention to the cooler in the center of the frozen section. The pirate mouthed something to the old woman and turned to see where Norrington was pointing. The commodore sighed in relief and followed after him. "I can't believe you were about to go after an older woman." He muttered at Bill. The pirate brushed him off and pointed.

"Look, there's one left." He said and reached for it. An old, battered purse came down on this hand and a wrinkled hand shot out and snatched up the ham. The woman Bill had been arguing with stuck her tongue out at him and scurried back to her cart. "Oh, she did not just do that!" Bill pushed up his sleeves. "This means war."

Norrington latched onto his arm and pulled him into the nearest aisle. "You are not going to go after some old woman!" He hissed. "We'll find something else, even kill our own if we have to."

Bill's eyes widened in horror. "No! I am not going after some pig. Besides, I wasn't going to go after her, so to speak." He wiggled his fingers. "I was going to steal it. Pirate." A smirk appeared on his face. Norrington stared at him for a moment before speaking.

"You're going to steal from an elderly lady?" He asked in exasperation. Bill shook his head.

"No, no, James. You've got it all wrong. I'm merely going to take back what was mine. It wouldn't be stealing until after she paid for it." He explained. "Now, I need you to distract her while I snatch the ham? Are we good on this?"

"I'm not helping you steal from someone." Norrington muttered and turned on his heel, walking down the aisle. He finally found Elizabeth a few aisles over, looking at the frozen corn. She glanced up at him and smiled.

"Did you find a ham?" An eyebrow rose. "And where's Bill?"

"I haven't the faintest clue. Do we have everything else?" He asked her. "Are we ready to pay for all this?" He almost grabbed the cart, pushing it towards the check out lanes. Elizabeth gave him a look, wondering why he was trying to hurry her.

"James, is everything all right? Did something…" There was a crash a few aisles over and Bill came running towards them, the ham tucked under his arm.

"I'll meet you out in the car." He said in a hurry, dropping the ham into the cart and running for the door. Elizabeth opened her mouth to say something, but couldn't find any words. She looked over at Norrington, who was glowering at where Bill had just been.

"Bloody pirate."

----------------------------

Elizabeth shifted her bag to the other arm and threw open the door. Bill and Norrington followed her inside, arms full of bags. Bill reached into one and pulled out the rawhide chew bone that they'd gotten for Whelp. "Here doggy, doggy, doggy." He called, setting the bags down and glancing around the kitchen. "Whelp!"

Norrington set his bags down and frowned. "Does anyone else hear a bell?" He asked as Whelp came padding into the kitchen behind him. Elizabeth dropped her bag, smile lighting up her face.

"He's so cute!" She dropped to her knees to pet the German Shepard, who managed to look quite embarrassed for a dog. Someone had gotten the bright idea to put felt antlers, a very festive bandana, and a bell on the dog.

"That poor dog." Norrington muttered as Bill handed him the bone and watched as the dog walked into the living room and flopped down behind the couch.

"He looks adorable." Elizabeth said and started unloading groceries. Bill snorted but wisely said nothing else. He grabbed one of the other bags to help unload while Norrington disappeared outside to shovel the walk.

There were footsteps on the stairs and Jack and Will came downstairs laughing, their arms full of gifts. They set them under the tree and headed towards the kitchen. "Are the shoppers back yet?" Jack called and stopped. He grabbed Will's arm, bringing him to a stop as well. "Your dog sprouted antlers." He said. Whelp stopped gnawing for a moment to glance over his shoulder at the two. With a disgruntled woof, he got to his feet and picked up the bone, going into the kitchen and planting himself under the table.

"What happened to my dog? Did someone trade him in for a dwarf reindeer?" Will asked as he came into the kitchen.

"I thought you did it." Elizabeth said, glancing over her shoulder at him. He shook his head.

"Why would I do that to my dog?"

"Oh, don't act like it's such a big deal. He looks adorable." She told him and came over with her hands behind her back. "Besides, tis the season." She raised a hand over his head, a sprig of mistletoe in her hand. Leaning forward, she kissed his lips lightly, a small smile on her face.

"Tis the season…" He echoed and squeezed her free hand.

"Give me a boost up." She said and nodded towards the entryway leading into the living room. Will complied and boosted her up so she could but the mistletoe above the entryway. "There, perfect." Jack looked above his head at the mistletoe, but didn't move from leaning against the entryway, contentedly chewing on an apple.

"What's perfect?" Norrington had come inside from shoveling the sidewalk and came to a stop beside Jack. Jack quit chewing, one cheek bulged out.

"There's no way in hell I'm kissing you, Norry." He said with absolute conviction.

"And just why would that thought ever enter your mind, Sparrow?" Norrington responded in disgust. Jack pointed up at the mistletoe. Norrington glanced up and frowned. "What is that?"

"Mistletoe." Will replied. "If you get caught under it with another person, you have to kiss them." He put his arms around Elizabeth, holding her tight. Norrington gave the decoration one last look before looking down at them.

"I absolutely refuse." He said flatly and hurriedly got out from under the entryway. Jack moved back into the living room while Bill stood under the mistletoe, looking up at it.

"It's hard to believe a little thing can cause such terror." He muttered quietly. Just then, Ana unwittingly came under the arch, engrossed in a book. Bill snatched her around the waist and planted a kiss on her lips. Her eyes grew wide and she dropped the book. Bill broke the kiss and grinned at her. "How was that?"

His response was a slap across the cheek. "You…" Ana waved a finger in his face, trying to think of something to say, but apparently was at a loss for words. Her cheeks turned bright red. "Bill…"

"Ha! At least it wasn't me for once!" Jack called from the living room.

"Shut up…"

------------------------

"What do you get for the woman who has everything?" Will asked Jack as they walked down the main street of the town. Whelp trailed along on his leash, head down. He was still wearing his antlers, as the woman of the house had forbidden anyone from taking them off.

Jack shrugged and pointed at a store. "Let's go in there. It says it has unique gifts. We could find something that she'd like in there." Will tied Whelp's leash around the leg of the bench and headed inside with Jack.

As the door opened, they were hit in the face by the overwhelming scent of incense. Jack coughed and waved his hand in front of his face while Will wrinkled his nose. "Unique, eh?" He whispered to Jack as a woman appeared from a door in the back.

"Welcome, welcome." She said smoothly, clapping her hands together. "How may I help you on this wonderful day?" The pirate and blacksmith exchanged looks.

"I'm looking for a present for my girlfriend." Will explained. The woman swooped forward, almost knocking Jack aside and taking him by the arm.

"Come. Tell me about your girlfriend." She prompted him.

"Well, she's smart, beautiful, runs her own clothing design business, artistic…" He trailed off. "That's not helping, is it?"

"Oh, it helps much my young one." She pat him on the chest and dragged him over to shelves of statues. "She sounds like a lady of much culture and I think I may have just the thing for her." She picked up a statue and placed it in his hands. "Kokopelli." She said proudly.

"He's…nice." Will struggled for a word to describe it. He'd always thought Kokopelli was interesting from a purely mythological standpoint, but he didn't think Elizabeth shared that same view. Not to mention she might get the wrong idea if he gave her a statue of a fertility god for Christmas. He handed it back and the woman searched for another one. Making an approving sound, she handed Will another statue. He took it and gave it an odd look. "What is it?"

"It's a fertility statue." She told him as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Will paled slightly.

"Oh."

Jack leaned towards him. "William, I'd…uh…watch where you were holding that." He whispered. Will glanced down and his face turned bright red. He quickly set the statue down on the counter.

"Well, thank you." He said quickly. "But I…just remembered I'd gotten her a present already." Will stuttered and backed towards the door, pulling Jack with him. The woman watched them disappointed. "But thank you for your time anyway." He turned and yanked Jack out the door. "Alright, that was just scary." He muttered as he knelt down to untie Whelp's leash. "I think she was trying to get me and Elizabeth to make babies." He stood up and shivered. "That's a scary thought."

"Aye. The last thing this world needs is another one of you." He turned before Will gave him a dark look and started down the street.

"Come on, Whelp." He said darkly. The dog gave him a calculating look. His muscles tensed as he waited for the right moment, eyes fixed on the ice skating rink ahead. Jack rejoined Will.

"There's a little café up there. I need something warm to drink." Jack told Will. "Let's stop for a moment." Will nodded, relaxing slightly. Whelp took advantage of the moment and took off, snatching his leash away from Will.

"Hey! Someone stop the mini reindeer!" Will shouted as he took off after the dog. Jack cursed under his breath and followed after. The two men raced after the dog, but lost him in the shopping crowd. "Has anyone seen a dog wearing antlers?" Will shouted over the crowd.

A young boy pointed towards the rink. "He went in there." He said. Will thanked the boy and ran towards the rink, forgetting that he wasn't wearing skates. Jack wasn't exactly thinking about it either as they both ran out onto the rink. Will waved his arms wildly, trying to stay upright until Jack slammed into him and they both went over. People shouted at them and tried to avoid tripping over the two as they crawled for the other side.

"I'm going to hurt that dog when I get a hold of him." Will muttered as he got to his feet and tried to make his way across the rink. Jack followed after him, clinging to the back of Will's jacket so if the younger man went down, Jack had a cushioned landing.

"Whoa! Will, watch out!" Jack let go of his coat, falling backwards on his rear end. Will turned to look at him, not seeing the mass of red until it was too late. The next thing he knew, he was staring up at the sky, a dull pain in the back of his head. Jack's face appeared in his line of vision.

"What happened?" He groaned.

"Hit and run. By Santa." Jack replied and helped him to his feet. Will's feet nearly went out from under him and he grasped Jack's coat, nearly knocking him over as well. Carefully, the two finally made their way over to the exit, Whelp waiting. Will cursed and lunged for the dog, slipping on the ice and falling on his stomach. Whelp got to his feet and leaned down, licking his owner's face.

"I hate you…"

-----------------------

The crew was gathered around the table, enjoying their Christmas Eve meal when Gibbs paused, motioning for everyone to shush. The voices around the table fell quiet and everyone looked towards the old pirate, whose head was tilted near the door. He held up a finger as if motioning for them to listen.

"What?" Jack asked around a mouthful of food. He was immediately shushed by Gibbs again and frowned, about to protest when he heard it as well.

"Are those carolers?" Ana asked, getting to her feet. "I thought they'd become a rare breed over the past century." She peered out the window and smiled. "It is carolers." Chairs scraped against the floor as everyone got up, joining Ana at the window. Jack was the first to move towards the door and open it.

On the front stoop, the group of carolers smiled at him and continued singing 'O, Christmas Tree.' The ages in the group ranged from teenagers to older adults, twenty people total. The older man in front motioned for them to join in the song as well. Jack glanced back at the crew, who were all staring at him, waiting for their captain to start. With a sigh, Jack joined in on the refrain, the others not too far after him.

The song changed to 'Jingle Bells', which Jack grudgingly sang as well. As they got into the song, he heard not one, but two voices behind him, blending well in harmony. He glanced over his shoulder to find that the second voice was none other than Norrington. It hadn't gone unnoticed by the carolers either. Three girls in the back were staring at Will with recognition in their eyes. Jack slapped a hand over Will's mouth and gave him a look, discreetly nodding at the girls. He glanced over and his eye twitched, getting the idea.

Ana had noticed as well. She turned her bright smile on the carolers. "Thank you for coming by. Have a happy holiday and a great new year." She said quickly and shut the door, turning to face them. "We can't take you anywhere?" She groaned.

"It's not my fault." Will said, the words coming out muffled as Jack's hand was still over his mouth. Jack got the idea and removed his hand. "Part of that con was Jack's fault as we…ooh, cheesecake."

------------------

**_December 25th_**

"Jack, wake up."

"Mmmph."

"Jack." Bill sighed. "Get your ass out of bed." The response was another protesting grunt from beneath the pillow. Bill made his way to the foot of the bed and grabbed the blankets, pulling. Jack curled up in a ball for a moment, head still buried beneath the pillow. "Get up!" That finally provoked a response and Jack sat up, snatching back the blankets, smacking Bill over the head with the pillow, and pulling them up over his head, curling up. "Fine. Lay there." He opened the door, the smell of breakfast wafting in.

Suddenly he found himself on his stomach on the hallway floor, Jack's feet disappearing down the hallway in his line of vision. "Ok, that's just not fair." He got to his feet and marched after him. "Can't wake him up by talking, but get a whiff of food and he's gone! He's been hanging around my son too long."

Gibbs had outdone himself, making cinnamon rolls for breakfast as well as cocoa. After grabbing a mug full of cocoa and a plate full of food, they gathered around the tree to begin the gift giving.

------------------

"Maybe if I just yank the power cord..." Elizabeth said thoughtfully as she watched the men gathered around Will's laptop as Will played with his present, a pirate-themed game. Jack and Bill were shouting out commands while Norrington was trying to get him to stop attacking the English colonies. Not even the delicious smells of the dinner in the kitchen could deter them.

The gift giving had gone quite smoothly. As in years past, they had done it by the Secret Santa method. Ana had given Gibbs a brand new flask of the best quality with his name etched on it. Gibbs had given Will his computer game. Elizabeth had given Norrington a few bestselling crime mystery books. Norrington had ironically drawn Jack's name and had also ended up giving him a book, on the most notorious pirates of the Caribbean. On the page bearing the information on Jack, there was a Post-It note from Norrington maintaining that he was still the worst pirate he'd ever seen. Bill had disturbingly good taste in picking out clothes for Ana's gift, but it was almost unanimously agreed upon that Elizabeth had probably been coerced into doing his shopping for him. Jack had given Bill his pistols from the days on the Pearl, back before Barbossa had incited mutiny. With all the difficulties finding Elizabeth a present, Will had finally given her a trip to the day spa and then dinner the night of at an expensive and exclusive restraint.

Everyone had been quite happy with their gifts and had contentedly enjoyed themselves while Gibbs worked his magic in the kitchen.

"Pull it. I dare you." Ana said with a laugh. "Then again, they'll be angry at you for a moment before they catch the scent of a good homemade meal." There was a collective groan from the guys and Will threw up his hands.

"So I'm number two on the list. That's good enough." He clicked on the list and started laughing. "Of course, if I want to be number one, I have to defeat Captain Jack Sparrow." Jack leaned down, nearly shoving him out of the way.

"I'm animated? I want to see me!" He said, poking Will. "Keep playing so I can kick your rear end." Will gave him a dark look. "Think I can cheat on here too?" Jack was too interested in the game to notice the look.

Ana frowned and glanced over at Elizabeth. "I haven't seen Barbossa since yesterday." She said. "You don't think he's lost outside in a snow bank, do you?"

Elizabeth shrugged. "It's not like he'd get frostbite." She glanced over at the boys. "Has anyone seen Barbossa." Almost as if they shared the same mind, Jack and Norrington pointed to an odd decoration on the tree, eyes still fixed on the laptop screen. Ana went over and plucked the oddly shaped candy cane wannabe off the tree and unwrapped the ribbon.

"Happy Holidays Barbossa." She said cheerily. She figured that if the doll could, it would be glowering at her right now. Setting him down on the ground, she went over and flipped the laptop lid shut. "All right boys. Dinner time." They looked as if they were about to protest, but stopped when they caught the scent of food. There was a mad dash for the kitchen, Whelp almost getting run over in the rush. Elizabeth and Ana waited until the coast was clear to join them at the table.

Strangely, there was a moment of silence. They all glanced at one another. Jack was the first one to pick up his glass, holding it up for a toast. "To the best damn crew in the Caribbean…and Los Angeles."

"To freedom." Elizabeth said next.

"To life." Bill spoke up.

"To love." Will said, winking at Elizabeth.

"To passion." Ana lifted her glass as well.

"To finding friends where you least expect it." Norrington smiled slightly.

"To spending the holidays with the people you care most about." Gibbs finished it off and there was a light clinking of glass in the middle of the table as everyone toasted and took a drink.

"Alright, enough of the mushy stuff." Jack clapped his hands. "Let's eat!"

----------------------

Ana sat on the bottom stair of the staircase, cupping the empty mug in her hands. She watched the tree in the corner of the dark room, the lights still on. It was a shame they'd have to take down the decorations tomorrow. She thought about getting up and going to bed, but it was so peaceful where she was.

Two hands slid around her waist and she felt a chin rest on her shoulder. "Merry Christmas." Jack whispered in her ear, sitting down on the step beside her. She leaned back with a smile on her face, closing her eyes. "Enjoy yourself?"

"Very much." She whispered back. "But there's one thing that's missing."

"Oh? And what would that be?"

She turned her head upwards, hand resting on the back of his head and bringing his lips down to meet hers in a kiss. It went on for what seemed like forever but in reality was only a few seconds.

"That."


	31. Kids From Hell

If someone had just been listening, they would've assumed that the person entering the house downstairs was a zombie. It wasn't, but it was an extremely tired med student just off his shift. The bag was dropped on the floor by the door and he stumbled into the living room, falling forward onto the couch and laying there. There were no classes in the future at any time that day, so he decided that he was going to sleep right there and then. Slowly his eyes closed and he let himself slip away into sleep...

Upstairs, three different alarms went off. Elizabeth, Anamaria, and Jack could all be heard getting up from bed and going about their daily routines. Showers turned on, closets banged open, and footsteps pounded across the floor. With a groan, Will pulled the pillow over his head, still lying on his stomach on the couch. Whelp made his way downstairs, nosing his master and wanting to go outside. He tried his best to shoo the dog away and only managed to swipe some old magazines off the table. Like he was going to pick those up anytime soon.

Jack was the first downstairs, not taking any pains to stay quiet. Cupboards slammed as he looked for the cereal, bowls clinked as he found one and poured himself some breakfast. Whelp went in to beg. Anamaria was the next downstairs, turning on the TV to the news in hopes of catching the traffic report. Elizabeth was the last down, still putting on her jewelry. She came over and kissed Will's cheek before heading into the kitchen.

The blacksmith did the only thing he could think of and curled into a ball beneath the afghan that had previously been on the back of the couch. It still didn't help to drown out the noise and he was too tired to drag himself upstairs. He heard Norrington join the crew in the kitchen, saying he had to run a few errands since there were no classes. The phone rang and Elizabeth grabbed it, but he didn't catch the conversation as he gave in to sleep.

The next thing he knew, he was being shaken awake. He pulled the blanket off his head and looked blearily up at Elizabeth, who was biting her lip, an apologetic look on her face. "Will, I need to ask you to do me a favor," She said. "See, my secretary Melinda was supposed to go to a fashion show with me today, but her babysitter called in sick and she doesn't have anyone to watch her girls. Would you do me a favor and watch them? It's only for a couple of hours." She begged him, getting on her knees beside the couch, the look becoming desperate.

Will groaned and rolled over on his back, rubbing his face. He really wanted to say no and just go back to sleep, but it wouldn't be like him. "Fine." He told her. The door slammed as Jack and Anamaria left for work and he jerked, the last bits of sleep fading away into mere memory. Elizabeth got to her feet as he sat up, rubbing at his eyes.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She said and kissed his lips. "I owe you, Will." She said and turned back towards the kitchen, nearly getting mowed down by Bill, who was supposed to be going with Jack that day and had forgotten to set his alarm.

"Big time." Will muttered and laid back down, snatching the remote off the coffee table and flipping through the channels. The bright, happy faces of morning people greeted him and he wanted nothing more than to chuck the remote at the TV, roll over, and go back to sleep.

A short while later, the doorbell rang. Elizabeth went into the hallway, opening the door. "Come right on in, Melinda. Are these the girls? They're adorable!" Will sat up, willing himself to move from the couch. He slowly shuffled into the hallway to find a tall brunette woman and three little girls standing there. They couldn't have been more than nine and to his horror, they were triplets. All three looked up at him with large blue eyes that he begrudgingly labeled as almost chibi, trying for a completely innocent look. At least they all had their different styles.

The first girl was dressed in the stereotypical female colors, pink and light yellow. Her hair was done up in pigtails and she carried a Barbie case with her. He bit back a snicker, wondering in what ways he could torture Barbossa now. The second little girl was wearing a baseball jersey and a backwards hat. She stared up at him defiantly, arms crossed over her chest. The third wouldn't look at him at all, concentrating on the book in her hands. Melinda stepped forward, leaning over the girls' heads to shake his hand.

"Thank you, Will. This is Dani," She pointed to the girl in pink, "Jamie," That was the girl in the baseball gear, "And Halle." She tapped the head of the girl who was reading the book. "Girls, this is Will. I want you to behave for him, ok?"

"Ok Mommy." The three girls replied in unison, giving their mother bright, innocent smiles. Will had a sinking feeling in his stomach, almost to the point where he wanted to throw himself at Elizabeth's feet and beg her not leave. Those children just felt...evil.

"Thank you again. I know that you are probably a little tired, but I appreciate it." Melinda said, her gaze lingering on the scrubs that Will had yet to change out of. Will stifled a yawn and waved his hand.

"It's nothing, really." He said, forcing a polite smile on his face. Melinda smiled back and turned for the door. Elizabeth gave him a quick peck on the cheek and looped her arm in Melinda's. The door slammed shut again as they headed out to the car, leaving Will and the three girls alone. For a moment, there was nothing but silence as medical student and kids appraised each other.

"All right, look. Here's the rules-"

"Get him!" Dani and Jamie leaped forward, wrapping their arms around his legs and pulling. Will's arms wind milled as he fell backwards, landing in the middle of the hallway. Jamie sat down on his chest to keep him from getting up, pointing a finger in his face.

"Here's our rules." She stated matter of factly. "We don't do naps, we eat what we want when we want it, and there's no such thing as time outs, got it?" She smiled sweetly as he stared up at her in horror. "I think you'll be the best baby-sitter ever, Mr. Turner." That being said, she got up off his chest and rushed into the kitchen. Dani sat down in the living room, opening her Barbie case and spreading the contents out on the ground before her. Halle merely climbed up on the couch, her gaze never leaving the book. Will got to his feet, wincing as he heard a crash in the kitchen. "What does a girl gotta do to get cereal around this place?"

He marched into the kitchen, pulling Jamie off the counter and sitting her in a chair. Dani came in with two Barbie dolls, climbing up into the seat and staring at him expectantly. Will muttered under his breath, grabbing three spoons out of the silverware drawer. He poured three bowls of some sugary generic cereal and poured in the milk. Two bowls and two spoons went before the girls and the third one he took into the living room.

"Hey, would you like something to eat?" He asked, sitting on the coffee table and facing Halle. She slowly lowered the book, gazing at the cereal and then up at him. "It's Captain O's." He held up the bowl. She put the book aside and took the bowl, poking around it with the spoon.

"Thank you." She said quietly and put a spoonful in her mouth. There was a loud crash again from the kitchen.

"Oops! Will, get me more cereal!" Dani demanded from the kitchen. Stifling a curse, he got to his feet and headed back in to see the bowl on the floor, milk and cereal spattered across the floor. Whelp came charging in, almost sliding on the floor in his drive to get to the spilled food. Dani and Jamie squealed, getting off their chairs to come pet the dog.

"Hey! Everyone get back in their chairs and eat now." Will demanded, setting another bowl of cereal on the table. The girls climbed up into their seats, grumbling, and began eating again. Will poured himself a bowl of cereal and sat on the counter, watching the two guardedly.

----------------

The rest of breakfast went without a hitch. The two girls finished and went into the living room while Halle had brought her bowl in, disappearing into that book of hers after she was done. Will stayed in the kitchen, washing the dishes, the radio blaring in the background.

Putting the spoons back, he turned to find Dani and Jamie staring up at him, innocent smiles on their faces. "We want to play a game." Dani said. "Halle taught it to us from the book she read. It's called Greeks and Trojans."

Will frowned. "Greeks and Tro...oh bloody hell." He muttered and slowly backed towards the door that would lead into the back yard. "Why don't you go watch some TV like normal, healthy children?" He asked. "I'm sure Barney is on right now."

"Barney is stupid." Jamie said as both girls crept towards him. "We want to play this. I get to be Achilles!" She said in excitement.

"You always get to be him." Dani whined. "I never do. I want to be the best for once."

"No, I am!" Jamie shouted back, turning to her sister.

"I am!"

"No, I am!" As the two girls proceeded to shout at each other, Will changed directions and snuck past them towards the living room. Suddenly Jamie stopped and whirled towards him.

"Where do you think you're going, Paris?" She shouted. "Come on, let's get the troublemaker!"

-----------

Norrington closed the door behind him, sifting through the letters in his hand. None of them were for him, so he tossed it down on the small table in the hall and headed into the living room. He stopped dead, staring at the sight in front of him.

Will was sitting in one of the kitchen chairs, hands duct taped behind his back as well as his ankles and knees. Duct tape also surrounded his stomach, keeping him secure to the back of the chair. His hair was a mess, sticking up everywhere and Norrington could honestly say he'd never seen the blacksmith so angry in his life.

That didn't mean he couldn't help the laughter he burst into. He leaned against the doorframe as Will kept staring at him, his expression dark. "Pray tell, James, just what is so funny?" Will growled.

Norrington tried to keep the laughter to a minimum, but he couldn't help it. "Aren't you supposed to be baby-sitting?" He finally managed to choke out. Will slowly nodded, his expression growing darker.

"I am never having kids." He said firmly. "Now untie me so I can find out where those brats went to." Norrington, still laughing, complied and headed over, picking at the tape. A few seconds later, he felt something poking at the back of his neck.

"Halt. State your business here." Dani demanded, poking Norrington again with the water gun. Norrington gave her a look and resumed untaping Will. "Hey! I said state your business, you mangy dog!" She shouted at him.

"What did you just call me?"

"A mangy cur." She said. "We're playing pirates and you're helping the evil British Navy man to escape." She poked him with the umbrella she was using as a sword. "We have no choice but to take you captive as well."

Norrington had nothing to say to that besides drawling his now trademark "Indeed." Will merely rolled his eyes, leaning back in the seat. "Why don't you go pillage the fridge?" He turned back to trying to get the tape off Will's wrists, but Jamie leapt forward and tackled him, holding the duct tape in his face.

"How about no?" She said with an evil smile, ripping a long piece off. Norrington gave her one of his severe looks, usually reserved for Will when he was about to do something rash.

"I'd suggest you put that duct tape down or you will find yourself in possibly the most boring time out ever." He stated. Jamie snorted.

"Rule number one. We don't do time outs." She said haughtily. Norrington pushed her off and got to his feet, hovering over her.

"Oh really?" He said.

"Really." Jamie replied. Norrington regarded her coolly before taking her by the shoulders, marching over and making her sit in the corner. "Stay."

"You can't make me...!"

"Shush." He said firmly. "Another word out of you and you'll be sitting in the corner at your own house as well!" Jamie didn't seem to want to argue with the authoritarian tone of his voice and stared angrily at the wall, muttering about people being no fun.

Dani had realized that the tables were turning and quickly sat down, playing quietly with her Barbie dolls. Norrington turned back to Will, trying to get the tape off his wrists still.

"How? How do you do that?" He asked angrily. "I shouted, pleaded, threatened and they didn't listen to me once!" He groaned. Norrington allowed himself a small smile.

"It's because you have no experience being the authority, William." He answered as if it were the simplest thing in the world. Will grumbled under his breath, but refrained from saying anything else.

While the two were distracted, Dani had discovered Barbossa. The doll had appeared from wherever it hid at night and entered the living room, completely unaware of the child. Dani caught sight of him at the same time he caught sight of her. Immediately he dropped to the ground completely still. Dani reached over and grabbed him, scrutinizing the doll.

Barbossa acted as if he were nothing more than an inanimate object. After a few minutes of staring at him, Dani shrugged and reached into the case, pulling out another doll. She looked between the blond Barbie and the Barbossa doll. She set Barbossa down and yanked the Barbie's head off before picking up Barbossa again.

If he could've moved his eyes, they would have widened in horror. With a sickening pop, Dani pulled the head off the Barbossa doll and popped the blond head of the Barbie back on. With a look of satisfaction on her face, she set him down and put the male head on her Barbie. Barbossa thought he could get away at that point, but she picked him up again and started sifting through the clothes in the case. "Now you need a nice dress."

Norrington finished getting the rest of the tape off Will. "Why don't you try and fix some lunch? I'll stay in here and watch the girls."

"Me? Cook?"

"I didn't say cook. Make sandwiches or something, but I refuse to leave you alone with these girls again." Norrington said firmly. "Go." Will shot him one last look and retreated into the kitchen. Jamie turned her head slightly, thinking maybe it was Norrington who had gone. He glanced over at her and she quickly looked back into her corner.

Will went into the kitchen, opening the fridge door and peering in. He pulled out a few different lunch meats and the cheese and turned around to find Halle standing in the doorway. "Hey." He said, taking the things over to the counter and sitting them down.

"I know who you are." Halle said deadpan, staring up at him. Will paused and looked down at her, brow furrowing.

"Yeah, so do I." He said.

"No, I really know who you are. You can't fool me." The little girl continued on and Will suddenly noticed the scheming look on her face.

"How can't I fool you?" He said cautiously. She slowly smiled at him.

"I know your secrets, Danny." She whispered. "And I can tell them to the whole world. My mother's codex has the number for every newspaper in Los Angeles that would just love to hear that the famous singer is actually a medical student who was just broke." Her smile was sickeningly sweet.

Will knelt down, coming face to face with her. "I don't have the slightest idea of what you're talking about." He said. Halle smiled and pulled his fake ID out of her pocket, waving it near her face.

"Yes you do." She said, grinning. "You're him and I'm going to tell unless you give me a hundred dollars." She told him, looking thoughtful. "And an autograph." She grinned. "That will do it."

"You wouldn't."

"Oh, I would!" She responded. "Actually, I might right now..."

"Wait!" Will grabbed her shoulders. "I'll give you twenty dollars."

"Seventy five."

"Thirty."

"Fifty."

"Deal." He shook her hand and snatched his ID from her other hand. "Glad we could do business."

"And here I thought you were non-evil unlike your siblings." Will muttered, grabbing the bread. It was right about then that the front door opened.

"Will? We're back!" Elizabeth called. There was a stampeding of feet into the hallway as the three girls rushed for their mother. Will leaned against the doorframe.

"Mom, it was so much fun! Will should baby-sit us again!" Halle told her mother. Jamie nodded in agreement.

"It was a lot of fun! Can he baby-sit us next time?" The mother completely missed Will's terrified look.

"We'll see." She said with a laugh. "Come on, let's get you girls home." There was a small bit of chaos as the girls grabbed their things and rushed out the door. Elizabeth waited on the front porch, waving good-bye as they pulled out. She came back in, closing the door behind her and turning towards Will with a smile.

"Now for your rewa..." The words died as she spotted him, lying on the hallway floor, snoring softly.

-------------

"Jack?" Ana stared at the crying pirate in trepidation. She had no idea what had set him off, but she'd never actually seen him cry before. It worried her. She stepped forward, laying a hand on his arm. "Are you ok?"

Jack sat back in the chair, arms over his stomach. Tears rolled down his face and Ana was surprised to see that he was crying out of mirth, not of sadness. She blinked a few times before poking him in the shoulder. "What the hell are you laughing about, Jack?" She asked, a little irritated.

"Blond..." Jack wheezed. "He's blond..."

"Who's blond? It's not Will, is it?"

"Barbossa!"

"Barbossa is blond?" She asked, perplexed. "Yes, the doll he's possessing is blond..."

"No! Pretty blond!" He yelped and burst into laughter again. Ana gave him an odd look and left the kitchen, marching into the living room. Her foot struck something and she glanced down.

"One of the girls must have left this..." She muttered, reaching down and grabbing the doll.

"Don't lay a hand on me!" Barbossa shouted, waving a stiff hand at her. Ana jerked her hand back, resting it over her open mouth. Then the giggles started. She held off for as long as she could before bursting into a fit of laughter.

"You're so...so...so pretty!" She shrieked, falling onto the couch. "That long, blond hair, those big blue eyes, and those full red lips!" She wrapped her arms over her stomach. The doll continued making it's way across the living room.

"I hate this family!" He bellowed.

"But we love you!" Jack called back. "You never know. Maybe some day you'll find yourself a nice Ken doll!"

"Stuff it, Jack Sparrow!"

"It's Captain to you, Foxy. Captain Jack Sparrow!"


	32. Pirates vs Hollywood

"Jack..." Ana said quietly, standing a few inches away from the pirate captain with a worried expression on her face. Norrington stood just behind her, leaning over her shoulder with a thoughtful expression on his face. It seemed that Jack had been sitting comatose in the chair at the kitchen table for about an hour now. He hadn't flipped the page on the trade paper he had been reading, still staring straight ahead at the wall. Ana looked back at Norrington, who raised an eyebrow at her. She bit her lip and turned back around, poking Jack's arm and jerking back in case he lashed out.

Jack blinked and turned his head to look at Ana. The look on his face was that of a little boy who had just been caught with his hand stuck in the cookie jar. When he saw Ana and Norrington staring at him, he opened his mouth to speak. The two watching him looked attentive, waiting for him to speak. When he seemed to lapse into catatonia again, Ana picked up the glass of water from the table and threw the contents in his face. Jack blinked and his brow furrowed.

"What was that for?" He grumbled as Ana stood upright, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You kept zoning out on us. We were worried about you." Norrington responded and then frowned. "Did I just say that?" He looked disgusted. "I've been around you lot too long." Ana shushed him and turned back to Jack.

"Is something wrong? I don't believe I've seen you with that look on your face very much. On the occasion that you do, it usually means that we're in trouble." She paused. "Are they trying to auction off something else of yours?"

Jack shook his head and laid down the paper carefully, folding his hands over one of the articles. "You might want to sit down for this." Ana shot Norrington a glance and slid down in the chair, her attention returning to Jack. Norrington sat down as well, pulling his cup of tea towards him. "I was reading the trade paper this morning..."

"What's a trade paper?"

"It's a paper that basically tells of everything going on in Hollywood. Movie deals, parts up for auditions, agents looking for actors, so on." Jack waved a hand. "I always read it because a good con man keeps up on all news. Anyway, this morning I found something interesting..."

"Uh oh." Ana said immediately. "When you find something interesting, it definitely means trouble is on the horizon." She said and leaned forward on the table. "What's going on?"

"Well, apparently Hollywood had my journal a lot longer than I thought before auctioning it off." Jack said slowly and slid the paper in front of her. Ana picked it up and started reading. The expression on her face went from curious to deadpan to horrified in the span of a moment.

"But...they...no...can't!" She squeaked out, fingers tightening on the paper. "If they do, we'll..." She couldn't finish, shoving the paper at Norrington. The ex-commodore to the paper and started reading while Ana tried to work out what she'd just read verbally. "If they...then we'll...nothing!" She waved her hands.

Jack nodded. "I've been thinking the same thing as well. Only it's been in complete sentences." He told her. Ana stopped for a moment to shoot him a dirty look.

"Aye aye, Captain Grammar..." She responded as Norrington's eyes grew wide.

"Can they do this?" He asked, looking up at the two pirates. Behind him, Gibbs came into the kitchen, exhausted after a long night of work. However, the comment had caught his attention and he shuffled over, looking at the paper over Norrington's shoulder.

"Well, technically, they can because of conditions that we were an exception to." Jack tried to reason, leaning back in his chair.

"Conditions?" Bill said as he came into the kitchen, stretching his arms over his head. Ana raised an eyebrow at him and glanced back at Jack.

"What is it with you two and absolutely no shame?" She muttered, pointing her thumb at Bill, who was wearing nothing but boxers.

"Pirates are about freedom, Ana. You should know that." Jack responded.

"Oh I'm sure. If I walked around in my underwear, there would be commentary..."

"Could you?" Bill asked happily. His response came in the form of flying fruit. He just barely ducked it and it hit the phone above his head, knocking it into the garbage can. "Missed me." He responded but his joy was short lived as the banana collided with his forehead. Ana looked quite happy with herself until Gibbs made a strangled squeaking sound.

"You don't think...if they do this..." He said quickly. Jack shook his head.

"That's what we've been trying to figure out." He explained. "This could cause a big problem." Gibbs sat down heavily in the chair. Bill sat next to him.

"What's going on?" Norrington handed him the paper and he spread it out in front of him, glancing over the article. An eyebrow raised and he took a bit out of the apple in his hand before responding. "I'd hate to be you guys right about now."

"Thank you, Bill." Jack shot back. "But indirectly, this is going to affect you too." Bill paused and his eyes narrowed, irritated that Jack had brought that point up. The table lapsed into silence as everyone pictured the doom that could possibly befall them.

There was the sound of hurried footsteps on the stairs and Elizabeth came running into the kitchen. Her eyes were wide and she was clutching her cell phone tightly.

"I just got a call from a friend of mine. She recommended me to this studio for their costume design department because of my skills in period costumes." She brushed the hair out of her face. "They're going to make..."

"We know." Jack, Ana, Bill, Gibbs, and Norrington all paused and looked at each other as they all echoed each other.

"We have been living together too long." Gibbs muttered and leaned back in his chair. Norrington stared at the fridge while Ana fidgeted and Jack rubbed his chin, looked like he was in the middle of a deep thought. Elizabeth leaned on the counter, idly twirling a strand of hair around her finger. The only sound for a moment was Bill loudly eating his apple.

"Whelp!" The dog burst through the doorway at full speed. Once he hit the slippery kitchen floor, however, he was skidding as he tried to run. The Barbossa doll shouted in protest as his head impacted the cupboard door as Whelp slammed into it, falling back on his haunches. Will marched over and snatched the doll from his dog's mouth. Whelp looked up at him with an innocent expression, tail tucked beneath him.

"Oh don't even try that. I made that look a weapon." Will told him and looked down at the doll in his hand.

"Thank you..." Barbossa muttered. "Can you put me down now?" The blacksmith shrugged and tossed him onto the table, right on top of the paper. Barbossa grumbled as he landed on his stomach, rocking from side to side so he could get on his back. Suddenly he froze, staring at the paper right in front of him. "It's not possible."

"Not probable." Jack responded automatically. "Wait, it is probable because it's in that paper!" He ran his hands through his hair.

Will paused, looking at the expressions of everyone gathered in the kitchen. His gaze flickered over to the stove, which was still turned off and no skillet or egg sitting near it that would've indicated that Gibbs was going to make breakfast soon. A low grumble came from his stomach as he trained his gaze on the group.

"What's going on?" He asked suspiciously, fidgeting with the hem of his T-shirt. "Everyone's oddly tense for a Saturday morning."

"Well, we have a bit of a problem." Jack said slowly.

"A problem? A bit of a problem? Jack, when don't we have a problem?" Will laughed. "We'll handle it like we always do."

"I'm not so sure about this one. Remember how we had to steal my journal from the auction?" Jack asked. Will nodded, listening intently. "Well, they used it before they sold it, which was why it was going to be such a commodity, besides being history."

"Wait. Used it? How?" His brow furrowed in confusion, his head tilting slightly.

"Used it as in they're holding auditions for the movie called Pirates of the Caribbean." Ana explained. Will was quiet for a few moments, his face unreadable. He finally broke out into laughter.

"That's a good one!" He leaned back against the counter, sipping from a glass of orange juice.

"Actually, it's not because it's true." Elizabeth said. "They asked for me to work on the designs for their costumes."

"But...if they make this movie, then it won't be long before people find it a little suspicious that all of us share the same names as the characters. Our secret could be revealed!" Will protested.

"We've covered that, lad." Gibbs said and fumbled with his flask, but found it empty and tossed it on the table. There was a grunt as Barbossa was flattened by it.

"So what are we going to do?" Will asked nervously. "Are we going to let it be filmed and worry about what happens afterwards?"

"Wait..." Everyone turned to look at Jack. There was a small smirk on the pirate's face and a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

"Oh dear..." Norrington muttered, seeing the look and wondering if anything good could come of a look like that. After a few moments, Jack came back from his thoughts and looked around the kitchen at the mixed company.

"They can't film without a script can they?" He asked with a grin.

"No, they can't. But think about it, Jack. That word should be plural. A few people are going to have that thing by now if they're getting ready to do casting." Ana protested. Jack held up a finger.

"It doesn't matter if it's one or many." He said with a grin. "Either way, I think I've got a plan to stop this..."

-

"What about this one?" Jack held the shirt up in front of him and turned to face Anamaria. The female pirate was sitting on the end of his bed, quietly munching on an apple. She held out a hand and made a so-so motion before taking another bite. Jack tossed the shirt onto the growing pile on the desk chair and dug into the closet again. Anamaria leaned over far enough that she almost toppled off the bed. 

"The blue one. The dark one. Right there by your hand." Ana told him through a mouthful of apple. Jack pulled out the dark blue shirt, holding it against himself and turning to face her. Ana glanced over him once before giving him the thumbs up. "That's the one."

Jack turned back to the mirror and looked at his reflection with a thoughtful look on his face. "Right." He said finally, hanging it on the edge of the mirror and stripping off his shirt, tossing it aside and putting on the dark blue shirt, buttoning it up. When he was done, he stood looking in the mirror again. "I feel like I'm interviewing for a job, not trying out for a movie." He muttered. Ana rolled her eyes and got up from the bed, going over and peering over his shoulder. After a moment, she untucked his shirt and then undid the first few buttons on the collar of the shirt.

"There." She pat him on the back and returned to her spot on the end of the bed, resuming the consumption of the apple. "Now you don't." Jack gave her, actually her reflection, a look. "You look good. Casting will be nuts not to hire you." She said.

"We're going to need a lot of luck on this." He sat down on the desk chair, on top of all the rejected shirts and still managed to look quite comfortable.

"You'll get the part. Because you ARE Captain Jack Sparrow. Who else could play you better than you?" She flicked the apple core into the garbage can. "Besides, it's an independent flick by some new production company. It's not like they're going to be hiring big names. Although I seriously doubt that they would turn them away should they show up to read."

Jack slapped a hand against his forehead. "You make me feel so much better." He muttered in sarcasm.

Anamaria smiled brightly in response. "I know."

-

"Jack, I've got a problem." Will said sheepishly as the pirate came down the stairs. Jack glanced to Norrington, who was idly twirling the keys around his finger before looking back to Will.

"What is it?"

"I forgot my contacts at work." He said, bouncing on his feet. "We have to go pick them up before we go to the auditions."

"You don't need them. Just squint at the page and they won't be blurry any..."

"No, the colored contacts." Will said quickly. "As in you told me to try out as Danny for the leverage of star power and my eyes are the wrong color." He rambled off. The key ring went flying off Norrington's finger and fell into the pile of shoes by the door. 

"Fine. But make it quick." Jack leveled a finger at him. "We're on a time schedule here. I'll drive there and you run in and then come back out. Simple as that."

"Sounds good to me."

-

Jack and Norrington sat in the front of the idling car, silent, waiting for Will to come out of the hospital. After a few months of living together, they'd found that they really didn't have much to say to one another. Norrington was playing an electronic solitaire game while Jack tapped his fingers on the steering wheel idly, making an off kilter beat. 

"So let me run through this one more time." Norrington said finally, still not taking his eyes off the game. "We're going to try out for ourselves, try and steal the scripts, and make sure this movie doesn't get made?"

"That's about right." Jack responded lazily, the beat he was pounding on the steering wheel becoming slower. "And if we can't stop it, then we'll be well represented on screen. Hey, maybe we'll even get famous."

"Elizabeth said not many independent films are that famous." Norrington replied and made a face. "Damn these electronic cards." He jabbed a finger at the new game button and resumed playing. "And damn it all for being so addicting."

Jack leaned over. "You're doing it all wrong. You want to fill in these first before you do anything else. Here, let me show..."

"Get your hands off my game, Sparrow."

"A bit touchy, aren't you? What's the matter? Worried that a pirate might be a better solitaire player than you?"

"Now there would be an interesting bit of information. Captain Jack Sparrow, terror of the high seas and all solitaire players."

"No need for sarcasm, mate. I have many skills."

"Perhaps you should quit ripping off lines from Xena, Sparrow."

There was a moment of silence. "You watched my tapes?" Jack finally said, staring at Norrington. The ex-commodore noticed the look and glared back, holding the solitaire game just out of reach.

"Yes."

"Don't you dare tell Bill where they are." Jack threatened.

A smile appeared on Norrington's lips. To Jack, it looked like the smirk of an evil mastermind who held all the cards. He leaned back against the window, wondering just what was going on in that law abiding head of his. Then again, it wasn't so law abiding once he had come to live with them.

"What will you give me to keep me silent?" He asked the question Jack had been dreading. The pirate rubbed his chin, thinking quickly.

"I don't know." Jack said. "Is there something in particular you wanted?" He asked apprehensively. This wasn't supposed to happen. He was supposed to be the one doing the blackmail, not Norrington.

"Nothing. Just a favor owed." He returned his gaze to the solitaire game, his expression blank again. "That's all." He chuckled slightly.

Jack regarded him silently and then looked out the windshield again. Maybe he'd be telling Bill where the Xena tapes were after all.

-

Will shoved open the door of the lounge and glanced in. Seeing that no one was around, he snuck inside and shut the door, pulling the hood off his sweatshirt off and crossing the room to his locker. Spinning the dial, he unlocked it and reached inside, rooting around for the case. A moment later, his fingers brushed against it, hidden underneath a medical manual. He pulled it out and sat down at the table, unscrewing the tops and putting the contacts in.

Behind him, the door swung open and banged against the wall. He froze, wincing and biting back the curse that he'd almost said out loud.

"'Rachel, do this. Rachel, do that. Rachel, scratch my ass.' I oughta take these medical charts and shove it up his ass. See what he says then." Rachel muttered to herself as she let the door swing shut behind her, juggling the massive amount of medical charts in her arms. "To make things worse, Will took the day off. He really knows how to pick them..."

"Hey!" Before he could stop himself, Will spun in his chair to look at her. Rachel stopped, going still as a statue as she caught sight of him. For a moment, they stared at each other before the charts dropped out of her arms and she fainted. His eyes grew wide and he lunged out of the chair, grabbing her beneath the arms before she hit the floor. "Ok, this isn't good." He carefully laid her on the floor and gently slapped her cheek. "Rach, time to get up. Now's really not a good time to be sleeping on the job." He said nervously.

He quickly got up and grabbed the first aid kit from the drawer, plucking the smelling salts out and heading back over, snapping one of the sticks beneath her nose. She started, head jerking up off the floor and blinking. "Whazzit..." She slapped her forehead, groaning. "I had this dream that I walked into the lounge and Danny McCree was standing there..." Her vision cleared and the first thing she saw was him hovering over her. Rachel's face started to grow pale again and Will panicked.

"Oh no you don't!" He pulled her to a sitting position. "Don't do that again. I can't go find more smelling salts." Rachel frowned, staring at him. 

"Wait..." She raised a hand slowly, pointing at him. "You...you're not...I'm really confused."

"It's me, Will. But you can't tell anyone about this...ow!" He shouted as Rachel grabbed his nose, her expression angry.

"All this time you let me ramble on about him and it was you all along?" She snarled at him. He gripped her wrist, trying to get his nose loose. "I oughta..." Her expression suddenly became scarily sweet. "I can't tell anyone? What will you give me?"

"I can't believe you're blackmailing me. We went through medical school together." He protested, finally pulling her hand away and rubbing his nose. "What do you want?"

"You, as your famous alter ego, perform for the children's ward and I get to say it was my idea. But to show I'm not completely evil, I'll say it was a joint project between the two of us. Therefore, maybe Dr. Reid won't hate us so much."

"Good luck. He hates everyone."

"Eh, it's worth a try. Do we have a deal?" She held out her hand, one eyebrow raised. He glared at her for a moment before taking her hand and shaking it.

"Deal. Now you can't tell a soul."

"I won't." She grinned. He gave her another look and pulled the hood over his head, disappearing out of the lounge. Rachel started whistling and gathering up the charts.

It was safe to say her mood had improved.


	33. Tricksy Bill

"Are they gone?" Bill called down the stairs, poking his head around the corner. Gibbs shut the front door behind him, unfolding the newspaper and glancing over the headlines. He made his way into the kitchen, Bill heading down the stairs and following him in, going straight to the fridge. Gibbs sat down at the table, setting the paper down and opening it.

"I hope you know what you were doing." Gibbs said finally as he turned to the next page. "When they find out, there will be hell to pay. And we all know Jack. He doesn't take being made a fool very lightly." Bill sat down at the table with a bowl of cereal, drowning it in milk.

"I'm perfectly well aware of that." Bill said as he dug in his spoon into the cereal, shoveling a mouthful in and taking the sports section from the paper pile. "Don't forget that in the pirate days, we were best friends. I know Jack well."

Gibbs coughed and raised his eyebrows, but said nothing else for a few moments. Bill continued eating, reading the front page. A few moments later, Elizabeth and Anamaria entered in conversation.

"So I asked my secretary if she'd gotten any word on the costume designs. The producer was supposed to send them to my office to work on. She'd heard nothing and received nothing." Elizabeth said, shaking her head. "So I called the number I was given before and the operator told me that there was no such number. Maybe I wrote the number down wrong..."

Ana pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge, twisting off the top. "Elizabeth, I don't think so." She took a long sip. "This just reeks of being suspicious. I mean, it sounds like a scam to me. Something that Jack would pull off."

Elizabeth's eyes narrowed. "But Jack would be able to see through a scam like this, wouldn't he?" She said. "He never would have fallen for one like this unless it was extremely convincing. Then again, I was pulled in as well."

"I think you were just a pawn." Anamaria said thoughtfully. "Someone knew that if they got you involved, then it would make the whole scheme more believable. But the question is what is the profit in all of this?"

"There is none or so it seems, except maybe to make a fool of someone." As she spoke the words, it all clicked in her head. She looked at Anamaria for a moment before both women turned their heads and looked straight at Bill. Bill paused, spoon still stuck in his mouth, glancing between the two of them. Slowly he pulled the spoon out of his mouth, flashing them a charming grin.

"Good morning ladies." He said cheerfully. "Sleep well?"

Anamaria looked back to Elizabeth, unable to hide her smirk. "He is going to be a dead man when Jack gets home."

-

"Are you sure this is the place?" Norrington asked and looked over to Jack, raising an eyebrow. The pirate only grunted in response, staring at the newspaper and rereading the directions over. Will opened the door, getting out and making his way towards the warehouse that was supposedly where the auditions were to take place. Jack finally looked up, glaring at the building.

"This is the place." He muttered flatly.

"Are you sure? You didn't use that compass-that-doesn't-point-North to get us here, did you?" Norrington asked again, amused despite the situation.

"Aren't you supposed to be pretending to be useful?" Jack shot back, getting out of the car. Norrington followed after him as they joined Will at the side door of the building. The blacksmith had gotten it open and motioned for them to look inside.

The building was abandoned, a few miscellaneous crates here and there, a fine layer of dust over everything. The windows were even so dirty that the sunlight could barely get in. In short, it looked nothing like the site of an audition looked like, even as one as low budget as the paper was toting.

Jack stared back down at the paper, frowning. "But this is the right place and the right day and time." He protested.

"It looks just the place." Norrington answered. The trash cans nearby were rustled, catching their attention. They all glanced over to see the bum getting to his feet, stretching and yawning, letting out a loud belch before scratching his privates. "Look, he must be here to try out for your part."

Jack gave him an evil look before hauling off and smacking him upside the head with the newspaper. "Smart ." He muttered and unfolded the paper again. "Here, look if you don't believe me."

Norrington rubbed his head, snatching the paper from Jack. Will rolled his eyes at the behavior of the two, leaning against the building with his arms crossed, waiting for a decision to be made. Norrington was reading over the paper when he suddenly raised a hand to his mouth, coughing to try and hide the smile that broke out over his face. It was too late though as Jack had already noticed.

"What?" He snapped irritably. Norrington couldn't respond, too close to breaking out into hysterical laughter to speak. Instead he handed over the newspaper, pointing out the date in the very top right hand corner. Jack took the paper, looking over the date. His face was expressionless for a moment before he raised his gaze to look at Will.

"Your father is a dead man." He growled, finally realizing that he'd been had and just who it had been that had finally gotten him.

"What?" Will took the paper from him, scrutinizing the date. "February 17th...2025?" He said incredulously and paused. "This is a novelty paper, isn't it?"

Jack nodded. "Aye. I say it's about time we go kill Bill."

-

"Look, it wasn't that bad." Bill explained as he helped Anamaria with the dishes. "Besides, Jack had it coming. This is payback for a prank he played on me." Ana took the plate he held out, drying it off and setting it on the pile. "See, back in the pirate days, before Barbossa's mutiny, he started it. There was an incident involving ale, wenches, pirates, and public nudity with eventually spending a night in the stocks." His face turned slightly red at that. "I've never had a problem with nudity, but even that was overdoing it." Anamaria snickered at him, taking the next plate.

"So this was just to get Jack back? I'm not seeing the point." She put down the cloth and picked up the stack of plates, going over to the cupboard.

"The point was to make him look like an idiot. You know how he's been freaking out these past few days about this movie thing and you have to admit, it was pretty damn funny." Anamaria shrugged, trying to remain the neutral party. "So all I did was print up a fake paper and switched it with the morning paper, called Elizabeth to give the paper credit, and the rest was fabricated by Captain Sparrow. A quick and painless way to get revenge, don't you think?"

"I'd rethink the painless part." Anamaria said. Bill frowned, but didn't have time to ask and suddenly found himself being barreled into and pinned to the floor. Jack looked up at Ana.

"I need to kill Bill. Do you mind?" He asked. Anamaria shook her head, getting to her feet and heading towards the door into the living room.

"Thanks for the reminder." She called, laughing. "I need to return that movie."

"No problem." Jack told her and looked down at Bill. "Now, what to do about you..." He said thoughtfully, tapping his chin. Suddenly Bill twisted under him, throwing Jack onto the floor. The pirate got up and scrambled out the floor, nearly knocking down Norrington and Will. "Stop him!" Jack shouted, grabbing the nearest object and racing after Bill.

"It was supposed to be funny!" Bill shouted at him before running out the back door and across the porch. Jack burst out after him.

"Nobody makes a fool out of Jack Sparrow and lives to tell the tale!" Jack shouted as Bill hopped off the porch. Jack ran to the rail and took careful aim at his best friend, throwing the object in his hand at him.

The object in question let out a long bellow as it soared through the air. Bill turned, eyes widening and ducked, the object flying over his head and into the shed, a loud crashing sound coming out of the small structure.

"You threw Barbossa at me?" Bill shouted. "Now that's just low!" He crossed his arms over his chest. "Sure, what I did to you was bad but that's just..."

He was cut off as the doll slowly dragged itself out of the shed, trailing a mouse trap. Still angry at Jack, he picked the doll up and tossed it away. "Bloody Barbossa!" He growled and turned his attention back to Jack.

Barbossa let out another howl as he went flying over the fence and landed with a 'plop' in the pool. Bill and Jack stared at the fence for a moment before they burst out laughing.

"Stupid doll." Jack snickered. "How can you stay mad with that thing around?" He shook his head as Bill made his way back across the lawn and up onto the deck.

"You can't." Bill said as his laughter died out. "Does this mean that I'm forgiven?"

"Almost." Jack said, slapping him on the back and then reached down, grabbing the hem of Bill's boxers and yanked up sharply. Bill let out a yelp, pulling away and giving Jack a look. The pirate grinned. "Now we're even."

"That wedgie hurt." Bill said, looking like a petulant child and following Jack into the house.

Suddenly Barbossa came flying over the fence again, landing in the grill, which luckily was not on. Heather's voice followed a moment later.

"Stay on your own side, Barby."


	34. Four Men and a Romance Novel

It all started with a book.

Norrington's curiosity and amusement got the best of him the day he was introduced to the romance novel. It seemed so innocent, sitting on the coffee table before him as he watched the afternoon talk show on TV. He'd seen it around plenty of times before, but each time, his curiosity pushed him further and further to see what lay between the absurdly humorous cover and the somewhat terrifying back cover. So, the day came when he picked up the book and opened it.

He opened the book to the middle and started reading. One eyebrow slowly rose as he read on and before he knew it, a small burst of laughter had escaped his lips. He slapped a hand over his mouth, but continued reading. Unbeknownst to him, Jack had entered the room and had heard the laughter. Curiosity piqued, he crept over to stand behind Norrington, wondering just what it is that he was laughing at.

"What the hell are you reading?" Jack could no longer contain himself. His outburst startled Norrington and he dropped the book as if it had suddenly become red hot. He jumped to his feet, spinning to face Jack.

"You need to wear a bell." Norrington responded in frustration, crossing his arms over his chest. Jack, seeing his ever present chance to annoy the commodore, crossed his arms over his chest. Norrington gave him a look and dropped his arms to his side. Jack repeated the motion, trying hard to keep the serious look on his face that mirrored Norrington's. The ex-commodore muttered under his breath, spun around, and dropped back onto the couch. Jack repeated the same motion. Unfortunately he had been too intent on annoying Norrington by copying him. When he spun and sat, he suddenly realized there wasn't a couch there and fell with a thud on the floor. Norrington smiled in satisfaction and picked up the book again.

Jack cursed under his breath and climbed to his feet, hopping lithely over the back of the couch and sitting beside Norrington. He craned his neck so that he could read as well. "Mate, I have to ask, why would you be reading a smutty book like this?" He wrinkled his nose at the heinous description on the page before him.

"It's not mine, Sparrow." Norrington responded as he stifled another snicker. "I found it under the couch. This hasn't been the first novel of this quality I've seen and from the absurd cover, I had to know if the writing was just as bad." He licked his lips. "And from what I've read, it's worse."

"It's worse than worse. It belongs on a pay per view channel." A frown crossed the pirate's face. "Is that even possible?" He asked, reaching over and pointing to a paragraph. Norrington's eyebrow rose again as he read over the passage.

"I doubt it, but we should ask the medical student when he gets home." His response was punctuated by the front door slamming shut.

"Ask me what?" Will called and jogged into the living room. "Medical advice? I'm your walking, talking medical encyclopedia." The pirate and the commodore exchanged glances and Norrington wordlessly handed the book up to Will, pointing out the passage. Will stared at it, reading silently. After a moment, he handed it back to Norrington. "Uh, is that even possible?"

"We were going to ask you that." Jack said. "And if anyone in this household could do it, it would be you. You're the flexible one."

"Yeah, but that's two people. I'm only one guy." Will said with a shrug. "It's going to have to remain a mystery."

"No it doesn't." Jack said suddenly. "Inquiring minds want to know. Norry will help you." He grabbed the book out of Norrington's hand and shoved him to his feet. "You two go solve this mystery and I'll just read this and laugh."

Norrington clearly disliked the idea and Will looked as if he'd rather suffer torture than test the theory with the ex-fiancee of his girlfriend. Jack noticed their unease and gave them both a look. "Oh come on. It's like playing Twister."

"Impossible Twister." Will grumbled.

"Twister? Are we playing? Are the girls playing?" Bill popped his head around the corner, but looked disappointed to see no Twister mat, Twister spin board, or anything female playing the game. "You got my hopes up for nothing." He muttered as he sat down heavily next to Jack. His nose wrinkled as he saw the cover of the book Jack was holding. "Just what in the name of hell is that?" He asked, poking at it as if it were a dirty sweat sock someone had left under the bed for a year.

"It's called a smutty romance novel." Jack replied. "Women apparently find reading these things entertaining."

Bill snorted. "Entertaining? Give me a break." He tossed his head back as if he had long, golden hair like the figure on the book cover, puffing out his chest. He breathed in deeply and looked to Jack with such a lustful look on his face that the pirate curled up as far away as he possibly could from Bill. "Mon chere, you will not marry the Duke of Somewhere French Sounding because I, the pirate of your heart, have come to rescue you and drag you off to exotic locales where I will be your scantily clad cabana boy." He made a motion like he was tossing long hair around and scooted closer to Jack. Jack crawled up onto the arm of the couch and put a foot against Bill's chest.

"Not an inch closer, mate." He said warily.

"But my love! Why do you reject me?" His eyes widened as if he were in pain. He clasped his hands over his heart. "You wound me. I should crawl off and die for suffering such loss." He slumped against the opposite end of the couch, one hand on his forehead.

"Is it just me, or is this really funny?" Will said. Norrington nodded, smirking. Jack scowled and leaned over, shoving Bill off the couch.

"How anyone could find that attractive is beyond me." He said, shaking his head. Will picked up the book, flipping it open to a new page.

"This is even worse." Will said, catching their attention. Bill sat up off the floor and Jack glanced over his shoulder again as Will began to read. "'The sun glinted off his bronze tanned chest, making her heart speed up. She wanted to reach out and touch his rock abs, touch the rock hard muscles.'" He wrinkled his nose as he stared down at the book. "Dude, why?"

"Rock abs." Jack snorted and started laughing. "The women don't want rock abs. They won't nicely toned men." He got off the couch. "Novel Romeo has nothing on Jack Sparrow." He pulled up his shirt, patting his stomach. "Nothing but pure muscle, but not over muscled. Like fine wine."

"No, no, no." Will pulled up his shirt. "This is finely tuned muscle." He bragged. Jack gave him a look.

"You haven't a chance, whelp." Just as he said that, the dog heard his name and came running into the living room, bouncing around. "Not you." Jack snapped at the dog.

"I can't believe you two are fighting over this." Norrington muttered.

"There's nothing to fight over. Jack is clearly jealous..."

"Jealous? What would I have to be jealous of?"

"Where should I start?"

"What's going on here?" Elizabeth stood in the doorway with Anamaria, both women looking mildly amused. Jack and Will both had their shirts off, Norrington had his nose stuck in the romance novel, and Bill was looking over his shoulder. At the sound of her voice, they all jumped into the motion. Norrington threw the book over his shoulder, right into Bill's forehead. Bill rubbed his forehead moodily. Jack and Will both scrambled to pull their shirts back on, although Will's went on backwards.

Anamaria went over, picking up the book. Bill tried to intercept him, but she easily pulled his foot out from under him. Bill toppled into his son and they both went down with a thud as Anamaria picked up the book. She raised an eyebrow. "Who reads this?" She asked.

"It's not yours?" Jack asked. She gave him a look.

"Do I look like I'd read this kind of book?"

Jack thought back to all the slapping, the insults, the slapping, the teasing, and of course, the slapping. After taking that into consideration, he shook his head. "No, I really don't see you as the type." He replied, dead pan. Elizabeth flushed red, covering her mouth, but saying nothing. Fortunately, no one seemed to notice her unease.

"Elizabeth?"

"No, of course not." She replied, smiling and putting an arm around Will's waist. "Why would I need it when I have my very own pirate?" He grinned pridefully and wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

"My Elizabeth." He said, squeezing her tightly.

Jack shrugged and crossed the room, tossing the book into the garbage can. "Be gone, foul thing. Let us ponder this no longer." He turned to the crew, rubbing his hands together. "I'm in the mood to eat out. How does chicken wings sound to everyone?"

There was a mutual agreement and everyone made for the door in the hallway. Elizabeth pulled away from Will. "I'll be right there." She told him, kissing him on the nose. He gave her hand a quick squeeze and headed into the hallway. Once she was sure he was gone, she dashed back to the living room and opened up the garbage can, pulling out the book. With a quick glance around, she stuffed it into the umbrella holder.

"This is what I get for living in a household full of pirates."


	35. The Blair Pirate Project

**The Pirates Household**

Jack picked through the carton of Chinese food, finally finding a peice of shrimp and attempting to grasp it between the two chopsticks. A frown appeared on his face as it kept evading him over and over. The frown was soon followed by a sworn oath. Elizabeth sighed and leaned over the table.

"Here, Jack. Let me show you how to do it." She said. "I've had enough practice with those sticks after long nights at the office."

"I'll do it all by me onesies, savvy?" He told her and went back to jabbing the sticks in the box, muttering about cursed shrimp and not understanding why people used sticks to eat in the first place. Elizabeth sat back down in her seat and picked up her carton again.

Barbossa watched the struggling pirate captain. "You're useless, Jack." The doll finally drawled as Jack managed to get half a noodle in his mouth. The pirate stared at the doll in contempt before sucking the rest of the noodle into his mouth.

"I'm not a doll, am I?" He said sweetly, flashing a grin at Barbossa before attempting to pick up the shrimp again.

"Cheap shot."

"Pirate."

Anamaria shook her head as she flipped the page on the paper and folded it up, handing it to Bill. He took it from her and opened to the commentary page, stuffing nearly half an egg roll in his mouth as he did so. Gibbs finished his food and set the carton aside put the bookmark in his book. Silence fell heavily over the table.

"We're rather not talkative when everyone isn't here, aren't we?" Anamaria said. "We're only missing Norrington and Will, but we seem less talkative than usual."

"Just got nothing to talk about." Jack said with a shrug. His tongue stuck out of his mouth slightly as he finally managed to get a good grip on the shrimp with the chopsticks. He carefully lifted it from the box. In his haste to get it into his mouth, the chopsticks slipped position and the shrimp became a missile, plunking Anamaria right in the forehead.

There was a moment of silence as Anamaria picked up the peice of shrimp. Jack stayed frozen in place, except for his eyes which remained on the shrimp. Ana looked at the food, then back to Jack.

"Would you like this back?"

"I would very much like it back." Jack responded carefully. "And I'm sorry?" He really wasn't sorry, but if it got him his beloved shrimp back, he could say the words. Ana smirked and whistled. A moment later, Whelp came bounding into the kitchen. "No!" The dog sat by Ana's chair, ears perked and tail wagging. She held it up above the dog between two fingers. Jack dropped the box on the table and lunged across it, snatching the shrimp as it fell and shoving it into his mouth. Whelp snapped at empty air and then looked confused as he realized he hadn't caught any food at all. His ears drooped and he whimpered, looking as if he'd been kicked.

"Jack, you got poor Whelp's hopes up. Without Will home to sneak him human food, he's had to finish his kibble." Elizabeth said, reaching over and scratching the dog behind the ear.

Jack sat back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest as he chewed the shrimp and swallowed. "Too bad. It was my food." He said. "And I don't feel bad for him, as I remind you of the towel incident."

"Good times." Both women said in agreement.

"What towel incident?" Bill asked, glancing up from the paper and looking around the table.

"Don't you dare." Jack threatened Anamaria. She held up her hands, smiling innocently at him.

Gibbs decided that this would be the good time to interject and cleared his throat. "So, what do you think Norrington and Will are doing now? What was it they were doing?"

"A weekend hike for their class." Elizabeth said. "I believe it was that English class on myths and legends."

"That sounded pretty interesting from what I heard." Anamaria replied. "The woods they were hiking in were home to a witch. They say it's haunted still to this day. From what Norrington said, while looking very unamused, they were going to hike up to where the cemetary and the house were that she lived in. In other words, creepy stuff."

"That does sound like fun." Gibbs replied thoughtfully. "Although maybe a bit boring, seeing as how it's probably nothing more than a legend..."

**Lost**

"James? Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"That!"

"I'm sorry Turner, I did not hear a 'that.' I was too busy trying to find out just where we are on this useless peice of paper trying to be a map so that we can rejoin the rest of the group. Now hold the flashlight steady before I shove it down your throat."

The last remark earned him a dark glare from the ex-blacksmith and a few moments peace. Norrington traced his finger along the map, muttering quietly to himself. Will took the opportunity to point the camera towards himself, looking vaguely annoyed.

"Day One of our project has come to a lovely end. As you can see, James amazing talent with reading maps has gotten us completely lost in the middle of the woods." He explained and paused. "Not only that, but I lost my cell phone." His nose wrinkled up. "And it's raining. Neither one of us is in a good mood and if we don't find the others soon, we'll miss out on the historical landmarks tomorrow, which was the entire point of this trip."

Suddenly Norrington grabbed hold of the camera, pointing it towards himself. "What Turner failed to mention is that I can read maps perfectly fine, but he was the one who broke the compass."

"I did not break the compass! You just can't figure out our newfangled map system, can you?"

"Turner, I have more map reading experience in my pinky than you do in your entire body. I suggest you think that over before so rudely blaming our plight on my skills."

"I have thought it over. This was my conclusion. I think that you need to take that map and shove..." 

Both men stopped as they heard a sound. Norrington took the flashlight from Will and shined it in the direction they'd heard the noise while Will pointed the camera in that direction. "It's probably just an animal or something of the sort." Will said softly, then blinked. In the monitor light, his face went pale. Norrington glanced over at him.

"Turner? What's wrong?" He hissed.

"I-I saw something." He stuttered. "Out in the woods. There was a white flash and it wasn't an animal and now it's gone."

Norrington gave him a dark look. "Imagination getting the best of you?"

"No!" Will protested. 

Norrington tilted his head slightly. "Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Will whispered back, looking around uncertainly.

"The sound of Deliverance banjos." The ex-commodore replied, still gazing steadily at Will.

Will glared back at him. "Very funny." He growled and glanced back towards the woods. His gaze returned to the video camera and he fumbled in the darkness to find the rewind button. The tape sped backwards. "Look! There it is!"

Norrington took the camera for him. "It looks like a flash of light and nothing more. It was probably you not being able to hold the flashlight straight." He replied and shoved it back into Will's hand. "Now hold it again so I can try and find our position."

"Won't work without a compass."

"We wouldn't need a map and a compass if someone had kept their cell phone in one peice."

"I slipped! It wasn't as if I did it on purpose!"

"You wouldn't have slipped if you hadn't been imitating me behind my back!"

"Yeah? Well..." He threw up his hands. "I have no response to that, but I will."

"Of course you wi-" Once again, he was cut off as a loud, horrible shriek echoed through the clearing. Again there was no one in sight. Unnervingly, it wasn't that fact that scared Norrington. It was that at the sound he'd clung to the first thing in proximity. The first thing being his sworn enemy of the moment.

"James, would you please let go of me?"


	36. The Blair Pirate Project: Part 2

_A/N: The next chapter is on the short side, but I thought it would be better to cut it off where I did than to add onto it._

The Pirate household had grown very quiet when everyone had gone to sleep. It was all quite normal and routine except for one housemate. Whelp had curled up on Will's bed, but found it very lonely without his master. He'd tried sleeping in many different positions, but found that none could alleviate his sleeplessness. So he hopped off the ex-blacksmith's bed and trotted out into the hallway, making his way down the hall.

The first room he came to belonged to Elizabeth. He tried to open the door by pushing against it with his nose and found it to be shut tightly. With the canine equivalent of a grumble, he backed up and continued on his pathway down the hallway, crossing to Anamaria's room. When he pushed his muzzle against the door this time, it swung open and he slid in.

Whelp spotted Anamaria in bed and, tail wagging happily, bounded up onto the bed and stood over her. Anamaria shifted in her sleep, not quite noticing the shifting of weight on her bed. Whelp whimpered and nudged her, ears drooping as much as a German Shepard's possibly could. Ana grumbled in her sleep, something about Jack leaving the toilet seat up again and swatted at the offending nose.

The dog took that as his cue to leave and hopped off the bed, sliding out of the room again. He made his way to Bill's room and once again found the door shut tightly. Take a leak on a man's bed and you were branded for life. He grumbled lightly again and trotted to Jack's room. The pirate had left it open slightly, enough for the dog to shove it open and trot over, hopping up with his front paws on the bed. He whimpered, trying to get Jack's attention. When the pirate didn't respond, he nudged him again and whimpered louder.

"Blast it, you scurvy dogs! We're not spending another night in this forsaken place. Heave to!" Jack shouted in his sleep. Whelp hopped down from the bed just in time to avoid the swinging arm. He quickly made his way from the room as Jack sat up, blinking in confusion. "Someone there?"

There was one room left to check at the end of the hall. He bypassed Norrington's room, knowing the man was wherever his owner was and pushed his way into Gibbs' bedroom. There was no one there, as the pirate worked late nights at his tavern. The dog whimpered, feeling lonely and sat at the end of the hallway, glancing over his shoulder at the rooms before looking back to Gibbs.

Then there was a hand scratching him behind the ear. "You miss your buddy, don't you?" Gibbs said quietly as he knelt down beside Whelp. The dog whimpered again in reply, leaning against the hand scratching him, closing his eyes lazily. One foot began to thump rhythmically against the floor as Gibbs scratched him behind the ear. The pirate chuckled and stood up. "I suppose I could share some room for tonight. Come on." Whelp got to his feet, prancing happily into the room.

* * *

"It is night number one. Turner and I, despite best intentions, have not been able to find the rest of the group and have decided to make camp for the night. However I believe it would have been best to press on as neither one of us seems to know how to set up the tent." The camera zoomed away from Norrington's face and landed on the pile of fabric and poles that was supposedly their tent. Norrington sighed and closed the monitor, glancing around the darkened woods. Behind him, he could hear Will's boots crunching on the twigs and leaves as he looked for firewood. 

"Blame me for getting us lost. I'm not the one who broke the cell phone." He muttered quietly under his breath as he used the flashlight and leaned in closer to the map. They were a bit more complicated than he was used to but he was learning how to decipher them. They even told a man what his elevation was on land now. Quite helpful.

Will lazily made his way through the woods a little ways from the camp, still in sight of the dying campfire. The headphones in his ears blasted music as he scanned the ground with the help of his flashlight for good sized branches to burn. Instead, something strange caught his eye. He bent over to brush the leaves away from it.

Behind him, a shadow appeared in the form of a woman, only slightly darker than the night. Hair waved around her face wildly, dress windblown around her body. There was no detail for she was just a shadow. She approached the young man silently, arms raised up, ready to attack.

Will stood back up, a frown on his face as he looked at the curious object in his hand. Scanning the flashlight along the ground, he found another and another, picking them up and shoving them into the bag at his side to take back to camp, heedless of the dark figure behind him. When he couldn't find anymore, he collected a few loose branches. He paused for a moment as did the shadow, directly behind him and ready to pounce.

Just as it did, Will abruptly changed directions, trotting back towards camp. The shadow hit the tree with a sickening thud and toppled back into the leaves, but Will remained absolutely oblivious as he made his way back to the tiny clearing and squatted down beside Norrington. "James, look what I found." He said, pulling the headphones from his ears and digging into the bag. "Must be the class came through here while our ever so entertaining professor was lecturing." He handed over the crudely made stick figure to Norrington. "Cool, huh?"

Norrington raised an eyebrow as he looked down at it. "Interesting at the most. I don't quite understand what the purpose would be."

"Probably just bored. There was a ton of them. I bet they'll make good fire wood." He took the one from Norrington's hand and headed over, throwing the pile onto the fire. The flames licked hungrily at the wood and finally started to consume it as it caught hold of the dry wood. Will sat back on the edge of the fallen tent and held up his hands, letting the heat warm his palms.

Out in the woods, the shadow got woozily to its feet just in time to see the younger man of the two throw the pile of wooden stick figures into the fire. It screeched, waving it's arms over it's head in anger. "Do you know how long it took me to make those, you ungrateful whelp? It's not easy making something vaguely terrifying!" It stomped its feet, making small circles in the leaves

James glanced up from the map, looking around at the woods with a frown on his face. "Turner, do you hear something?" Will glanced up from the fire, turning his head slightly and listening for a moment.

"Maybe it's just the wind." He replied with a shrug and returned his attention to the fire. "It's really too bad we don't have marshmallows. Or chocolate bars. Or graham crackers." Will said after a moment, a wistful expression on his face. "We could've made S'mores."

"S'mores?" The ex-commodore glanced up from the map at him, looking intrigued. "I've heard about them but no one has told me yet just what they are."

Will stared at him. "That's a crime." He said slowly. "When we get back, I'll stoke up the grill out back and show you what a good S'more is." He shook his head. "You poor man."

Norrington stared dead pan back at him. "For someone who can't cook, you seem to fancy yourself quite the connoisseur of foods, Turner." He drawled.

"You will too once you get addicted to Gibbs' cooking." Will replied.

Norrington couldn't argue with that. "The crew of the Pearl must've fed quite well with that man about." He said, rubbing his chin. "It's a pity the Navy let him go. I know I would've hired him for the Dauntless."

As the two men continued conversing about food, the shadowy figure had yet to spend all its rage, still stomping about and waving its hands in the air, looking like a mental patient in a padded room. "This is why I don't like tourists! Don't respect quality art work when you see it! Well I'll show you! You won't escape these woods alive." It threw back its head, laughing manically in the darkness until it's foot caught on a protruding root and it fell face first onto the ground. "Oh hell..."

James glanced up from the map again, making a face. "I'm sure I heard something that time!"


	37. The Blair Pirate Project: Part 3

The rest of the night was spent in relative unease. No matter where James rolled, he always found a rock sticking into his back that made him more uncomfortable than those damnable bunks aboard the Dauntless. On the one occasion he had found a comfortable spot, Turner had reached out to him in his sleep and started petting him, calling him by the blasted dog's name. Deciding he didn't want to spend the rest of the night being pet, he made his way to the opposite side of the fire and laid down, curling up and using his rolled sleeping bag as a pillow. It was there he finally was able to sink into a deep sleep.

Seeing both men with their guards down, the shadow crept out into the clearing. The fire snuffed out and the campsite was plunged into darkness. She cackled low and snuck up to Norrington, crouching down beside him. Her fingers touched the space just above his cheek. Norrington grumbled something about shaving cream and suddenly his fist lashed out. The shadow reared back, shaking her fist at Norrington, who rolled over but the grumbling had yet to cease. Her gaze turned to Will and soured slightly. She didn't like him much at all. But it had been a long time since she'd had victims in her woods and she decided to drag out their fates as long as possible. With another quiet cackle, she glided back towards the woods.

Norrington woke to incessant grumbling and shielded his eyes against the morning sun to look across at Will. The ex-blacksmith was standing over a bundle that had been set beside him in the middle of the night. Leaves and twigs stuck in his hair and there were dark circles under his eyes.

"What is it?" He lowered his hand to cover his mouth as he yawned and got to his feet, ambling over. When he came to a stop beside Will, his nose wrinkled up. "Isn't that pleasant. An animal left you it's leftovers during the night."

Will looked up at him, narrowing his still sleep hazed eyes. "Yes. It's also been watching Martha Stewart since it gift wrapped it nicely in a doggy bag for me to take home." He grumbled, nudging the bloody cloth with his foot.

"How considerate." Norrington stretched his arms over his head and returned to his side of the campfire, crouching down to shove his things into his pack.

"It's not even considerate. It gave me all the uneatable stuff." Will groused as he used the toe of his work boot to launch it into the forest. The gross gift flew into the woods and landed at the feet of a dark figure, who promptly turned and started banging its head on the nearest tree.

"I keep hearing things!" James got to his feet, pointing towards the trees. "It's all around us. Last night it was over there and now it's over on that side. What is it?"

"It's a wood pecker." Will snapped and sat back down on his rolled sleeping bag. "Now finish packing up so you can get us out of here with minimal yelling at me."

* * *

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"NO! Would you shut your mouth, Turner, so I can have one moment of quiet to think?" Norrington turned on his younger companion, pulling himself to stand over Will, trying to put on an air of authority.

"Now do you see why I don't want kids?" Will asked, raising an eyebrow. "Imagine hearing that an entire day."

Norrington wanted to say something, but he shut his mouth. After all, it had been his fault. He had asked Will why Elizabeth and he had yet to settle down and have children. "Point taken but shut your mouth for awhile. I'm trying to concentrate." He turned just in time to miss the mock salute from Will and started down the path again.

"Didn't we pass that rock an hour ago?" Norrington closed his eyes and massaged his forehead as Will spoke not but two minutes later. He whirled around to tell him to please be quiet when he realized that Will was right. They had just passed that rock.

"It's impossible..."

"But it is! You admit it! Why James, did you get us lost?"

"Why Turner, did you lose your sense of respect?"

"Yes."

Norrington scowled and sat down on the familiar rock, spreading the map across his knees. "I want to get out of this forsaken forest, perhaps leave you here, and lay down in my nice warm bed after a nice warm shower and forget this ever..."

Suddenly something hit the map from up above and the scowl deepend. It was only with his luck that of all the places for the bird to go, it had to go on the map.

* * *

**The Pirates Household**

Bill's enraged scream echoed through the entire house. He appeared downstairs a moment later, clad only in a towel and soaking wet. Elizabeth's eyes widened and Anamaria nearly spit out the orange juice she was drinking. Gibbs stared over his coffee, but there wasn't really much more of an expression than that. Jack was trying to remain absolutely deadpan, but it was near impossible for him. "Is there something wrong, Bill?" He pirate asked, feigning innocence as he picked up the paper to hide his smile.

"Something wrong?" Bill started calmly. "Is there something wrong?" He shouted and grabbed the paper from Jack. Already exposed, Jack burst out laughing and fell out of his chair, landing on the ground with a thud. Anamaria was still trying to be polite by not laughing, but was losing fast. Elizabeth was still staring and Gibbs had gone back to his coffee already. "My hair is...blond!" Jack burst out into laughter again, trying to climb up on the chair.

"That you are, mate." He held up his hands as Bill's furious gaze landed on him. "It wasn't me, swear on it. For once, I am innocent."

Gibbs glanced over at him. "Savor the moment. Jack innocent for once. It's a big rarity." Jack gave him a look and then returned his gaze back to Bill.

"It's not a bad look..." He said helpfully and just missed the wet pirate lunging at him. He got up out of his seat and rushed for the door. "I'll be next door at Heather's!" He shouted and slammed the door shut behind him. Bill ran his hand through his hair, still scowling.

"What shampoo did you use?" Anamaria asked finally. "I'd like to avoid it, if possible."

"Hydrogen peroxide." Bill replied. Ana's mouth opened slightly.

"You used hydrogen peroxide?" She said slowly, disbelief on her face.

"Yeah. Barbossa told me to since we were out of shampoo." Bill said and his gaze darkened. "It's not shampoo, is it?" The two girls shook their heads in unison. Bill snarled and turned, running upstairs. There were a few crashes, a good amount of rather rude cursing, and then footsteps on the stairs once more. Barbossa was shouting obscenities at Bill as Whelp followed him, tail wagging eagerly. Bill made his way outside and chucked the doll as hard as he could. Whelp took off across the yard after it as Bill stormed back inside. "Bleedin' doll..."

* * *

The loud growl might have been mildly frightening had Norrington not known it's source, as he did the slightly quieter growl that followed. He placed a hand on his stomach as he and Will continued down the path in relative silence. It seemed as if they didn't have a thing to say to each other and Norrington liked it that way. Until now, when they finally had to come to some sort of terms.

"Do we have any food at all?" He finally asked Will when the gnawing sensation in his stomach had grown unbearable. Will glanced over at him darkly, still rubbing his stomach.

"If you count a Twizzler as food, then yeah, _I_ still have food." He replied.

"Why is it just yours?"

"Because one, I bought the package of Twizzlers at the gas station and two, you didn't share your candy bar with me, so I think I can eat this last Twizzler." He noticed Norrington's startled look. "Yeah, that's right. Don't think I didn't see you sneaking that candy bar while I was taking a leak."

"You're delusional, Turner."

"You're annoying, Norrington." The two men closed the gap between each other. The shadow that had been stalking them for the last mile suddenly felt the urge to run from the sudden overflow of testosterone.

"Annoying? Well, I suppose that's a small thing in respects to a man who has a phobia of commitment." Norrington replied, crossing his arms over his chest. Will pointed a finger in his face, opening his mouth to say something, but instead dropped his hand, looking about ready to slug him.

"Better to know who you're going to spend eternity with than to jump right in. But I expect you're looking for an opening to come in and sweep Elizabeth off her feet." He tried to stare him down. "It ain't going to happen. She made her choice."

"Turner, I believe you've done something that no man has ever done before. Not even Jack Sparrow."

"Oh?"

"Gotten on my last nerve!"

The shadow stood in shock as suddenly the two man fell to the ground, rolling in the mud, shouting insults, and trying their damndest to make the other man hurt more than they were. It raised what could pass as an eyebrow at the rather creative insults that were hurled.

"Pompous wig wearer!"

"Overdramatic!"

The shadow watched as they continued to roll until coming to the edge of the path...and right into the stream. There was a loud splash and flailing of limbs for a moment before both men surfaced, looking rather humbled. The younger one stayed low in the water, glaring at his companion. The older man got up out of the water and made his way up to the path, shaking out.

"Well, that was rather stupid, wasn't it?" Norrington muttered as he took off his shirt and wrung it, letting the water soak into the dirt. Will inclined his head slightly to say that he agreed but remained in the water. Norrington frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. "Is there a problem?"

Will opened his mouth, but it was a moment before the words came out. "I think you ripped my pants." There was a moment of silence between them as Norrington stared at him in disbelief. "Or I should say I did on a rock when we fell in here." Will amended, shifting uncomfortably. "Either way, I'm feeling a bit of a draft."

Norrington stared at him for a moment before bursting out into laughter. Will frowned, planning to commit bloody vengeance on the man, until the ex-commodore reached into their bags and pulled out a roll of duct tape. "Fixes everything, or so Jack told me." He tossed it to Will, who caught it, a look of relief on his face.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." Norrington finally managed to get his laughing under control and went to work drying out his pants as Will taped his and emerged from the water. They both stood in silence for a moment before Norrington offered his hand.

"Truce till we find our way out of these woods?"

Will took it and shook it eagerly. "Truce." He said. "But I still very much dislike you."

"Agreed."


	38. The Blair Pirate Project: Part Something

It turned out that the wet clothes didn't get to be too much of a problem until night fall, at which point Will and Norrington had thought they would be out of the forest. At least the class would be by now and the two were hoping that they would realize two of their number were missing and send a search party, and that the search party wasn't out there making S'mores at their previous campsite and lamenting about being lost. For some terrifying reason, Norrington could imagine search party after search party coming into the endless woods until there was a party out there where no group could see another. That and he would be stuck here with Turner for eternity. That scared him more than the thought of being just lost. Although his traveling partner had shut up at sunset.

What Norrington didn't know was that Will was thinking along the same lines as him. Two days he'd been stuck walking around a forest that didn't seem that big, lost, for a class that he had only taken to give him another three credit hours for his major. Not only that, but he was stuck with Norrington. That alone was enough to set him on edge. They hadn't exactly gotten along as blacksmith and commodore, why would they get along now as student and student? Roommate and roommate? Will rubbed his arms, feeling the goosebumps rising from the cold. Both men were still mildly damp from the earlier fall into the stream.

The shadow followed along behind them, bored out of its mind. Neither man had done anything stupid in the past few hours, or amusing for that matter. They'd just walked in silence, somehow managing to evade every single trap she'd laid down. These two were extremely frustrating. First the younger one had destroyed her hard work and now the older one seemed to ignore her presence every time she tried to spook the living daylights out of him.

"We should stop for the night, build a fire and get warm." Will suggested, hugging himself tighter as the wind kicked up. For once, Norrington didn't contradict him and set his pack down on the ground. Will did the same and crouched down, sliding it open and pulling out the tent, game enough to take a second attempt at setting it up so they'd have somewhat of a chance of not catching a cold during the night.

"I'll be right back. I need to relieve myself." Norrington told him and Will nodded vaguely as if he had been listening. Norrington stumbled from the clearing to one of the many trees, listening to the sounds of camp being unpacked behind him. "I can't believe I came back from the dead for this." He muttered to himself, glancing around at the dark woods. The shadow stayed behind one of the larger trees, watching the commodore's back with interest. As soon as his attention fixed on something, it crept out from behind the trees towards him, arms held out straight and hands flexing into claws. It didn't make barely a sound until suddenly stumbling and falling to the ground, arms flailing. Norrington frowned and looked over his shoulder.

"Turner? Are you spying on me?" He asked, glancing over both shoulders, determined to see something in the darkness because he had definitely heard something.

"I'm sorry, did you just ask if I was spying on you? Spying on you taking a leak nonetheless?" Will's voice came from far off and to Norrington's right, which he judged to still be at the campsite. "Well, don't you have a high opinion of yourself? What would make you think that I would want to spy on you? Maybe it was Bambi." The younger man snapped.

"I hardly think Bambi would be interested in spying and I heard a noise."

"Oh, so you hear a noise and automatically think I'm spying? What kind of a pervert do you think I am?"

"Well, I did catch you and Captain Sparrow spying on our lady roommates and their friend next door when they were sunning next to the pool." Norrington replied.

"What?" Will's voice suddenly came from right behind him. Norrington let out a small yelp and dodged away. "So because of that, I automatically spy on everyone? In case you haven't forgotten, Elizabeth and I are in a long term relationship!" Will responded angrily.

"Damn it, Turner! Next time make noise on approach!" Norrington shouted back at him as he zipped up and turned back to face him, just as angry. "Haven't you ever heard of privacy?"

"'Haven't you ever heard of privacy?'" Will mimicked him. "You gave up that right when you agreed to live with all of us. The more roommates, the less privacy." Will turned around and stormed towards camp. "We have a tent for tonight, by the way! No need to praise me!"

Norrington muttered something under his breath that sounded less than nice, storming after Will. The shadow watched from where it was sitting cross legged on the ground, starting to wonder if psychologists did therapy for evil spirits.

* * *

In the darkness of the tent, the small light on the front of the camera came on, illuminating the watch on Norrington's wrist. Thankfully it was one of those sport watches and had made good on its guarantee to be water proof. "It's 2:15 a.m. in the morning and I have yet to catch a decent wink of sleep." He whispered into the camera's microphone and turned it to face himself. "I fear if we don't get out of this soon, I might kill Turner or Turner might kill me. Our project proposal has failed as we've seen none of the landmarks and, oh, we're lost in the woods." He paused and tilted his head as if listening to something.

He reached over and shook Will's shoulder beneath the tarp they'd been using as a blanket. Will responded by swatting the hand away and rolling with his back to Norrington. "Go back to sleep. You're hearing things, as always." He grumbled tiredly.

"Not this time! Well, I am, but not what you think!" Norrington hissed. "It sounds like something is…" He didn't have time to finish his sentence as something began clawing at the walls of the tent from all sides. Will fully woke up with a shout, slamming his forehead into Norrington's as he sat up too quickly and tried to avoid the moving walls. Norrington cursed in pain and dodged the wall as well, both men huddled back to back and staring at the movements. "On the count of three, we run." Norrington said, his eyes wide.

"Agreed." Will responded, staring as well.

"One…"

"Two…"

"Three!" As Will shouted the last number, Norrington unzipped the tent and they both sprinted out and across the clearing. The light on the camera gave Norrington a bit of a view of the woods and Will running before him as they ran for their lives, trying to put as much distance between them and whatever had attacked them.

Will turned to see if Norrington was still following him and found his body suddenly meeting resistance. He ran into something large and hard and bounced back, falling onto his rear end in the leaves and dirt. Norrington stopped behind him, panting and leaning forward, keeping the camera light on the object before them. "Whose idea was it to put a bloody house there?" Will groaned as he sat up slowly. He gave the decrepit structure a dark look and climbed to his feet.

"Shelter for the night." Norrington said. Will turned to face him.

"You want to go in there?" He questioned. Norrington nodded. "As much as you think you don't belong with our crew, you're just as crazy as the rest of us. Old, creaky looking structure! Abandoned and suddenly appears in the middle of nowhere! And you want to go in?"

"You have to use what you have at hand." Norrington replied calmly as he straightened up and strode towards the open doorway, the door having been torn off long ago. "Stay here if you want then. With whatever else is out there."

Will snorted and crossed his arms over his chest, watching as the light disappeared inside. He stood there, glancing around at the surrounding trees and listening to the silence. Nothing moved, at least that he could see, and he suddenly got the feeling that despite all that, he really wasn't alone.

Norrington panned the camera over the halls, making his way towards the door at the end. Turner had been right about one thing. The house was just as creepy as the woods. He debated on going upstairs first to check, then downstairs, or to go downstairs first and then upstairs. He stopped, flashing the light between the two.

As he was deciding, something plowed into his back, making him stumble forward. He spun around, lashing out in defense and landed a solid hit. There was a muffled yelp of pain as he brought the camera up to use the light to see his attacker. He got a brief glance of Will with both hands over his nose before getting a good kick in the shins as rebuttal.

Norrington winced and hopped on one foot. "That was unnecessary." He grumbled as Will shot him a dark look.

"And hitting me in the nose was?" Will griped.

"What happened to staying out of the old and decrepit house?"

"Old and decrepit beats old and haunted."

"Fine then. You go see what's downstairs and I'll take the upstairs. We'll meet back in the hallway."

"Deal." Will made his way past Norrington, muttering under his breath, but Norrington didn't catch exactly what it was he was saying. Instead he went upstairs, panning the camera along the walls. A shiver ran up his spine as he saw the long, jagged claw marks carved into the walls.

"It was probably just an animal." He whispered to himself, filming the marks as he stretched out his hand to touch them. It was then that he realized that they were at shoulder level and yanked his hand back. "A very big animal." He amended and continued down the hall. There were only two rooms. One held a rusting bed frame and a set of drawers that were rotting away.

The next was a bit more dire. Stacked against the far walls were backpacks such as Will and Norrington had been carrying. As Norrington brought up the camera to let the light fall over it, he noticed the dark stain on the floor and the backpacks. His mind conjured up an idea of just what that might be and he turned, sprinting out of the room and down the stairs. "William! We're leaving, now!" He received no response and turned, yanking open the door that led downstairs and racing down the steps.

Will was standing in the corner, completely silent as Norrington rushed down the stairs. The camera jolted in his hand, still recording as he made his way towards the younger man. "Did you hear me? Will, we have to…" The camera fell to the floor, giving one last shot of Will before darkness fell.


	39. The Blair Pirate Project: The End

At first, Norrington thought he had gone blind. Then he realized his eyes were squeezed shut tightly as the dirt he'd kicked up during his fall burned his eyes. He slowly rubbed them, letting the tears work themselves up to clean out the dirt particles. As he lay there, he realized his foot was stuck in a rotten board and somewhere in front of him, Turner was singing. When the burning had finally abated, Norrington opened his eyes to see Turner still standing in the corner taking a leak…and wearing headphones. There was an I-Pod in his back pocket and he could hear the faint sound of music. Grumbling under his breath, he got to his feet and reached for the camera.

The eject button had been hit during the tumble and the camera had thrown the tape out, the tape deck snapping off and rendering the camera as trash. Norrington pocketed the tape and threw the defunct machinery aside, bending down to dust the dirt off the knees of his pants. As he did so, he muttered a long diatribe about being stuck in the woods, being stuck with someone he disliked at the moment, and the weird circumstances that were keeping them there. When he was somewhat satisfied with the dirt removal, he turned to snatch the headphones out of Turner's ears and tell him to hurry it up so they could leave. Instead his jaw dropped and for a moment, he was speechless. That was a new feeling; it didn't happen often.

There was a shadow, darker than the night that surrounded them. It was creeping slowly towards the two men. Norrington swallowed and calmly took three steps back and put his hand on Will's shoulder. The younger man jumped and raised a fist to attack whoever it was that had snuck up on him, but Norrington quickly grabbed his arm and shook his head before pointing in the direction of the shadow. The shadow that had crossed quite a lot of distance since the last time he'd looked. It rose up before them with an inhuman shriek, blocking out what little light there had been. Will's jaw dropped and he could only manage a small squeak as he stared at it, eyes wide. Norrington simply stared as well; his jaw clamped tightly shut and a tic in his eye. He had never encountered this type of thing until Turner and Sparrow had entered his life.

Suddenly Will let out a warrior cry, grabbed an object from behind him, and swung at the shadow. For a moment, Norrington stared in disbelief, wondering what good attacking a shadow would be. Then the rusted golf club Will was using as a weapon made contact and the shadow toppled over with a shriek of a different kind, one of surprise. Norrington looked over to see Will was quite surprised at the success as well.

"A golf club?" The ex-commodore finally said, finding his voice. The look of surprise left Will's face and he glared at Norrington.

"You see any swords lying around?" He shot back. "No, so this will have to do." He made to wave the golf club in front of Norrington's face, but paused and frowned at his weapon. "Why would there be a golf club down here?"

"Do I look like I would know the answer to that?" Norrington replied moodily, crossing his arms over his chest. "What I would like to know is why you held out on the I-Pod? All those times I had to listen to you babbling on, I could've been listening to something else."

"Me babbling on?" Will pointed at himself. "I barely talk! You're not exactly the greatest conversationalist, you know. You have this way of making me feel stupid for trying to tell a dirty joke!"

"I seem to remember a time when you couldn't tell a dirty joke without turning bright red!" Norrington shot back.

"Well times have changed! Get with the program, James!" Will shouted back at him. By that point, it had turned into a full out vocal brawl and the shadow climbed to its feet, unnoticed. It took stock of the situation and then grew in height again, hovering over the two men. It opened its mouth to shriek at them when they both turned on it.

"Shut up!" They shouted at the same time and then went back to shouting at each other. The shadow watched in disbelief for a moment, its frustration mounting. It waited for the fight to die out, but it only seemed to grow in strength, the allegations becoming more and more ridiculous. Finally, it grew sick of waiting and decided to dispose of the two of them. Once and for all. It lunged.

"Look out!" Norrington shouted mid-sentence. Will turned, bringing the golf club up and around, swinging as hard as he could, feet digging into the dirt of the basement. The shadow stopped mid shriek and dodged back, intending to let him overextend on the swing and then leap on its prey when it couldn't recover. Will did overswing, but the golf club made contact with the rotting support beam. There was a loud crack and dust sifted down from the ceiling above. There was a loud cracking sound and all three glanced up. The cracking sound continued though the motion was unseen.

"Run." Will said and both men sprinted for the stairs.

"Oh you did not! First it's my crafts, then it's my haunted house!" The shadow stamped it's foot on the floor. "It's not fair! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" It shouted as Norrington and Will rushed up the stairs. Halfway up, Will tossed the bent golf club down the stairs behind him, figuring he wouldn't need it any longer. The golf club served another purpose, however, as it banged the shadow upside the head, toppling it once more.

Will and Norrington raced up the stairs and burst through the door into the hallway. The house was starting to creak and moan more as the rotten supports started to tumble. The floorboards fell into the basement behind their heels as they raced along towards the door. The hallway seemed interminably long and Norrington feared for a moment that they were on a one way trip back down to the basement. Instead he found that extra surge of speed, grabbing Will's jacket and throwing the young man through the door in front of him, diving after him. They rolled down the small incline as the house began to sway and ultimately collapsed onto itself, kicking up a cloud of dust. Will and Norrington sat on the ground a safe distance away, watching as it came crashing down. As the noise died down, they got to their feet, brushing themselves off.

"Well…" Will said, raising an eyebrow. His face was streaked with dirt in the moonlight as he glanced to Norrington. "I guess we found the reason why…"

"BOO!"

Will reacted immediately to the voice while Norrington jumped backwards. Will's fist made contact with a face and cursing filled the semi-silence of the night. Bill Turner gave his son a dark look as Jack howled with laughter behind him, falling backwards onto the ground, the flashlight hitting the ground and illuminating the two weary campers. Anamaria laid her elbow on Bill's shoulder, smirking at him. "I told you not to." She said sweetly as Elizabeth covered her mouth to keep from laughing out loud. It took them all a few moments to recover and Norrington's patience to keep Will from giving his father a good ass kicking.

"We've been looking for you all day. Figured something was wrong when you two didn't show up with the rest of the class." Jack explained with an easy shrug after he had gotten to his feet. "Besides, it was getting a mite boring back home. Well, except for when Bill threw Barbossa at the lawn mower in anger and Barbossa ended up trying to mulch him, at which point Bill ran into the street and we had to spend the whole day explaining that our lawn mower was not possessed and that there was nothing odd going on at our house."

"Where is Barbossa now?" Will asked, frowning slightly. Whelp barked at his feet, wagging his tail, eager for attention from his best friend. Will scratched behind his ear, still looking to Jack, who hadn't answered. "Jack?"

Jack was turning bright red as if he were trying not to burst out laughing. "Well, we had to corral the lawnmower." Jack said with another slight shrug. "So Bill and I cornered it in another yard and Bill tossed the first thing he could grab in reach at it."

Bill smiled proudly. "When you pull the cord in back, he says 'I love you, Mama.'" He said, throwing his arms open wide. "It also makes a suckling sound when you stick a pacifier in his mouth." He glanced to Jack. "Although it's quite odd to hear the cursing that would make a sailor blush coming from something so innocent looking."

Jack nodded, still trying not to laugh. Norrington held up a hand, hesitating for a moment. "Are you telling me that the infamous Captain Barbossa, the one that killed many of my men and attacked Port Royal, is a dolly?" Both Bill and Jack nodded simultaneously. Norrington was slightly worried to see the identical mischievous smiles on their faces. "Oh Good Heavens."

"I have to see this!" Will shouted happily.

"You know, I almost feel bad for Barbossa sometimes." Elizabeth said thoughtfully. The rest of the group turned to look at her. "I said almost." She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

Norrington was about to comment when he heard the slight rustle behind him. Will turned just an instant before and started screaming. Norrington soon followed as the dreaded shadow rose up over them, this time intent on the kill. Suddenly it paused, catching sight of another member of the group. It flung a finger at Jack and shrunk down, skittering backwards.

"Anyone but you!" It shrieked and turned, running crashing through the woods as Jack squinted at it. Then his face brightened.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say that was the Tortuga Witch. She got a bad deal and ended up haunting the place for awhile." He grinned. "Wow, I haven't seen her in ages. Too bad she didn't stick around. We could've caught up."

Slowly the group turned to stare at Jack. Bill was still holding his nose, which had begun bleeding. Anamaria was frowning, hands on her hips and Elizabeth looked slightly worried. Will and Norrington were staring at him in utter disbelief.

"You knew the Tortuga Witch? The most fearsome spirit to haunt? Terrified even the bravest of men?" Anamaria rattled off.

Jack nodded, looking thoughtful. "Been awhile though. She's really fallen if she's hauntin' a forest like this though. Nothin' much to do. Then again, maybe she's retired." He rubbed his chin. "That could be. Aye, I know her though."

Will raised his hand slightly. "Just a question, Jack." He paused a moment to phrase the question right. "Just how did you manage to scare the most fearsome ghost in Tortuga?"

The smile became one of pure evil. "She got a peek at the Jack Sparrow experience and the poor lass just couldn't handle it."

There was silence for a bit before Norrington suddenly spoke up. "If you'll all excuse me, I need to go purge my mental eye of whatever images that just conjured up."


	40. Fair Game

The night was awhirl with colors and sounds at the annual county fair. Children ran through the crowds with tickets in hand while parents followed at a sedated pace, arms full of prizes. The smells of popcorn and cotton candy overrode everything else, giving those who smelled it a pleasant euphoria. The atmosphere was completely relaxed and everyone was having fun. Almost everyone, that is, except Jack Sparrow.

It had all started when the crew was strolling past one of the game booths, one in which the player was given three baseballs to throw at a target that would then dump a clown into a vat of water. Jack had been content to ignore the clown, one arm around Heather's shoulders and motioning wildly with his hand, explaining the events that led up to his expulsion from a tavern in Tortuga.

"Hey! You! I'm gonna take your girl away, grandpa!" The taunt reached his ears and Jack stopped, bristling. Slowly turning around, he removed his arm from Heather's shoulders and took two short, tense steps towards the booth. The clown saw that he had gotten the pirate's attention and called again. "Something wrong, old man?" Jack clenched his fist as the vendor looked over at him with a bored expression on his face.

"You want a shot?" He asked, pointing over his shoulder to the sign. "Two dollars gets you one ball and you can get three balls for five dollars." He brightened slightly when Jack dug the five dollar bill out of his pocket and slapped it in his hand. By this time, the rest had stopped as well and come back to stand behind Jack as the vendor handed him three baseballs and stepped back.

"Ten dollars says that Jack doesn't hit the target once." Norrington said out of the corner of his mouth. Bill glanced to him, narrowing his eyes slightly before holding out his hand. Norrington took it and shook on the deal before crossing his arms back over his chest.

Jack handed two of the baseballs to Anamaria and stood behind the line, winding up to throw the ball. Anamaria glanced to Elizabeth, a grin on her face. "Look, I've got-"

Will nearly spit out a mouthful of his drink as Jack paused mid-throw and turned to glare at Anamaria, who quit talking and smiled innocently at him. He pointed a finger threateningly at her and then resumed position. Going through the wind up again, he launched the ball at the target. It didn't make a sound as it flew over the target and hit the net behind.

"Should've known. The older they get, the harder it is for them." The clown jeered at him again. Jack cursed under his breath and snatched another ball from Anamaria, winding up once again and throwing it as hard as he possibly could. The ball went wide right of the target once more. By this time, Jack's face was flushed red as he took the last ball and without any wind up whatsoever, chucked the ball at the cage. It bounced off, inches from the clown's face. The clown started laughing again, leaning back in his seat.

"Maybe you should wear your glasses next time." He jeered in Jack's direction as the pirate turned around to face his crew. Norrington only held his hand out to Bill, who grumbled under his breath and pulled a ten out of his wallet, slapping it into Norrington's palm. The move went completely unnoticed by Jack as he snatched Will's rather large cup of soda and whirled, tossing it at the target. The cup collided with the target, bursting open as the clown shouted out in protest and fell into the tank. Jack only smirked as he put his arm back around Heather's shoulder, ignoring the vendor's shouting that he wasn't supposed to do that. Bill held his hand out to Norrington, who glared at him.

"I won." He stated. "Jack couldn't hit the target with those three balls. He cheated on the last throw."

"Pirate." Bill drawled. "And secondly, you never once stated how Jack had to hit the target." Norrington opened his mouth to protest, but then was struck by the thought that Bill was right. Gritting his teeth, he slapped the ten back into Bill's outstretched hand. Bill smiled at him and went about tucking it back in his wallet.

"I wasn't done with that." Will groused as they started to make their way through the midway again.

"Here. I wasn't that thirsty anyway." Anamaria held out her Sno Cone to Will. He glanced once at her to make sure it was all right and then took it from her, kissing her cheek in thanks. Anamaria swatted at him playfully. Elizabeth took the Sno Cone from Will and held it out of his reach teasingly.

Bill stopped and pointed to a brightly lit ride, looking curious. "What's a U.F.O.?" He asked, glancing back towards the crew.

"It's…" Anamaria started to answer, but Jack discreetly cut her off.

"It's a lot of fun." Jack told his best friend. "You should try it. I think we have enough tickets left." He reached into his pocket and dug out his remaining tickets, slapping them into Bill's palm. "Go on. Try it out." Bill gave him a wary look and then glanced to the faces of the others as well. Not one seemed suspicious. After a moment of hesitation, he turned and headed to get in line as the ride took on the next load.

"Your father get motion sick?" Jack asked Will, who shrugged and licked the Sno Cone.

"Guess we'll find out." He replied as Bill disappeared onto the ride.

Bill eyed the contraption warily as the ride operator showed him how to hold on to the handles and where to stand. As soon as the other people were in the same position, he stepped off the ride and flipped the switch. Soon enough, he felt the ride begin to move under him, spinning. It grew faster and faster until he felt himself pressed again the wall by force. Suddenly his stomach was in his throat and he felt nauseous. It was at that moment that he swore to get his vengeance on Jack and shut his eyes, praying for the ride to end.

The crew had been waiting outside for the ride to end, watching in apprehension. As it came to a complete stop, a young boy ran off the ride, covered in a suspicious substance and sobbing. He sprinted past them, carrying the unmistakable scent of vomit with him. Norrington and Anamaria quickly stepped aside to let him pass. Jack's eyebrows rose and he glanced back to the ride just in time to see Bill stumble off.

He had a death grip on the rails, his face nearly white as a sheet. He caught sight of the crew and stumbled towards them, staggering slightly. "Must…kill…Sparrow." He muttered, raising his arms. Jack just gave him a look, ready to respond when Bill fell forward flat on his face. They all stood there for a moment, looking down at him, before Jack spoke up. "Should we just leave him there?"

"You know, they have this beer tent over by the grandstand." Will said, glancing to Jack. Jack nodded.

"Sound good to everyone?" There were a variety of confirmations and they headed down the midway again, towards the grandstand. Bill continued to lay there for a moment until Gibbs and Will came back, pulling Bill to his face and slinging their arms under his, dragging him along.

-----------

Gibbs glanced at his watch, and then back up to Elizabeth, Heather, and Bill. Elizabeth caught his look and glanced back to the large house before them. The place had been renovated to become a haunted house mixed with a fun house. Jack, Anamaria, Will, and Norrington had become extremely competitive in the beer tent and the result had been a challenge to see who would come out of the house first. For the moment, the only one visible was the bored vendor sitting in the ticket booth out front. "They're lost, aren't they?" She said finally.

"Serves them right." Bill said, calmly sipping on the soda that they had bought him to calm the violent churning of his stomach. Elizabeth punched his arm and glanced back to the house, pulling Will's sweatshirt tighter around her. Bill flinched. "Ow! Be nice."

"You aren't." Elizabeth shot back.

Heather raised an eyebrow. "How much longer before we send the search party in?" They all stared at the house a moment longer before Gibbs shrugged.

"I think we can let them find their way out on their own." He said.

"Good." Heather nodded. "I've got ten on Jack."

"I'll concur with the lass." Gibbs chuckled.

"I'm putting my money on Norrington." Elizabeth replied as Bill furrowed his brow.

"Too many factors. I'm not stupid enough to vote this time around." He replied and caught the other three looking at him.

"Fine! Twenty on Anamaria!"

--------------

Anamaria glanced to her right, then to her left, then behind her, before glancing forward again. At each turn, her clone followed the same movements. She was glad to be alone at the moment. Being lost in the room of mirrors was a tad frustrating. Putting out her hands, she began to feel along the mirrors for a way out. Each time her hand hit a mirror she cursed loudly and moved on.

"Anamaria?" Norrington suddenly appeared ahead of her. Anamaria grinned, figuring that she had found the way out and rushed for him. Suddenly her body made contact with yet another mirror and she fell backwards onto the floor with a loud thud. All of her reflections tumbled to the floor as well. Seeing her fall, Norrington rushed for her as well. There was another loud thud as he found himself tricked by the mirrors as well and hit the ground.

There was a beat of silence between them before Anamaria spoke up. "Neither of us will ever breathe a word about this."

Norrington sucked in a deep breath but didn't move. "Agreed." He groaned.

-------------

"Get…out."

"Look, mate, I get your point. No need to follow me around growling."

"Get…OUT!"

"How about you shut up so that I can think enough to find my way out of this?"

"You have been warned."

"No, I have been utterly annoyed. Now back off."

"All those who pass the threshold will be punished."

"Better tell that to the couple making out in the back corner then. By the way, have you seen a man about this tall with dark hair and a woman with a nasty temper? I've got a thirty dollar bet with my friend that they'll both get lost."

The monster stopped and stared at Jack before throwing his hands up in the air and whirling around, stomping towards the hidden doorway.

"I give up!" Jack stared at his retreating back.

"'ey! Before you go, mind telling me how to get out of here?" Jack called, but the door slammed behind the monster, leaving him in the dark again. Jack stared at the direction in which he had suspected the monster had gone and then followed after. "I think I just found my way out of here."

---------------

The exit of the house opened and Will strolled out, the door slamming shut behind him. He made his way down the path and exited the gate just in time to hear all the groans. "All right, who had Will?" Bill said, pulling out his wallet. There was a moment of silence as the four observers glanced around and realized that not a one of them had won. Will frowned and glanced at their faces.

"No one bet on me?" He questioned. Elizabeth was suddenly interested in picking lint off the sweatshirt, Bill was oddly fascinated with his driver's license, and Gibbs had 'fallen asleep' on his feet. Heather was the only one that met his gaze.

"No offense met, but…" She shrugged. "We all thought you'd be the most likely to get lost. You don't have a lot of luck." She replied bluntly. Will thought it over for a moment and then shrugged.

"Fair enough." He said and stood beside Gibbs, looking to the house.

It was a while before Anamaria and Norrington stumbled out of the house. Anamaria's hand was pressed to her forehead and she was cursing again while Norrington looked more or less miserable. Elizabeth squinted in the dark as they came closer. "James…is that a bruise?"

"Don't. Ask." Norrington said sharply and saw Will standing beside Gibbs. "How wonderful. I lost the bet as well." He grumbled.

"I'm beginning to wonder about my standing in this family." Will said, giving Norrington an evil look.

"To wonder about a standing, one must first have a standing to contend with." Norrington replied and glanced to Anamaria. "Is there any aspirin left at home?"

"There better be." She groaned.

Just then, a loud shouting caught their attention. The side door swung open and two monsters stalked out, carrying Jack between them. Jack was fighting in their grasps, protesting loudly. "I wasn't doin' anything! Get your hands off me!" They complied with his request, tossing him out of the gate and into the dust at everyone's feet.

Jack got to his feet, indignantly brushing the dust off his shirt. "If I had the time, they'd regret the moment they ever messed with Jack Sparrow." He muttered under his breath and turned around. "Last one out, eh?"

"You cost me money, Sparrow." Heather told him. Jack simply grinned, holding up his hands.

"I'll make it up to you, lass. Dinner on me." He replied, putting his arm around her shoulders again.

"Sounds like a start."

Jack glanced to Elizabeth. "So who did win?"

Elizabeth put her arm around Will's waist, holding him tight and smiled. Jack shook his head.

"No possible way. I always win."

"You mean you always cheat." Norrington quipped.

"Pirate."

"How could I possibly forget? Why else would I have rested my bet on you to get out first?"

Jack stared at Norrington for a moment before letting go of Heather and throwing his arms around the ex-commodore in a bear hug. "You love me! You really love me!" He shouted mockingly. Norrington struggled to get free of his grasp.

"Get your hands off me, Sparrow, or you'll become the true eunuch in this family." He threatened.

Elizabeth fished the camera out of her purse and held it up, taking a picture of the two. Jack and Norrington froze for a moment before both glared at Elizabeth.

"I'll tackle her and you grab the camera." Norrington said.

"Agreed." Jack muttered.


	41. Pirates of the ER

Truth be told, it all happened because of a single chocolate chip cookie, fresh from the oven and made from scratch with loving care. The fact that it was made by Gibbs, the man who had a magical touch when it came to the culinary arts, had made it that much more of a prize to be lusted after. How only one cookie existed after the initial rush of pirates, a governor's daughter, and a lawman was a complete mystery, but there it was. One cookie left and no one full enough to resist its siren call.

Norrington was sitting stiffly in the armchair in the living room, giving him a perfect view of the cookie sitting on the kitchen counter over the top of the newspaper he was reading. He couldn't move just quite yet, however. Turner was sitting at the kitchen table, idly twirling a pen through his fingers as he studied yet another medical text. Norrington wasn't stupid, however, and knew that Turner was less than oblivious to the cookie sitting a mere few feet from him. His body was just as tense and he had that look of someone lying in wait for another to make the first move. So Norrington waited, pretending that the city's Garden Club's exploits were the most engaging thing he'd read all morning.

Will and James were not the only ones lying in wait. Anamaria was sprawled out on the couch near Norrington, idly flipping through the channels of the TV. That she was not settling on one to watch and was now making her fifth circuit of all the channels the satellite package they'd bought had to offer (and with this household, they had just about every channel that was offered) was a sign that she was merely using it as a ruse, waiting for Norrington and Will to become distracted for that one moment so she could take the chocolate chip cookie goodness as her own.

Gibbs as of that moment was completely oblivious to the struggle of wills taking place. They could all hear him speaking on the phone, ordering this beer and that chaser, restocking his stores at his pub. Last night had been a bachelor party of epic proportions (and somehow, Jack, Bill, Will, and a hesitant looking Norrington had all been invited, despite none of them even knowing the groom or any of his friends) and they'd lowered his supplies considerably. His back was to the kitchen, which meant no one to play referee should the contest break out into a brawl.

Jack wasn't one to be outdone either. He'd taken a sudden interest in fixing the table in the hallway that Elizabeth had been asking him about for nearly a year and a half. Craftsman Sparrow was crouched, not kneeling where it would take him longer to get to his feet, by the table leg, idly poking it here and there as if he were determining the cause of its rocking. (The table leg was broken all the way through and he knew that, but going out to the garage or driving to Home Depot to get more wood would put him out of the running.) He gave it a shake here and there, spoke softly to himself, and then would poke and measure the leg some more, trying to look busy.

Whelp's fur coat had never looked shinier, but Bill didn't seem to take any notice of it. He kept brushing the dogs back, staring through the open doorway of the living room at the kitchen counter, keeping the cookie in sight. Of all the people waiting for the opportune moment, he was the worst at trying to disguise his need for the cookie, staring at it openly. Whelp whimpered again and tugged at the hand that held his collar, clearly wanting to be let outside to go about his business instead of being brushed until he was balding, but Bill didn't seem to hear him. The dog finally let out a disgruntled growl and sat down heavily so that Bill was brushing empty air, yet he still didn't seem to notice.

Elizabeth patrolled the hallway, pacing back and forth and talking away on her cell phone, sealing this deal and commenting on that article. She waved her hand as she emphasized some point or disliked some idea. She never moved a few feet from the open kitchen door, no matter which direction she paced in. The fact that she never seemed to talk business in front of them was the only giveaway that she was eyeing that cookie just like the rest of them. Tension lay heavily over most of the occupants of the household.

Bill was the first to break. Gibbs had finished his call to the distributor and was heading in the direction of the counter. Thinking he was going to take the last cookie, he pushed out of his seat and all but lunged out of the room. His movements spurred Anamaria and Norrington into action. Anamaria, pirate through and through, allowed no man to get past her and Norrington ended up falling backwards onto the couch. He wasn't the only one out of the running, making sure that Anamaria went down as well. Unfortunately she went down on top of him, an elbow landing squarely in his stomach.

"You know-" Anamaria growled as she lay on top of him while Norrington groaned from the elbow shot. "You're getting as bad as the rest of us."

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Will's lunge for the cookie had met an unsatisfactory end when Whelp came barreling into the kitchen alongside Bill, completely oblivious as to what was happening, and Will tripped over him as the dog suddenly shot across his path. Jack, Bill, and Elizabeth all sprinted for that last cookie. Suddenly Jack had gone down and all it took was a hip check from Elizabeth and Bill was out of the game. She triumphantly claimed her cookie and sauntered from the kitchen, leaving the others to pick themselves up off the floor.

Whelp, feeling something of apology, lay down next to Will and commenced licking the side of his face as if trying to make amends. Anamaria rolled off of Norrington and onto the floor. She got to her feet, straightening her shirt and giving him a dark look. Norrington ignored the look and got up off the couch, fixing his own shirt.

Gibbs was leaning against the counter, arms crossed and looking highly amused. "I could have just made more cookies if you all wanted one so badly." He said, clearly enjoying their antics.

Bill grasped the counter and pulled himself to his feet, grumbling and cursing under his breath. Jack continued to lie on the floor. His hands were wrapped around his ankle and he was swearing in a consistently under his breath.

"Jack?" Bill asked apprehensively, looking down at him.

"My ankle." Jack hissed at him. "I think it's broken." Bill helped him to a sitting position so that he could lean against the counter. Will came to crouch down beside Jack, carefully feeling the ankle, which provoked louder curses from Jack.

"Emergency room." Will said simply, getting to his feet. Anamaria came to help get him to his feet, supporting him on one side while Will took his other side.

"Take my car." Jack said, nodding to the keys hanging by the door as they helped him from the kitchen.

"Your car?" Gibbs asked. "You never let anyone touch, let alone drive, that car." He said in shock.

Elizabeth looked worried. "I'm sorry, Jack. I didn't mean to…I mean, I wasn't sure if I…I'm sorry about your ankle." She told him as Norrington plucked the keys off the hook.

"Quit apologizin'." Jack grumbled. "I tripped over me own two feet." That elicited a snicker from Anamaria as Will tried to get the door open while supporting Jack. "Besides, I want to get there without more bodily harm being done to me and the chance of that happening with William's vehicle in use is slim to none."

"Hey!" The ex-blacksmith gave him a dirty look. "You're one snide comment away from driving your own broken rear end to the hospital." He snapped.

"I'm going to drive." Norrington said loudly before an argument broke out between the two.

"As long as you have a qualified driver with you." Anamaria quipped just to needle him. They'd finally gotten Norrington a permit to learn how to drive. He was doing quite well, except the mechanics of parallel parking seemed to evade him and stood between him and passing his driver's test for his license. It was much more progress than had been made with Bill, who still couldn't tell the difference between the brakes and the gas pedal.

Norrington didn't respond, sliding into the front seat and starting up the car as Anamaria and Will got Jack settled into the back. Surprisingly, Anamaria allowed Jack to put his leg up on her lap so that his injured ankle didn't get jostled around. Will got into the passenger's side seat and pulled on his seatbelt.

"Everyone ready?"

----------------------

"The last name is Sparrow." Jack stated at the admissions desk in the Emergency Room. His ankle was throbbing painfully now and it made him unable to sit still, as if shifting position would ease the pain. It didn't.

"That's an unusual name." The nurse stated as she wrote it down on the form.

"He's related to Grandma Death." Will said dryly. That earned him a blank look from the nurse, Jack, and Anamaria. The smirk faded. "Am I the only one who's seen Donnie Darko?"

Norrington shrugged. "There is some family resemblance." He said thoughtfully, unable to help the smile on his face.

Jack bristled. "Now I have to see this movie just to know what the hell you're talking about." He growled and waved for the nurse to continue on with the questioning. The nurse gave them all a wary look before she returned to filling out the form and then handing it over for him to sign. Jack did so with a flourish and then handed it back.

"Now if you'll return to the waiting room…"

"What?" Jack interrupted her. "I'm in pain! You can't send me back there." He pleaded.

"Jack, its triage. Worst cases go first." Will said, taking hold of the wheelchair's handles and turning him around. "It's not like you have to walk back out there." He pushed him through the door that Norrington was holding open, back to the waiting room. Jack's expression became unhappy as he took in screaming children, agitated adults, and giggling teenagers. Emergency rooms did not have a right to be this happy.

Will put him next to a row of empty seats and locked the brakes. Anamaria sat down next to him, a beaten magazine in her hands. "Best get settled in if we're going to be here a while." She said, flipping open the cover. Jack looked over at her, down at the magazine, then back up at her.

"Can I have one?" He asked. Anamaria glanced at him for a brief moment.

"Sure, help yourself." He frowned at her words, notably because the magazines were across the room on the wall rack. With a frustrated growl aimed at her, he turned to command Will to get him one, but the boy had disappeared to who knew where. Norrington was his only chance.

"Get me one of those magazines." He commanded, pointing at the rack. Norrington, for once, didn't question him and got up. Plucking one of the magazines off the rack, he came back and set it on Jack's lap before going back to his chair. Jack gave him a nasty look. Now just what was he supposed to learn from _Better Parenting_?

-----------------

Will pulled the loose change out of his pants and sifted through, flicking away random pieces of lint and tiny balls of paper to pick out the quarters. The candy machine near the entrance to the ER had looked compellingly inviting and as soon as he got Jack situated, he decided a trip back to the machine was in order. The only thing was he couldn't make a choice as to what type of candy would taste the best. Inserting the money, he tapped his fingers on the side, debating over whether a candy bar or chips sounded better.

"Excuse me, young man." An elderly woman reached up to tap on his arm. Will turned towards her, smiling.

"Yes?"

"Could you help me a moment? I seem to have gotten turned around. I'm looking for the laboratory to get my blood drawn and I thought this was the way, but I'm hopelessly lost." She said by way of explanation.

"Actually, you're right on track." Will told her helpfully. "Just turn right around the waiting room and go down that corridor and you'll find it. Third room on your right."

She smiled in relief, putting a hand on her chest. "Thank you, young man." She replied and headed past him down the hallway. "Sucker."

Will frowned. Had she just said what he thought she said? His hands went to his pockets, but his wallet was still there as was the loose chance consisting of pennies and two dimes. Wondering what she was going on about, he turned back to the machine, deciding on the candy bar. He pressed in the numbers. The machine beeped at him, demanding he put money in.

"I just gave you…" Will stopped and glanced back in the direction of the old woman, who was just turning out of the hallway, munching on a chocolate bar. "That old bat." He cursed and ran down the hallway after her. "Hey!"

---------

Norrington had made his way through a good portion of the magazines, boredom setting in. Jack had been taken in for X-Ray and the doctor's diagnosis. Anamaria had fallen asleep, her head resting on Norrington's shoulder. Her mouth was slightly open and there was a damp spot on the fabric of his shirt. Ignoring the fact that he was being drooled on, he picked up the magazine that had been dropped on the seat beside him.

Unfortunately, it was a woman's magazine called _Blush_. He would have gotten something else, but he didn't want to wake Anamaria up. With a heavy sigh, he flipped open to the first page and started paging through. About halfway through, the page announcing summer fashions caught his attention. He frowned in disbelief, glanced at the sleeping woman on his shoulder, back at the magazine. His lips twitched upward in a smile.

Setting the magazine on his lap, he carefully tore the page out and folded it, tucking it into his pocket as best he could and continued flipping through nonchalantly.

---------------

Jack was growing antsy. They'd taken the x-ray of his ankle and then left him in the hallway. He fidgeted with the left brake on the wheelchair, flipping it on and off. The doctor had promised to be back in a few minutes over half an hour ago. At least they had given him something for the pain and the throbbing had dulled. If it hadn't, he would have been raising hell, mobile or not.

"Doctors take their good old time, don't they?" The voice came from behind the curtain Jack was positioned by. Apparently someone had been seated on the other side and had been listening to the wheelchair squeaking as he tried to maneuver himself around.

"That they do. I could be out of here and they could be done with me by now." Jack said, finally managing to get the second brake unhooked. "The last thing I want is to be spending my Saturday here." He turned in a full circle, getting used to the mechanics of maneuvering the wheelchair. Now he couldn't at least go find someone and demand to know what was going on.

Right about then, the curtain was pushed aside and Jack found himself looking at none other than a clown. A big, burly clown was standing right in front of him. His mouth dropped open, but the only sound that came out was a squeak. Captain Jack Sparrow, the pirate who had faced the undead and more naval ships than he could count, was terrified beyond belief. His entire body went stiff and he couldn't move an inch to get away.

"I know, right? I got other gigs today." The clown rambled on, completely unaware of Jack's present condition. "Instead, I'm stuck here waiting for them to tell me what's wrong with my arm." He pointed to the arm in the sling. "Last time I ever do handsprings to entertain kids."

Jack squeaked again and finally got his body in motion. The wheelchair slammed back into the wall. The clown frowned at him. "Are you all right?" When Jack didn't respond, he frowned. "Maybe you need the doctor again."

By that time, Jack had gotten hold of a crutch and brandished it before him wildly. The clown figured his time was better spent elsewhere than with the crutch-waving lunatic. Upon trying to return to the front desk to find out where his doctor was, the clown came across yet another odd sight, an elderly woman beating on a dark haired younger man with her cane.

"Ow! Ow! Hey, stop it!" He shouted, trying to protect himself from her as she continued to wail away. "This isn't fair! You stole my candy bar!"

-------------------

Elizabeth opened the door as the car pulled into the driveway and came to a stop. Jack struggled out of the back, taking the crutches that Anamaria held out for him. As he hobbled towards the door, Elizabeth allowed him to pass and glanced to Anamaria.

"He met a clown." She said by way of understanding. Elizabeth's eyes grew wide in understanding. Will came up behind Anamaria, holding an ice pack to his head.

"I'm never going to the hospital again." He growled as he headed inside.

"Don't you work in one?" Elizabeth asked.

"I'll find a new career." He threatened. Elizabeth glanced to Anamaria again.

"A little old lady conned him and when he tried to call her on it, she beat him with her cane."

"Oh." Elizabeth said, pressing her fingers against her lips in an attempt to hide her smile.

Norrington was the last one into the house, looking yet again like the cat that ate the canary. Anamaria gave him a wary look.

"He's been grinning like that since I woke up." She told Elizabeth. "He's been around us too long. You can tell he's up to something just by the conniving look on his face."

"And to think I was worried how he'd survive in this house." Elizabeth said, shaking her head.

-------------------

Jack awoke the next morning to find something taped to his forehead. Reaching up, he pulled it off and pushed himself to a sitting position. Turning on the light on the bedside table, he held up the sheet to see what it was. To his great surprise and chagrin, it was the from the photoshoot that Elizabeth had dragged Anamaria, Will, and himself into it. There was also something written across the top of the page.

_I know what you did last summer._

Jack crumpled up the page and tossed it away, glowering at no one in particular. He only knew of two men who would find it funny to do such a thing. One he doubted would want to risk his wrath, but the other didn't fear him.

"I hate that man sometimes."


	42. Just a Little Situation

It all seemed like another ordinary Wednesday night. The storm outside had forced everyone inside for the evening, rain pattering loudly against the windows, along with the occasional bolt of lightening or rumble of thunder. Anamaria was seated in Cotton's old (and renovated) arm chair with the foot rest up, quietly finishing some obscenely large novel she had started some time ago. Norrington, Bill, and Gibbs were seated on the floor in front of the coffee table, heatedly discussing the show they were watching. Or more, Gibbs was trying to explain the nature and finer plot points of the show while Norrington tried to catch up on an entire season. Bill merely nodded, most likely appreciating something other than the plot of the show.

"Are you absolutely sure Sparrow didn't procreate?" Norrington asked as he stared at the TV. "Because that man could quite possibly be his grandson many times removed. Why they haven't just hung him is beyond me."

Gibbs shot him a look. "It's because hanging isn't so quickly dealt in this day and age. More likely he's going to be arrested by the police officer that just joined up with them." He explained.

"I certainly hope she does. Perhaps a few nights spent in a cell would change his tune." Norrington dug into the bowl of popcorn. "Though the woman has shown that she is quite ready to make amends for what she has done." He said thoughtfully.

"I don't think that would matter to the lady officer. She still is a criminal. When it comes to lawmen, a criminal is a criminal and that's final." Norrington was not oblivious to the look he was getting from Gibbs and gave him a cool look back.

"I hope not. She's a hottie." Bill said before taking a swig of beer. Once he swallowed, he resumed talking. "I'd love to be stuck on that island." Gibbs opened his mouth to respond to that comment, but Bill pointed at him. "No, you are not marooning me. Not without company, a harem at the least." He replied.

"Is that all you think about is women and sexual pleasure?" Norrington asked, looking disgruntled. Bill smirked and shrugged.

"I guess, though there probably are a few other things." Bill replied, actually seriously considering Norrington's statement.

"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree either." He muttered as he snatched the popcorn bowl protectively away from Gibbs. He made it, so it was more or less his property.

"Hmm?" Will pulled out of the lip lock he and Elizabeth were currently engaged in to enter the conversation late. "What about apples?"

"Nothing." Bill and Norrington replied at the same time, only to turn and glare at one another before scooting away. Will shrugged, guessing he wasn't to be involved in the conversation and turned his attention back to Elizabeth.

"Anamaria!" Jack's voice came from upstairs, loud and demanding. Anamaria growled under her breath and jammed her bookmark into the book, setting it down on the floor beside the chair.

"That man breaks something and suddenly I'm his servant." She muttered under her breath as she stormed out of the room. "What do you need, Sparrow?" She demanded as she ascended the stairs. There was a beat of silence.

"Barbossa did it!" He shouted back finally. Anamaria stopped and frowned.

"What?"

"He provoked me and…I got stuck." She could hear the sheepish tone in the pirate's voice through the door, but the few details he had given her on the matter made her hesitant to open the door.

"Just what and where did you get stuck?" She called back, resting her hand on the doorknob.

"Stuck!" He shouted at her. "Just come in here and help me." Anamaria wondered for a few brief moments whether she should go get the digital camera or not. There was precious little respect for dignity around the house, so proved by the Wall of Shame hanging on one of the living room walls. It contained the best of the humorous life that came from living with four pirates, a governor's daughter, a commodore of the Royal Navy, and…well, they still weren't sure just where Will fell into the classification of things.

Curiosity finally getting the better of her, she breathed in deeply and steeled herself for the sight she would find on the other side of the door. "All right, here I come."

Downstairs, everyone remained completely oblivious to Anamaria's departure but didn't miss the sound of chaos taking place in the kitchen. It sounded like the entire cupboard had been emptied of pots and pans then went quiet. Bill turned and threw a handful of popcorn at Will. "That was probably your dog."

Will extracted himself from the jumble of arms and legs he made with Elizabeth and got to his feet. "I'm going." He said, tossing one of the kernels back at Bill.

Heading in to the kitchen, he found that not only had the pots and pans that had been in the dish drainer mysteriously fallen to the floor, but the chalice, the one that had given them immortal life, was laying on its side on the counter. "What the…?" He frowned and stepped forward, picking it up. There were a few droplets of water left inside, meaning someone had made use of it.

While he studied it, there was a crash of thunder outside loud enough to shake the house, followed by a bright streak of lightening. In the time it took the sound to dissipate, Will had wound up on the floor knocked out cold. Hands grabbed him by the T-shirt and pulled him towards the laundry room as the lights flickered once and went out.

"No! What happened to the woman?" Bill shouted in aggravation. "William, while you're in there, might as well go down to the basement and check on the fuses!" He called out to the kitchen. When there was no response, Elizabeth got up off the couch.

"Maybe he's already down there." She said. "I'll go check just in case." Crossing the hallway to the kitchen, she had to feel the walls to make sure she didn't run into something. When she stepped into the kitchen, her foot hit one of the pans on the floor. She hissed under her breath at the stubbed toe. "Will? Are you in here?" With years of experience, she felt her way down to the drawer that held the flashlight. Pulling it out, she turned it on. The light flickered, signaling that the battery was about ready to die. "Great."

She turned back around, noting the closed door that led down to the basement. Pulling it open, she pointed the light down the stairs. "Will? Your father asked if you'd look at the fuses." Still silence greeted her. "Oh what now?" She whispered under her breath. Deciding not to go down into the dark unknown without something on her feet, she turned to head back to the living room to get her flip flops. The flashlight illuminated the figure that had snuck up behind her. She opened her mouth to scream a warning to the others, but it was cut off quickly.

In the living room, the three men heard Elizabeth's brief shout. "It's Jason." Bill whispered, his eyes growing wide in the darkness. "He's gotten Elizabeth and he's going to gut us!" The panic grew louder in his voice. "I'm too damn pretty to die like this!" Right on time, Norrington demonstrated another bad habit he had picked up from living in the household: he smacked Bill upside the back of the head.

"Pull yourself together! It was probably just a spider." He hissed at the pirate. "Nothing more."

"Then why are you whispering too?" Bill pointed out, jabbing Norrington in the chest with his finger. "Because you know I'm right!"

Norrington shook his head at the infuriating man. "Look. We're going to walk in there together, just in case something has happened. There is more safety in larger numbers." He glanced to Gibbs. "Does that sound acceptable?"

Gibbs nodded, his attention still on the door that led out into the hallway. "I'd rather have a weapon on me, but that'll do."

Bill suddenly pushed in front of Norrington, holding the big book Anamaria had been reading earlier. "I'm armed. Let's go." With that said he leapt over the couch and hit the ground in a roll only seen on action movies. Norrington and Gibbs watched him crawl towards the doorway and then look back, motioning that it was safe.

"Are you sure we just couldn't let him go by himself and the two non-idiots stick together?" Gibbs whispered to Norrington. Norrington resisted the urge to smile.

"I'm quite sure." He responded professionally and strode around the couch towards Bill. "Get up off the floor, unless you plan on biting the potential attacker's ankles." Norrington said as he passed by, heading into the kitchen with Gibbs walking beside him.

----------------

"I hate you." Anamaria hissed at Jack as she sat up, covering her chest with the bed sheet. "All it takes is that smirk of yours and…" She hauled off and slapped him a good one. "I'm not that easy!"

Jack had to grab the bed sheet to keep from falling out of bed with the force of her blow. Finding his center of balance again, he held up two fingers. "It takes both of us, Ana." He replied quietly. "I have to have a reason to be giving you that kind of smirk."

"You'd give it without a second thought. Every woman sees it if she runs across you at least once in her lifetime. Doesn't make me feel anymore special for giving in to it." She crossed her arms over her chest, mindful of the sheet.

Jack put on his best innocent expression, his fingers teasing the bare skin of her leg not covered by the sheet. "Well, if it makes you feel special, you're the only one it's happened to more than once." Anamaria scowled, but didn't say a word for a few moments. Finally she turned her head to look down at him.

"Is that so?" She queried.

"Aye, absolutely so." Jack replied, his grin growing. "Would I lie to you under threat of excruciating pain and dismemberment?"

Anamaria lost her scowl and chuckled, leaning forward to kiss him on the lips again. "I suppose not." She replied, about to let the sheet fall to the bed again, when the door burst open. With reflexes born of years of piracy, she quickly situated the sheet over herself. "It wasn't supposed to-" She stopped dead and her eyes grew wide in shock, mirroring the same expression on Jack's face.

"Oh bloody hell." Jack whispered.

"Well, well, well…" The voice that came from the dark figure in the doorway was familiar, low and rough. "Isn't this a surprise?"


	43. Just a Little Situation: Part 2

Will awoke to something wet rubbing against his cheek. He opened one eye to see a dark room and a darker shadow standing over him. His mind caught up with his reaction time and he jerked back, blinking to clear his vision. Whelp whined and tilted his head at his owner's reaction before he hobbled towards him again. Will, thinking the dog was injured, reached out to help him when he realized that his arms were tied behind his back, his ankles bound as well. As Whelp moved closer, the lightning outside provided brief light, revealing that the dog's fore paws and hind paws were tied. It also revealed their location- the basement.

His head ached as he moved, scooting around so he could reach out and untie his dog. Whelp wanted to play, but a few firm commands from Will and he stayed still. Once free, he whined happily and nudged Will in the back, in a playful mood. "Sit." He commanded. The dog whined once again, but his rear end sunk to the floor. Meanwhile, Will tried to take stock of the situation. His aching head was no doubt the result of being knocked unconscious, but by whom? He'd seen a faint outline because of the lightening outside, but that was it. Nothing to solidly go on. If ill will had been bore against him, then it was no doubt that the rest of the household was in trouble.

Drawing his knees up to his chest, he set his feet against the floor and pushed. His butt slid across the cold concrete floor, hopefully moving him in the direction of the wall. The only problem was that it jeopardized the ability of his pants to stay up, but given the choice of harm coming to those he loved and briefly being sans pants for the moment, he'd pick being sans pants. Repeating the motions, he continued moving across the floor. Whelp stayed sitting, obedience school at its finest, but he tilted his head again, watching Will in curiosity.

Finally his back slammed against something, a stack of cardboard boxes. Inch by inch, he pulled himself up using the boxes. With his hands tied as they were, he found himself using muscles that probably never saw much use otherwise. It took some time and some precarious teetering, but he managed to get to his feet. Now he just needed to find something to slip the ropes with.

There was a moan somewhere off to his left. Will unintentionally held his breath, his head jerking in the direction he thought he'd heard it come from. Everything was silent again. Letting out the breath he'd been holding, he started hopping. If he was against the boxes that meant the tool kit was just across the basement from him, sitting on a shelf against the wall. Whelp took the hopping to mean playing and started darting around his legs and barking. "Shut up!" Will hissed angrily at the dog. If he was going to have any measure of surprise in this, he didn't want Whelp ruining it with his barking. The dog let out a pathetic whine and lay back down on the floor, looking hurt.

Another moan came from the other corner of the basement. Will hurried up his hopping towards the shelf while Whelp got to his feet and trotted over. Reaching the toolbox, Will turned and fiddled with the latch, finally managing to get it open and find the box cutter inside. He flipped it open and turned it right side up, sawing at the ropes. Somewhere in the darkness, Whelp whined again loudly.

"Whelp?" Elizabeth's voice floated through the darkness. Will breathed a sigh of relief at hearing someone familiar.

"It's Whelp and me." He replied as the ropes around his wrist snapped and pooled on the floor. Hands free, he went to work on the ropes binding his ankles.

"Will? What's going on? I thought I saw…" She trailed off as if rethinking the idea. "I probably just dreamed it." He finished cutting through the ropes and kicked them away.

"Elizabeth, talk to me so I can find you."

"Will, I though I saw…_him_. It's not possible." Elizabeth said as he listened to her voice, hands out before him to feel his way along. He neared the canoe, laying on supports near the stairwell. As he reached inside, his hand brushed against silky hair. A moment later, Elizabeth was in his arms. She grasped his shirt tightly with her bound hands, resting her head against his chest. Will gently pulled back from her, taking her hands and working at the ropes with the box cutter.

"After everything we've seen? Most anything is possible." He said quietly.

"But I saw Barbossa, alive and well again." Elizabeth replied, shaking her head as if she didn't believe it herself. Once the ropes were sawn through, she worked at her ankles herself, untying the knot. Will flipped the blade back down in the box cutter and shoved it in his back pocket, having a delayed reaction in properly fixing his pants.

"Barbossa?" He frowned and reached out to help Elizabeth out of the canoe. "It can't…" He stopped dead, remembering the few puzzling moments before he was knocked out. "The chalice. He got to the chalice and drank out of it."

"And that's why he's alive here and now!" Elizabeth didn't mean to smack his chest as hard as she did in the revelation. He winced and rubbed the now sore spot. "If that's so, it means the others are in trouble! We have to help them!" She picked up an ore, ready to charge up the stairs. Will grabbed her arm.

"No, we can't just charge in there, in case he has someone." He replied, grabbing the oar from her.

"That's just a chance we'll have to take!" She replied, grabbing the oar back.

Will snatched it from her again. "I was thinking we could do this more covertly. You know, sneak up on him."

"I'm quite aware of what covert means, William." Elizabeth hissed quietly and pulled the oar out of his hands, now holding it out of his grasp. "But I think we should take him by surprise before he can notice that we've escaped."

"And get someone hurt or killed in the process? No!" He tried to reach for the oar, but she pressed her back against his chest and stomach, holding him away. It was just out of reach of his fingertips. "Fine! Be that way!"

"I will." She replied, happy that she'd won that fight…for all of two seconds before he grabbed the second oar out of the canoe and headed around the stairwell to find the door that led out into the garage. Elizabeth scowled and reluctantly followed him, muttering. "After all these years, still the most stubborn ass I know."

"What?"

"Nothing."

-----------------

Norrington blinked awake to find that his surroundings in his conscious state were not much better than those of his unconscious state. All he could see was pitch black surrounding him and his moving space was limited. He tried to shift his position and something crunched near his elbow. His wrists were bound with duct tape much to his chagrin and from the limited mobility, his ankles were as well. He reached out, feeling his surroundings. It didn't take long to realize the crunch had been a bag of chips. His hands traveled over cans and boxes for a moment before he realized he was in the pantry. Turning around, he put his hands against the door and pushed. The door squeaked and moved slightly, accompanied by the sound of a chair scraping against the floor. He was blocked in.

Taking the only step back he had in the pantry, he set himself and then lunged at the door. It let out another protesting squeak, moving another inch more. Norrington backed up and repeated the process. He wasn't getting far very fast, but at least he was getting somewhere.

"James?" Norrington's head shot up as he heard Gibbs' voice from the air duct.

"Joshamee?" Norrington replied.

"It's bloody good to hear your voice. I was worried I was the only one left alive for some nefarious plan." Gibbs replied, kneeling on the dryer to get to the air duct better. "You all right?"

"Aside from rapidly losing circulation in my wrists, a sore shoulder, and being held hostage, I'm doing quite well." Norrington replied, giving the door another dark look. "I'm in the pantry."

"Laundry room. The door is blocked."

"Same here. Taped up?"

"No, these little plastic zip ties." Gibbs growled. "Things don't come off unless you cut them."

"How big is the air duct? I can't see it."

"Not big enough to climb through."

"Then I suppose our options are to wait and hope someone finds us before the intruder does or I keep trying to break this door open."

"I like the second option better." Gibbs replied and climbed off the dryer again. Hopping over to the door, he pushed against it again as in the pantry, Norrington jumped into the pantry door again. Soon their thumps became one as they worked at the door, praying they weren't heard.

Finally, the flimsy pantry door gave first. Norrington ended up face first on the floor, but recovered quickly, using the wall to get to his feet again and hobbling to the counter to grab a knife. He made quick work of the ropes before rushing back to the laundry room door, pulling the chair away and opening it. Gibbs fell mid-lunge to the floor. Norrington knelt, cutting through the ties.

Once free, both men found a suitable weapon. Gibbs already knew he could wield a mean frying pan and Norrington found that the umbrella was a suitably better choice if he only wanted to maim said attacker instead of kill.

Armed and angry, they left the kitchen quietly, prepared for a fight.

----------

All Bill could hear when he woke up was the rain hitting the windows. It took him a few minutes to realize that he was in the shed out back, bound and gagged. He blinked, trying to clear away the mental fog before taking stock of his situation. He didn't remember much, only that he'd been searching the house with Norrington and Gibbs before being knocked a good one. Fear rushed through him as he remembered there was an attacker in the house and so was his son.

Desperate, he tried to get to his feet but found that, to add injury to insult, whoever had tied him up had secured Whelp's old collar around his neck and tied the leash to the leg of the workbench. Bringing his bound hands against his rear end, he rolled onto his side as much as he possibly could to bring the ropes under his thighs, then his knees, and eventually in front of him by way of over his feet. It wasn't much better, trying to undo the ropes in the dark, but at least now he could see a faint outline.

It seemed like time went on forever before he finally got the ropes loose and tossed them aside. The ropes around his ankles went next. "I'm going to-GAH!" The moment he spoke, he was given a short electrical shock. Whoever the attacker was, he either didn't know that the collar he'd put around Bill's neck had been the old shock collar they'd used to teach Whelp to be quiet or had known and found it amusing. He resisted the urge to swear until he undid the buckle and tossed the collar inside. "That's it."

Climbing to his feet, he searched the bench by hand and then the wall, finding just what he wanted. "Perfect." He muttered quietly, an evil grin touching his lips.

----------

"Hector Barbossa." Jack growled and hobbled to his feet, leaning against a crutch. "What are you doing alive? How did you become alive? I'm going to have to call customer service again."

"Jack." Barbossa drawled his name, lingering on the a. "You know that you shouldn't just leave things sitting around. You never know who might get their hands on it." He grinned, patting the captain's back a little harder than needed. Jack stumbled forward and turned to glare at Barbossa.

"What do you want?"

"You know exactly what I want."

Jack thought that over for a moment before giving him a deadpan look. "You can't commandeer a house, Barbossa. Nor will you find anyone here to commit mutiny."

"Nonsense. I just want some retribution for the humiliation I deserved."

"Humiliation? I don't remember any humiliation. I mean, there was the doll…multiple times, the dryer, the toilet, the dog, the bus, the daycare, Cotton's chair…" He tapped his chin, looking thoughtful. "I don't remember any humiliation."

Barbossa growled under his breath before grabbing a handful of Jack's hair. "Maybe I should put you into a doll."

Anamaria snickered before she could stop. "I'd say he'd be a best seller." Jack gave her a look before returning his attention to Barbossa.

"Where are the rest of my housemates?" He asked, poking Barbossa in the chest.

"They're around." Barbossa shrugged. "I'll deal with them after I deal with you. We have some unfinished business."

"No unfinished business. It was finished. You steal my ship and mutiny me, I kill you and steal my ship back. Finished and fair, Barbossa."

"Not the way I see it."

"Then get over it! Or else take me to court and sue me." Jack replied quickly, getting an idea. "Make money off of me."

Barbossa's brow furrowed. "Sue?" His expression grew far away. "I once knew a woman named Sue."

Jack frowned. "That's great, mate." He gave Barbossa a tentative pat on the chest. "Yes, sue. It's a court thing. Just don't kill me or anyone else."

Barbossa seemed to think that over, weighing the pros and cons before finally coming to a decision. "How about no? I'd rather just take my retribution-" He never finished his sentence as the door burst open and he was nearly trampled in the onslaught.

Elizabeth stood between him and Jack now, holding an oar across her chest. Will stood beside her, looking quite angry and slightly deranged aided by the black eye. Gibbs and Norrington stood to either side, wielding an umbrella and a frying pan. The most worrying was Bill, standing behind him, wielding a very sharp axe.

"I suggest right now you either take it or leave it before you get a taste of the mini mafia treatment." Jack said, smirking as he jerked a thumb at his crew. "They're out for blood. You threatened the godfather."

Anamaria rolled her eyes, grabbing one of Jack's crutches and joining the threatening circle around Barbossa, the sheet tucked around her like a dress. "Does that make us the Sparrow Mafia?"

Jack nodded. "Aye. That it does. So what'll it be, Barbossa? Live in the twenty first century or make a quick exit?"

"I figure if I live I can make your life miserable longer." Barbossa answered, though he didn't look too happy about it.

"Promise not to kill me." Jack said, chastising him like an elementary school teacher.

Barbossa looked as if he would rather walk the plank into a shark infested body of water. "I…promise." He felt like he was choking on the last word. Then again, he realized that Jack had just said no killing. He'd said nothing about making his life miserable or annoying him. "I promise not to kill you."

"Good!" Jack replied. "Keep in mind, I don't trust you at all and should you try anything, I'll have you arrested like that." He snapped his fingers. "Trust me. Jail company has changed since your time. Or you might not make it to jail." Jack's smile was relatively sinister, which unnerved Barbossa. "Elizabeth?"

Elizabeth had yet to quit glaring at Barbossa. "I'll show you the guest room where you'll be staying." She replied through grit teeth and reluctantly gave up the oar to Jack, heading out of the room.

"Jack, you can't be serious." Norrington said from behind Barbossa. "He's not going to change overnight. Or even at all."

"Perhaps, but it's worth a shot. Besides, once he gets a taste of modern life, he might not be so edgy. It's done wonders for you." Jack replied pointedly.

Norrington shook his head, heading out of the room. "I'll be saying I told you so when he kills you."

"Immortal!" Jack shouted after him.

Anamaria dropped the crutch. "I need a shower." She said by way of excuse as she left the room.

"I wonder if she'll let me join." Jack said thoughtfully to himself as he picked up the crutch and hobbled after her.

"William, why don't you go help Elizabeth?" Bill suggested. "I'll keep an eye on Barbossa." Will looked reluctant, but Bill nodded towards the door. "Go. I'll be fine."

Once his son had left, he closed the door and turned to face Barbossa again. "Let's get one thing straight. You ever hurt my son again and I will kill you." Bill said quietly, brandishing the axe.

"Bill…" Barbossa started, not liking the treat.

"No, I will." He replied then frowned. "Well, actually, you'll spend eternity in pieces, but that's punishment enough. The past is the past, but this is now. Touch and die, got it? I'll go Shining on you."

The pop culture reference went right over Barbossa's head.

"Good. I'll take the silence to mean you agree. Now, if you excuse me, I have a shower to go try and worm my way into." He opened the door and headed out into the hallway, taking the axe with him.

Barbossa's head was spinning. He had built up this great plan to take his revenge on Jack Sparrow and those who had aided him in the debacle with the Pearl. He had perfected it while he spent time as a doll and other various objects. Now, in a matter of moments, it was over and unaccomplished. The bombardment from Sparrow's crew as well as the new rules of the modern world, not to mention being threatened to spend eternity in pieces had completely thrown him. As far as he saw it, he could adjust to living here, take his vengeance and fight off the consequences, or build up a new plan.

As he stood there thinking, Whelp trotted into the room and walked up to him. The big German Shepard stood on his hind paws, front paws resting against Barbossa's chest to give him a doggy kiss on the lips. That done, the dog turned and rushed out of the room. Barbossa growled and wiped his lips.

"This has to be hell."

**A/N: **Sorry for the delay in this part. School got pretty heavy for me but now that it's over, I hope I can update more regularly.


	44. It Happened Like This

"You know it really is a pity." Will said as he slung an arm through the bars of the cell, sitting on the cold cement floor. There were only two other benches in the room, both occupied. On one, Norrington, Jack, and Barbossa sat crunched together, Jack looking the least pleased. He hadn't exactly been happy-go-lucky since the arrest, but Norrington's off handed remark about hygiene had put the pirate in something of a snit. The other bench was occupied by a man of at least four hundred pounds, three hundred of it muscle. Outside of a weightlifting championship, he hadn't really thought men's arms could get as big as tree trunks. Nonetheless, he used it to his advantage, keeping the four housemates and a few other residents of the holding cell at bay from sitting on his bench.

"And pray tell what is that pity?" Norrington replied, his arms crossed over his chest. Unlike the three men that had been shoved in the dank pit of despair with him, the marks on his record were far and few between. Sitting on this side of the bars was a new experience for him and one that was not pleasing. The few other men and even the giant on the other bench seemed to steer clear of him, almost as if they could sense the irritation rolling off him in waves.

"It's been nine and a half years since Jack was last arrested. He almost made it a decade." Will replied, glancing over his shoulder. Despite the joking nature the comment could have taken on, his deadpan expression said otherwise.

Jack rose to his feet, swaying a little unsteadily. "If you'll remember correctly, this wasn't entirely my fault." He took a step and became a little side heavy, leaning to the left. Norrington didn't even bother to put a hand out to catch him. Jack made a face as he righted himself with some trouble. "Maybe I shouldn't have had all that Captain Morgan's." He muttered.

"Not entirely your fault? Jack, you…!" Will rose to his feet but he too rocked backwards until he was leaning heavily against the cell.

"Not so easy, is it?" Jack taunted him and then took another step. This time he went down like a felled tree, right across muscle man's lap. The man looked down at the drunken pirate, trying to make sense of his surroundings. "I seem to have balance issues." He said after a moment, looking underneath the other man's legs. "Oy, someone help me up!"

"Why do you think we're still sitting down?" Norrington asked, shooting him a look. "I wouldn't trust my balance at all right now." Jack noted that for a man that had drunk him under the table, Norrington looked remarkably sober at the moment.

The muscular man decided he'd rather not have Jack occupying his lap and shoved the pirate off. Jack let out an 'oomph' as he met the ground, but moved no further. Will slid back down into his sitting position in the corner and a strange silence fell, but only for a moment.

"Golf is a cursed sport." Barbossa, who had been silent the entire time, decided to weigh in with his opinion.

"I quite liked it, though I don't quite understand what the drinking part has to do with it." Norrington replied. "Without it, it could be a gentlemen's sport."

"Boring, just like you." Jack replied. Norrington decided he could blame the lack of maturity on his drinking situation later, pulled off his shoe, and threw it at Jack. Jack, slipping into a blissful, drunken sleep, never saw the shoe coming until it bounced off his forehead. He blinked twice before frowning and slowly sitting up, glaring at the bench's two occupants. "Who did that?" He growled, looking between the two men.

Norrington pointed at Barbossa, who only stared blandly back at Jack. "Help me up!" Jack demanded of the muscle builder, pointing up at the man. With a quiet shrug, he grabbed Jack's shirt and hauled him easily to a sitting position. Jack swayed, falling back against the man. Pushing away, he started his slow and swaying trek towards the bench. He came to a stop in front of Barbossa. Norrington raised an eyebrow at the former Pearl captains, Barbossa still staring at Jack and Jack raising his hands in a gesture of someone wanting to strangle someone else.

Suddenly Jack turned abruptly, hands shooting out, wrapping around Norrington's neck. Both men tumbled over the edge of the bench, Jack straddling Norrington as he throttled him. "You…sorry…son…of…" Jack growled through clenched teeth. Norrington, face turning a shade of dark red, hauled off and knocked Jack a good one in the chin. The next few minutes was spent hurling curses, gentlemanly ones from Norrington and few repeatable in polite society from Jack, as they fought on the ground.

Barbossa looked over his shoulder, a look of not being able to give a damn on his face. Will, deciding his balance was not to be trusted, crawled over to look over the bench at the fight. "All right, break it up-" Barbossa put a hand on his shoulder.

"Let them fight it out. They'll either knock each other unconscious or end up in a compromising position involving deep feelings." Will looked up at Barbossa, eyes wide and bloodshot.

"I had the Pearl for ten years." Barbossa replied, staring stoically out of the cell again. "You think half my crew was just 'good friends'?" It took a moment for the full meaning of the statement to sink in with Will. His right eye twitched.

"Oh."

"Just be happy you never walked in on it."

Will sat down beside the bench as the fighting began to attract a crowd of gamblers from the cell beside them as well as their own. Everyone was shouting out bets, a good number in favor of Jack. The commotion eventually grabbed the attention of the officer on duty, who had been coming to unlock the cell anyways.

"Enough!" With the help of three other officers, the two men were pulled apart while still struggling.

"Bring it on, pirate!" Norrington shouted as he relaxed in the officers' grips. Jack swung at him, though he was a good four feet away at that point.

"I knew I should have made you wash the deck with your tongue instead of your wig!" Jack shouted back.

The first officer shook his head at the others. "Screw the alphabetical order. We'll take this man here first to give them time to calm down." He nodded to Norrington, who was giving Jack such a murderous glare it was a surprise he wasn't ashes on the cold cement floor.

"First?" Norrington looked back at them. "Where are we going?"

"Statements. The detectives want your side of the story." The officer replied, snapping the handcuffs on Norrington's wrists and leading him towards the door. Glancing over his shoulder, Norrington caught sight of Jack flipping him the bird.

"Gladly, officers. I always cooperate with the law and will be happy to give you every last detail." His voice rose and placed a heavy emphasis on the last three words. Jack cursed something unintelligible from the cell, cut off when the door slammed shut.

_(**A/N:** In the next few chapters (this one included,) credit for inspiration goes to JeanieBeanie33 and Jack E, who gave me some plot bunnies to work with and form into another adventure. This chapter is a short one, but it sets the scene for the next few coming!)_


	45. Putt Putt: The Prelude to the Tournament

"So if we're going to make a proper team on Saturday, we're goin' to need to get some practice in," Jack stated as he strolled through the door of the shop with his putter resting against his shoulder, tossing the orange golf ball into the air. Norrington stopped short, surveying the course before him and frowned, turning to give the ex-pirate a look.

"This is nothing like the courses you showed me on TV." He said pointedly, motioning to the giant bear standing over the green, the windmill, the small cliffs with real water running through the streams, the bridges, and a gaggle of teenage girls giggling as they hit the ball around on one of the holes without much success.

"Of course not. This is to help with your putting. I've never seen it, but it's probably atrocious." Jack clapped him on the shoulder and headed towards the first hole, Barbossa following him after, his gaze going between the back of Jack's head and the golf club in hand. A pink ball went skittering past Norrington's foot and a moment later Will jogged after it, scooping it up before it went over the bridge into the water below and fell into step behind Barbossa. The ex-commodore watched the three men stop and gather around a small podium.

"Why do I let them talk me into these things?" He muttered quietly as he made his way over the bridge. Jack was busily scribbling down names on the card - or his version of names. _Barbie, Whelp, Norry, and CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow._

"Of what, the plastic toy HMS Bathroom Cruiser?" Norrington asked, stabbing his finger at the name. "And while you're at it, I would be more than happy to spell my name for you if spelling has become a bit of a problem."

Jack smirked smugly and erased _Norry_, only to turn the pencil around and writing _Jamie_ instead. Norrington glared at him for a moment before deciding it was best left alone. After all, Jamie sounded somewhat more formal than Norry, if not by a lot. Meanwhile, Barbossa stood at the tee, ball in one hand, putter in the other, and wondering when someone was going to explain what he was supposed to do. Down a few holes, a couple stopped. The man bent over to put the ball down and then stood back, lining up with the club. Barbossa only saw the back swing and decided he had the idea. While the others argued over names, he set his ball on the green surface and backed away as he'd seen the other man do, lining up the shot. The putter descended.

The ball was a blur of neon green as it arched over the fence and found its resting position in the back windshield of Jack's black Lamborghini, the alarm blaring loudly. Jack's head shot up and his eyes widened as he took in the spider web cracks along the windshield. Barbossa frowned, one hand on his hip, the other rubbing his chin.

"Perhaps that was a bit too hard," he finally said.

-------------------

Fifteen minutes later, Barbossa's putting privileges had been revoked after one hapless elderly man was the recipient of a golf ball to the forehead, ending up in the lake that the Putt-Putt course surrounded. Norrington had suggested that maybe it would have been better to start the pirate off on the driving range, but Jack waved him off, saying it didn't take much skill to actually hit the ball.

"I hope this tournament is worth it," Norrington set his ball down and eyed the windmill. The trick seemed to be finding a timing to the windmill so that the ball wouldn't be knocked away. The former commodore watched the windmill move, counting under his breath. Behind him, Jack tapped his putter on the podium, disturbing Norrington's thoughts. "Could you please not do that?" He snapped finally, turning to look at Jack.

"Then hurry up. We're not getting any younger here." The pirate demanded.

"Patience is a virtue, Sparrow."

"It's not mine."

Will chimed in. "Have you seen him wait his turn for the bathroom in the morning?" He asked in irritation.

Norrington scowled and positioned himself near the ball, lining up the putter. "Good point, Mr. Turner."

Jack sniffed indignantly. "Not my fault you all take as long as a woman in the morning."

Will waved the putter threateningly in his face. "It's called a shower, Jack. Besides, no one ever complains when you're in the bathroom playing with your toy boat for an hour."

The shot went awry as Norrington sputtered with badly concealed laughter. Bouncing off the side, it made its way to go to the right of the windmill instead of through the middle. He moved after it as Jack's dark look burned into the middle of his back, the pirate stepping up to take his spot.

"Just have to wait for…the…opportune…moment." On the last word, Jack tapped the ball and it went through the hole in the center of the windmill, cycling down the pipe and falling out into the middle of the course. "And that would be it."

----------------------

"You know what would have made this night better?" Jack asked as he stood between Barbossa and Norrington, all three men watching Will try to put his ball in the hole among the surrounding bumps of various sizes hid by the deceptive green carpeting.

"Pray tell, Sparrow, what would that be?" Norrington asked dryly, striking a tally mark for each swing Will took and missed, striking off another five.

"A shot of rum for every stroke." The wheels were turning in the pirate's mind, the impish expression on his face striking a hint of worry into Norrington's heart. "Though maybe not for dear William. He never would have gotten past the sixth hole sober."

"Bugger it!" The frustrated ex-blacksmith finally shouted, tossing down the putter and storming off. Norrington tapped the small pencil against the podium.

"Should I just put him down for thirty then?"

------------------

Around the eighth hole, Jack finally relinquished Barbossa's putter back into his control. The pirate accepted it with a certain relish that made Jack uneasy, so he crept behind the stand of baby pine trees and crouched down; the branches would at least slow any ball aimed his way.

Barbossa eyed the hold thoughtfully, a twisting, turning labyrinth. "The ball goes in the hole at the end, aye? The lowest number of hits wins?"

Norrington nodded, leaning against his own putter like a cane. "That would be the general idea."

Barbossa squinted at the hole thoughtfully for a moment before he pulled back the putter and swung. The ball banked off each wall hard enough to leave faint dents, zooming down the labyrinth. It hit the corner of the hole so hard the ball popped up into the air and then returned a perfect hole in one.

"That's not bloody possible!" Will protested, leaving a long pencil mark along the rows as he threw up his hands. Norrington's hand only made contact with his face, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Barbossa looked back at them innocently as Jack peered between two trees with wide eyes. "So does that mean I win?"

--------------------

The twelfth hole was a ramp that went up to a tiny platform in which the hole was the center. Jack crouched at the mouth, rubbing his chin as he surveyed the ramp, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. After a moment, he rose to his feet and pulled off his t-shirt, tossing it aside onto Barbossa's head. The pirate snarled his disgust and reached up to pull it off his face. "And your purpose for that being?" He asked.

Jack shrugged as he lined up his putt. "Helps me think better." He replied.

Norrington blinked. "Clothing inhibits your thinking?"

Jack glanced back at him and winked. "I'm a genius with my pants off."

Norrington decided he was not going to touch the implications of that phrase with a ten foot pole and went back to studying the score card. Unfortunately, they were not the only ones who had noticed Jack's lack of clothing. The group of four teenage girls from before stopped to gawk and Norrington suspected that Jack was putting a little too much pose into his swing.

And his suspicions were soon confirmed. Jack swung at the ball with a little too much force and the ball banked sharply off one of the walls, skipping over it and colliding with Will's shin. Will cursed sharply and grabbed his shin with his free hand. A moment later, Norrington ducked as the putter sailed over his head and missed Jack by a few scant inches, right into the lake.

Jack pointed with his thumb over his shoulder. "You better be gettin' that. I'm not payin' for it." He complained.

--------------------

Jack's bravado faded on the last hole. The end of the course turned out to be a leering ten foot tall clown head. The pirate stood behind Norrington, fingers tightly gripping the ex-commodore's shoulders. Meanwhile, Norrington gripped the putter in a baseball grip, ready to knock Jack over the head if he did not let go. Will laughed, thoroughly enjoying Jack's discomfort.

"It's the last hole, Jack. If you do not play, Norrington is going to win. You wouldn't want that, would you?"

Jack stabbed a finger at the clown. "I want _nothing_ to do with that demonic creature!" He protested as Barbossa moved past and set his ball down, settling into position like a pro and tapping the ball. It rolled up the green ramp and hesitated for a moment before dropping into the clown's mouth. Suddenly the clown burst into high pitched giggling, the bottom jaw moving up and down as it did so.

Jack jumped for the sky. His arms encircled Norrington's neck and his legs went around the former commodore's waist tightly, holding on as if his life depended on it. Norrington staggered forward as Will laughed so hard he had to bend forward to keep his balance. He flipped open his phone and aimed the camera at Jack. A moment later, he had the perfect picture, Norrington bent forward and glaring at him hatefully while Jack clung for dear life, his eyes squeezed shut.

Even Barbossa had to sit down before he fell over. Not Will, nor Norrington, or even Jack had seen the older pirate laugh so hysterically before. There were actually tears rolling down his cheeks. Will was giggling even harder and this time did fall over. The only one not amused was Norrington, his face turning a dark shade of purple.

"Air…Sparrow." He choked out, hitting the pirate on the arm.

"No." Jack muttered petulantly. Norrington picked up his putter and resumed the baseball grip, swinging to the side to knock Jack off. Jack saw the putter coming a split second before it made contact and he yelped in pain, sliding to the ground with his arms tightly wrapping around Norrington's left leg.

"It's electronic…animated…an animated electronic…it's not real Jack!" Norrington said, stepping away and pushing Jack's putter into his hands.

"Animatronic." Jack said.

"The least of my worries. Hurry up and putt. I know Barbossa would like to be home in time for American Idol."

Jack clutched the putter tightly, glancing away from the clown for a moment to glare at Barbossa, who was wiping away the tears, and Will, who was still in the throes of giggles. Barbossa he could not do anything about, but Will should have learned by now that messing with Jack Sparrow carried consequences.

Spinning around, Jack threw up his hand and motioned to the teenage girls, who had fallen a hole behind them in their slow play. "Oy, girls! Ever heard of Danny McCree?"

Four heads shot up and all the expressions were hopeful. "Heard of him, mister? He's only one of the best solo artists of the year!" One of them said, clasping her hands under her chin and fairly bouncing. Behind him, Will sucked in a sharp breath, eyes going wide as he looked up at Jack. However, Jack was feeling well past the point of mercy.

"I'm surprised you didn't notice him playing past you," Jack smirked and nodded to Will on the ground. There was a moment of silence before four putters dropped in unison and then the _shrieking!_ Norrington clapped his hands over his ears as Will scrambled to his feet and bolted, straight through a stand of trees that separated the course from the parking lot, the four girls on his heels. Jack smiled in satisfaction and turned to face the clown.

The smile faded quickly and his grip on the putter tightened fearfully. The clown stared at him, red mouth open wide to devour his soul. Jack squeezed his eyes shut and attempted to line up the putter with the ball. The first, second, and third swing all missed, but the fourth made contact. A moment later, Jack heard a dull thud as something hit the ground beside him and a pained squeak. He opened one eye to find Norrington lying on the ground, curled up in a ball with his hands clutching between his legs, the orange ball rolling away along the pavement.

"Dead…Sparrow." Norrington growled through grit teeth. Jack quickly picked up his ball and chucked it at the clown's mouth. It sailed in and a moment later that it started that terrifying laugh again, sending Jack sprinting back towards the shop and drowning out Will's panicked screams for help from the parking lot.

---------------

Norrington had discovered that not only were Slushies a heavenly treat on a hot day, but when there was a lack of ice, they made a decent substitute. He limped out behind Jack after returning the clubs, Barbossa walking beside him with a platter of nachos, licking hot cheese off his fingers.

"I'm sure your little soldier will be up to salutin' again in no time." Jack spoke over his shoulder, making sure he kept a good distance away.

"My what?" Norrington asked, horrified, still not used to the raunchier innuendo and jokes that the roommates tossed off, which seemed to have gotten worse on Barbossa's arrival.

Jack chose not to elaborate and moved on to the next subject. "I'd have to say that wasn't bad. Our chances at the charity tournament on Saturday are lookin' pretty good."

"Except for the part where we'll play against men who make it their job to play golf." Norrington winced and leaned against the car while Jack fumbled with his key fob, trying to unlock the door. As he glanced down to position the slushy cup, it came to his attention that the tire beside him was flat. On closer examination, the cap was off, air still whistling out. "Sparrow…"

"What?" Norrington pointed down. Jack frowned at the tire. "That's odd."

Barbossa pointed down on the opposite side of the car. "These are both flat." He offered. Jack checked the last remaining wheel and cursed, finding it flat as well.

A moment later, his cell phone chirped and he flipped it up. _1 New Message_ blinked up at him from the display. He pushed 'enter' to read, spotting Will's cell phone number up top.

_This means war._


End file.
